"Am I ill?"

Yes, his Sheng Sheng is ill. He is very sick. He never sleeps or talks. He looks for him all day and all night. It seems that he has been abandoned by the whole world. There is only one teenager in her world.

"Shijin."

"Well."

"Shijin."

"Well."

Wherever he went, she would follow him and keep shouting at her.

"Shijin."

"I'm here."

"Shijin, where have you been?"

"Shijin, how can you come back?"

"Shijin, will you not leave?"

Because she only talks to him, so when he is at home, she will nag, and have endless questions and worries behind her.

Autumn will pass, and the Begonia behind the small building has not yet thanked. The flowering period seems to be very long that year. There are windows in the attic. You can look up to see the stars, and you can look down to see a cluster of red pink Begonia flowers.

She sat there and watched the sky. He sat beside her, with their shadow behind her, the thin back of the girl, and the hand he held on her shoulder.

She suddenly asked, "do you think I'm bored?"

Because of his absence during the day, she kept silent all day and her voice was hoarse.

Shijin shook her head. "No."

She asked again, "will you drive me away?"

"No."

"You will," she looked at him, hesitated and flustered, "will you not want me?"

He shook his head. "No."

The young man's voice is pleasant and round, simple and firm.

"Why?" she asked

When Jin hook hook lip, smile: "Sheng Sheng, I thought you know."

"What do you know?" Because of curiosity, when she looked at him, her eyes were focused and no longer so dark.

He also looked at her. In the eyes of the ink splashing, there were tiny shadows, like stars outside the attic. He said to her word by word, "Sheng Sheng, I like you."

She froze for a long time and smiled.

It was the first time that she smiled after her mother died, laughing and crying.

"Shijin, I'm not good."

"I'm not good at all."

She red eyes, has been crying and crying: "I killed people, I killed my closest people..."

She choked and repeated, shivering.

"Sheng Sheng."

He approached her and kissed the tears in her face.

Her body froze, looking up at him, tears in her eyes condensed into light, reflecting his shadow, beautiful young man, red lips and white teeth, like a noble young man.

He knelt in front of her, hands on the ground, and put her in his arms.

"You don't have to be very good." His lips were cold. He kissed her in the eyes. The voice was soft. He said, "because I'm also a bad person."

"So we are meant to be together all our lives," he said

At that time, they knew each other for only three months. When they met, it was the most beautiful green years. At that time, they were young and thought that the world and each other would be very good. Until later, she met the worst self with him, and suddenly found that they lost the best self when they met their favorite people.

After that, he always said he was a bad guy.

She asked him why someone was guarding the door.

He said he was a bad man and had many enemies.

She asked him why there was a gun under the pillow.

He said, "because I am a bad person."

One day, she heard the sound of knocking downstairs. It turned out that it was time Jin was nailing the window. All the windows were nailed tightly. There was no light in.

She asked him, "why do you nail up all the windows?"

"There are so many bad people out there. I want to hide you." He came down from the stool and came to her. "I'm a bad man, too."

She shook her head. "You are not." When she looked at Shijin, she looked at her eyes seriously, and there was light and shadow in her dim and gloomy eyes. She said, "you are my favorite person."

"Bang."

The hammer hit the ground.

When Jin Zheng for a long time, the opening, actually stuttered: "Sheng Sheng, say again."

She looked at him without opening her mouth.

He begged, "will you say it again?"

She still didn't speak. She stood for a while and looked up.

The 18-year-old is very tall. She only reaches his shoulder. Then she steps on the high stool, a little higher than him. She can kiss his lips by bowing her head.

"Shijin, I like you so much."

After that, she bent over and put her lips on his lips. It was cool, soft and soft.

She didn't kiss others, didn't know how to do it, so she stuck it, didn't move it away, a little hard, and knocked her teeth.

When Jin raised her hand and held her back a little.

She frowned.But he smiled, the bracelet on her waist, she is very thin, waist thin he did not dare to force, afraid of accidentally heavy will break.

"Sheng Sheng,"

Shi Jin asked, "can I teach you how to kiss?"

She nodded and said yes.

Then he kissed her, hard.

Eighteen teenagers, sixteen year old girl, green but hot first kiss, at that time, autumn has passed, the Begonia outside the house thanks, he taught her to kiss, taught her to live, in this gray world, humble but stubborn to live.

Vicissitudes of life, the years turned eight rings.

The light in front of the small building is gray. It's late winter in December. The Begonia hasn't been opened, only a few sparse leaves hang on the branches.

They sat on the stone steps in front of the door and said a lot of things. One by one, one by one, almost everything he told her, but he deliberately concealed all the details of the murder. He never mentioned about her mother and her father, which was Shi Jin's last line.

"You don't speak to others, and you don't walk out of the small building. I'm the only one around you." When Jin voice some hoarse, said a lot of words, "if I am not, you will not say a word all day."

Jiang Jiusheng listened to him quietly. Her eyes were red. She did not know when she had cried. The wind dried her tears. She buried her face in his chest so that he could not see her hot eyes.

"All the windows are sealed. There is only one window left in the attic. If I don't come back, you will sit there and wait for me. You won't sleep. You'll wait all the time. At first, you're just afraid of people. Later, you won't even come down."

When Jin put her coat on her body: "I want to find you a psychiatrist, but I gave up."

She looked up at him.

In the still night, his voice was so low that every word seemed heavy.

When Jin she said: "I'm afraid to cure you, you will leave." The hand around her waist tighter and tighter, he hid her whole in his arms, fell on her shoulder, like a whisper, "I would like to, just like this for a lifetime, a lifetime of hiding, just like this together old, die together."

Jiang Jiusheng asked, "what happened later?"

When Jin stopped for a long time, said: "later I found that I was also ill."

At that time, they had been living in the small building for a month. He had just taken over the Qin family, and sometimes he was very busy. When he was not in the small building, she would sit in the attic and wait for him.

Hearing footsteps in the stairs, she immediately turned back: "you are back."

He went over, picked her up and put her on the recliner: "baby, don't sit there and wait in the future, you will catch cold."

Sometimes, Shijin would call her baby, just like her mother, intimate and gentle. He said, because she has no relatives, so, to hurt her a little more.

She's funny. He's also a teenager. He's very old.

"I have nothing to do without you." She suddenly asked him, "Shijin, shall we have a dog?"

He thought about it and agreed, "OK."

Her gray eyes brightened a little.

"What variety do you like?"

She quickly replied, "Bomei, I like Bomei."

After a few days, he came back with a Pomeranian. It was white, small, round and lovely. Sheng Sheng liked the dog very much and named it Jiang POMEI.

At first, Jiang was obedient and docile, but later, most of them became angry because they were locked in small buildings for a long time, without sunshine or people.

Until the Pomeranian bit her and left the back of her hand bloody.

She was not in good health. After depression, she was still a little anorexic and her immunity was very poor. The wound was infected. She was ill for several days and was in a trance.

When she was sober, she could not find the dog, and she was alone in the attic.

She asked him, "Shijin, what about Bomei?" She stood at the stairway and looked downstairs. "Why didn't I see it?"

He was silent for a moment and told her, "it's dead."

She guessed that in those days when she was ill, Jin was in a bad mood and was very manic. One night, she woke up in a daze, and saw him in front of her bed. Her pupils were red, like the color of blood. He was probably afraid of frightening her and tried to suppress her emotions. But she still saw the shade and violence in his eyes. She didn't know before. When Jin got angry, she seemed to destroy the sky and destroy the earth Like.

She tried, or asked, "did you kill it?"

Shi Jin did not deny: "it bit you."

She didn't ask after that. That night, she had been dreaming about a lot of blood, the flower house of Wen's family, and her father and mother lying on the ground covered in blood

Later, Qin Mingli's people broke into the building and saw her face. He fired a gun and hit the man in the leg. Blood was everywhere on the floor.

She heard a cry for help, clearly afraid, but still step by step came to him.

"Can we not kill?""No way." The muzzle of his gun had been pointed at the man's head, his belly was on the trigger, and he could not help saying, "Sheng Sheng, he saw your face, he must die."

"Shijin."

She reached for his hand and held it. Her body was shaking. "I'm afraid."

"You don't want to kill."

"Don't be like me."

He raised his hand, covered her eyes, and pulled the trigger with his fingers.

"Bang!"

Shijin's marksmanship is very good, fast and accurate. After he was 12 years old, no one in the Qin family could compare with him, but that one shot missed.

He didn't kill the man because she was crying all the time.

Yes, she was only 16 years old. She was supposed to live in the ivory tower, but she followed him through a lot of blood.

She didn't blame him, but she often dreamt, cried and woke up when she was asleep, and then she held him, shivering all the time. He panicked, coaxed her and confessed his mistake.

"Don't be afraid, Sheng Sheng."

"I will not."

"I'll listen to you and never make a mistake again."

"Won't you cry?"

"I don't hurt people, I don't hurt people anymore..."

She cried to him, "Shi Jin."

"I am, I am."

He knelt in front of her knees and looked up at her.

She didn't say anything. She wept and wiped his hand again and again. She said that there was a lot of blood

Without blood, he would have washed it.

Since then, she has often hallucinated, a mid-term symptom of depression.

When Jin dare not tell her, his hand has been stained with blood, so many people want to break into this small building, except for the one she begged, the rest are not dead or injured. He even doubted that people in the house wanted to kill her. He wanted to kill them all, like hiding her in a place where there was no one. It was crazy and extreme.

Psychiatrists say this is the initial symptom of paranoid personality disorder. If you don't control it, you will have mood control disorder or even mania and violence in the future.

The doctor prescribed a lot of medicine for him. He threw them all away. I don't remember when he started to get addicted to smoking. He smoked the strongest cigarettes and smoked like a life.

"Why smoke?"

In the dead of night, the girl's hoarse voice was behind her.

He looked back, too late to put out the cigarette at his fingertips, and he did not hide. He held the cigarette in one hand and held her in the other hand. She was too thin, and her waist was very thin. One hand could encircle her, saying, "no reason."

She looked at him askew. "Shijin, I didn't like other people smoking before, but you look good."

"Then I'll only smoke in front of you."

She nodded and looked up at him smoking.

At the age of 18, Jin's facial features have been very delicate. Her eyebrows and eyes are three-dimensional and beautiful. Her eyes are very black, which is a thick black color without any impurities. When she smokes, she will squint slightly. The smoke will curl up her eyes and add some confusion, like a demon.

She asked Shidai Jin if she was addicted to cigarettes.

He shook his head and said no.

But she saw the end of the ashtray and it was filling up very quickly.

When she woke up that day, Jin was not around. He smoked in front of the attic window.

"Does it taste good?" She walked over.

He shook his head: "bitter and astringent."

"Give me a taste."

She lies on his body, grabs his cigarette, he laughs to avoid, hugs her to coax: "Sheng Sheng, do not touch, is not good to the body."

She raised her chin. "Then why do you smoke?"

"Don't you think it's nice for me to smoke?" He twists the butt out, spits out the ring, and then leans over to kiss her.

Indeed, it's bitter and astringent, and it's also very annoying.

She did not hide. She opened her mouth and kissed him

"Well."

"Quit. I don't like the smell of smoke." She was afraid that he would be ill, so it was not good to smoke too much.

"Good."

At that time, Shijin was in charge of the Qin family. No one could hold his beak.

He said, "Sheng Sheng, I only listen to you."

Paranoia is madness.

So what, he would.

The moon in the sky is round and the figures are in pairs.

Jiang Jiusheng looks up, and the moonlight and Shi Jin reflect into his eyes: "so, do you suffer from paranoia because of me?"

Shijin shook her head: "not quite."

She knows half.

He rubbed her hand. It was cold. He took it and put it into the dress. "Sheng Sheng, do you remember that I told you that Qin Xing chose me when I was eight years old?"

"Remember."

"Because I kill without blinking." When Jin paused for a moment, "when I first shot, I was only eight years old. That man was the murderer of my mother. I shot him twice and almost killed him. That was the first time I lost control. Except for killing, I had no idea in my mind."She was surprised.

When Jin just rubs her frown, her tone is calm as if she is saying a common thing: "it should be from that time on, the cause of the disease has been buried."

"Didn't your mother die by accident?" She remembers when Jin said that her mother had an accident when she took him to escape. She only thought it was an accident at that time.

When Jin shook her head: "she was executed by Qin Xing." I didn't want to tell her that the water in Qin's house is too dirty. He didn't want her to know too much.

"Why?" She was furious.

"Because Qin Xing doesn't like people who don't obey." At that time, Jin didn't have any mood fluctuation, but her voice was slightly cool, some ethereal. "The Qin family is a cannibal place. My mother took me to escape many times, and she wanted to send me out, so she angered Qin Xing."

Shi Jin thought before that if he didn't meet Jiang Jiusheng, he would also become a person like Qin Xing. He had no blood, no meat, and lived in apathy, fighting and killing all his life.

Xu Qingbo once asked him why it was Jiang Jiusheng and why he liked it so much. There was no lack of good men and women around him, and there was no lack of good character. It was only Jiang Jiusheng.

He didn't have an answer either. He only remembered that when he saw her for the first time, his hands, which could not shake when killing people with guns, were sweating.

Shijin hugged her a little, and continued, "they want to hurt you. Not only Qin Mingli and the two wives of Qin family, but also Qin Xing are staring at the small building. At that time, I knew that I had to take you away from the Qin family."

"But it's a little late," he said

Jiang Jiusheng's brow is twisted hard.

She can't remember that she has forgotten all the things and people who have been unforgettable, but even if she can't remember them at all, when she listens to him, she will follow his tears to her face and feel hurt, like sharp things stuck in her heart, pulled out and hurt, even if not pulled out.

"Your illness is becoming more and more serious. When I am away, you will cry and eat and vomit." When Jin said it slowly and slowly, with no mixed emotions, she just held her hand, tighter and tighter, and her palms were wet with cold sweat. "At that time, I realized that if you don't cure the disease, you may die."

Jiang Jiusheng looks up at his eyes. He lowers his head and kisses on her forehead. His eyes are not happy or angry.

How could she not know what kind of rough waves were hidden in his eyes without waves or billows? She forgot, but he remembered that for eight years, he held the past alone, making all wounds grow into scars.

"I've got a shrink for you." When Jin pursed her lips and eyes, there was a shadow under her eyes, "your disease just got better. Before long, Qin Mingli bought the doctor."

He didn't tell her that it was because of her kindness that the man who let go recognized her case that Qin Mingli had a chance.

"And then I get worse and worse?"

"Well, there's a serious suicidal tendency."

It was the third month that she came to the Qin family.

He invited a psychiatrist for her. At first, he got better. He was able to eat. When he was in good condition, he would talk to him for a long time.

Less than half a month later, when her symptoms returned to the worst, he realized that the doctor had been passive. He hid all her information tightly. The Qin family had not even seen her. The only mistake was the man who broke into the small building and went out alive.

He almost killed the shrink, but it's too late.

That day, it was overcast, he came back late, she was different from the past, she slept very early, he could not wake her up, just found the bottle on the ground.

She took antidepressants, a whole bottle.

"Sheng Sheng."

"Sheng Sheng."

"Sheng Sheng."

“....”

She opened her eyes, not in the attic, with a white ceiling and a lot of medical equipment. Wearing an oxygen mask, she called him "Shi Jin."

He looked up.

She saw it. He was crying.

It was the first time she saw him shed tears. It was still very good-looking, like a puppet in the window. It was exquisite, but it was not fresh at all.

"Don't cry." She raised her hand and wiped the tears on his face. Her voice was so low that she could hardly hear it. She opened her mouth word by word, "I will not reincarnate first, I will wait for you when you are gray."

She had a needle on the back of her hand. She was very thin. She could not see the sun all the year round. She was so white that she could see tiny blood vessels.

When Jin holds her hand, it's thin and small. It seems that it can be broken with a little force. He sticks his face to her hand and gently rubs it. Tears from the corner of his eyes slide into the palm: "Sheng Sheng," he says, "there is no samsara."

How?

Her psychiatrist told her that the universe is a theory of samsara. He also said that when people die, they will return to the beginning, from dust to soul.

She stayed in the hospital for four days, and then asked Shijin to take her back to the small building.

Shijin collected all her medicines and gave her only one a day. When she took the medicine, he was on the side. When he wasn't there, she asked Ms. Jiang to watch her.One day, when a guest came to Qin's house, Jin was not in the building. She broke the bowl and hid a piece of debris secretly. When Ms. Jiang went to pour water for her, she cut her hand.

www.novelhall.com , the fastest update of the webnovel!