I hated myself for hurting her and more so for letting her turn me into a monster. I didn't know what came over me and I can't tell but seeing her in that lingerie drove me mad and when she kissed me I could no longer hold in my d?s?r?, I became intoxicated.

I tried so much to hate her, so much to kill the urge I was feeling but I just couldn't shut up my d?s?r? for her all the blood had left my head and I could no longer think.

"I'm sorry please," she said. But I knew that there was no turning back for he or for me even when she apologized.

I pushed her on my bed. I needed her urgently and if I didn't get her I'll loose my mind more than I already have. It was not just about making her suffer anymore or bringing her to her knees. It was now about me getting undone.

I didn't believe her when she told me she was a Virgin, Emily had told me that she was a s?ut who used to go around sleeping with boys and finding out that she was a Virgin shocked me. But I had lost my mind the very second I thrust into her and there was no Turning back till I was done.

When I came undone, all my senses came back to me and I felt so ashamed of myself but I couldn't show her that I was weak or that I regretted what I had done. She ruined my life the very day she forced me to get married to her against my wish.

I got up without sparing her a glance because I was ashamed of myself and didn't want to see the pain in her eyes the pain I caused her. "Get up , clean yourself and leave my room? I'm going down to get water and I don't want to meet you here when I get back." I said untying her. My heart was beating fast against my ?h?st and my conscience kept yelling at me. Monster! Monster!

I shut it out and continued speaking. I let my hate for her clowd my judgment and I deeply regretted it. "For the record no one cares that you are a Virgin and you were already soaking wet when I entered into you so stop pretending like you didn't want it. That's what you came into my room for right and I gave it to you after all your father instructed that I give you anything and everything you request for and I plan on doing that." I added. I wore my boxer and left the room banging the door behind me. My heart banged against my ?h?st too.

I ran down the stairs my legs shaking from guilt. It hurt me to treat her like that but I could never understand why she loves me. But I guess Emily is right if she loves me why force me to marry her. Why?

she didn't love me. she didn't.

I took a drink from the fridge to try and calm myself down but still my hands kept on shaking and so did my legs. I knelt down on the ground fightings the urge to scream.