Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu?

Volume 10.5, Me (Watashi) and Usagi and My Ambiguous First Love(2/3)

The overlapping hands had a vague warmth within.

"Hey, Aki-kun! It's too sneaky of you to ask a girl for help like that!"

"Hehe! We win either way!"

Yoshii-kun's friends on the opposing teams said that, and Yoshii-kun ran out.

As I remained there, I spaced out as I clenched my hand that touched Yoshii-kun's hand.

"Listen to me, something really amazing happened today!"

Once homeroom meeting was over, we could return home.

I hurriedly packed my bag, and ran off to the rabbits' hut.

"I hit Kanda-san when we played dodgeball today!"

The three rabbits were the ones listening to me, and they gave me a "What's for mealtime?" look, but I was so excited that I did not notice and immediately hugged the smallest rabbit.

"And I was in the same group as Yoshii-kun. I worked with him!"

It was something that happened in the morning, but my excitement did not subside even after school.

To me, who normally ended up getting hit immediately and picking balls, what happened today was really memorable.

"Hmmm~, shall I write a diary entry today~?"

I was so happy as I rubbed the rabbit with my face.

The rabbit felt that my actions were weird at first, but after it understood that this was an expression of love, it licked my face.

Recently, I had been starting to understand what otou-san meant when he said that 'if you want to be loved, you have to love others first'. The rabbit I liked would respond to me affectionately in my clutches. As I was happy, I would come over even when it was not time for our duty.

"Well, Yoshii-kun's really amazing at dodgeball--"

As I wanted to continue, the rabbit looked behind me.

I followed its stare and saw Yoshii-kun walking right at me--for some reason, my heart raced somewhat.

"Then, that's all for now. Time to eat~"

The rabbits heard that there was food, and happily leaped over to my feet.

Yoshii-kun came near the house, taking care not to step on the rabbits as he opened the door and went in.

"You're here early, Mizuki-chan."

"U, yes, well..I want to see these children earlier."

I was not lying. I really wanted to see them earlier, but I will keep what I said before as a secret.

"I see. The rabbits sure are cute, aren't they?"

"Yes."

I was a little happy that I had the same thoughts as Yoshii-kun.

"Arre? Is this one male?"

"No. That's the mother. This one with the larger tail is the father."

Amongst the 3 rabbits, one of them was a 4-year-old father, one of them was a 3-year-old mother, and the one I liked was a young girl that was less than a year old.

"Then, this one?"

"This is the youngest girl."

The three rabbits really looked the same, but they had their unique traits. I was proud that I could distinguish them from each other just by their movements.

"Doesn't this one seem rather concerned about us? It has been tilting its head at us."

"That's its habit. It's cute, isn't it?"

"I see. So it's a trait. It's definitely cute . Arre?"

"What is it, Yoshii-kun?"

"Mizuki-chan, you have grass in your hair."

"Eh?"

Yoshii-kun said as he stared at me. There was grass on my hair? I think that child kicked it onto my hair when I cuddled it."

"Eh..is, is it still there?"

"Ahaha, it's on the other side. I'll help you take it off."

Yoshii-kun got close to me and reached his hand out.

His hand touched me. That was the hand that touched mine when we played dodgeball.

I realized this, and blushed as I froze.

"Okay, I took it off..Mizuki-chan?"

"FUAAH!?"

I let out a cry I did not expect. Wh, why!? Why is my face so hot?

"What is it? Are you feeling unwell?"

"It, it's nothing, nothing at all..!"

"??? You're very weird here, Mizuki-chan."

Yoshii-kun tilted his face as he saw my thoroughly blushing face.

At his feet, the one-year-old rabbit was tilting its head in the same direction.

"Good morning."

Yoshii-kun waved at me as he walked into the classroom.

"Good morning~ Aki-kun."

"Good morning. You're later than usual today."

"Un, well, onee-chan.."

"What? Did you do something to make her angry?"

Ever since we swapped seats in the past, my seat got further away from Yoshii-kun. We used to be able to greet each other when we were sitting close to each other..

At these kinds of moments, I would hate myself for thinking too much. Why can I not summon my courage? Someone like me is not cute, bad at sports, and if I have any good traits like being very positive..

"Good morning, Akihisa-kun. What is it? What happened?"

"Ah, Reika-chan. Good morning."

And the girl who was the complete opposite of me, pretty, outgoing, athletic--Kanda-san greeted Yoshii-kun.

"It's not really anything big here,"

"Yes yes--ahaha! Akihisa-kun, what is it?"

"Eh? What is it?"

"Your head! Behind you!"

"Eh?"

Yoshii-kun hurriedly looked behind, and found that there was a cute hair ribbon on the back of his head girls would wear.

"Ahaha! What is that, Aki-kun?"

"Aki-kun, you got pranked on!"

"You're cute, Akihisa-kun?"

"Ah..! Onee-chan definitely did that."

Yoshii-kun reached behind his head to pull down the decoration. Everyone stared at him and laughed.

"Ah. That's so funny~"

"That's really funny there."

"I don't find it funny at all!"

"Ahaha, is that so?"

"Sorry sorry."

"But Aki-kun, why would onee-chan do that to you?"

"Well, I don't know about that, but onee-chan definitely did not look happy."

"That means you definitely did something again, Aki-kun."

"You can't think of anything?"

"Unn.. she asked me 'what happened to the cookies you made?', and I said 'I gave it to a girl in class', and she wasn't happy about it.."

"Did onee-chan want to eat the cookies you made?"

"But onee-chan doesn't like sweet things.."

"That's not the problem. Onee-chan is really pitiful there.."

"I'm the one to be pitied here. I had salt water for breakfast this morning!"

"Salt water for breakfast? Ahaha, that's really amazing!"

"That's not funny at all! Who can live on with salt water alone!?"

"""AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"""

Laughter erupted at that moment.

It was always like this around Yoshii-kun. Everyone was happy, and Yoshii-kun smiled energetically as well.

That is great..he has so many things I do not have..

"Hm~? I wonder who Akihisa-kun made these cookies for that caused him to end up like this~"

Amidst the laughter, Kanda-san whispered as she glanced at me.

The rabbits continued to nibble grass in front of me.

During the pet caring time after school, I spent time alone with the rabbit.

I put the food that dropped out back inside the tray, and the female rabbit happily licked my hand. I could not help but give a grin at this moment.

"Good one, children."

I patted on the back of the rabbits that turned back to eat the food from the tray. The rabbit then tilted its head and gave a soft voice. Rabbits would make noises when they are happy or angry, and I only learned of that as a pet caring member.

At first, I wanted to quit the job of being a pet-pet raising member, but I really liked this job. Every day, I would look forward to duty time that occurred once every week. The rabbits were that cute, and..Yoshii-kun had duty as well.

However,

"Did Yoshii-kun forget about the duty today?"

I patted the rabbit on the back as I said. Today's duty is swapped over with another day because another class had to go to another school today, so Yoshii-kun probably forgot because of this.

"It's a pity.."

I whispered as I scratched it from behind the ears.

The rabbit probably felt good as it let out a soft voice.

After taking good care of them, I kept the cleaning equipment and closed the rabbit hut door.

"Bye bye. I'll come back."

I said my farewells and went back to the classroom to get the bag.

"..chan, you find Kojima-san to be better?

"Ehh, but he often play pranks."

"I can't stand him either."

I returned to the classroom, and heard the voices from within. Most likely, there were still some people chatting in the classroom.

I opened the door and silently walked in.

As expected, the ones inside were my classmates--Kanda-san's group of 4 in the classroom.

"Reika-chan, so yours is?"

"Yes, Akihisa-kun."

"Ah, I understand!"

"He's so cool, right? Like during PE class."

"Right?"

I heard the name I was concerned with, and immediately looked over.

And my eyes met Kanda-san's as her group looked over at me.

".."

Kanda-san narrowed her eyes as she smiled and asked,

"Hey, Plain Lover-san, who do you like most?"

"Ye, yes?"

This unexpected question caused me to panic.

"Do you have someone you like?"

"No, I, well, no.."

I did not really understand what it meant to like someone..and, I did not think that this kind of thing was to be said with others..

"What's the problem here? Tell me~"

"We want to know too."

"Yea, it's too sneaky if you don't tell us after hearing us~"

"Eve, even if you say so.."

I did not hear much, and I did not want to hear them in the first place..

Kanda-san said as she saw that I was unwilling to talk,

"Well, it's--nothing. If you don't have one, so be it."

"Eh?"

She let me off just like that? I thought she would pursue this further.

"I thought you would say Akihisa-kun, but it's great if that's not the case."

"Eh? What's the problem with that. You'll definitely win when compared to Plain Lover."

"Yeah~ you're skinny and cute, Reika-chan."

These words hurt me.

I did feel this way personally, but it was really sad to hear these words said right at me. I am fat, and not cute at all..

As I looked dejected, Kanda-san and the rest continued,

"We can't say that. Boys are kids after all. If you say so--"

"Ah, well, the other boys will move further away from him."

"It's pitiful that Akihisa-kun would be teased by other boys."

"Especially when he got involved with Plain Love, right?"

Ah..

The moment I heard the words Kanda-san's group said, I remembered.

It was true that those boys who talked to the girls would be teased. If that was what would happen when he talks to me, I wonder what will happen if he likes me..

"But does Akihisa-kun really like Plain Lover?"

"Hurry up and say it, you know?"

They asked me again.

I had doubtful feelings of not wanting to cause trouble for Yoshii-kun, felt embarrassed as I wanted to keep this secret, and also..I had a little pride in me.

These feelings intertwined with each other, and before I realized this, I cried out.

"I--I DON'T LIKE YOSHII-KUN AT ALL!"

I did not know why I just had to say it at that moment.

Even if it was just a few moments earlier or later, even if it was just a little softer

Then--

"Ah..erm..did I hear something I shouldn't have listened to..?"

And then, Yoshii-kun would not have heard it.

"A, Akihisa-kun? Why?"

"Haven't you returned back?"

"I remembered that I have pet caring duty, so I rushed back..but it looks like it's done. Sorry, Mizuki-chan."

Yoshii-kun lowered his head at me, but I was thoroughly confused--

"..!"

I took my bag from the table, and ran away from the classroom without looking back.

"Ah! Mizuki-chan!"

"Forget about it, Akihisa-kun. Don't bother with Plain Lover-san."

"Right right. Plain Lover-san doesn't like you anyway, so it's not like it matters anyway."

"Speaking of which, Akihisa-kun, can you talk with me for a short moment?"

".."

"??? What is it, Akihisa-kun?"

"..Sure, I have something I want to say to you too, Reika-chan."

After that incident, I had been living through the days in a daze.

Because of that, I did not notice that everyone stopped calling me 'Plain Lover' from a certain point.

"What is it, Yuki-chan?"

Now, even my friends who often called me 'Mizuki-chan would call me Yuki-chan. I think it was derived from 'Mizuki-chan→Zuki-chan→Yuki-chan

"Kanda-san and the rest started calling you that first."

And I could only get this answer when I asked about how this nickname came about.

Kanda-san's group; I started thinking more into this the moment I heard about this. Did they call me Yuki-chan because I looked as fat as a snowman, or..

"You don't look fine recently, Yuki-chan. What happened?"

"No, it's nothing."

My friends were worried, so I answered them with a smiling face. It was nothing in the first place.

"Then, I'll go for my pet caring duty then."

"Ah, okay. See you, Yuki-chan."

I bid farewell to my friends that were heading home, and ran off to the rabbit house.

I opened the rusted gate and went in. The rabbits came running over, seeing if it was me.

"Hello there. How are you feeling?"

I greeted the rabbits that were jumping around me. The rabbits seemed rather happy as they let out cries.

"I'll clean up now, so wait for the food, okay?"

I put the rabbits that were hopping around out of the hut one by one, cleaned up the inside of the hut, changed the water, the bedding grass, and finally, I served the food the rabbits were waiting so long for. They happily nibbled on it.

Normally, I would stroke them on the back..but today, I started to think mindlessly.

"I--I DON'T LIKE YOSHII-KUN AT ALL!"

These same words continued to repeat in my mind.

I really regretted it, and I was dejected over it.

I actually said that to the kind Yoshii-kun, and worst of all, he personally heard it..

He definitely hates me now.

Yoshii-kun was kind, and up till now, he had not shown it, but he definitely hates me in his heart. Anyone will be angry when someone like me says 'I don't like' with regards to them.

"I didn't expect that I would say such hurtful things to Yoshii-kun."

Before that, I would feel happy whenever he called me, but now, I keep avoiding his eyes. I could not do the pet-caring duty I normally looked forward to because I was admitted into hospital from time to time, and he had to do the pet-caring alone. Nowadays, I could not stand being alone with Yoshii-kun.

"Haa.."

There was a saying that happiness will slip away if I sighed. In that case, I suppose no happiness, no matter how small it is, will befall me in the end. I had been practically sighing whenever I breathed.

As I was feeling depressed, I felt a soft touch at my feet.

Conscious of this, I looked over, and saw a rabbit rubbing itself at my feet. It was the youngest girl that always had its head tilted.

".."

I wordlessly squat down to pat her back, and the other rabbits, on seeing my reaction, tilted their heads and let out a cry 'Nu' before going back to nibble on their food.

Were they comforting me?

I thought as I stared at the rabbits that were eating, occasionally looking up at me.

"If you want to be loved, you have to love others first."

As what otou-san said, once I started loving the rabbits, the rabbits loved me back too.

However, in that case--

"I will be hated if I said that I do not like, I guess.."

This thought continued to swirl in my mind.

"I didn't want to say that in the first place.."

My vigor and happiness slipped out of my mouth with that sigh.

And it was two weeks later that I caught a fever and got admitted into hospital.

I suppose it was really true when they say that illnesses come from mind.

On a particular morning a week ago, I got up, found out that I had a fever, and took sick leave, but the fever just would not subside. The next day, I went to the hospital I often went to.

Right now, my fever has subsided somewhat, but since I still have to take many tests and treatment, therefore I continued to be hospitalized.

It seems that my body’s immunity system is slightly weaker. The doctor at the hospital did say ‘when you’re an adult, you don’t have to come to the hospital’.

I was already used to seeing this hospital room.

Inside this unpleasant pure white room, there was a large bed and a chair for guests to sit on. On the table beside the bed, there were flowers okaa-san put there, and there were also postcards my classmates wrote in when I was hospitalized.

“Get well soon, Kawai Nene”

“Let’s go out and play when you’re recovered! Yoshino Shinobu.”

“A lot of things happened. Sorry, please take care of yourself. Kanda Reika.”

Amongst everyone’s encouraging words, there was one line from Kanda-san.

Also—

“I’ll definitely go visit you—Yoshii Akihisa.”

Amongst the letters that were sent, there was Yoshii-kun’s message as well.

“..”

After seeing this, I wondered if Yoshii-kun bothered about the words I said about him, or rather, I wonder if he forgot all about it..

Or rather, maybe I can say that ‘Yoshii-kun never had any thoughts about me in the first place’. I may be just an afterthought to Yoshii-kun.

“As expected, someone cute and energetic like Kanda-san is better than me..”

In the past, she would give a few bad looks to me, but she would not do so recently. She even wrote an apology on the postcard and was worried about me.

“Kanda-san’s so good..and so energetic, athletic, cute, gentle..”

I cannot match her in every way.

Besides, I do not like myself at all. I hate the fact that I have no good points, and I hate that I keep hesitating like this.

I wonder what Yoshii-kun felt when I, an annoying person said that ‘I don’t like him’. Did he feel shocked, or..

“..”

The more I thought about that, the more worse I felt.

“Oh yes. I have to study..”

I brought the bag beside my bed over and laid out the studying materials in front of me. Since my body is feeling better, I have to work hard for the one weeks worth of lessons that I had missed. I want to catch up with everyone, even if it is only about studies..

There was no one else inside the ward room. I continued to do a maths assessment book alone inside, and the ticking of the clock’s second hand just felt very loud.

And then, I found that I wrote a wrong answer.

“Ah..I filled in the wrong answer column..”

I accidentally wrote the answers I should have written on the left side on the right instead.

I looked back to see where the problem arose from, and found that I wrote the answer of the 4th question in the wrong column.

“Ahaha..this isn’t good..”

I erased the parts I wrote wrongly with an eraser and rewrote the answer again. And then, as I was rubbing away with my eraser, the page on the assessment book was torn as it let out an annoying sound.

“Really, I can’t do anything..”

Why is it that I am so useless no matter what I do? I am so gloomy, not cute, so weak, and cannot even do my maths well..

“Uu..uu..”

All sorts of feelings swelled in my heart, and tears came out from my eyes.

It was a good thing no one was looking, and I continued to cry as I did the questions.

On the next day, at 8pm.

Visiting time was over, and okaa-san got up to return home.

“Then, Mizuki-chan, I’ll come back to visit tomorrow.”

“Un, thank you for bringing the books here, okaa-san.”

I thanked okaa-san graciously for bringing books to me.

I often talked about how cute the rabbits at school were when I was at home, so okaa-san bought me a book called “How to raise Rabbits”. Maybe she will allow me to raise rabbits at home.

“Speaking of which, a boy was buying the same book when I bought this book. Is it a current trend to raise rabbits?”

Okaa-san said this before she returned back.

I will be happy if that is the case. The little rabbits are really cute.

“Your body is recovering nowadays, but don’t stay up overnight.”

“Okay~”

Okaa-san left these final reminders behind as she walked out of the hospital.

Left alone in the patient wardroom, I hurriedly reached over for the “How to raise Rabbits”. It will be great if there is a way to make rabbits happy written on it, so that I can try it out when I go to school.

On the books, there were basic things like “Important things for nurturing”, “things that they can’t eat”, and also more in-depth information like “how to play together” and “How not to be hated”.

“Eh..so rabbits like to dig holes..I didn’t know that.”

Even if there is no dirt, they like to play with things given to them like tissue paper.

I really wanted to try out all sorts of things with those children at school at this point.

I could not help but continue reading, and saw the chapter “Rabbit illnesses”.

“The symptoms might be rather severe by the time you find out that the rabbit is sick. You have to spot early symptoms.”

These words caused my heart to tense up. I never thought that those children could get sick.

“But everyone has had good appetite, and they were jumping around energetically. It should be alright, right..?”

The symptoms listed were similar to humans, like fever, loss of appetite, diarrhea, and those children never showed such symptoms.

“Thank goodness. Looks like they’re fine..”

I continued to read the symptoms that did not match, and patted my chest as I continued. The last line that was listed, however,

“Also, rabbits might suffer from an illness called ‘torticollis’.”

Torticollis, I have never heard of this illness before.

“Torticollis is a disease caused by a problem in the organ controlling the balance in rabbits. The main illnesses will involve inner ear and middle ear infection. On rare occasions, it might be caused by a parasite damaging the brain.”

Problem, illness, brain damage.

I could not help but hold my breath as I read the horrifying words laid out in front of me.

It is alright, they are still energetic, nothing will happen to them..

“The symptoms include unsteady walking, tripping, repeated tilting of the head, and so on.”

“Eh..?”

Tilting heads, now that it was mentioned, I remembered that youngest girl that was less than a year old .

“The illness will develop based on the body size, and sometimes, it might die in a short time.”

That child had been tilting its head repeatedly for a long time, towards the same direction over and over again.

“Once you find it tilting its head, you have to bring it to a specialist clinic.”

I had been in hospital for a week, and it had been 3 weeks ago ever since the last time I saw that child.

“Doesn't this one seem rather concerned about us? It has been tilting its head at us.”

“That's its trait. It's cute, isn't it?”

It was not a habit, it was sick..!

I felt angry at my stupidity. It was because I thought that I knew about everything, and I did not notice it back then..!

“The symptoms might be rather severe by the time you find out that the rabbit is sick. You have to spot early symptoms.”

I recalled the opening line in this chapter.

Problem, illness, brain damage—death.

It might be too late if I do not hurry up.

“That sort of thing is impossible..!”

I said these words that I did not actually managed to hear.

“The symptoms might be rather severe by the time you find out that the rabbit is sick.”

The words on the book caused me to feel more and more uneasy.

Unknowingly, I ran out from the wardroom to the school.

“..”

The school at night was so silent and dark, without a trace of life.

“How is that..possible..”

I collapsed on the floor in a limp manner as I looked into the rabbit house.

The father and mother rabbits were sleeping soundly. Slightly further away—that rabbit that was less than 1 year old was lying face up, not moving at all.

I did not know if it was because the illness developed quickly during these past few days as that child lay on a towel that was not too cold, acting as a bed. The hay on the tray were scattered apart for easy eating.

But the care showed by the pet raising committee members did not work at all, and this child slept silently without breathing.

“Why..! It was still energetic before this..!”

It was even prodding at my body, and comforted me when I felt down. It was just, 3 mere weeks ago..!

I did not have any faint hopes about whether it was just sleeping while facing upwards. I knew, without cuddling it, that it died in the middle of the night.

“Mizuki-chan..?”

As I was spacing out, someone called me by my name.

The owner of the voice was holding the book I just read.

“Yoshii..kun..”

Why is he here, why does he have that book?

I would have such doubts in the past, but at this point, I only had one thought.

—It was my fault.

The reason why this child died is because I did not notice it.

There were so many telltale signs before this, but I did not notice it even when it tilted its head. If I had checked through it carefully, if I had discovered it earlier, it could have been saved.

This child died because I was hospita-->>

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