Chapter 12: Purpose

“You’re a lifesaver. Thanks.”

Kanda-senpai said. Smiling, I nodded.

“It’s nothing, you don’t have an employee ID after all.”

“Yeah. They said that they’d give it to me next week.”

She said, pouting.

“Well, it’s completely my fault that I forgot my wallet.”

“I’m still surprised that you didn’t notice it right away.”

“It’s just that I don’t put my wallet inside my bag.”

She spoke as if it didn’t concern her, then sighed. I looked at her and then raised my hand.

“Well, I guess that’s it.”

I wanted to hurry back home and go to bed. Sayu should’ve left to buy groceries by now, so there’s no need to worry about dinner. Although she looked sluggish before I left.. Perhaps, she had enough strength to go to the store. However, she’s unlikely to buy anything other than groceries, so I thought of buying some sweets.

Thinking about it, I started walking. Suddenly, someone grabbed me by the collar.

“Ugh.”

Someone muttered.

I turned around and saw Kanda-senpai frowning at me.

“What?”

“Leaving already?”

“Well, of course. There’s nothing else to do.”

“Let me at least treat you.”

I let out a sigh. I understand that she wants to treat me as a sign of gratitude, but I’d be more grateful if she let me go home.

Kanda-senpai examined my face skeptically and then burst out laughing.

“Hahaha! This is the first time I’ve seen such an unhappy reaction from someone after being invited and treated to dinner.”

Giggling, she poked me in the side.

“Come on, let’s go. Or do you want me to become a woman who calls a junior for help on a day off and lets him go home without even repaying him?”

I sighed.

“I assumed it’d turn out this way.”

“Oh, you’ve become much more clever..”

This kind of provoking behavior.

Did she call me on purpose for help with the intention of inviting me to dinner? Because it looks like she took advantage of the situation to create a debt that she wanted to pay. Usually, Kanda-senpai is straightforward and I find it hard to believe that she could’ve planned something like that.

In any case, I couldn’t find a justification to decline, so I just agreed.

“Alright. I’ll take you up on your offer.”

Hearing my answer, Kanda-senpai nodded happily and started walking.

I took out my smartphone and messaged Sayu. I felt guilty because she even went out to buy groceries. But for some reason, I was strangely confident that she’d understand the situation.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Um.. Doesn’t matter. You choose.”

“It’s my ‘Thanks’ to you, so I’d like you to choose.”

“Are you sure you didn’t set up this situation?”

“How rude. I just want to show you my gratitude.”

Kanda-senpai pouted.

“Besides.. If a rigged situation wasn’t successful, then it wasn’t rigged after all.”

She added quietly in a joking manner.

I looked at her suspiciously but couldn’t read anything from her expression.

“So, where are we going?”

Noticing my gaze, she turned to me and smiled.

“At a time like this, meat would be the best choice.”

“Yeah, sure. It’d be nice to eat meat cooked over charcoal.”

“Then it’s settled. Is there a?yakiniku?restaurant somewhere nearby?”

“Ah, yeah. There’s a place I often go to.”

When I said that, Kanda-senpai laughed mockingly and tilted her head.

“With whom?”

“None of your business.”

It was hard to tell her to her face that I went there with Gotou-san. Kanda-senpai has a terrible personality. She’d already realized it herself but still asked me that question.

“Let’s go then.”

“It’s in the opposite direction.”

I stopped her since she was going in the wrong direction and showed her the right one.

I felt my smartphone vibrating in my pocket, so I took it out. It was a message from Sayu.

「 Have fun. 」

Reading the message, I chuckled.

She’s definitely angry. I’ll hurry home as soon as possible.

“Yoshida.”

Putting my smartphone back in my pocket, I turned around, and Kanda-senpai was staring right at me.

I waited for her to say something, but she was silent and just stared at me.

“Uh.. you called?”

I asked, and at first she just opened her mouth. Then, after a few moments she finally spoke.

“So, how far away is it?”

“Oh, yeah..”

That question was too insignificant for such a tense pause.

“We’re almost there. About five more minutes.”

“I see.”

Kanda-senpai gave a half-assed response. Slightly quickening her pace, she walked next to me.

“Let’s go then.”

“There’s no need to rush. We’ll get there in no time.”

“Also..”

She said, ignoring my words.

“Don’t talk to?anyone?but me.”

“Huh?”

I felt anger in her voice. Kanda-senpai raised her head and stared at me.

“I’m spending time with you right now, and I’ll be paying for the food. It isn’t nice if your mind’s somewhere else.”

“S-Sorry.”

She didn’t hide her obvious dissatisfaction, so I apologized.

Looks like she didn’t like that I was messaging Sayu. After all, it’s really rude to think about other things when you’re alone with someone.

Believing that I was wrong, I couldn’t find a new topic for conversation, so we just silently walked to the restaurant.

*

“You can already eat this slice. Oh, and that one.. It’s good.”

“Thanks.”

Using her chopsticks, Kanda-senpai took the meat off the grill and put it onto a plate. Then she placed more meat on the grill.

I dipped the slice in the sauce and put it in my mouth. The fat spread in my mouth while I chewed. It was pure bliss. What delicious meat. Since I was really tired, I wanted to return home as soon as possible. But after eating the meat, even though I was so tired, no, actually because I was so tired, it tasted especially good.

“Senpai, please have some too.”

I told Kanda-senpai, who did nothing but grill the meat using the tongs. When I go with Gotou-san or other higher-ups, I’m usually the one grilling the meat. Since she’s taken over that responsibility, I was a little bored because I had nothing to do. Somehow, I felt embarrassed that she was grilling everything.

“Also, there’s no need to do it with both hands.”

Kanda-senpai held tongs in each hand. She was overwhelmed with enthusiasm, but it was obvious that she couldn’t grab the meat with her left tongs.

“You can do it with one hand. Besides, there are two tongs so you don’t have to do it by yourself.”

When I reached out for the other one, Kanda-senpai shook her head dismissively.

“I’m doing pretty well with both.”

“No, you’re definitely struggling to grab the meat with your left.”

“That’s not true.”

Kanda-senpai tried to turn the meat over with her left hand, but her hand trembled. After ten seconds of painstaking effort, she finally turned a piece over. Then, she looked at me with a smug face.

“But with the dominant hand, you can turn it over in a second.”

“With the right hand in a second and with the left in five, a total of six pieces can be turned over in five seconds!”

“I would turn ten slices in five seconds using only one hand.”

“You’ve always been good at such trivial things.”

Kanda-senpai sighed and put the tongs in front of me. Then she placed the other one down too and began to take the meat from the grill, dipping it in the sauce and putting it in the mouth.

After chewing and swallowing it, she looked down and spoke in a low voice.

“Also.. you’ve changed..”

“Huh?”

Kanda-senpai raised her head and looked at me. A faint smile crossed her face.

“As compared to before, you’ve become more.. confident..”

“Confident?”

“Yeah, confident. Before, you seemed to live without any specific reason.. But now.. you have a goal. It seems like you’ve found?your?purpose.”

She said as she took another piece of meat from the grill. I watched her as she dipped it in the sauce and ate it.

She said that I had changed, and I began to notice that she had changed too.

Her whimsical and mysterious nature hadn’t changed. But now she looks calmer and more mature. I can’t explain it thoroughly, but time definitely has changed her as it did to me. The way she smiles makes it impossible to read what’s on her mind.

Kanda-senpai chewed and swallowed the meat.

“Just as I thought..”

She said in a hushed tone.

“I didn’t give you anything when you were dating me.”

Her words confused me, so I shook my head.

“That’s not true.”

“It is.”

“Not at all. You just don’t know how important you were to me.”

I answered, and Kanda-senpai nodded.

“I know..”

“Huh?”

“I know.”

She smiled, but her face looked grim.

“I’m fully aware of the fact.”

“Then why?”

Why didn’t you say anything to me and just disappeared?!?I can’t bring myself to say that to her. But another thing suddenly popped into my head. No, it didn’t suddenly pop, rather it lingered for a long time. It’s just that now I had the opportunity to ask.

“Your profile picture.. that’s?me,?right?”

I was referring to her profile picture in the messaging app. It’s likely a picture of me from high school.

She smiled and nodded.

“Did you finally notice it?”

“I noticed it from the beginning. It’s just that.. I was taken aback and didn’t ask right away.”

When we exchanged contact info, I instantly recognized that it was me who’s in the profile picture. However, I had no idea why she used that particular picture. I couldn’t ask her then, but I could now.

“Why use my picture?”

“I took the picture with an old phone. I had to copy the data from the SD card to the PC, then onto the smartphone, and set it as my profile picture. Oh, you can’t even imagine how hard it was.”

Kanda-senpai said in a lively voice, but she didn’t answer my question. Then she looked at me, and our gazes met.

She sighed and then nodded as if she had made up her mind.

“The reason is.. Oh, the ice. The ice is melting.”

She stuck out her tongue, then wet her throat with whiskey. Then she continued.

“It’s my?only?romantic memory.”

“Huh?”

I was stunned when she said the word “only.” Seeing my reaction, Kanda-senpai frowned.

“Don’t ‘Huh?’ me!”

“Well, you said ‘only.’”

As far as I knew, Kanda-senpai was really popular at school and had dated several guys before me. I found it hard to believe that such a beautiful woman didn’t go out with anyone after we broke up.

“After I broke up with you, I haven’t dated anyone else. There were no suitable guys.. or more precisely, I lost interest.”

“I-Interest?”

“What’s up with that face? We’re talking about relationships here. I lost interest in dating guys.”

She took another sip of her whiskey.

“Before you, all the relationships I had were just for the sake of dating. No one really loved me. They dated me but they were thinking more about their school life and status. Well, that’s why..”

Her eyes grew cold.

“I couldn’t love them either.”

Without saying anything, I looked at Kanda-senpai. During our time together in high school, she never talked to me that openly.

“That’s why.. I was so happy when you confessed to me, and it surprised me.”

“Surprised?”

“Yeah, I was surprised.. that there was actually one person who really loved me.”

Kanda-senpai smiled with embarrassment.

“And because of that, I saw myself falling in love with you.”

I had no idea how to react to what she was saying, so I just stared at the table.

“Of all the guys I had met, you were the kindest and the most thoughtful. You were quite popular.”

“What?!”

I yelled in surprise. Kanda-senpai giggled.

“I don’t think you noticed it, but you were quite popular back then.”

“Huh?”

“After all, you look decent. You’re kind to everyone and good at sports. How could you not be popular?”

Although she said all of that, the truth is, apart from Kanda-senpai I wasn’t on good terms with the other girls at school. I don’t remember anyone having an interest in me. No one even confessed to me.

Despite my visible confusion, Kanda-senpai kept on talking.

“That’s why I became so selfish.”

“Selfish?”

“Yeah. I wanted to do something I didn’t do with others.”

Kanda-senpai ran her finger over the glass.

“I wanted to be special for you.”

Her words filled my mind, and I felt a little pain.

“You treasured me so much, but you would’ve done the same with any other girl. So you treasured me, as if there was no other choice.”

“No, that’s..”

“Yoshida, you’re kind to everyone without any exceptions. For you, everyone close is special.”

“Well..”

I couldn’t find the right words to say. Kanda-senpai continued talking.

“That’s why I wanted you to answer all my whims. So you wouldn’t just cherish me, but desire me passionately.”

I cherished her. I respected her. That’s why she started distancing herself from me. Listening to Kanda-senpai, I realized the huge misunderstanding we both had in the past.

Well, it looks like I haven’t changed after all. I remembered what Mishima had told me before.

In the end, what are your priorities, Yoshida-senpai?

They essentially said the same thing. Concerned about this, concerned about that. After all, everything I do, I do without any hesitation and for no particular reason. I just hammered this “had to take care of everything” idea into my head.

“But you’ve changed, Yoshida.”

Kanda-senpai said, interrupting my thoughts. Startled, I looked at her and our eyes met.

“Looks like you found something very important.”

“Huh?”

“Someone at home. Someone you care about so much.”

Her words confused me. What did she mean by that?

“Hahaha. Bullseye, huh?”

“No..”

“Trust me, I know. If I invited you for dinner a couple years ago, you wouldn’t be that unhappy. Also, when you accepted my invitation, you messaged someone right away. That made it obvious to me that someone’s waiting for you at home.”

“I see..”

Well, I did say right away that I’m leaving. When I changed my mind, I immediately typed a message, so it was quite easy to deduce that someone was waiting for me at home. She guessed it right. From now on, I have to be more careful.

If many people find out, I won’t be able to avoid questions. While I was thinking about how to explain the situation, she chuckled.

“Well.. I won’t ask for details.”

“Really?”

“What? Do you want me to?”

“No.. I’d rather you didn’t..”

“See?”

Laughing, she finished her whiskey.

“Serious Yoshida is much better. Better than he once was.”

Kanda-senpai looked me in the eyes and grinned.

“Thanks for keeping me company.”

“Ah, sure..”

“Since someone’s waiting for you at home, it’s not good that you’re here eating with me. I called and even dragged you here.. Oh, excuse me!”

Without waiting for my response, Kanda-senpai called out to the passing waiter and ordered more meat. Watching the waiter leave, she sighed and spoke in a low voice.

“Well.. It’s over..”

Maybe she intentionally said it so that I could hear or maybe not. Anyway, I heard everything clearly.

I didn’t know whether I should ask about it or not, but my lips moved on their own accord.

“What’s over?”

Her eyes widened. It looked like she didn’t think that I could hear her, or maybe she thought that even if I could hear, I wouldn’t ask about it. In any case, the question surprised her.

She just blinked and then grinned.

“You’re really clueless, Yoshida.”

I’m indeed clueless. But she kept smiling, and then looked at me with a sly expression.

“My first unrequited love, silly. I’m finally over it.”

Unrequited love.?These words echoed in my mind.

“Um..”

“Sorry for the wait. Here’s your liver, cheek, ribs.. and miso soup.”

“Ah, thanks.”

As if intentionally interrupting me, the waiter brought a whole bunch of meat ordered by Kanda-senpai and put it on the table.

“Well, let’s start grilling!”

“Um.. Senpai..”

“If you’re not going to grill, Yoshida, give me the tongs. I’ll do it with both hands.”

“No, I’ll do it. So please stop using both hands.”

Smiling like a child, she placed the meat on the grill. I felt the “no more questions” aura around her, so I silently concentrated on the cooking.

There was only one thing that bothered me.

From the way she said it, her “unrequited love” was me. It was hard to believe, but since she said so, I just had to accept it.

Since she said that it was over just now, does it mean that the last time she invited me, she wasn’t just talking about a desire? But that they were her real feelings?

It was wrong of me to say, “You don’t even like me that much.”

If she hadn’t said that, I wouldn’t even know. And now I felt that I was acting insensitive, because I actually implied something like, “I don’t feel anything towards you, so I won’t do this.”

“Yoshida, the liver’s ready.”

“Huh? Isn’t it too early?”

“It tastes much better when slightly undercooked.”

She picked up a slice and put it on my plate.

“Try it.”

She suggested, so I took the soft looking liver and carefully put it in my mouth.

It was slightly burnt on top, and when I bit through, it was bitter.

I wondered if the liver has always tasted this bitter. But it wasn’t disgusting.

Soft, jelly-like meat with a bitter taste spread on my tongue.

“It’s bitter.. and yet delicious.”

After I said that, Kanda-senpai nodded and smiled.

“Told you.”

If I had gone to the hotel with her that day, a completely different future could’ve awaited me.

Just thinking about it, I felt like an idiot.

I already made a choice. I can’t change my mind anymore, and Kanda-senpai doesn’t want to change anything either.

No matter how much I regret it, everything has already been decided, and there’s no turning back.

“I didn’t like bitter food before.. But recently, I began to like it.”

Kanda-senpai said, as she ate the undercooked liver.

I looked at her again and thought about how beautiful she is.