"Rosy!"

"You're supposed to be dead!"

============

"If you're done failing to rekindle a flame that may as well be ashes, we are here for a reason."

"The dog wishes he could have had this," the woman exclaimed as she crossed her arms, raising the breasts that most every Hogwarts male dreams of between visits to Hogsmeade.

Sirius tsked, "Don't worry, Rosy, the pup isn't the adult here, we have plenty of time!"

"How were you able to keep it a secret that you were an illegal animagus for so long if everyone knows."

Madam Rosmerta rolled her eyes, "So that's why. Everyone called him a dog and he marked his territory on my bar when he was a kid."

Sirius whimpered and slouched back in his seat.

"Anyway, why's the Dark Lord... 'Pup' and runaway, allegedly innocent, dead criminal in my bar?"

"I think that's the start to a great joke, how's it end!" Sirius jumped up.

"We're leaving Britain," Harry stated.

Rosemerta tapped a finger on her arm impatiently.

"Firewhisky!"

Harry yawned, "As the dog said, we don't know where we can buy in bulk."

"Seriously?"

"No, I'm-"

Harry slapped his hand over his dogfather's mouth and let out a very deep sigh.

"Please?" he begged in a low voice.

============

"Haaaaaarry? Why's a snake in my basement?"

"I'm not falling for it again. I don't want to see how big you can make your snake with devil magic."

"No, I'm serious-"

"I know your name!"

Sirius growled in anger, "Just come down here!"

"Dobby? Why's the basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets in the basement?"

============

"Just because you can regrow your finger, doesn't mean I want to see it."

"But, firesh! Itsh shoooo cool! HEY SIRIUS!"

"What's up, pup?"

"You shhhould hit me with an AK, tesssht my mmaaagic resishtance!"

Sirius let out a sigh for his lightweight of a godson, "I don't hate you, so I physically can't do that to you. Even if I could, that would be stupid, and since I'm the adult here..."

"Dobby!"

"Harry Potter Master Sir?"

"Letsshh get you a wand! A wand sshho you can AK me!"

"Harry, you can't do tha- you've had enough to drink, stop that!"

"You aren't my father!"

============

"Thank Satan devils don't get hangovers."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Dropping Merlin for another curse that fast?"

"We have to fit into the culture, Padfoot. Plus, Cadaer told me Merlin was just the first fey-blooded human to use a want. He wasn't even powerful! People talk about him like he was some wizard god! You as a grim could eat him within two seconds!"

"Harry, you're such a hipster, find your own curses."

The hipster shook his head in disgrace, "It hurts. I want to curse out a certain diety that I am now sure caused all of my problems, but he sends me headaches instead."

"Headaches like your damn Phoenix?"

"He doesn't give me headaches, maybe its because you're evil or something."

"Or because you cheated to get some legendary power and an immortal bird decided to show up in your house for free booze and candy."

Harry shrugged. It didn't matter how it happened. Having a teleporting familiar for contracts would be useful. He already had him flashing across Wizarding Britain, dropping fliers like the Berlin Wall was still in place. If anyone was stupid enough to summon random devils, it would be wizards.

Boy-Who-Gets-Summoned-For-Selfish-Powerups doesn't exactly have the best ring to it, but he was sure that his former people would come up with something. Maybe his fame would be worth something to his future peerage.

Hopefully, Draco would find a flyer. He could send Devil Dobby to help with ferret issues.

============

"...31...32...33. Thirty-three trunks. Why Dobby? All our gold and heirlooms fit in the first four."

"Winky said that we needed to prepare."

Harry pinched his nose, "Prepare? Prepare for the end times? We can literally teleport across the world with devil powers and a flaming chicken."

"Dobby took up a lot of space with the basilisk. And... Winky said we needed Firewhisky, potion ingredients, new clothing because Great and Powerful Master Harry Potter Sir shouldn't dress like a hobo, stuff for the nursery when Master has children, snacks for the plane, items from the other Black properties, and-"

"Wait," Harry cut him off. "Children?"

Dobby exuberantly nodded, "Of course. Master Harry Potter Sir is getting married, so Dobby and Winky thought we should be ready for young Master Harry Potter Sirs and Misses."

"Dobbyyyyyy," Harry whined. "We're going to live for 10,000 years if everything goes right. And birth rates are incredibly low for devils, and I'm not getting married."

The devil house elf removed a dainty, white glove from his hand and held out a finger, "More time for more young devils."

He lifted a second finger in the air and continued, "Even if their low, you can still try a lot. Dobby and Winky try a lot every day and it'll happen eventually."

Harry's jaw dropped as Dobby raised his third finger, "Finally..."

The King was stunned as Dobby's face showed a look that suggested a situation of life and death. Harry knew Devil Dobby was different than before, but he didn't think he could be so serious!

"You need a misses. Great and Powerful Harry Potter Sir is too moody."

Harry blinked.

"33 magic trunks it is. Ripoff bag fees and all. May as well buy a damned plane."

He couldn't use a summoning circle because pocket dimensions and translocational travel didn't mix.

============

"Maybe if you left the bottle in the trunk, you wouldn't have been probed. I know you aren't an alcoholic."

"Transcontinental flight with muggle alcohol? Grasshopper pup, you have much to learn."

"I'll leave the enjoyment of pegging to you."

Sirius blinked in surprise, "Pup, you really need to lighten up."

He received a grunt in return.

"And you really think I got probed? A simple Confundus saved the day."

"Mhmm. Like you would stop that blonde."

"Such a fine bint shouldn't be working in a place like this."

Harry cracked his neck. These seats were so uncomfortable. "Hell is supposed to be a much better place than this. It's like Earth, just with a different color sky. They could learn a thing or two from these people though."

"Mhm. I kinda regret not using some hypnosis on her, devil Confundus is like Lockheart on steroids."

"Hmm, maybe I should have broken him out of Mungos and made him my Bishop. Image control by Flopheart. Whatever. Just find someone to join the mile-high club." Harry paused hesitantly, "And Sirius... You'd really hypnotize someone like that?"

Sirius glared at his godson, "Of course I wouldn't. I'd go to a brothel before that, what do you take me for?"

A deadpan stare was all he got.

"Right, no respect as usual. What's the mile-high club anyway, a muggle thing?"

"You really need to stop using that word, we aren't in Britain any more and I'm supposed to be a pureblood bastard son."

Sirius cringed. He really didn't like that Harry had to hide his parentage from the world, "I guess..."

It didn't take long before the dogfather cheered up and was making eyes with the bird across the aisle.

He might be above direct hypnotism, but Sirius Orion Black wasn't too proud to enhance his charm with magic. He even bookmarked the spell in the book they shared.

============

"You're the adult, you were supposed to prepare a place to stay!"

"Says the King to the lowly Knight!"

"I would, but all we have is gold! How am I supposed to exchange Galleons for whatever currency these people use!"

"Great and Powerful Master Harry Potter Sir is above the word muggle, but he isn't above insulting a race as, 'these people,' huh?"

"Shut up, mutt! Whatever," Harry hissed as he pulled the twenty-sixth trunk from the conveyor belt, ignoring the physical anger that radiated from other passengers.

"At least it's a school day... I think. We'll just have to ask them where to find the bankers here. They should love special gold from the people they hate. We need to find a place to clean up though, on a plane is so dirty and you still smell like that bint."

Sirius gave him a shit-eating grin, "I guess Tom never learned shower charms, huh? Don't worry, Padfoots got you covered."

"And here I was, talking in code about gnomes and goblins while you speak like Molly Weasley at King's Cross, yelling for directions and how many muggles there were, despite the scores of times that she's been there."

"You really hate them, don't you?"

"Marriage contract."

Sirius picked up the thirty-first trunk from the conveyor belt and put in on the pile, "It was breakable at any time from either party. It was to protect you."

"Everything was to protect me. Bloody contracts and bloody goblet. Thankfully, they can't take my kind of magic anymore. I never asked for protection from the old goat and the redheads that are afraid I'll kill their family. Asking the ministry for protection from me after they broke a contract I didn't know existed until I got notice of it, really?"

"You were a celebrity, pup, I would have gotten you one too if I had you as a guardian. Love potions and contracts are nasty business."

Harry held up a Galleon and handed it to an attendant, "Real gold, just bring the trunks to the curb around the corner.

He turned back to Sirius, "You wouldn't have hidden it from me though."