it was not true, and that Matsuoka had been serious in his own way. After they broke up, Hirosue had been foolish enough to run into Matsuoka at a gathering meant to introduce Matsuoka to a girl. In those few months when they had stopped seeing each other, Matsuoka had also been looking for someone else.

That was why it was only natural if Matsuoka was dating someone else right now. He had no obligation to Hirosue, who had told him he could not be his lover, and had left without even telling him his address.

Matsuoka with someone else―he did not even want to imagine it. He did not want to see Matsuoka like that. Why didn’t he? Was he sore to lose a person who claimed to love him so much? Even while knowing that he could not be a romantic partner to Matsuoka, no matter how much love Matsuoka directed at him?

He had never hated Matsuoka. Although they had parted ways because Matsuoka had said they couldn’t be friends, if he hadn’t said so, Hirosue would have liked to continue their friendship.

“So the girl I liked,” his friend continued, “she got married. Not to my friend, though. Apparently she’s in Saitama right now.” The man hopped off the embankment onto the sidewalk with a grunt. “She used to be really pretty. But I look nothing like I used to with all this extra weight. If we saw each other now, with our ages written clearly across our faces, maybe the disappointment would make me finally get over her.”

That’s the harsh way to go about it,?Hirosue remarked inwardly. His friend gave a great stretch towards the sky.

“Ah, never mind,” he said. “It’s a man’s innocent romance, and I’ll keep it tucked away in my heart as a beautiful memory. People still need to dream, you know.” Before they parted ways, his friend asked him to keep quiet to his wife about his story of a man’s innocent romance. Hirosue laughed and told him he would.

“I don’t regret getting married, you know. But there’s always space in a man’s heart for innocent love. Anyway, Shimizu’s wedding yesterday―great day, huh? And she’s a decade younger than him―he’s really putting himself out there. Your turn next, eh?”

Hirosue saw his friend off as the man made his way to the public apartment complexes. He then walked by himself along the seaside. In the light of the rising sun, he stopped and took in his surroundings. There was really nothing at all. Nothing here, apart from the ocean, the mountains, and the small village.

He suddenly remembered that Matsuoka had mentioned wanting to visit the countryside.I should have invited him,?he thought. Even though there was nothing here, Matsuoka had said he wanted to come. But Hirosue had a feeling that even if Matsuoka did come, the scenery would not match him very well.

When Hirosue got home, his sister-in-law was up and making breakfast. Although he had told her he would be coming home late, he hadn’t expected to be coming back the next morning. He felt a little awkward.

“Welcome home, Mr. Out-All-Night,” she quipped as soon as their eyes met.

“Sorry,” Hirosue apologized. His sister-in-law giggled.

“Weddings over here can get pretty crazy with the after-parties. Norifumi was saying you might be coming home the next morning. Which brings me to this message from your big brother: you can take the day off work.”

“But―”

His sister-in-law gave a cheerful shrug. “Why not? You have your big brother’s permission. I think he feels bad that you’ve been helping out nonstop ever since coming home, Motofumi.”

His sister-in-law then asked if he would like breakfast, but Hirosue graciously declined. Without even bothering to take a bath, he collapsed onto his bed still wearing his suit. He felt something hard and bumpy around his hip, and took it out wondering what it was. It turned out to be his cell phone.

The light was flashing, signalling a new e-mail. Hirosue swallowed hard. Perhaps it was from Matsuoka. Perhaps it said he wanted to talk, or that he wanted to meet. He wouldn’t know what to do if Matsuoka said he loved him, but if he was satisfied with just meeting up, Hirosue certainly wanted to meet. He also wanted to talk with Matsuoka.

Hirosue opened the message. When he saw the name that appeared on the screen, he was truthfully disappointed. It was not from Matsuoka; it was from Hayama. It said she wanted to talk to him about something, and asked for a good time to call. She didn’t seem to be in a rush, and it was still seven-thirty in the morning. Hirosue closed his cell phone with a snap.

Why had he assumed it was from Matsuoka? The man had said he would never e-mail or call him again. They hadn’t been in touch for over a month and a half; what had made him think that today would be any different? Was it because he had been thinking of Matsuoka on the way home? Or because he had been thinking about how much he wanted to speak to him?

Hirosue placed his cell phone at his bedside. He rolled around in bed until he ended up falling asleep. He did not get back to Hayama until the afternoon.

It was sunny most of the time in May. As soon as they entered June, it began to rain for days on end, and the temperature remained uncharacteristically chilly. When it rained, Hirosue had to take special care not to get his delivery wet, which required more mental energy. That, on top of the chill, caused Hirosue to come down with a cold at this strange time of the year.

July rolled around just as he was finally fully recovered. The sun’s rays suddenly turned scorching, and the temperature and humidity skyrocketed. Since Hirosue’s room had no air conditioning, with every day that passed, it became harder to sleep at night.

When Hirosue had first come back to the country, his cell phone had been so insignificant he would often forget where he put it; nowadays, he carried it around everywhere. He opened it several times a day to check for new calls or e-mails, even when it didn’t ring. He kept expecting Matsuoka to contact him.

Back in mid-May, Hayama got in touch with him to ask if he would attend her wedding. Although he did want to see Hayama in her bridal outfit, he was hesitant to give an answer. He reckoned the groom would not be very eager to invite a man who dated Hayama in the past.

When Hirosue truthfully told her so, Hayama laughed on the other end of the line.

“I won’t tell him we used to go out. But even if he knew, I don’t think he’d mind. He has a big heart,” she reassured him. “One of the guests we invited cancelled, so we had an empty seat. That’s when he told me I should invite someone I want to see. You’ve moved back to the country, right, Hirosue? When I thought about how this might be our last chance to meet up again, I started wanting to see your face.”

When she said it like that, it made Hirosue want to see her, too. He told her he would be very glad to attend. He suddenly wondered if Matsuoka would be attending. Hayama and Matsuoka were in the same cohort and department. They were also close. It was very likely that he had been invited as well. Hirosue wanted to know, but he felt like it would be poor manners to ask about specific guests by name. He sent out feelers in a roundabout way instead.

“Are there a lot of people coming from your work?”

“I’ve only invited my bosses and a few of the girls. The ceremony itself isn’t going to be very big. Most of the people from Sales aren’t going to show up until the after-party. It’s easier to have a relaxed conversation there than at the ceremony.”

If her boss and the girls were the only ones attending, Matsuoka was probably not invited. It looked like he would not have a chance to see the man at the wedding. Perhaps Matsuoka was coming to the after-party, but Hirosue knew he would only feel uncomfortable being the only one from a different department. That was probably why Hayama had invited him to the wedding and not the after-party.

As soon as Hirosue had the excuse to go back to Tokyo for the wedding, his desire to see Matsuoka became stronger by the day―enough to surprise him. These days, he often remembered when they used to meet up after work to go out for dinner. They would eat, chat about everyday things―it had been fun. But he knew it was cruel to ask Matsuoka to meet with him as a friend again when he had ceased all contact precisely because he didn’t want to be friends.

That was why he eagerly awaited Matsuoka to get in touch with him first. Although he could not ask Matsuoka to meet him, they would be able to see each other if Matsuoka was the one to bring it up. If Matsuoka initiated it, it would be a sign that he had acknowledged that they could still be friends. Hirosue’s trip to Tokyo was the perfect opportunity.

Hirosue continued to wait for word from Matsuoka until the day before Hayama’s wedding. The ceremony was set to start at a late hour of the day, so Hirosue planned to leave his house in the morning.

That night, Hirosue did an unusual thing and had Japanese?sake?with his dinner, getting pleasantly drunk.

“Are you sure you should have had that much to drink?” asked his sister-in-law worriedly. Hirosue paid no mind to her and climbed unsteadily up the stairs. Once he returned to his room, he clawed for his phone.

He let his drunken bravery take hold as he wrote an e-mail to Matsuoka.

‘It’s been a while. I hope you’re well. I’ll be going to Tokyo tomorrow for Ms. Hayama’s wedding. I plan to stay in the city on Saturday and Sunday, and I was wondering if we could meet and have a chat if you have the time.’

He debated greatly over how to phrase it, and ended up truthfully writing that he wanted to meet and talk. Would he confuse and hurt Matsuoka again by sending this kind of e-mail? Would the man get angry at him and ask him why he was getting in touch when he was trying to forget about him? Hirosue still wanted to see him. He wanted to talk to him. He could not understand why he was so stubbornly attached to Matsuoka when he didn’t see the man as a romantic interest.

The same thing had happened once before. He had not been able to stop thinking about Matsuoka, and the thoughts filling his head had made him unable to sit still. Hirosue had ended up going to the station to wait for Matsuoka to go home. It wasn’t really waiting―he had only watched the man from the opposite platform. But that time, too, he had been unsure of his feelings, and because he was unsure, he had not been able to approach Matsuoka. Every day, he only gazed at the man as he made his way home. Somewhere, he expected that by continuing to observe him, he would somehow arrive at an answer.

What was he feeling now, then? What was his desire to see the man? These feelings felt a touch too warm to be those of friendship. He had given the final verdict by saying it was physically impossible; was he still going to claim that he was in love?

He wasn’t going to get an answer, no matter how much he mulled over his emotions inside his head. He didn’t even know what that answer was supposed to be. His head started to hurt from thinking too much. The fastest, easiest way was to see Matsuoka in person. But in order to see him, he had to get in touch with him. He had to send an e-mail. Perhaps they wouldn’t be able to meet on Saturday because of the wedding―in that case, they could meet on Sunday. But it was the weekend. Perhaps Matsuoka had plans. Yet, Hirosue had a feeling that if he were to tell Matsuoka he wanted to see him, the man would cancel his plans so they could meet. But even if Matsuoka prioritized him, he might not be able to change his plans on such short notice. That was why Hirosue had to get in touch sometime today, at the latest―

Empowered by drink, Hirosue pushed the send button which he had hesitated to press these past few days. He closed his cell phone and pressed it against his forehead, waiting for a reply. An e-mail came almost immediately, making his heart nearly stop with surprise. He hastily opened his cell phone.

“―What?”

The e-mail had come back with an error message. Hirosue had sent it in reply to an e-mail from Matsuoka, so there was no way the address could be wrong. He tried sending it again, but that also came back. Next, instead of replying, he sent it through the address in his phone book, but the result was the same. The e-mail came back with an error.

The inebriation which had empowered his recklessness quickly drained away from him. Why wasn’t the e-mail getting through? Hirosue tightly clutched his cell phone.

He had a guess in mind, so he called the number to test it. He would probably regret it regardless of whether he called or not; if so, he might as well call―that made him take the leap. ―The phone did ring. But the person who answered it was not Matsuoka. It was a complete stranger.

There was no doubt about it. Matsuoka had changed his e-mail address and phone number, and Hirosue had not received notice of the change. Matsuoka had said he would never call or e-mail again; perhaps it was only natural that Hirosue wasn’t notified.

He had thought that one button press was all it took to get through to Matsuoka―that as long as he, Hirosue, had the guts to make that step, he would be able to see the man easily. But when he could not get in touch, Matsuoka suddenly seemed much further away. This was what Matsuoka had meant when he said he would never contact him again―this was his resolve, laid plain and bare before Hirosue’s face.

Maybe Matsuoka was trying to forget him. ―No, Matsuoka?was?trying to forget him. Hirosue could only sit in stunned silence at the immovable fact before him.