Chapter 25: Fear of Separation

Time never moved forward at a constant speed — or at least, not in a physical sense.

Yue Zhishi truly believed this as he worked on his physics homework over the winter semester break. He didn’t know how the last semester passed by in such a fuzzy manner, to the point he seriously thought about looking up if scientists have ever done experiments on time. However, Lin Rong’s phone call to him interrupted what may have possibly been Yue Zhishi’s first ever paper research project.

“Yes, okay.” Yue Zhishi walked down the stairs as he talked on the phone. “Song Yu gege went to cram school. I’ll bring him there, I know where it is.”

Placing down the phone, Yue Zhishi went to look for a leash to wrap around Cotton Candy and prepared to bring him to the vet for a physical check up.

“Let’s get you all pretty while we’re there, Cotton Candy. Your fur has been way too long lately.” It was very cold outside, so Yue Zhishi wrapped himself in a thick white down jacket. The human and dog pair looked almost like two balls of cotton candy from far away.

Since it was winter break as well as the weekend, the vet clinic was extremely full. Yue Zhishi saw many cats and dogs, and even chinchillas. He felt very satisfied, and secretly imagined himself petting and playing with them all. The older sister in front of him in the line was holding two large dogs, one Alaskan and one golden retriever. When the golden retriever was being examined, the Alaskan seemed to be very cautious about its surroundings, constantly pulling around wildly, and its owner almost couldn’t hold onto it as she was also distracted by the golden retriever.

“Excuse me, would you mind holding onto the leash for me? He might be a bit scared, so I’ll hug him for a bit.”

“Ah, sure.” Yue Zhishi placed down the obedient Cotton Candy in his arms and used his other hand to help the older sister with the Alaskan dog’s leash. Holding the leash of such a large dog felt very novel to Yue Zhishi — when he looked at his left hand holding onto the Pomeranian and compared it to his right, that hand pretty much was dominated by the dog and almost looked like the dog was walking him instead.

The female owner knelt down to rub the Alaskan’s head. After a few minutes, the dog quietened down slightly and no longer fussed around. Yue Zhishi could finally relax, thinking it was good thing Cotton Candy was a quiet and obedient dog, and fished out a dog treat from his pocket. He prepared to award it to Cotton Candy, but he noticed the other end of the leash he was holding was empty only after he turned his head. Cotton Candy was missing.

Yue Zhishi panicked and searched the small clinic upside down, holding out Cotton Candy’s favourite treat as he called out his name. It was useless, so Yue Zhishi ran out to the road and looked all around him. He was still unable to find any signs of Cotton Candy.

He searched around and around that nearby area, and his first reaction was to give Lin Rong a call when his searches were all fruitless. But it seemed Lin Rong was too busy with her food importation issues and was uncontactable. He had no other choice but to call Song Yu.

The call only rang once before it was picked up. It was like Yue Zhishi had finally found his saviour, the first words out of his mouth covered with tears. “Song Yu gege, Cotton Candy’s missing.”

Song Yu told him to calm down. Yue Zhishi took a breath, and his ability to think returned in a moment.

“Let’s search for him separately. I’m on my way home now. You’re closer to Yanghe Qizhe, so go look for him there.”

Yue Zhishi didn’t know why Song Yu told him to search for Cotton Candy at the restaurant, but he went anyway. Right before he hung up the phone, he heard Song Yu say, “Don’t worry. We’ll definitely find him.”

Yue Zhishi’s heart abruptly settled. He packed away neatly all of Cotton Candy’s treats and took a taxi to Yanghe Qizhe.

The restaurant wasn’t open today. The courtyard gate was shut, no one and nothing inside. Yue Zhishi was very disappointed, having run until his body was covered in sweat, and he pulled off the hood of his down jacket. He looked around the nearby alleyways once again before he finally saw Song Yu come out of his taxi at the nearby road crossing.

Song Yu was wearing the same down jacket as he was — Lin Rong bought one for both of them, one in white and one in dark grey. Seeing Song Yu’s empty hands, Yue Zhishi wasn’t able to hide his disappointment, and he lowered his head apologetically.

“He’s not at the restaurant.. I’m sorry I didn’t look after him well.”

The dog was brought home by Song Yu. Strictly speaking, it was Song Yu’s dog.

Yue Zhishi was extremely distraught and knew Song Yu must also be very concerned if he ran straight out of his cram school.

But Song Yu wasn’t angry like Yue Zhishi thought he would be — he merely pulled Yue Zhishi’s hood and covered his head with it again. “He managed to escape his leash last time I walked him. There’s something wrong with the leash.”

The sweat on Yue Zhishi’s forehead had already been blown dry by the cold wind. They stood there for a little while, Song Yu saying he’d already gone back home to have a look. He’d also paid attention to the roads while on his way here.

Yue Zhishi turned even more distraught.

“Let’s have a look again.” Song Yu walked towards the restaurant.

Yue Zhishi followed behind him, his heart already losing hope. He didn’t initially feel it when he first came out, but the weather today felt especially cold, the wind cutting across his face like thin knives and penetrating into his neck.

He pulled up his zipper with his head down and lifelessly walked behind Song Yu.

Wind filled the alleyway, and all Yue Zhishi could think about was Cotton Candy wandering the streets alone by himself. It was almost Lunar New Year, and Cotton Candy was so small — he wasn’t even wearing a vest today.

He started wondering about the possibilities of asking for help on Weibo and posting missing notices all over the streets.

Song Yu’s footsteps suddenly froze. Yue Zhishi didn’t stop in time and bumped into his back. “Ah, what’s wrong?” He looked ahead, Yanghe Qizhe’s entrance door in front, and there was an old granny sitting there with Cotton Candy by her side.

The moment he saw Song Yu and Yue Zhishi, Cotton Candy flew over. Yue Zhishi immediately knelt down to wrap his arms around him, his heart recovering and feeling as if it was on a rollercoaster from all the emotions today. He pushed his face into Cotton Candy’s fur. “Where did you run off to? You almost scared me to death, I was already thinking about how to hand out flyers.”

Song Yu headed over to the old granny. She looked to be around sixty years old, a strand of pearls around her neck, and was dressed quite well if almost over-dressed. She stood up as well, smoothing out the wrinkles in her wine red coat with her leather covered hands, and gave them a kind smile.

“So the dog belongs to you two.” Her hair was pure white, and she spoke very slowly. “Did you guys come here to eat as well?”

Yue Zhishi hugged the dog and met Song Yu’s eyes. Song Yu said to her, “You might be thinking of the wrong date. The restaurant’s not open today.”

Puzzlement covered the old lady’s face, and she looked like she didn’t entirely believe them. “Really? But I wouldn’t have remembered incorrectly. My husband made a reservation here for today.”

Yue Zhishi doubtfully said, “It’s really not open today. The owner’s not here. Granny, are you sure you’re thinking of the right date?”

“No way..” The old lady kept insisting she had a reservation. Yue Zhishi looked at her thin clothing and thought it wasn’t good to keep standing here in this cold weather. He touched Song Yu’s hand. “Song Yu gege, did you bring the key to the restaurant?”

Song Yu nodded and pulled out his keys to open the door.

Yue Zhishi went to support the old lady. “Why don’t we head inside first? I’ll help you look at the reservation list and see where the problem is.”

They turned on the restaurant’s heating and helped the lady sit down. Song Yu went to boil some water, and Yue Zhishi turned on the front counter’s computer to pull up the list of reservations. They used to constantly help out here at the restaurant, so they generally understood how the restaurant usually operated.

Hot water flowed into a transparent tea cup, the aroma of black tea blooming and spreading. Song Yu placed the cup of hot tea in front of the old lady.

“Thank you.”

He returned to Yue Zhishi’s side. “Did you find anything?”

Yue Zhishi lifted his eyes and shook his head, softly saying, “There really aren’t any reservations for today.” He looked over at the old granny. She gazed at the entrance with a face full of expectancy and longing, as if waiting for someone to appear. Yue Zhishi couldn’t help but ask, “Granny, the list doesn’t help. Can you tell us your husband’s name? Or phone number?”

She looked back at the two of them and opened her mouth with a smile. But suddenly, it was like she was caught on something in her mind, her smile dissipating away to be replaced by a look of confusion. “My husband’s name..” She frowned and bowed her head to think. “Name..”

Song Yu focused on her, feeling like something wasn’t quite right.

“Do you remember what date it is today?”

“I..” She paused, and then her eyebrows relaxed, smile once again appearing. “It’s the 21st of November. It’s our silver wedding anniversary today, and we planned to celebrate it here.”

November.. But Lunar New Year was quickly approaching. No wonder she was dressed so thinly — she’d forgotten the date.

Yue Zhishi once again looked at Song Yu and very quietly opened his mouth. “Song Yu gege, is she..”

Song Yu nodded. “Yes, Alzheimer’s.”

This might be slightly troublesome. Yue Zhishi thought to himself, the old granny forgot what date it was, and she may have even gone to the wrong restaurant. Her family might be looking for her in a panic now that she’s lost, but they didn’t even have a name or way of contacting her family.

“Let’s call the police,” Song Yu said.

His voice wasn’t very loud, but the old lady just happened to hear his words. Her mood immediately worsened, and she looked very resistant. “Police? Why are you calling the police? I just want to have a meal.”

Yue Zhishi wanted to explain. “Granny, you..”

“Can I order first?” She looked at them, her eyes full of expectation. “I think my husband might have been delayed by something, but he should be arriving very soon.”

Yue Zhishi looked at her expression and wasn’t able to reveal the truth. It was almost dinner time anyway. He took in a breath. “Then what would you like to eat? There’s only the two of us here today, so we might not be able to do too much.”

The old granny smiled very kindly. “That’s okay. We’re very simple. Your pearl meatballs are my husband’s favourite dish.”

“Anything else?”

“Something else..”

The old lady once again sunk into her confused memories. Yue Zhishi could only take down her order. “Then we’ll go have a look first.” He ran to check the restaurant’s stock levels, and luckily it had glutinous rice and meat. Under his pleading, Song Yu somehow turned into the head chef and was pushed into the kitchen.

Yue Zhishi brought out his ability to coax large cats, offering to massage his back and shoulders and actively wrapping the apron around Song Yu. Even though Song Yu was completely reluctant, he still didn’t refuse Yue Zhishi in front of the old granny.

Yue Zhishi came out of the kitchen and saw her gazing once again at the door, slight disappointment on her face.

“He’ll definitely come. Just wait a little while longer, granny.”

She peered at Yue Zhishi’s earnest face and abruptly gave him a smile. “You look better now than when you were child.” She glanced towards the kitchen. “Your brother too.” She then added again, “You looked like a little western doll before.”

Yue Zhishi was stunned — there truly was a large problem with her memories. She obviously didn’t recognise them earlier when they met at the door, but she now suddenly remembered some things from when they were children.

Perhaps she really did come here before.

“Do you remember which year you got married?” Yue Zhishi asked.

The old lady tried very hard to remember, but she still shook her head.

“I see..” Yue Zhishi didn’t give up. He looked up on Baidu what a silver wedding anniversary was — it was a wedding anniversary after 25 years of marriage. The old granny looked to be around sixty years old, so if she got married around her twenties, she would’ve been around her fifties when she first visited Yanghe Qizhe about ten years ago..

The timeline matched fairly well. They truly were quite young when the restaurant first opened. But?for the first two years, the management wasn’t quite perfect and there weren’t that many guests. All reservations were written down by hand and not recorded electronically.

Yue Zhishi looked everywhere for the right key, before he finally found in a random drawer at the front desk the key to where all the old reservation books were kept. He knelt on the floor and grabbed out the dusty books. There was one book for each year, and he seriously looked through all of them, dust settling onto his face and causing him to constantly cough.

Song Yu suddenly came out and poured himself a cup of water.

“Finished?” Yue Zhishi tilted his head up, his face red from all of his coughing.

“They’re steaming now.” Song Yu asked, “What are you doing?”

“That granny should’ve celebrated their anniversary here before. I wanted to check the reservation books from back when we first opened to see if we can find any guest records for the 21st of November. Maybe we can find a way to contact her husband that way, since we didn’t have that many guests each day.” Yue Zhishi abruptly frowned as he spoke. “Ah, but it’s been so many years. What if he’s changed his phone number?”

Song Yu shook his head. “I don’t think he would since his wife suffers from Alzheimer’s.”

Yue Zhishi was steadied by his words and wanted to continue looking through the records, but he was brushed away by Song Yu.

“Go spend some time with her.”

“You can go, I’ll keep searching,” Yue Zhishi said.

“I don’t want to talk.”

Yue Zhishi naturally took on the job after hearing those words. He stayed next to the old granny and spoke to her. She didn’t remember many things, but every other sentence out of her mouth was about her husband. Yue Zhishi couldn’t describe what he was feeling — he was slightly heartbroken, but he wasn’t feeling just heartbreak.

“Yue Zhishi.”

Hearing Song Yu call him, Yue Zhishi immediately rushed over.

“Try calling these.” Song Yu spread open a book and gave it to him, pointing at the numbers he’d circled in red. Yue Zhishi sat down and, just like Song Yu instructed, phoned the guests who’d once had a reservation with them.

“Hello, am I speaking to Mr Wang? I’m sorry to disturb you, but I wanted to ask if you’ve lost a family member.. I’m sorry, maybe we made a mistake. Sorry for disturbing you.”

“Am I speaking to Mr Lee? Hello,..”

The phone calls went out one by one, and Yue Zhishi started to wonder about the likelihood of this method succeeding. He drew a cross after each unsuccessful phone number and lifted his head to see the old granny still waiting. Even Cotton Candy was influenced by her and sat in front of the floor-length window, wagging his curly tail, as if he too was also waiting for someone.

After one hour, Yue Zhishi counted the remaining numbers. “Only two left.”

Song Yu nodded. He knew Yue Zhishi wanted to keep trying, so he didn’t stop him and merely stood next to him.

Yue Zhishi organised his emotions and once again dialled a number. The line was busy, so he waited for a little while before he decided to call the next number first.

The last phone call was very quickly picked up. The other party’s voice sounded very young, but it was the same as all the previous calls: they had not lost any of their family members, and they didn’t know anyone suffering from Alzheimer’s. Yue Zhishi was filled with despair, and he very much wanted to collapse onto the front desk if he wasn’t also worrying about dirtying his white down jacket. He ended up resting his forehead on Song Yu’s hand.

Song Yu understood what he was feeling. He lifted his hand and wanted to rub his head, but it was then that the phone on the front desk suddenly rang. Yue Zhishi immediately lifted his head and picked up the call.

“Hello.”

The person on the other side sounded even more urgent than he did, his voice breathless from his panting. Yue Zhishi held onto his last shred of hope and asked once again — and he finally heard the answer he’d been waiting to hear.

“Yes, that would be me.”

Yue Zhishi excitedly raised his head and smiled at Song Yu. “Okay, then we’ll wait for you here!”

He belatedly felt like the other person’s voice was very familiar after he placed down the phone, but he couldn’t match the voice with a face. Cotton Candy ran over to circle around his legs, so Yue Zhishi picked up him and slowly walked around the dining room, observing the old lady from the corner of his eyes.

She was still tirelessly, expectantly gazing outwards.

The person she was waiting for finally arrived when the pearl meatballs finished steaming. Yue Zhishi was stunned as he looked out of the floor-length glass door to see the person pushing open the courtyard gate — it was one of their frequent guests, old Professor Zhang.

Professor Zhang rushed over with quick footsteps and looked very worn out. He was usually very friendly and witty whenever he came over, and had never once looked this anxious and flustered.

“Mei Yin.” He pushed open the front door and called out the old lady’s name.

Yue Zhishi thought the dust was settling and everything was about to finish, and very happily crossed over to Song Yu’s with a large step. It was at this moment that the old lady lifted her eyes, gaze full of suspicion, and said, “You are..?”

Song Yu looked at them and lowered his eyes. He’d long thought this would happen. But Yue Zhishi couldn’t understand; he frowned and looked almost even more upset than Professor Zhang.

“Le Le, Xiao Yu, I’m sorry for troubling you.” Rather than coaxing the old granny, Professor Zhang first greeted them. Song Yu shook his head and told him to not worry about it.

Yue Zhishi saw Grandpa Zhang open the bag he was carrying. He’d brought over a padded jacket, scarf and a hat. “You left the house wearing so little. What would you do if you got sick at your age?” He unfolded the jacket and went to put it on his wife, but his wife rejected the jacket.

“Who are you? I don’t know you.”

“Granny, this is your husband.” Yue Zhishi couldn’t help but go towards them. “Don’t you remember him?”

Grandpa Zhang gave Yue Zhishi a smile. “It’s fine, Le Le. I’m used to it.” He pulled out some old photos from the bag’s side pocket. It was their wedding photo from when they were younger. Another photo was them together in a group photo. “Mei Yin, look. We took these together. You weren’t very happy about not having a wedding dress, so you put on a white skirt.”

Strand by strand, piece by piece, he carefully detailed their past history together, patiently putting back together her memories. The old lady was no longer so resistant and listened to him uncertainly. She gradually allowed him to help her put on the scarf and hat.

At the very end, she looked like she finally remembered him. She kept grumbling about Professor Zhang having arrived so late, causing her to wait for so long. He apologised again and again and promised he won’t be late to their next date.

The granny’s face was full of love. “I ordered the pearl meatballs you love so much. Let’s leave after we eat them.”

Professor Zhang gazed at Yue Zhishi and Song Yu, and said, laughing, “We’ll just take it home to eat. It’s time for the restaurant to close.”

The sky was already darkening, the street lamps lighting up pole by pole. Warm yellow light covered the dim alleyway. Yue Zhishi and Song Yu stood together at Yanghe Qizhe’s courtyard gate and prepared to send the two elderly people on their way.

“Good thing you two were here today. A previous student wanted to speak to me about something today, and she ran out by herself during our quick chat.” Professor Zhang’s eyes were slightly red, his hand clutching his wife’s. “I usually get her to wear clothes I’ve previously prepared for her. The pockets of her jackets would normally hold my contact number, just in case something like this happened. I don’t know how my wife suddenly wore something else.”

Yue Zhishi kept looking at the old lady and thought about the expectant expressions on her face.

She changed out of her usual clothing and meticulously dressed up because she was celebrating an anniversary with the person she most loved.

Professor Zhang lightly patted Yue Zhishi’s hand and looked at Song Yu. He said, “It’s late now, you two should hurry home. Don’t worry your mother. I’ll come by soon to pay my respects and to show my gratitude.”

Song Yu had kept quiet all this time and finally opened his mouth. “No need to worry about it.”

Yue Zhishi leaned against Song Yu and nodded, smiling. “That’s right. Grandpa Zhang, hurry back, the pearl meatballs are going to go cold.”

The old granny once again started to grumble at the mention of pearl meatballs. “Yeah, you made me wait for you for so long. You’re always late every time we meet, and you didn’t even bring me the flowers you said you would.”

“Aiyah, that’s because..”

Flowers?

Yue Zhishi abruptly said, “He did bring some.” He turned around and ran back to the restaurant and came back not long after. He slid next to Professor Zhang with his hands behind his back and sneakily gave him the item in his hand. Song Yu glanced at him and very cooperatively didn’t say anything.

Professor Zhang stretched out his hands. A slender narcissus flower was caught right as it was blooming.

“Grandpa Zhang prepared this for you.”

“So pretty.” Even though it was only one flower, the old lady’s face overflowed with happiness. She received the flower and carefully treasured it in her hands. After three more rounds of goodbyes, the two of them slowly walked away, nestling against each other as they left.

A gust of wind blew past, and Yue Zhishi hunched up his shoulders to protect his neck from the cold. Looking from far away, the city lights covered and blurred away the two people’s silhouettes.? His nose started to ache, and perhaps it was from the cold, but the ache trickled into his heart.

He stood at the door. The alleyway, the winter night, the courtyard gate to Yanghe Qizhe and even the glow of light spilling from the street lamps — they were all very familiar sights to Yue Zhishi. He was lost in his thoughts as he gazed at the wall across from them.

“I don’t want to forget you,” Yue Zhishi suddenly said.

Song Yu turned to look at him. There was a very complicated look in his eyes, as if he was confused and thought he’d heard something wrongly.

There was a street lamp above his head, and it sent light downwards to wrap around Yue Zhishi’s face. His soft brown hair glimmered golden, the tip of his nose and his cheeks flushed red from the cold. His eyes were very bright.

“Xiao Yu gege, I don’t want to forget you.” He looked into Song Yu’s eyes.

Song Yu froze for two seconds and then turned his face away.

“What nonsense are you saying.”

Yue Zhishi knew he was saying groundless, silly words, so he didn’t respond. He’d just felt so heartbroken looking at the old granny — he didn’t have someone he loved like she did and couldn’t understand how it felt to forget the person he loved. But he tried to imagine how it would feel to one day forget Uncle Song, Aunt Rong.

He even imagined how it would feel to forget Song Yu.

His heart stung, and it even felt like it was being tightly, fiercely squeezed, unable to be released.

“I won’t forget you,” Yue Zhishi said once again.

Song Yu was also lost in his thoughts right before Yue Zhishi opened his mouth. To be the one forgetting, or to be the one forgotten — which one was more painful. If he had a choice, which one would he choose to be.

He couldn’t find an answer. He pulled off his own scarf and threw it onto Yue Zhishi.

“You’ve pretty much forgotten all of your childhood already.”

“I remember a lot, I only forgot small bits and pieces. I remember all the important things.” His stomach growled just as he finished speaking and ruined the solemnity of all the words he’d just spoken.

Song Yu stuffed his two hands in his trouser pockets and turned around to enter the yard. “Let’s eat.”

“We have food?” Yue Zhishi quickly entered as well.

“Pearl meatballs,” Song Yu said. “I made an extra portion.”

“Really?!”

Cotton Candy flew out the moment they opened the restaurant door and went to stand by his legs. Yue Zhishi picked him up again and cuddled him. “You little thing, even though you weren’t obedient and sneaked away by yourself, you did something important today. You helped us find a lost granny, so I won’t punish you this time.”

“Woof!” Cotton Candy made a noise in his arms.

“Oh, yeah.” Yue Zhishi held Cotton Candy and doubtfully asked, “Gege, how did you immediately think to look for Cotton Candy here?”

Song Yu came out of the kitchen and placed the pearl meatballs warmed by a low fire onto the table. He lifted his eyes for a look before he lowered them again. “I actually found Cotton Candy here by the door of the restaurant.”

Yue Zhishi looked at Cotton Candy, and the dog tilted his head to look back at him.

“When was this? I didn’t even know.”

“You were in third year of elementary school and had gone to winter camp at Hainan.”

Yue Zhishi remembered. “That’s right, I came back then and saw there was a Cotton Candy at home.” He’d asked where the dog came from, and Song Yu hadn’t said much, only that he’d picked up the dog from the streets.

Song Yu poured a cup of hot water, his hand circled around it. “It was also night time that day I found him. It was very cold, and he was huddling against the wall of the courtyard gate in a very small ball. He was a bit dirty, but his eyes were very bright.”

He hadn’t understood at that time why he decided to be so kind-hearted and pick up a small dog, but he’d known that once he brought it home, he needed to be responsible for it.

Song Yu hadn’t understood until Yue Zhishi had come home from Hainan, looked at the little dog ecstatically and wrapped his arms around him in his joy, his pair of eyes shining and glittering at him.

“So that’s why. So good, Cotton Candy seems to have a good memory and remembered where his old home was.” Yue Zhishi continued to carry Cotton Candy and placed a pearl meatball in his mouth. The soft and sticky glutinous rice and chewy ball of meat were meant to be eaten togeher, the separate delicious flavours doubling. He chewed carefully, eyes empty, and glanced at the messy front desk. He looked at those notebooks that carried the history of this restaurant.

After swallowing, he sighed with feeling. “Diseases like that are so scary. You clearly want to remember everything, but you end up forgetting even your favourite person. You forget how they look, and even their name.”

Song Yu stared at Yue Zhishi. Under the restaurant’s lights, Yue Zhishi’s profile softened and looked a little young and ignorant.

He opened his mouth, his voice as somber and indifferent as always. His words were very realistic.

“Even if it wasn’t because of a disease, memories aren’t something you can control. It also doesn’t mean your feelings won’t change just because you don’t forget someone. Maybe after a very long time, you still remember this person’s existence — but his place in your heart is already very different. Compared to being forced to forget someone because of Alzheimer’s, it’s even more tragic to have that kind of ending.”

Relationships between people were always very delicate and fragile. Everyone continuously walked forward, moving in every single direction. People were like hasty ants, always so lost in their own busyness that they lose contact with the people around them. That was why Song Yu hated establishing deep personal relationships: he’d rather save his efforts and avoid danger to his heart in advance.

“In this world, it is so easy for people to lose one another.”

Lose.

Song Yu’s words were a bit too profound for Yue Zhishi. He seemed to understand what Song Yu was saying, but at the same tim-->>

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