Chapter 115
Initially, I thought of leaving the place right after taking a look at her face, but I impulsively asked her to dance at the sight of her enthralling beauty. My young lady with her wavy hair pinned up in one knot was wearing a light green dress, which was unusual. She looked fresh and bright like buds shooting forth in spring or a light illuminating the darkness.
Tia grabbed my hand with a fascinating smile. The warmth of her hand comforted my emptiness. I whispered into her ear that she was beautiful today.
‘Time, stop like this, so I can confidently hug my lady in front of all the people here!’
I didn’t know how to stop feeling sad as my dance was coming to an end with music playing.historical
When I attended the banquet, I definitely wanted to see her face, but I was being greedy now. There was not much time left now, but there were so many things I hadn’t done with my lady.
When I recalled Carsein telling me boastfully that he went to the village with her, I really felt frustrated and upset. So, I reluctantly asked her to come with me to the village in the commoners’ area. I felt so happy when she readily responded she would love to.
I thought this was the last time I would see her, but I had one more chance to see her. I felt like I was walking on air.
“I’m here to see, Lady Monique.”
“Sorry, Allendis. She can’t see a visitor now,” the butler said.
“Why?”
“She is sleeping because she doesn’t feel well.”
She is not feeling well? I frowned unconsciously when he said that rather arrogantly.
Why is she sick? She looked okay when I saw her at the banquet. Is the butler trying to stop me from seeing her at her father’s order?
“What’s the problem?”
“She had some fever, so her father told her to take a rest.”
“Let me wait then.”
“I don’t know when she will wake up.”
I was upset with the young butler. If it’s true that her father was intentionally stopping me from seeing her, I would wait here indefinitely. If she was really sick, I really needed to meet her and check her condition. Otherwise, I felt I could not feel relaxed.
“You’re arrogant as a mere butler here. How come you are talking to a noble man like this?
“.. I’m sorry.”
“Enough. If she wakes up, just let her know I am waiting. ”
Giving him a piece of my mind, I looked down at the basket with the baby cat, while waiting for her for a long time.
As the day came closer when I had to join the delegation leaving for the Lua kingdom, as I promised to the emperor, I became more anxious. I was afraid the cat might not be able to survive without me. Even so, I couldn’t take the cat with me, as she was sensitive to the changing environment. In the end, I took the cat here to see if I could leave her with Tia.
Although she seemed to have no emotions on the surface, my little silver-haired girl was warm-hearted, indeed. I thought she would take care of the kitten very well, hoping against hope that she could recall me whenever she saw the cat.
“It’s been a long time, Tia.”
“Huh? It’s only been three days since we met last. ”
The silver-haired girl who came in with her maid looked a little pale.
‘I hear you have become an apprentice knight, so you should be strong, Tia. Of course, you look much better than before.’
When I first started practicing fencing with her, she was very weak. She used to gasp for breath when she ran even a short distance. As the season changed, she used to get sick frequently. I also found out that she often passed out. Compared to that, she may have gotten a lot better recently.
I was upset at her haggard look, and my heart ached when she said we met only three days ago.
‘The three days that seemed to be so long to me was ‘only three days ‘ to you.’
Three days. It was a very long time for the lovers, but not very long for friends.
I could not help but hide my bitter feelings as the three days seemed to show how close people felt toward each other.
At first, we were so close, and there were no other lovers than us. How did we end up being estranged from each other like this? Maybe it’s a good thing. Even if I leave, it won’t be too hard for you.
“It must be very difficult for you,” she said.
I was deeply touched when she said that. She once said that, talking about my memory that even my family members were scared about, my cursed memory that can accurately recall anything that I have seen or heard at any time and anywhere. I was speechless as I was so grateful when she said that.
‘Don’t you think I’m miserable, Tia? Don’t you feel it’s terrible that I remember everything about you without forgetting it at all? Aren’t you scared of me because I can collect all the information about you to infer all your emotions and thoughts? ‘
My lovely lady, I keep turning to you. It was you who comforted me, praising my cursed memory highly when others were so scared of it. You are so cruel because you fascinate me all the more when I have to leave you soon. As I know that you mean well, and as I know your pure heart better than anybody else, you are so lovely as you are the only one in the world who understands me. You are truly ruthless because you make me keep longing for you even while I’m looking at others.
‘What should I do about you, beautiful and cruel Tia?’
I looked at her for a long time, who was so happy to see my kitten, Tia. I wanted to remember her wavy hair, her neat silver eyebrows and long, thick eyelashes, sharp nose, sweet pink lips, slender face and slender body that hardly looked like a knight for a long time, even her white fingers stroking the kitten. I also remembered her smiling shyly as if she noticed my intense gaze on her.
“Allen, how about playing chess? We haven’t in a long time.”
‘You’re still avoiding queen, Tia.’
I knew that since I played chess with her when we were children.
As if she rejected her fate to become the empress, she rarely touched the queen, even when she could beat me by using it. Instead, she was obsessed with knights and rooks as if it reflected her desire to be a knight and succeed the family.
“Can you give me a piece of advice, Allen?”
I never thought I would tell her something that I vowed I would never let her know.
I still wanted to have her stay by my side without being interested in something like a queen.
As she was in danger if she was with me, I thought I couldn’t help it. I repeatedly told myself that it was okay, although nothing was fine.
Only one of the limitations of her unconsciousness was lifted, but she changed so much compared to me, a genius. After playing chess, I stood up, feeling frustrated more than ever. When she asked me when I would like to go to the village with her, I felt light-hearted again.
Suddenly, I felt empty. Can I live away from you when I am now glad, and now sad like this?
“Allen, what should they do if those with shadows want to escape from them?”
Shadow?
Although you are shining brightly, I sometimes notice darkness in your eyes, Tia.
Only now you seemed to have realized it. It looks like you think it’s a shadow to you.
Do you want to get out of the darkness and go out to the world of light now, my lady?
But Tia, you are asking the wrong person. As someone who is buried in the dark, always locked in his shadow, I can teach you one thing, namely, avoiding the light and hiding in the shadow. Since I have never been out to the world of light, I don’t know a fundamental solution.
I don’t know how to free you from your shadow. Could you let me know if you figure it out someday? Can you tell me how to get out of this darkness and how to get out of this damn shade.
I see. You’re shining brightly, and you want to shine more brightly. As I was going after you, I had to be your shade all the time. I was your shadow.