Chapter 323
historical
Eventually, I was barely able to pull myself together after a long time. I felt bad about her who didn’t leave any comforting words for me, but I comforted myself by thinking that she didn’t say anything to me because she trusted me. I reached out my trembling hand and closed her eyelids, which she could not close because of her concern about her husband and daughter, then strained my wobbly legs after letting out the royal guards trying to support me.
When I came out into the hallway, reflecting on her last request, I heard a child’s laughter somewhere. When I slowly turned, I saw the girl smiling happily, holding a doll her size.
<Ugh? Your Majesty?>
Oh my, you are driving me nuts..!
I pushed the baby girl running toward me with a thrill. I took it out on this little girl.
My dear marquise, were you so worried because of this little girl, who was laughing happily without even knowing her mother’s death? Why did you not leave any comforting word for me who regarded you as my mother? Which part of her made you think she was more valuable and greater than me?
All the resentment of her that I had accumulated since childhood exploded at once. I turned, staring at the child coldly, who was starting to cry after falling on her buttocks. I hated everything about her, including her golden eyes that linked her to her mother by blood.
<As for Lady Monique, she’s only twelve, but she is so excellent! She is quite good at not only etiquette but also learning. Indeed, she is perfect to be the spouse of the great emperor.>
I stared at Duke Veritas who was turning after closing the book. I was sick and tired of people around me extolling Lady Monique everywhere.
What did he say? She is perfect to be the spouse of the great emperor? What the heck are you talking about? No matter how hard I try, I can’t be a great emperor like my father. Why don’t you install her as the emperor instead of me? It would be much more efficient than you guys struggling to teach me.
Gnashing my teeth, I took off my jacket and threw it away recklessly. The more I reflected on it, the more annoyed I was.
<Well, since I have no recollection of my mother, I have no inconveniences or something like that simply because she was not around me.>
At a banquet where I left after dancing to the first tune, I went to see Lady Monique, thinking I was too mean to her, but was shocked to hear her saying that.
What did you say? Nothing inconvenient or uncomfortable even when you had no mother?
I was so dumbfounded that I could hardly say anything.
Well, you might not know how much your mother loved you, and how worried she was about you enough, so much so that she could not close her eyes at the last moment of her life.
You never know because you lost any memories of her. You don’t know you actually denied your mother’s love as well as even me who craved for it so much.
<Child of Gods’ prophecy? Isn’t it a cunning trick? Well, there might be no other way than using that method in order to promote that girl mixed with a commoner’s blood as the crown prince’s wife.>
I was even more enraged when I heard that from Duke Jena.
After all, you and I have commoner’s blood, right? How come you behaved like an arrogant noblewoman when you were in the same position as me?
I kept laughing in spite of myself. The more I thought about her, the more outrageous I felt.
Then why did you take everything from me when you were not better than me at all?
I twisted my mouth hard. The reason I felt jealous about her but couldn’t hate her was because I thought she deserved everything because she was born as a daughter of a prestigious noble family, unlike me, who had a commoner’s blood.
What did he say? Commoner’s blood in you? If so, what qualifications did you have to take everything from me? Who do you think you are?
I breathed hard in a fit of anger, then paused to think for a moment. Then, was the marquise a commoner? There was no possibility that Marquis Monique himself was a commoner, given the family’s long history and tradition in the empire’s history.
I was shocked by the unexpected fact, but I felt a deep sense of guilt first.
What did I say now? Did I dare that a commoner’s blood was flowing in the marquise who I regarded as my mother?
My heart was heavy. I despised her so much because she denied her mother. Now, I was doing the same thing as her.
I was confused. I would insult the marquise if I got mad at you, saying you, too, had a commoner’s blood. At the same time I felt upset because you seemed to have taken everything from me, if I pretended not to know it and forget it for good.
With a growing sense of guilt, I got more and more angry. My anger grew strong, then turned into a greater sense of guilt before finally changing to hatred.
It’s all because of you. Without you, I had no reason to tremble in guilt, and I didn’t have to feel sad because I was not loved. I didn’t need to feel shame, reflecting on my weakness. So it’s all because of you. Because of you!
“There is the emperor there!”
“There will be big rewards for those who catch the emperor! You must catch him alive! ”
Suddenly, I heard someone’s shouting, which awakened my faint consciousness. In no time, I heard the sound of the horseshoes.
I felt the earl holding me, flinching at that noise. The moment I heard the sound of metal rattling, this time I saw something silvery shining in my blurred vision.
“We will stop them here. So, please leave now! ”
“That’s right. Shouldn’t we carry out his last order?”
“..Good. Let me leave the rest up to you. See you guys again in the next world.”
Someone hurriedly carried me on his back. A hot liquid spilled from my chest that was hit hard against the iron armor. Blood from my throat flowed out of my lips.
Breathing in the dense smell of blood that tickled my nose, I felt my body shaking when he moved. My eyes closed at the feeling of my body waving up and down like me riding a horse.
<Please drop me off. I can’t ride the horse any more..>
I heard a woman’s whining in my ears. Suddenly, a green forest appeared in my darkened vision. My favorite horse Knicks was walking slowly, waving its snow white mane. The white horse seemed relaxed at first glance, but in fact, it was on edge because of the woman who kept shaking her body on it.
Was she good at anything at all?
I slightly frowned, feeling irked by her all of a sudden. Horse riding was part of the basic course that any noble should learn, but why did she complain that she could not learn it?
I let out a sigh, looking at the woman whose face turned white as if she was going to pass out at any moment. Why did I think I loved this woman, who was clumsy in everything?
<Where am I now? Who are you?>
The way she treated me without reserve was unfamiliar to me. When everybody, accustomed to honoring me, felt uncomfortable with me, given my status, she didn’t care and readily approached me without any fear. Sandwiched between the emperor, already called the sacred emperor, and her daughter who was called an excellent spouse of the next emperor, I was always pressured to do better. In that respect, I felt pretty comfortable with this woman named Jiun. I didn’t need to be compared to anyone in front of her. I could exist alone as myself when I was with her.
<I want to go home. Please let me go.>
She missed her parents very much, which I felt very strange. While I was listening to her talking about her parents, I used to find myself comparing them with the emperor, the marquise and myself.
I felt happiness for a brief moment when I got carried away with the illusion that I was loved, then despaired, getting more angry about the cold reality facing me. The more I met Jiun, the more I was sick and tired of them who treated me only as their political successor or as their political partner.
<Why don’t you take that woman as your spouse?>