historical

If you enjoy music while you're reading, try "Weight of the World" by Citizen Soldier. It's what I was listening to while writing these scenes!

*****

GAR

Gar blew out a bitter breath. "So that's your answer, just wait and accept whatever comes?"

"Yes."

"That's bullshit," he spat.

"No, Gar, that's life. Accepting things you can't change is how you grow up. And trust me, war or not, you now have a tribe, and a mate. You're going to be growing up fast, whether you want to or not. And you have it in you, Gar. You've got what's needed, because this is what the Creator made you to do. So your choices are to fight what you were literally made to do, make yourself—and probably your mate—miserable in the process, and get nowhere, because you're fighting the inevitable. Or to decide to walk into whatever journey He's prepared for you.

"Elreth feels like this is all going to happen quickly, and I think she's right. I think pretty soon we won't have any choices at all," his father said, dropping his voice as if he didn't want to be overheard. "But no matter what comes, I just pray it will go smoothly and end in a safe Anima and a lifetime ahead for you and El. That's what's important to me. But if it doesn't.." he trailed off, frowning.

"What? What then?" Gar pressed.

His father sighed, then turned to look at him. "If this doesn't end well, I've been walking this journey long enough to know nothing I could have done would change that. So I'm better to take what I'm given and.. just face it."

Gar growled. "I can't. I don't see how I can ever willingly walk into a place where she's at risk."

"Accepting what you can't change doesn't mean inviting it, Gar," his father growled. "It means identifying what's out of your control and leaving that in the Creator's hands. The trick is in understanding what you can change. A lot more of this life is out of your hands than you want to think, trust me."

"But Rika—"

"Gar, I watched your mother almost die, more than once. Do you get that? I watched her be taken by an enemy, be taken away from me, and then be almost taken by my daughter. It broke me every time. Trust me, I get it. And I'm telling you, you can't avoid it. When those circumstances come they don't give you a choice. Don't waste time or energy resisting the only steps available to you."

His father had tears in his eyes. Ripping his gaze away, he turned back to the forest and took a deep breath.

Gar swallowed hard. "What did you do?"

His father sighed. "I broke.. and I prayed.. and the Creator glued me back together just enough to hold her when he glued her back together too, and here we are. Two beautiful children and their mates. We are.. so blessed. I am so grateful."

Then he smiled. "That's the thing, Gar. Gratitude. If you can't appreciate what you have today, while you have it, you'll only ever be worse off when something does go wrong. Joy isn't found in waiting for things to get better, it comes in appreciating what you have now. That way, when it's gone, you don't regret. Trust me, that's a loss of control that can kill you."

I'm grateful for you, Dad.

The words were there, in his head, on the tip of his tongue, the moment his father spoke. Like something within him shoveled them forward and demanded that he say them. And he fought it. He fought it because he was feeling vulnerable, and because there was still a part of him that was angry at his dad. And he fought it because he was a stubborn ass who didn't want to be told to do anything, even if it was a good thing.

But then he swallowed and blinked. Because this is what his dad was talking about, right? Growing up was about walking into what you had to do, not what you wanted.

"I'm.." he started, then swallowed. "I'm grateful for you, Dad."

His father stopped walking and gaped at him. Then, tears spilling down his cheeks, he grabbed Gar and pulled him into a hug, burying his face in Gar's shoulder.

"Thank you, Gar. I'm grateful for you too. I really am."

They stood there together for a long minute, Gar horrified to find his father's shoulders shaking, his breath catching. But then his own eyes pinched and he clung to his dad in a way he hadn't since he was a cub and hurt himself.

When they finally pulled apart minutes later, Gar didn't want to meet his eyes, but his father took hold of his shoulder and held him there.

"Never apologize for who you are, Gar. Never. Stop doubting yourself. I don't doubt you anymore. And I feel sick that I ever did. Your heart is bigger than the WildWood, and that's just.. it's just a beautiful thing. If your mate wants you to be you, you be you. You're a strong, dominant male and you know what to do with that. You know how to use your strength to help and heal instead of hurting, so do it!" he hissed emotionally. "Don't let the naysayers or the cynics tell you that you're broken. And don't let the critics tell you that you're inadequate, especially the ones in here." He tapped Gar's skull. "You walk out there and you face whatever's coming in exactly the way the Creator made you to. You're bold and hilarious and fucking strong. If the enemy shows up, you get in his face exactly like you used to get in mine and you defy him to beat you. Do you hear me?"

Gar nodded, swallowing the tears. He wouldn't break. He wouldn't. But fuck, those words.. they fed something inside him. As if he could see himself and admire himself from the outside. He wanted them to go on forever, and he wanted it to stop.

In the end, he just fell into his father's hug again and let the whispers wash over him.

You're a good male.

You have what this takes.

You will win.

Never give up.