ELRETHhistorical

Once they got inside, Elreth darted ahead of Aaryn to the kitchen to find a bowl and spoon and start making a tray. "Do you want to go check her while I get this stuff ready? I'll get her a drink too."

Aaryn shook his head. He just stood in the middle of the dining area, staring into the middle ground, his eyes filled with dread. Her heart throbbed.

"Don't worry, Aaryn, we'll figure it out," she said quietly, pouring a glass of water from the chillbox in the corner and putting it next to the bowl. "I know it's so hard, but you aren't ten anymore and this isn't.. it won't be the same. I'm here now."

Aaryn sighed and put the soup tureen down on the island in the kitchen. "I.. I need to talk to her."

"Do you want me to go? I was going to take the soup up, but—"

"No, El." He ran a hand through his hair then finally met her gaze. "I'm going to need to talk to Gwyn. Not now, but maybe tomorrow? She was.. I thought we had sorted it out. I thought she was good—and she was trying. But I could see it. Couldn't you see it? If she's going to be your Cohort—and I'm going to be your mate and your Cohort—she and I have to be able to sit in a room together without her looking at me like a pup that didn't get to share dessert."

Elreth put the glass down carefully on the tray and fiddled with the spoon. "Talk to her about what, though?"

"Make sure she understands. Make sure she isn't going to try to.. I don't know, get between us? And also.. make sure she's okay. She's been our friend for years. I know things have been tense for the past year or so, but.. she's miserable and it's partly my fault."

Elreth stared at him, her heart pounding. "Did you make her any promises?"

"No! I meant, it's partly my fault because I let it go there between us. I knew it was a bad idea. I was feeling bad about myself and she was there and.. it was just dumb. Honestly, I thought we'd laugh about it later. I didn't realize she had real feelings.."

Elreth turned away from him to find a ladle, then busied herself getting soup into the bowl. It was still steaming hot. The deep breaths she was taking pulled the rich, creamy scent of it into her nose and she tried to focus on that instead of the spear that was currently twisting in her gut.

Aaryn had mated with a lot of females.

He had also mated with Gwyn. Her friend. Her Cohort.

It had never really meant much to Elreth before. Until now. Until she realized just how.. intimate it was. That Gwyn knew the feel of Aaryn's skin, and his kiss..

Elreth shuddered. She knew he didn't feel for Gwyn—or any of them—the way he did for her. But it still.. "I think.. I think you need to talk to her when I'm not there, and I think you need to not tell me about it because whenever you do, I start getting images in my mind of her hands on you and.. and it just—"

"El, no," he said firmly, striding around the island to her side and pulling her into his arms. "No. Don't ever compare. Don't ever even think about things like that. Those other females.. it was nothing. That's why the whole thing makes me sick. I only ever went to them because I was miserable I couldn't have you and it felt like it would be a fun way to distract myself. Half of them didn't even want me, they just wanted to be with a disformed to see what it was like. Like I was some kind of.. I don't know, party trick?" he said the words with his nose wrinkled like he was scenting something rotten. "If you and I had done this sooner, I wouldn't have even looked at them, I swear."

"Oh, so it's my fault?"

He tipped his head. "No, El. That's not what I said, and you know it. I just meant.. they meant nothing. You mean something to me. You mean everything. Don't ever compare yourself to them, please."

She put a hand to his broad chest, letting herself feel the flat, warm strength of him. Then she nodded. "Okay."

"El, look at me."

"Aaryn, this isn't the time—"

"Look at me,"

When she raised her eyes, reluctantly, he was staring down at her, brow furrowed with worry. But with every word he spoke, her heart cracked open a little more.

"You're it for me. You always have been. The absolute call of my heart. El, watching you laugh makes me laugh. Watching you smile makes me smile. When you cry, I want to weep. It's like there's a piece of me that is literally attached to you and it will only ever go where you are. I can't do this life without you. You're everything. I mean it. Don't ever let yourself think that another female has my heart. It just isn't true."

She covered her mouth with her hands, half-embarrassed, half-wanting to weep. "I wish we didn't have to wait," she said and her voice cracked.

He pulled her into his chest, still marveling at the feel of having her under his hands, and he sighed. "Me too," he whispered into her hair, then kissed her temple. "But it's worth it so no one can make any claims about how we did this, or why. And once we walk the Flames and Smoke, we'll be together for the rest of our lives, El. Do you realize that? Every day. Every moment. You've got me."

"I know," she murmured, finally putting a hand to his shoulder. "You've got me too."

"Isn't that incredible?" he said, shaking his head. "Doesn't it blow your mind that a week ago we were just drifting and now.. now.."

"Now, you're my North," she said carefully. Aaryn sucked in a breath. "I realized it after we talked about your mom and all I wanted to do was hold you and find some way to make it better. Aaryn, I always thought that my purpose in this life was to be Queen—or at least try. I thought leading was what I was made for. But I was wrong."

"No, you weren't," he said fiercely, and she smiled, but she kept going.

"Yes, I was. Because I was made to be with you. Leading.. that's what I do. But leading without you next to me felt.. shaky. Fragile. I couldn't be sure of anything. Then.. then you! And now it's like I know exactly what I'm supposed to do. So, I'll fight, Aaryn. You can talk to Gwyn if you want. You can do whatever you need to do. But I will fight for you. I will not let anyone step between us. At all. No matter what. You have to know that."

He made a little whimper in his throat then kissed her, and for Elreth it felt like the world became very, very small.

Until a soft voice from the direction of the stairs said, "You two are so beautiful."

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