459 Do you even love me?

His response came naturally that it even surprised him. His adam’s apple rolled as he stared at Zi Han who had his head lowered. He lowered his head and after hesitating for a second he whispered into his ear.

“Please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it,” he said his tone like that of a man whispering into their lover’s ear to coax them.

Zi Han clenched his fists as a surge of emotion suddenly arose in him. He wanted to keep it inside but after the rollercoaster of emotions, he had been through he just couldn’t hold it.

He bit his lips tightly and tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn’t a crybaby but damn it, Yi Chen made him cry so much. The fact that he almost lost this man made him so sad that he couldn’t help but cry.

Yi Chen waited and waited but Zi Han didn’t say anything. Thinking he had pushed Zi Han too far he became very remorseful. He couldn’t remember how they used to get along before thus he could only follow his instincts. He caressed up Zi Han’s arm kneading and rubbing while apologizing, “I am sorry. I was wrong to push you. You can tell me when you are ready.”

He raised Zi Han’s chin trying to face him while apologizing but his body froze when he saw tears flowing down Zi Han’s face.

Yi Chen suddenly panicked. “No no no baby,” he whispered while cupping Zi Han’s face with both his palms. Zi Han lowered his head refusing to look at him but Yi Chen persisted. “Don’t... please don’t cry. I am sorry. I was wrong. You can scold and beat me just... just don’t cry,” he said his voice trembling with worry in his eyes.

He rubbed Zi Han’s tears away with his thumbs but Zi Han tried to pull his hand away. “You are a bastard you know that?” said Zi Han speaking out of his emotions at this point and Yi Chen could only agree with him. He preferred Zi Han scolded him rather than watching his lover cry.

“I know,” whispered Yi Chen with the tip of his nose resting on Zi Han’s forehead.

.....

“You know and you still do it?” said Zi Han still trying to move Yi Chen’s hand away. Yi Chen didn’t reply. He just felt a sharp ache in his heart like something was clawing at it.

“... I couldn’t sleep ever since you disappeared. I almost lost my fucking mind attempting something I have never done before. Your father was even threatening me but you forgot about me. You even pawn my ring,” he said his voice brittle.

He poked Yi Chen’s chest as he continued saying, “The ring I gave you... the ring I chose and you just gave it away like it was some worthless piece of trash. Do you even love me? Oh, that’s right... you forgot.”

Was he being unreasonable? Yes, most definitely. Was he being unfair? Probably. But he couldn’t help it. The accumulated feelings he had pent up for so long finally spewed out and he couldn’t stop.

Yi Chen’s heart ached so much that he couldn’t stand straight. His eyes glistened from the tears welling up within. He didn’t know what to say at this moment but he suddenly found himself on his knees his head resting on Zi Han’s abdomen.

Why did he pawn it? It wasn’t because Mi Mi convinced him. He did want to help the people who were sheltering him but that’s not why he did it. He did it because that was the most important thing he had on his person.

The contract with the pawn shop was a redeemable one which meant the owner wouldn’t sell it to anyone but he would use it as collateral and the money given to this family would be paid back with great interest.

This way Yi Chen could keep the ring safe. The pawn shop was the safest place in Kengston he had access to.

His ring had already attracted unwanted attention with some rich people asking him to sell it to them. When he refused one of the nobles who had never been refused anything in his life hired thugs to coerce him to hand it over. They even used Mi Mi to threaten him.

He handed it over to them but in the dead of night, he attacked those hooligans and took back what was his. The master who had hired them wasn’t spared either. He broke into the effluent bath house for the nobles and found the chubby man in a private room soaking in a warm pool by himself naked.

Yi Chen took the leather belt among the man’s neatly folded clothes and whipped him with that belt until he couldn’t get up anymore.

When Mi Mi suggested this to him he found out that there were two ways to get money from the pawn shop. Either one sells something to them or they take a loan and slowly redeem the item.

Because this had something to do with money, the shop owner would have the safest security in downtown Kengston.

He wanted to explain this to Zi Han but where to begin? Would his lover even believe him?

“I did it to keep it safe. He wasn’t meant to sell it,” said Yi Chen his head bowed unable to look his lover in the face.

Zi Han wiped the tears off his face with the back of his hand while saying, “But he sold it to me... what if someone else bought it. How would you find it then?”

Yi Chen raised his head slightly before saying, “He wouldn’t because I told him I would kill him.”

That was indeed the truth. The only reason Zi Han got it was because he was terrifying, he offered a huge sum of money and he asked for the ring specifically. The shop owner would happily point him out if Yi Chen ever came looking for it and he would let these two buddhas fight it out.

historical

Zi Han finally calmed down a little. He stroked the back of Yi Chen’s head before saying, “I am still upset about it but I can get over it. You just won’t get it back until you earn it.”

Yi Chen didn’t expect his lover to be this lenient. He thought for sure he would get dumped. If that happened then there was really no point in living. His heart was telling him that his entire existence revolved around this person and without him he would lose everything including his life.