181 Ch. 180: Disobedience

Empress Katya had to take a moment to compose her rushed breathing before she shooed away the frightened attendants that stood before one of the many rooms in her son’s private abode.

It had changed since the last time she saw it. There was a new painting in the hallway leading to this particular room and the running carpet she had specially selected years before was nowhere to be seen.

His apartments always seemed to be changing every time she saw them. Just like her son. A constant, shifting kaleidoscope of desires, but not a single one of them included the throne.

With her breath composed, Katya entered the room in the small, measured steps that did not ruffle her full skirt, just as she had been trained. Although her appearance was unbothered, her own heart was in turmoil.

The opposite could be said of her son. His shirt was untucked and his short, gold locks akimbo. It was clear that his thoughts had taken him far from his body.

“Julian,” she uttered. The empress entered the room close to the wall to her right, like a predator scouting the perimeter. Two cups of tea that were no longer steaming sat on a small table, the sole evidence that her husband’s bastard daughter had been there.

Her son was roused from his thoughts, blinking in surprise at the sight of Katya. It was indeed rare when she came to his abode, having sent him from her palace to live alone when he was young to build his character.

“Mother, I didn’t know you were coming,” Julian admitted. He wiped his mouth for nonexistent crumbs, only later to realize his unkempt appearance and show a modicum of embarrassment.

“There is no need to be ashamed, I have seen you in diapers,” the empress told him in a mellow voice.

.....

A distant look came upon Julian’s face as if he too could somehow relate to that sentiment. “Indeed that would be the case,” he murmured with a strange smile she could not decipher.

“What would be the purpose of your visit?” he asked as if he did not already know.

“You and your father’s other daughter, you two are friendly again?” she asked, taking a seat where Winter had sat a few minutes prior. The seat still held a hint of warmth and a faint scent of fresh flora.

Julian’s mouth twisted into a wry grin, one that Empress Katya had seen many a time on her own father. “I would not say that.”

“Then what is it you discussed?” Her instincts told her that the two of them would not meet for something as asinine as catching up on old times. Such casual interactions tended to run dry at an early age when one was born and raised in the seat of power that the imperial palace represented.

“..I cannot tell you.” His eyes twisted away and darkened as if recalling something unpleasant.

“Why?” Her tone was not forceful, but if those acquainted with the empress had heard it, they would’ve broken a sweat in terror. Empress Katya’s head gracefully leaned on one hand as her eyes pinned themselves onto her son, intent to catch any and every micro expression.

Julian was quite adept at hiding his thoughts and emotions. But naturally, she was better.

“Mother!” he yelled in frustration. “Can you please just- not- I mean-“. Julian stumbled over his words as he rose from his chair rather abruptly.

He looked over a shoulder, revealing a neck that was red with anxiety, a rare sight for the unflappable second-born prince.

Suspicion stirred in Katya’s belly. Perhaps she had left her son to his own devices for too long. Katya understood that pushing him towards an unwanted throne could often prove to be more detrimental than effective. She had almost naively hoped that a few years without her steering the wheel would help Julian realize that the best and only path before him led to him donning the Phoenix Throne and sitting upon the throne.

But alas, why did her son seem to wander off on a new path of his own making? And more importantly, why was he so hesitant to disclose any of it to her?

Katya sat upright, abandoning the relaxed image she had previously put forth. Although she was often quite soft for her children, she did have to remind them every now and then of the role they had to play within the imperial family. A little blood was a meager sacrifice to set them back onto the right path she had so diligently paved for them.

“The fine Ferghana you gave her, I heard one was given away.” The empress seemed to launch into a completely unrelated topic, but for Julian, it rang alarm bells.

“Yes,” he grunted.

“When one of her friends had tried to ride it, it nearly bucked the little girl off its back.”

Julian didn’t respond, but his narrowed eyes showed that he too was aware of the incident.

“What if next time, it is Winter on the back of that horse? And there is no stable boy at hand to assist?” the empress proposed casually.

The second prince knew his mother well enough to know a threat when he heard one.

“What?” Julian spat, turning to cast a disbelieving look at his mother whose arms were folded on her lap in an elegant manner and whose voice

“My son will not talk to me. I can only assume that someone led him astray,” Empress Katya dispassionately concluded.

The brother and half-sister were no longer close, something the empress was grateful for as she watched how Winter had quickly taken to Augustus’ side after fighting with Julian. But she knew that Julian did still somewhat care for Winter, at least enough to tell his mother what she wanted to know so she wouldn’t dispose of Winter so soon. In the future, of course, it would not be so easy to stop her.

Julian shook his head, letting out a humorless chuckle as he replied, “How can you say something like that?”

Empress Katya let out a long sigh. He was smart, but a touch too sensitive. “Don’t act like a child. You are no longer a boy.”

“I haven’t had my coming-of-age ceremony yet,” Julian sharply retorted.

“But you are of the age to do so.”

“Barely!”

“I can tell there is much I need to know of. You will tell me what I wish to know.” The ‘or else’ was loosely implied within her calm threat.

There was loud breathing in the room, Julian’s, as he pondered what to do. But he was indeed his mother’s son and sharper than most. As his breathing slowed and his rationale returned, an absolutely crazy notion occurred to him.

It started as a mere hunch on his end, the mildest of suspicions and the wildest of guesses. But Julian felt that his all-knowing mother could already be privy about what had become his greatest secret. He came close to his mother’s chair and knelt, so he could look at her properly with sorrowful eyes and said to her, “You know why I cannot.”

Then he sat back on his haunches and watched her digest them.

There was a flicker of confusion in Empress Katya’s mind before she began to categorically go through any and all options that could silence a prince of the Erudian empire so effectively.

In a way, it reminded her of a game she used to play with her long-dead sister as a wee child. Her older sister, by then skilled with a needle and thread, would begin to embroider a handkerchief with an image, and Katya’s job was to guess what it was before the image was complete. She never lost. And in the same manner, Katya was able to understand exactly what her son was referencing after several tense seconds.

For the first time in many, many years, Katya felt her stomach drop in fear.

“You-” she started to say, her voice nearly ricocheting out of her control. She reigned herself back in, but the seed of dismay in her belly had borne fruit. The empress looked down at her prince, the wonderful child she had paid such a high price for, and she couldn’t help but laugh and laugh and laugh. The sound tumbled from her mouth like pearls off a broken necklace.

“Mother?” Julian stared as if she had grown another head. In his entire life, he had never seen his mother display humor beyond a slight crook of her bow-shaped lips or covering the faintest of smiles behind a gloved hand. But just as quickly as the laughter started, it stopped.

“And so it goes,” Katya sighed to herself. She had intentionally turned a blind eye, allowing for The Order’s tendrils to grow and ensnare the capital further. If she had known that one of them was wrapped around her son’s neck, she would not have been so lenient.

“This is what you’ve occupied yourself with these past few years? I leave you to your devices and this is what you amount to?” The empress’ disappointed gaze sent a shiver down Julian’s spine, particularly after his mother’s brief, unhinged reaction.

She was indeed disappointed, not with his knowledge of the shadowy group, but his overinvolvement. It would not do for a future emperor to be bound by such a poisonous oath that could take his life. Her fear was gone, all that was left was the cold calculation that had never failed her as she pondered what her son’s next steps should be.

“How does it serve you? What have I always told you, Julian? Never do anything that doesn’t serve you or your interests,” Katya repeated one of the few, critical life lessons she had thought she had successfully drilled into her sharp son, a son that seemed to grow duller with age, rather than wiser.

“You mean, your interests, Mother,” Julian coldly corrected. He pointed his finger in the general direction of the central palace, where Winter had disappeared back to. “In seeing me sit upon a throne I’ve told you time and time again I do not desire.”

The culmination of her life’s efforts stubbornly said such words to his mother’s face. She had heard those words all his life, except this time his voice held the deep timber of a boy newly anointed to manhood and lavishing in the taste of youthful rebellion. It signaled to the empress that perhaps, Julian truly did mean those words after all.

A more emotional person would have cried or yelled at this realization. But Katya recognized that neither would procure an optimal outcome. She could now see the image in the embroidery now, a way that allowed her son’s wayward path to merge with her desired one.

“Did you tell her? Did you tell her about your new commitment?” Katya cleverly circled back to her original question, the reason why she had even made the journey out of Sunrise Palace.

Brief panic flashed through Julian’s eyes. “You know I physically cannot.”

And there it was. A mistake. Katya’s son, who usually chose his words with greater care than the palace chefs chose their ingredients, had said one word he should not have.

Physically.

So it seemed Julian had divulged The Order’s existence to some extent, but in a roundabout way that would not get him punished by the rules of the cursed oath he was forced to take. However, his emotions were high and he had not noticed his own error. As a result, Katya decided to play the role of a good mother and not embarrass her child over his youthful mistakes. Instead, she would silently clean up his mess for him.

One day, Julian would thank her.

“You joined The Order for power.” Katya quit pressing him on the matter regarding Winter, as she had already gotten the answer she desired.

Julian jumped at her speaking its name aloud. “H-How can you-?”

“We are both inducted and bound by oath. As such, we may discuss The Order freely,” she patiently explained.

“The... Order...” Julian whispered, one hand over his mouth as if he could hold in words that had already been uttered. With Katya’s explanation being proven right, Julian did not hesitate to fire back at her.

“No, I did not. I joined for knowledge. I joined for magic. I left behind the trappings of power long ago. It has never brought me happiness.”

There it was, the strange sorrow that occasionally punctuated the air when Julian spoke. She did not know where it stemmed from and always passed it off as one of her son’s quirks. But his emotional moment was a good chance for her to take hold of his hand.

Julian’s hand was large, a great deal larger than Katya’s, and lightly covered in the blond hair he had inherited from her. How quickly he had grown.

“You speak like an old soul sometimes,” she lovingly chided. “But you are young and have much to learn. When you are born into a family such as this, there is no choice. You will see, in good time. I will make you see.” historical

Empress Katya could still feel the wall of resistance her son put up to her words, but it was thinner than it was before. She would knock it down if it was the last thing she did. Somehow, Katya would make him understand that under her guidance, she would help him attain everything he had ever desired and more. But today’s disobedience would never be tolerated again, even if he was her beloved child.

However on the outside, she treated Julian to one of her rare smiles. “Come. There is someone you must meet.”