Chapter 62: Born A Monster, Chapter 62 – Rube

Born A Monster

Chapter 62

Rube

“Ask me your questions, I’ll tell you no lies.”

“Okay, if you were to rob this house right here, how would you do it?”

“Second story veranda.” I said without pausing. “Find the one most used, that’s likely the one without an alarm spell on it. On a hot summer night like this, you might even find open windows.”

Phoenix nodded, “Not bad for a rube. You can at least think like we do. Okay, second question. If we were robbing this house, here, tonight, how would we go about it?”

.....

“You’d want to leave fake signs of someone climbing to a window or veranda, to throw suspicion on outsiders. You’d want to target small, easily concealed items.”

“And ignore our inventories?” asked Kyle.

“Some classes can see and access items in your inventory. Some of those classes are held by people with other professions, such as guardsmen.”

Kyle leaned back, put his booted feet onto the table.

“Really, Kyle? One question?” Peretta asked.

“I like his answer.” Kyle said.

Phoenix held two fingers up to her lips. “Okay, gold ring question. How do we get out of the city?”

I pulled up the maps, both of the city and of the Uruk territories. “Barracks for troops are here and here. We follow this street, then turn here. The guards miss us by a block as we go to the gate.”

“And what if they reinforce the gate instead of going to aid their leader?” asked Peretta.

“Then we need to hide in one of these buildings, in this area here, and wait until the gates aren’t so well guarded. The people owning these houses have mostly been killed off.”

“Once out of the town, we head northeast. This series of villages are loyal to the Black Fist, not the Red Tide. We head northward, turn here, at the Graveyard of Hattan. Once we make it back to Narrow Valley, we’re as safe as we’re going to get.”

Phoenix blinked. “It’s good, military thinking.”

“Thank you.”

“Which is why it’s totally buggered in real life.” Kyle said.

“If you can present a better plan, I’m willing to listen.”

Phoenix shook her head. “It’s near two weeks of wilderness travel. Rough wilderness travel, at that. And, if they pursue us, we’ll need to be travelling light.”

“Not to mention,” Kyle said, “We’d need to go in early, find the landmarks, get a look inside the temple. Troops tend to do things like loot for themselves. And there’s an awful lot more troops involved in this than I’d personally like.”

“Yeah.” Peretta said. “This looks remarkably like one of our Escape from Whitehill scenarios. Without anything resembling our normal friends and contacts. But... golden dragon statue?”

“Peretta, no.” said Phoenix.

“With emerald chips for eyes. About so large...”

#

“No.” Phoenix repeated. “Another year, possibly two, and you’ll be able to commission your own dragon.”

“Does it face to the left?”

“One third to the right, and slightly up, like so.” I positioned my hands to show.

“Oh.” Peretta said. “No, that won’t work at all, then.”

Phoenix sighed. “Thank you.”

Kyle waggled his feet back and forth. “We’d need at least a month of planning.”

“You are correct, I could only give you six weeks, and then only if you were to leave now.”

Peretta pursed her mouth. “It’s not as if we have a plan to get into the town.”

I shrugged. “It’s not as if we’ve got someone downstairs who wants to be a diplomat, and you could go as part of the staff.”

Phoenix sat down in a chair. Not quite as nimble as Adara. “We’d be known to the diplomat. We’d never be able to work as criminals again.”

“Pity that Whitehill has no master of spies.”

Kyle snorted. “Father? What does he have... no. You’re not seriously suggesting we go officially as spies? Ugh. No, I might make my father PROUD of me. Too much risk.”

Peretta threw a cork coaster at him. “We stick together, we’ll be okay. Someone told me that.”

“Someone was clearly suffering a temporary bout of madness.”

Phoenix smiled, but didn’t say anything. Not all truths need to be spoken.

There was a knock at the door. Katherine moved to answer it. “Yes?”

“The food is ready, ma’am. The hostess thought you might wish to partake.”

“Kyle, Peretta, first shift. I want to talk to the snake and Katherine alone.”

She tapped a spot in the map. “This looks like a fountain.”

I described it for her, as well as the other fountain. “And did you notice anything that might be a bath-house?”

“Not that I recall.” I said.

“Revisit it in dreams.” Said Blacksnake. “It might.”

I grumbled. So much of my memories of that place were bathed in blood...

Katherine casually leaned over and slammed a fist down on my head hard enough to compress my spine.

“This is the point in the conversation where you stop asking and give a little.”

“An hour’s nap should reveal any memories currently hidden to protect me from – other things I saw while there. What else should I look for?”

I identified three structures I thought were inns, and the local street of smiths. There were features mundane and bizarre. I went into the Lucid Dream with a System list, and returned with answers.

And then it was my turn to take a plate through the buffet. The servings were small, as were the plates. Clearly, this was meant merely to dull hunger, not to actually feed anyone. I’d need to eat again once I got back to town.

I was looking for a place to sit, when one of the children waved me over.

She was waiting to intercept me. “Mister Rhishisikk, my husband would like to speak to you in one of the smoking rooms.”

I blinked at her. “I suppose I could spare a few minutes.”

She looked down her nose at me. “Excellent. This way.”

The resemblance was uncanny.

“Little kobold, we will discuss what exactly you think you’re getting my son and his accomplices into.”

Missus Oriestes-son closed the door behind us.

#

She leaned back against the doors, folded her arms, and invoked. “Spirits of the divine, hear me and serve my will! I am Athena Oriestes, blood of heroes, and daughter of Poseidon. Compel all present to speak no falsehood. Aura of Truth!”

The room was bathed in a cascade of blue sparks, fading from view, but leaving behind an aura of peace.

I speared a piece of buttered broccoli, which I had thought was out of season. “My name is Rhishisikk, and I am a Truthspeaker bound to the service of the Guild of Guardsmen, Porters, Drovers, and Linkboys in Narrow Valley. Ask me your questions, I’ll tell you no lies.”

“Why are you here in Whitehill?”

“I am engaged in an effort to dethrone Rakkal, tyrant of the Red Tide and ruler of Montu’s Glory, to the effect of striking a treaty between the Black Fist clan of Uruk and the city council of Narrow Valley.”

He blinked. “Begin at the beginning. This sounds like a story I very much want to hear every part of.”

Before it was over, we had to adjourn to the stables so that I could eat a bale of hay.

“Where are you putting all of that?” he asked, while I was between swallows.

“Into my stomach.”

“Impossible. You’ve consumed more volume than you could possibly hold and still have internal organs.”

“I can see in my System where my stomach contents are, it’s not even half full.”

He sent a party invite. “Show me.”

And after “That is amazing. How did you unlock that?”

“It happened when I was born. It’s always been part of my Omnivore cultivation method.”

“Your what?”

.....

So I had to show him that, too.

“Rhishisikk, you are vastly underemployed. Have you ever considered becoming a professional spy?”

I waved a hand in dismissal. “I owe far too much to the Guild to buy my way free.”

“How much, exactly?”

And THAT was answered, and needed to be explained.

“You DO realize that you are a slave in all but name? Even if you leave the Guild when your indenture ends, by then you’ll owe so much that you’ll never actually be free?”

“I suppose I’m just trying to survive until then. But even if you were to purchase me from the Guild, I would still be bound by other oaths to see this quest through.”

“You will promise me not to involve my son in this madness further.”

“Your son is free to make his own decisions.”

“You will promise not to involve my son further, and you will live to see the dawn.”

I sighed. I pulled the morning star out of my inventory, tossed it at his feet. “That is the weapon of the last person who tried to kill me. Send someone competent, at least.”

He smiled. “If you survive this foolishness of yours, there is a job for you in my organization. You would be well advised to see that my son is kept from danger.”

#

historical

The dance was over, and perhaps a quarter of the guests remained, talking to each other in small groups. In the upstairs parlor, only Black Snake remained.

“It’s not my fault!” she said. “They tricked me into talking!”

I chuckled. “Would you like to go back to the inn, Black Snake?”

“Let us discuss terms for the contract.”

If you are still alive, thank you for briefing her on how to argue her contract terms so well. A bargain was struck on the way back toward town, and I can honestly say that I may have gotten the worst part of it. I had a Spirit Pact, and no guilt over having manipulated someone so vastly my mental inferior.

She was learning quickly, much faster than I myself had.

The night shift guards only exacted double the normal toll to cross back into town, and I made it back to the Knight Rampant in time for breakfast.

Katherine, Evylina, and a passel of hungry kids were there waiting for me.

“You’re paying for breakfast.” Katherine explained. “And giving me the same payment as when we first met. And a shiny silver for each of the kids, to pay for a new toy for each of them.”

“I have been talking all night. I just want to collapse into bed.” I envied Black Snake, already comfortably asleep in her canteen.

But I did pay the coins, all of them.

It was after Evylina took all the kids out to buy their toys that Katherine spoke. “I’m coming with you as well.” She said.

Huh? As well? “As well as whom, exactly?”

“The crew. Missus Oriestes showed up about the time we figured you’d choked to death on a brussels sprout. She listed their crimes, and offered them clemency if they got your heroes into the citadel. You’ll need to sleep with your eyes open, they’re not exactly happy about the arrangement.”

“I-” My vocal cords locked down. “I guess I must be to blame for that, since I cannot swear to my innocence.”

“Good. And now is when you ask why I’m going along as well.”

“Because your children’s lives are at risk if the army of the Red Tide takes Whitehill.”

“What? Hell, no. That’s my incentive to brush up on my Furdish and move east. Guess who’s joining your cadre of heroes? Geralt the Blade.”

“I must be tired. Who-”

“Geralt the Blade is the premier duelist of Whitehill. Some say he is also the Masked Death, the city’s premier assassin. The chance to train knifeplay with him? Even for a week? I’ve died and somehow conned my way into heaven!”

“You are overly enthused of the concept.”

“Come on, we’re to meet him at the street of smiths.”

I blinked, set my System to ignore last night’s sleep. “Why?”

“He’s going to help us choose weapons.”

#