Chapter 303

Noble ladies did not raise their own children, however, this didn’t mean they could be completely absent. Even with the wetnurse present, children often asked for their mothers. This was why Poliana was not free to leave as she pleased. She needed to remain physically close to Gerald at all times.

Feeding the baby every hour was a tiring business, but a baby required to eat this much to survive. Poliana understood it and took it as her duty, but other than feeding, she didn’t spend any effort or time on her baby.

Lucius the First quickly noticed how nonchalant and uncaring Poliana acted around Gerald. Those working for her thought this was normal since Poliana was a very important noble lady, but the emperor was sad to see this. He watched Poliana feed Gerald carefully. She made sure the baby was comfortable, but clearly, there was no deep love from her towards Gerald.

“Sir Pol, you aren’t happy about the birth of Gerald, are you?”

This shouldn’t have been a surprise. After all, Gerald was an accident. In addition, this newborn was about to force Poliana to lose everything she accomplished in her life.

Lucius the First asked, “But you like children, Pol.”

“I do, I like watching them and I like holding them too.”

Poliana was often seen holding and hugging Princess Luminae happily. She also sent carriages after carriages of presents to Vaxi and Vanessa’s babies. Poliana was known to be very generous and kind to everyone’s children. However, it seemed that she didn’t have any love for her own son.

If Poliana considered Gerald the emperor’s son rather than her own, she should’ve treated him affectionately, just like she did with Princess Luminae. The fact that Poliana seemed awkward and unhappy about Gerald meant that she must acknowledge him as her own. This was what confused Lucius the First.

“Don’t you think he is adorable?”historical

“Yes, he is very pretty. At first, I was unhappy that he looked too much like you, your highness, but now, it’s nice to see what a cute baby he is.”

“Then why do you look so indifferent? You are such a cute lady and it is not nice to see that you look offended by our son.”

Poliana coughed and sputtered, “Your highness.. You really need to get your eyes checked by the doctor, you aren’t seeing things clearly.”

“Why do you keep saying that? I’m telling you that you are very cute. I’m being honest and that is why I don’t tell you that you are pretty, right? You may not be conventionally pretty, but you are adorable, so stop arguing with me.”

When Gerald was finished eating, Poliana put him against her and began to pat his back gently to make him burp. If she was successful in making him burp, she would be free for the next hour. If she wasn’t, then he would need to feed some more.

He was the child she carried for the past 10 months. For the first few months of her pregnancy, Poliana was resentful that the baby survived. During the last few months, she was fearful that she might not survive childbirth. Holding the warm baby in her arms, Poliana thought quietly about her situation. This little creature was so light in her arms, but when he was inside of her, it felt like she was carrying a giant rock. Every time her stomach got bigger.. Every time the baby kicked inside of her.. Poliana felt fearful rather than excited. She knew people wouldn’t understand how she felt, so she never voiced them.

But now, in front of the emperor, Poliana gave him her honesty.

“My own mother died after giving birth to me. Lady Rebecca also died from her pregnancy. I was afraid before giving birth to him because I thought I might die. After his birth, I knew I could not escape this situation, and this made me feel desperate. So far, nothing good came out of him, and that is why I feel this way. I apologize for being such an ungrateful woman.”

Once the baby was born, he made Poliana a prisoner. This was how Poliana felt. She did feel guilty for thinking this way about Gerald, but she still felt justified since she was a nobleman. A child grew up fine without love. For example, Poliana grew up without an ounce of love from her parents, but she ended up becoming this kingdom’s greatest marques.

“Your highness, a child can grow up fine without love or affection.”

Lucius the First couldn’t hide his bitterness at Poliana’s words. It wasn’t that her logic was inaccurate. In fact, most aristocrats felt this way. There were actually some who, thinking too much love can poison and spoil children, sent their children away to be raised separately.

Poliana continued, “So, your highness.. I have been thinking.”

She admitted that they had no choice but to get married since they now had a son together. However, what if they got married, make Gerald a legitimate son of the emperor, then get divorced!

Lucius the First grabbed his forehead and replied, “Marquess Winter, it sounds like you haven’t heard a word I said. Did you not hear it when I confessed my love for you?”

“To be honest, your highness, I cannot believe what you told me about yesterday. I thought that maybe you were just lying to make me feel better.”

It would look and sound better for the emperor and Poliana to get married because they were “in love” rather than solely because of their son. If and when Poliana marries the emperor, people were going to talk no matter what. If she married him just because she had the emperor’s son, people were going to say that she was a loose woman. If she married him “for love,” then people were going to see her as a woman who couldn’t control her emotions. To the public, the latter woman would be treated kindly. In fact, some might see it as the greatest love story of the century.

A woman of unfortunate and harsh past becoming the only knightess in the kingdom and falling in love with the emperor.. She might even become an empress beloved by the kingdom.

Only

‘Dammit.’

Poliana wanted to cry again. Becoming a beloved empress was not what she wanted. She did not want to give up her current position. Poliana didn’t care if people didn’t understand. Some believed she was not ambitious enough, but the truth was, she loved power. She didn’t want to give up everything she accomplished so far.

Poliana knew her suggestion wasn’t going to work, but she still asked again, “Couldn’t I just send Gerald to you, your highness?”

The woman he loved the most in this world.. This woman didn’t want to marry him. Poliana may have gladly died for him, but she desperately did not want to marry Lucius the First. He couldn’t blame her, however, since although he would gain great happiness and lose nothing from this marriage, Poliana would end up losing everything.

“Pol, listen to me. The position of an empress wouldn’t be a demotion to your current status as the marquess. We can just ignore what people say. Besides, not everyone will badmouth you. You may not like it, but we can’t change what already happened, so we need to think positively. I swear to you, I will make sure you don’t have to give up everything.”

It was easy for him to say they should think positively. If the emperor truly loved Poliana, that Lucius the first was going to gain everything from this marriage. The woman he loved and an heir. Poliana, who was going to lose so much, could not be optimistic about the future.

But Lucius the First was her emperor and her savior. He was her life and her everything. Poliana nodded reluctantly in the end. Lucius the First, who knew she still did not want the marriage, could only give her a bitter smile.