Chapter 1

Oh, shit. I’m late!

As soon as I got home, I rushed into the room and turned on the radio. When I adjusted the frequency, for a while, I heard the buzzing noise, and shortly after, a sound with a loud laugh came out. Listening to the sound, I sat down in a chair and took off my coat.

– Oh, Mr Seon-jae also joined the company with In-hyuk. When was the most challenging moment for you as a trainee?

I turned up the volume of the radio without taking off my socks. It was time for Seon-jae’s voice to come out.

– Ah.... I..um.

In the wavering voice, which doesn’t seem to remember well, Baek In-hyuk’s voice interceded.

– You remember about the Gamgam bridge.

– Oh, right! I lost my wallet that day. I finished practice early in the morning, but when I opened my bag, my wallet was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t have any money on hand, and I couldn’t call home because it was too late at night. So I had to walk. It took me near two hours walking from work to home. It took a while. All the bad things came at once. I couldn’t listen to music because my cell phone ran out of battery. It was winter at that time, but unfortunately, I put on slippers that day, and my toes froze.

I burst into laughter when I heard that his toes were frozen.

– As I passed the Gamgam Bridge, the lights of the buildings reflected in the Han River looked sad.

– Seon-jae probably cried that day.

– No, I didn’t cry.

– Then did you cry in your heart?

Baek In-hyuk and the other members laughed at the playful Seo Yoon-jae’s question. Everyone was laughing, but I was a little depressed.

This is because I couldn’t hear Seon-jae’s laughter. It was a pity that I could not see Seon-jae’s face because it was not a visible radio, but on the other hand, I felt fortunate that I could not check his sad face.

It has already been two years since Seon-jae joined the Potato Pancakes. However, fans still hated Seon-jae. They left comments on various sites and dug up a Twitter account to hunt Seon-jae.

Seon-jae couldn’t help but notice that fans weren’t delighted with him entering the group and that they even curse himself for it. Some fans shouted aloud in public broadcasts and fan signing events and,

Offensive words such as ‘Ryu Seon-jae, get out!’ ‘Ryu Seon-jae, get out!’ could be heard.

Seon-jae’s face, which had been working hard with a big smile, looked exhausted recently. The deputy accounts, who claim themselves ‘Potato Combat Machines,’ wrote speculative articles about Seon-jae’s expression these days and that they might leave him out of the next album.

[I love you, Seon-jae. Beautiful you.]

I left a comment on the Potato Pancakes Instagram, where Seon-jae’s photo was posted.

Of course, it was my second account. A private account that has no followers and only following Potato Pancakes Instagram.

I ‘liked’ the picture of Seon-jae. With the feeling that I want you to know that there are so many people who like you out here.

***

At dawn, I opened my eyes with a frown on the vibrations that rang continuously. I felt my hand and picked up my cell phone and checked the cause of the vibration. It was Hyun-joo’s message.historical

[Shocked.]

[Awesome.]

[For real?]

[Really?]

[Is it true?]

[Wow. What’s going on?]

Even if I didn’t know what was going on, I was anxious. I hastily closed the message window and opened the Internet window.

<Breaking News> Ryu Seon-jae, a member of the Idol group, ‘Potato Pancakes’, is dead!

Ryu Seon-jae, a member of the Idol group ‘Potato Pancakes’, died of severe drug addiction in the early morning of the 30th.

Earlier, a media outlet reported that Ryu Seon-jae was found collapsed down at a hotel in Jung-gu, Seoul, at around 6:30 a.m. on the 30th. He was taken to a hospital but was confirmed dead.

<Breaking News> Ryu Seon-jae’s agency declared that rumors about Ryu Seon-jae, who died because of an overdose of drugs, are ‘Groundless rumors’.

Actually, he was suffering from insomnia and had been prescribed sleeping pills for a long time. However, the agency said it was ‘groundless’ about a speculative article that estimated his cause of death as a drug overdose.

On the night of the 28th, in Baek In-hyuk’s V Live, a member of his team, said, ‘Seon-jae is sick from a cold these days,’ raising speculation that he died of shock by taking sleeping pills and other drugs together.

My heart was pounding, and my hands were shaking. I sat up on my bed and searched for three letters ‘Ryu Seon-jae’ on a portal site. My heart was beating like it was going to burst, and tears sprang up. Unbelievable articles with the title breaking news were pouring out.

Tears fell over the screen, and my vision dimmed. Without even thinking about wiping my tears with the back of my hand, I pressed the dislike button and commented on malicious comments. Jerks! What kind of trouble did my Seon-jae have? What did Seon-jae do wrong?

Feeling my world had collapsed, I wrote a lot of abusive comments to the unpleasant articles that mentioned Seon-jae. Eventually, Twitter’s deputy accounts blocked me and kicked me out of the fan cafe.

Why are you blocking me?

A man is dead.

How can you do this?

I looked at Seon-jae’s poster on the wall, thinking my world was turning upside down. The tears continued to flow endlessly, so I wondered how much pumping was done in the tear glands.

“No way.”

While looking at the picture of Seon-jae closing his eyes in a reed forest, I leaned my upper body on my bed remembering him and cried out loud.

Only

***

Due to the agency’s official announcement, Seon-jae’s cause of death was revealed. It was a shock caused by taking cold medicine and sleeping pills at the same time. More than the agency’s announcement, the article written by the reporter was more detailed. It was like he was writing a novel. He described it in detail as if he had watched Seon-jae’s last night before he died.

Ryu Seon-jae, who had suffered from a sudden loss of energy because of cold and flu, had dinner and went out to his hotel room. As soon as he entered the room, he took a shower. Because he disliked the texture of his shower gown, he wore a large hoodie and shorts, put a cold medicine in his mouth that he bought at a pharmacy, and drank a bottle of potion. Then he poured five sleeping pills into his mouth, which were prescribed to fall asleep immediately. This was the last appearance of 23-year-old Ryu Seon-jae.

The article’s comments were filled with criticisms such as ’Did you see it, reporter?’. Some commented sarcastically and ridiculously, saying, ‘He didn’t like hotel gowns’. Seon-jae’s fans knew that Seon-jae didn’t like to wear the hotel shower gown. This was because he often mentioned through V Live that his skin was sensitive and his hives were getting higher.

– This station is City Hall, City Hall station. The exit door is on the left. For customers who want to go to Cheonan or Soyosan in Incheon, please transfer to Line 1 at this station.

I covered my face with a scarf and bowed my head. My shoulders were shaking because I kept crying. Thinking that I had read an article about Seon-jae in the subway, I put my cell phone in my pocket.

I closed my eyes tight, which were swollen as a result of crying all night long. Tears dripped down and soaked my scarf.