“If you follow these easy-peasy rules, you’re almost sure, no, you’re ABSOLUTELY GUARATEED to make at least one Human woman fall for you!”

“Keep yourself clean, smell nice, stand up straight, be cool and aloof and talk..”

After finishing up in the bath, Bash was sitting on the edge of the bed, counting on his fingers while dwelling on the rules that Zell had just taught him.

He was completely determined – utterly dead serious about his endeavors.

Back in the war, if he was ever asked to come reinforce a position or to come aid in a battle, he would rush over no matter what – even if he hadn’t slept for three days and three nights.

At this moment, he expressed that same level of diligence. He sat and listened unquestionably to the na?ve Faerie’s teachings.

“..”

Suddenly, Bash froze up, his expression hardening.

His keen sense of hearing had picked up a strange sound coming from outside their room.

Straining his ears, he noticed that it was getting closer and closer.

“Well, looks like I’m not the only one eager to hear your advice. We’ve got ourselves an audience.”

Zell was totally shocked, seeing Bash draw his humongous sword out of its scabbard on his back.

“What?! What’s happening? Are we getting attacked? Are you attacking someone?!”

Zell panicked, hurriedly pulling out a staff the size of a toothpick from her waist.”

And that’s when she also noticed.

The grating sound of metal-on-metal and the creaking of the floorboards from heavy footsteps was audible from all around them.

They were completely surrounded.

How could they have been thoroughly encircled and not notice?

“Soundproofing magic..”

Recalling the familiar magic, Bash’s level of vigilance went through the roof. It was often used during Human ambushes to hide their presence.

Soundproofing magic quite literally muffled all sounds originating from those it was casted on.

However, it had a limited range of effect.

It only decreased, not eliminated noise. If the user got too close, the other party would be able to pick up the sounds.

This particular type of magic was frequently employed by Human heavy infantry forces, which were equipped with full body plate armor.

By the time your ears picked up on their presence, they were either messing up and getting too close, or their encirclement was set up and they were closing in..

In this case, it was likely the latter, given the attacker’s level of coordination.

“Mister, what should we do? If you want to kill everyone, it’d be better to start from those on the window side and then go around the entrance to get those by the door. I’m not sure what you think our next move should be, but if there’s only this many of them, we’ve got some leeway.”

Zell calmly made her assessment.

Despite her youthful and cute appearance, this Faerie was a true, experienced veteran.

She was able to instantly see through the enemy’s formation and determine which direction would be easier to attack from.

Bash and Zell have been cooperating for a long time.

During the war, they had broken out of ambushes magnitudes more threatening than this one.

If you truly wanted to kill Bash, you’d need a hundred times more men than this paltry attack.

This was a challenge he could easily take on.

But Bash shook his head.

“You’re not here to kill me, are you? Let’s hear what you have to say.”

Announcing himself loudly, he let go of his greatsword.

He wasn’t aware of why they were here to get him, but he did know that he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Uh.. I think they’re just going to give you a hard time for being an Orc and run you out of town. You’re probably an eyesore to them.”

“Even so.”

In any case, he couldn’t just start swinging without beforehand identifying his opponents and figuring out their objectives.

Bash was an Orcish hero.

If he were to kill a human soldier, it would become an issue of national security and would involve the Orc’s Country.

He had set out on this journey out of shame.

He didn’t want to cause any more trouble for his homeland.

As he was mulling over the potential ramifications of him murdering a foreign assailant, the door to his room was kicked in, swinging wildly on its hinges.

“Nobody move! Especially you, Orc!”

Three individuals barged into the room.

Two of them were equipped with simple, basic equipment, while the third wore a much more ornate set of armor, complete with a full-faced helmet decorated with a crest.

From his long years of experience on the battlefield, Bash recognized the crested helmet as the symbol of knighthood.

Furthermore, he knew that a Human knight was the equivalent of an Orc warrior chief.

In other words, this knight was this group’s leader.

“I’ve already stopped moving. What do you want, human?”

“Hmph!”

The knight took a few steps towards Bash and pulled off their helmet, revealing the face underneath.

The knight turned out to a beautiful girl, her shiny, platinum blonde hair tied up in a ponytail.

The moment Bash laid his eyes on her, something sparked inside of his mind.

A sweet, yet sour, but very, very pleasant sensation took over his brain.

[She’s.. so pretty..]

Sharp dignified furrowed eyebrows, soft pink lips pursed in frustration, downwards slanted eyes that seemed a little out of place, clear pale skin..

Her body was hidden behind her armor, but it was obvious from the way she carried herself that it was well-built, toned, and strong.

She was several tiers above the women he had come across in the forest and the one he had tried to approach in the street,

The thought of potentially mating with such a wonderful woman, to see her in the nude, to have her bear his children, sent a surge of erotic lightning through Bash’s whole body, starting from his brain..

..and ending at his crotch.

But thanks to his sturdy leather underwear, nobody noticed his.. stiffness.

Completely unaware of Bash’s current mental state, she glared at him and shouted:

“We’ve received a report of an Orcish attack on a nearby carriage! You’re the culprit!”

“I’m sorry..” Zell whispered to him, but Bash couldn’t care less about what the Faerie had to say right now. All he wanted at this moment in time was to earn this pretty knight’s favor. He wanted her to like him – to fall in love with him.

This was the first time Bash had encountered a truly beautiful woman ever since he had left Orc Country. If his compatriots back home were to discuss among themselves about what kind of woman they would ideally like as a wife, she would assuredly be nominated.

As a virgin, there was no way Bash wouldn’t be excited.

In his mind, marriage was already on the horizon.

They would have at least three children.

He recalled that the Elves had a secret method to breed non-orcs even if the conception was due to mating with an Orc. He’d be happy with a single human child.

However, all of them should preferably be male.

The first child would be named after him – Ash, inspired by his own. And he would take him under his wing and teach him how to fight, and how to hunt, and..

“Hey! What’s wrong?! Answer me!”

The knight’s voice expelled Bash from his dream world, scattering his delusions.

Now back to reality, he Bash assessed the situation and considered his options.

To begin, he couldn’t just ask her to be his wife. He would be turned down. Zell had taught him this earlier.

So, what should he do?

At times like this, he had to be careful and first look at her left hand.

If there was a ring on her ring finger, she was already married and couldn’t be his.

“..”

The female knight wore a pair of gauntlets that entirely covered both her hands. Even while straining his eyes to the peak of his ability, Bash couldn’t discern whether she had a ring or not.

“..Hmm.”

Unable to put Zell’s teachings into practice, Bash stopped, a little disconcerted.

But he wouldn’t let this stop him. He was a Hero.

There were a lot of things in this world that couldn’t be overcome with brute force alone.

Like the time he fought the Behemoth, the Beasts’ message carrier. Their battle lasted just over fifteen hours, from the break of dawn till the fall of night.

Sometimes, just like that fight, it was better to implement a long-term solution. Bash didn’t need to woo the knight right then and there. He would bide his time.

“Hey, answer me! You’re getting on my nerves you Orcish freak!”

“I apologize.. I did come across the carriage and its passengers, but I wasn’t the one who attacked it. I called out to them, but they ran away. So, I left.”

The first thing Bash did was calm down and give a firm, unyielding answer – as a true Orc warrior should.

It was one of the rules for being popular with Humans that he had learned from Zell’s “Faerie’s Guidelines for Attracting Humans 101 – Seducing for Dummies”.

Lesson 3: Be an honorable man.

“Lies! You’re lying!”

“I’m telling the truth. By the time I got there, the carriage had already been attacked by bugbears. I just happened to be passing by, and I chased the bugbears away.”

“Do you have any evidence!?”

“I do not. But I swear on the name of Orc King Nemesis that what I say is true!”

“Guh..”historical

The knight faltered as Bash made that last declaration.

Swearing on the name of the Orc King meant that the one making the statement was prepared to accept the death penalty if it turned out not to be true.

In Orcish society, only a handful of warriors were ever allowed to use the Orc King’s name – those who had reached the rank of Great Warlord and above.

It was the manliest, most macho of oaths. He was putting his honor and status on the line.

Orcs who could proudly declare this were looked upon with envy by all young Orcs. This vow was taken extremely seriously.

Bash looked at the flinching knight and inwardly thought:

[That’s it. It’s decided.]

Incidentally, the female knight had no idea what swearing on the Orc King’s name really meant.

It was just that Bash’s brazenness and confidence made it harder for her to retort.

“The victims reported that the Orc approached them, telling them to bear his children!”

“Non-consensual sexual intercourse with other species is strictly forbidden by edict of the Orc King. I only spoke to them to get their consent.”

“That wouldn’t ever work!”

“I couldn’t know until I tried, so I did. I only later learned that, according to Human practices, asking for sexual intercourse right out of the gate wasn’t exactly the way to go about it.”

The knight was further taken aback at this very cavalier reply.

It was the first time she had ever seen an Orc be so open and honest.

The only Orcs she had ever dealt with were stray Orcs that had been kicked out of their country.

The first time she had come across a stray Orc, the instant he noticed she was female he immediately went off on vulgar tirade about raping and impregnating her. If she tried to question him even a little, he would get angry and throw himself at her in an attempt to attack.

This conversion she was having with Bash was the furthest she had even progressed in talking to an Orc.

“Gah, damn it! You filty Orc, even IF, and I mean IF you were just passing by, you probably stole something from the carriage anyways!”

“Hmm..”

Bash found himself at a bit of a loss for words following that statement.

It was true. He did technically take something with him out from the carriage.

Though it wasn’t exactly something, but someone.

“Yes, I did take something.”

“Ha! I knew it! You’re under arrest, thief!”

“Hmm.”

“Hey! Hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!”

Zell jumped between the Bash and the knight as she cried out.

“That’s me, isn’t it? I’m the “something”, right? Poor, little old me, getting caught and bottled up by some Humans and loaded up in a wagon on its way to who knows where! Faerie trafficking is illegal isn’t it! It’s prohibited! He was helping me! You can’t charge him for theft just because he was helping a kidnapping victim, right!? Wouldn’t that be weird?!”

“Huh..? Uh..wha..?”

After hearing Zell out, the knight’s frustration turned into confusion.

Faerie trafficking was, as a matter of fact, a criminal act – utterly and completely illegal.

The carriage was peddling illegal goods, and the Orc was helping out a victim.

Was this still theft, even if the goods weren’t acquired by its original owners through “proper” means?

Or did this mean that the Orc was now in possession of contraband?

From the looks of it, the Faerie seemed to be following the Orc of its own free will.

But was the Faerie telling the truth, or was she just making things up as she went? The Faeries were known to be sporadic and unpredictable and would spew out odd things as often as they breathed.

“Urg.. Grr..”

This whole thing was getting more complicated by the second.

The knight seemed to be in deep thought, eyes darting from Bash to Zell, and then back to Bash. Finally, she said:

“Either way, you’re coming with us!”

“Sure, lead the way.”

Bash responded without missing a beat.

Hearing him answer, it was Zell’s turn to be surprised.

Confused, she glanced back at Bash with a puzzled expression on her face. She flailed her arms and legs and pointed at the female knight.

And the knight was just as confused as Zell was, faced with Bash’s unexpected cooperative attitude.

“Huh? Are you sure this is okay? Hubby, she’s trying to screw you over isn’t she? You know that, right?”

According to Orcish values, there was no reason for Bash to ever listen to the knight, even less follow her just because he was ordered to.

If a young Orc back in Orc Country had said the same thing to Bash, he would have drawn his greatsword on the spot, bared his fangs and said:

“Try me.”

However, Bash had a specific purpose on his trip.

He wanted to lose his virginity. He wanted to get laid.

Preferably a with beautiful woman of his choice. Another virgin would be even better.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s alright!”

This woman in front of him.

A beautiful blonde female knight with a willful, headstrong attitude.

A lovely lady of his choosing.

He didn’t know whether she was a virgin or not, or even if she was married.

Even if she did look at him in disgust, at the very least she didn’t run away screaming. That was a win in his books.

A woman like that was asking him to follow her.

If he did, he would have a slim chance of talking to her.

On the other hand, if he didn’t, that was it. It was over.

If he went wild and got kicked out of town, he would never see her again.

When he thought about it that way, there was no reason for him not to follow.

In battle, it is wasn’t uncommon to find yourself in situations where there was only one way out. Miss your shot, and you’re done.

Bash was willing to take this risk. To jump on this opportunity. He made his decision.

“Alright! Cuff him! I’m taking you in!”

“Hmm.”

And thus, only four hours after arriving in Krassel..

..Bash was taken into custody.