198 Painful Insecurities

“Then again, can’t the same be said about you? Aren’t you also super insecure about dating Ace?” Kyle asked as he stared intently at me from across the table.

“I have to trust him...” I replied.

Deep down, I knew that that was what I had to do to get through this. I had to trust him. My mind went to our argument when his ex-secretary turned up pregnant. If I had trusted him and heard him out back then, then we wouldn’t have almost broken up like that. Kyle was right, I was extremely insecure when it came to the relationship that I had with Ace. Although I learned my lessons from that incident with his ex-secretary, it was still hard for me to rest easy and assured when I saw him with Elizabeth.

I wanted to trust him, but it was so hard to control my feelings.

“Easier said than done...” Kyle said knowingly.

“If there’s nothing else, I’m going to leave,” I said as I started getting up from my seat.

“Don’t you want to at least eat something first? I ordered so much food for you,” Kyle said with a smile.

“I’m not hungry...” I replied without a second thought.

It seemed like no matter how much we talked things out, we both didn’t know what was really going on between Ace and Elizabeth. They could really just be talking about work or...

.....

Regardless, it was evident that I would just be wasting my time if I stayed with Kyle any longer and he wasn’t exactly the person that I wanted to have dinner with. It was already getting late, and I had lost all my desire to go shopping, which meant that I should just head back home.

“Bye...” I said as I turned to walk away.

“Rina...call me if you find out anything or if you just want to talk. You know my number, right?” Kyle asked knowingly.

I could feel his eyes on my back, but I didn’t want to turn to face him. The truth was that I already deleted his number from my phone shortly after we broke things off for good. The other truth that Kyle knew very well was that I had memorized his number and that wasn’t so easy to erase.

“I won’t call you...” I said softly without caring if he could hear me or not.

After that, I walked towards the exit and left without turning back. I wasn’t the least bit interested in Kyle’s troubles because I had my own set of problems to deal with as well.

...

The view of my apartment building had never felt this dark and lonely before. Although nothing had changed and it was a night just like any other, the apartment building looked so gloomy and deserted like it was an abandoned haunted house in the middle of the forest. I loud sigh escaped my lips, and I knew right away that this was all in my mind.

This was the countless time that I walked along the hallway to the door of my apartment, so I didn’t quite understand why it felt so painful to be here all alone. I unlocked the door and then walked right into my apartment. As expected, the place was dark and silent with only the light from the hallway shining in.

“I’m home...” I said to no one in particular.

The sound of the door closing behind me reminded me that I was all alone. Things were definitely not going well for me, and I had started talking to myself to keep myself company. Great.

It had been hours since I left the office and according to my phone, Ace had not tried to get in touch with me. Being the super mature guy that I knew that he was, he probably doesn’t even know that what we had bordered on being an argument. Either he didn’t know it, or he was actively avoiding it. At that point, I had no idea which alternative I preferred.

historical

I took a shower that did nothing to calm me down or clear my mind. Everything just felt like a waste of time and tomorrow was another day of intense work. It felt like I was swimming under a sheet of ice while desperately looking for a crack where I could come up and catch a breath of air. The only thought that comforted me was that the competition had a deadline. Once we launch this commercial, life will get better.

That was what I told myself.

Drying my hair became a chore that I did to temporarily distract myself from staring at my phone. My heart sank a little every time I stared at the screen and didn’t see any call or text from Ace. He’s probably busy...

Dealing with work and being busy seemed like the most popular excuse these days. I sighed again for the countless time when I realized that I had been working too and that meant that I didn’t have time for Ace or our relationship.

When will this project come to an end?

That night I lay on my bed in the dark with my eyes wide opened in the darkness. Insomnia had become my best friend for the night, and I could tell that our relationship would strengthen and last for the many more nights to come if I didn’t do something about this sticky and complicated situation that I was in.

“Maybe I should just talk to him...” I murmured to myself.

It was late at night, but I couldn’t go to sleep at all. My mind was filled with worry. I tried closing my eyes and shifting my position on the bed. Of course, that didn’t help at all. Closing my eyes made my brain conjure up endless scenarios of how Ace and cheating on me with Elizabeth while keeping it a secret from the world.

“Arghh...” I growled as I sat up in bed.

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. My body felt as restless as my mind, and I had no idea why I was worried about subsequent nights when I couldn’t even get through this night yet.

I can’t believe I’m doing this. He’s going to think that I’ve gone crazy.

–To be continued...