"just wait it out," i whisper to myself. i run my hands over my face and tuck my wet hair behind my ears as i expel a short breath. "it's okay. it's all going to be okay."

i grab the shampoo, turn my back to the harsh jets, and finish off my shower, mindlessly scrubbing my body and ignoring any thought that passes through my head.

in the dark, i slide my feet along the carpet to feel for abandoned pieces of clothing or shoes. tripping in the dark isn't fun, especially when your room is filled with glass tabletops and random ceramic ornaments. you'd think they'd take all of their breakables out when they hear seth is coming to town.

not far away, i hear his steady breathing and it sends guilt swirling in my stomach. it's the kind of guilt that eats at your stomach lining and feels like there are rocks in your intestines. even though i've done nothing wrong, i feel like i'm hiding something from him... like all of the thoughts i had in the shower were behind his back and he wouldn't approve. my toes glide against the edge of the bed and i hunch forward, reaching for the mattress with my hands. i slide myself into bed on my belly, like a quiet seal. rolling onto my back, i use my feet to slide the satin sheets out from underneath my ass. i move as little as i can as i grip the edge of the sheet and cover my body in the smooth fabric. sleeping in your underwear is an amazing idea when you have sheets as silky as these. i turn away from seth, curling up into a ball. i don't hold him while he sleeps... in fear of him smelling my thoughts. not a second later, his large body shifts in my direction. i hold my breath, hoping-praying-he doesn't wake up. for the first time ever, i cringe as his hard arms circle me and drag me in to him. i breathe him in-he smells amazing.

"not in the mood for snuggling tonight?" he asks and i can sense the smile on his lips.

he's warm-incredibly warm-and it soaks into my skin, heating my organs. i press against him. "i thought you were asleep."

not a complete lie.

he squeezes me tighter against his body, letting his thumb brush over my flimsy bed bra. his thumb brushes my nipple and i grit my teeth. the sensitivity is too much to bear. it's almost painful. it hardens immediately and i'm sure he can easily feel it through the ultra-thin lace fabric.

"without you? nah."

my lips twitch as he kisses my head once. twice. three times. when he's done, he nestles his head against the back of mine, burying his nose into my damp hair. "god, you smell good," he murmurs, breathing hot air onto my scalp.

his hands drop to my tummy and he runs the rough palm of his hand up and down, hesitating at my panty line, before returning to my ribs. his touch makes my skin prickle, yearning to feel it all over my chest-between my legs. he does it over and over for a few minutes, almost lulling me into dreamland. then, his hand stills and grows marginally heavier.

"seth?" i mutter. i squeeze my eyes shut suddenly hoping i don't get a response.

"hm." his chest vibrates against my back, waking every cell in my body. i feel them gravitate toward him, trying to pull his body into mine.

dammit. here goes nothing.

"we're in this together, right? for the long haul, i mean."

"absolutely." he pauses and the air becomes tense. "why? what's wrong?" his voice is loud and awake-all traces of sleepiness gone.

"nothing... i'm just thinking about what selena said."

he exhales and shifts on the bed, pulling his arms away from me as he rolls onto his back. he takes the warmth with him and i place my hand on his hip just to feel it again.

"selena talks just to hear her own voice, you know that better than anybody."

"i know, but what if-"

"look, if you're that worried, take a pregnancy test and see for yourself. you've been taking your pill. i've seen you do it."

i roll towards him with more confidence to talk about the 'issue'. "and if the test is positive? what happens then?"

another long, tense pause fills the room and i hate it. "it won't be."

"but what if-"

"goodnight, olivia," he interrupts, rolling his body away from me. the disappearance of his body mixes with the darkness of the room and if i didn't know any better, i'd assume i was alone in here... it sure feels like it. weight settles on my chest and i inhale in an attempt to clear it. no such luck. weeks ago, this kind of conversation was welcomed... then he went and saw the mgm arena with darryl and all doors that lead to children and progressing as a family have been locked and the key hidden under a rock that i can't locate. it's conversations like these that make me worry about him... about the promises he's made.

trust. at the end of the day, i have to trust seth. he's my husband... i'm the girl he chose to spend the rest of his life with. i have to trust that no matter how this pans out, he'll be there the whole way supporting me like he's always promised. he'll support me like i support him... i know he will.

tomorrow i'll take a pregnancy test and get this over and done with.

it'll be all right... we'll be all right.

chapter nine

seth

i shake my forearm as an unbearable pressure radiates from my elbow. before i know it, i'm on my back and don has his legs over my chest while he straightens my arm out. i feel my joint pop and i shout out in pain. no