"hey, what is this?" nathan asked, sitting up and pulling me onto his lap. i tried to answer him, to tell him i was just being stupid, but the tears made talking impossible. everything i'd been bottling up for the last four months flowed out of me in a torrent. i had to give nathan credit. he didn't run for the hills like most males would have when faced with an inconsolable sobbing mess. instead, he rocked me in his arms, rubbing my back. eventually, the tears slowed and the cold and dampness from the snow began to seep through our clothes. i stood up, keeping my eyes averted from his, knowing he'd want answers, and i was ready to tell him. he deserved the truth, but before i did i wanted one more night in his arms where he didn't look at me with contempt for my cowardice, or worse yet, with pity.

neither of us talked as we entered the cottage. nathan stripped my damp clothes from my body so the fire could warm my skin. after removing his own clothes, he swept me up in his arms and carried me to bed, where he climbed in next to me. wrapping his arms around me, he rolled onto his back, dragging me with him so i was lying on top of him with my body flush against his. desperate to forget everything that stood between us, i tangled my hands in his hair and ground my mouth on his. the intensity of my feelings roared through me as i hungrily searched and found his tongue with my own. maybe he sensed my need or his own desire equaled mine, but he tangled his own hands in my hair, pulling me even closer. our lips smashed together with bruising intensity as we both fed our hunger. my movements on his body matched our kiss as i moved against him, fueling the fire between us to a frenzied high. wanting more, i broke the kiss and ran my lips down his jaw, nipping his scruff-covered chin before trailing down his neck and over his pecs. his hands once again grabbed my hair, but i completely took control. i felt possessed, forcing both of his arms above his head. my mouth continued to travel down his body and still it wasn't enough. he groaned, trying again to use his hands on me, but i forced them back once more. i continued even lower with my mouth, finding the destination i knew we both wanted. i showered the same amount of attention on him as he had earlier on me. i couldn't help feeling satisfied as he moaned my name. i allowed him to pull me back up to straddle his body, but that was all the control i would give him. this was my turn. i guided him inside me, rocking backward until he filled me completely. i was in charge of controlling the pace, and i marveled at the power i held just by moving my hips one way or another. move fast and his eyes would glaze over with desire, never leaving my face. move slower and i got to feel him hold himself rigid inside me as i moved. enjoying my power, i tormented him with my movements, placing my mouth back down to his. his tongue entered my mouth as i placed my hands on his chest. i set a new pace that matched the movements of his tongue in my mouth. close to the edge, i pushed my pelvis down against him until he was buried in me deeper than he'd ever been. my movement sent us both over the edge and he shouted my name as he pulled me down hard against him one last time.

i collapsed on his chest, breathing heavily. all the energy i'd felt just moments ago had drifted away like a kite on a windy day. "sorry," i said, trying to catch my breath.

"for what? oh my god," he replied, running his hand over my bare back.

"so, you liked it?" i asked.

"'like' isn't even close to the right word," he replied. "hey, not to change the subject after something as unbelievable as that, but do you want to talk about what happened outside?" he asked, continuing to rub my back.

"not tonight. is that okay?" i asked, rising up on my elbow so i could look at him.

"are you okay now?" he inquired.

i took a moment to take stock of his question. was i all right? oddly, i felt much better. i knew using sex as a band-aid wouldn't lessen the truth, but at the moment, i allowed myself to shove my problems in a drawer. a drawer that could wait at least another day to be evaluated.

"yeah, i'm okay," i finally answered, lying back on top of him. he continued to stroke my back as my eyelids became heavy. "i wish we could sleep this way," i murmured as he shifted me off him.

"let me clean up, and your wish is my command," he said, rising from the bed.

by the time he returned, i was more asleep than awake as he pulled me into his arms and rested my head on his chest.

"i can feel your heart," i mumbled as my eyes closed.

his reply came from far away. i must have imagined it because as sleep pulled me under completely, it sounded like he said, "it is your heart now."

nathan was gone from the bed when i woke the next morning. i could hear him talking in a hushed tone as i stretched before climbing out of bed. grabbing my robe off the back of my bedroom door, i headed out to see what he was up to. i found him standing in front of the fireplace with his back to me. the hand that wasn't holding the phone gripped the mantel with an intensity that surprised me. i caught the tail end of his conversation as i paused in the doorway.

"tomorrow is soon enough. i need to prepare things," he said in a hard tone i'd never heard him use before. "no, tomorrow," he repeated before ending the call.

"everything okay?" i asked, sliding my arms around his waist and resting my face against his back.

"it's fine," he answered, setting his phone on the mantle and placing his hands on top of mine. "my boss is just being persistent."

"i thought you took a few weeks off."

"i did, but it looks like that won't be panning out."

"are you leaving?" my voice cracked.

"not right away," he said, turning around to wrap his arms around me. "what would you like to do today?" he asked, changing the subject.

"would you be up for a double date? tressa has been texting me all week, begging us to join her and the guy she likes for an indie concert by her campus. it means you'll be stuck hanging out with a cw crowd," i teased.

"she wants us to tagalong on her date?" he asked, skeptically.

"not 'tagalong.' double date. i think she's dealing with nerves. she's been with jackson so long that she's nervous seeing someone else. do you mind?"

"for you, anything," he answered, dropping a quick peck on my lips. "i need to head to my hotel for a few hours, but i'll pick you up later. that way maybe we can see a movie while we're in the city."

"sounds good. i'll text her and get the deets," i said, plucking up my own cellphone from the coffee table. "will you be able to get the range rover out?" i added.

"i should, it's a sport utility vehicle with four-wheel drive. i'll be back in a few hours," he said, placing his lips tenderly on mine.

"hurry," i said, already missing him even though he wasn't gone yet.

"i'll be back before you know it," he said with the same reluctance i was feeling.

he closed the door quietly behind him and i felt bereft standing in my living room by myself. after being practically inseparable for the last five days, it felt strange to be alone. irrational thoughts, sure, but i shook them off and headed to my bathroom so i could get ready.

chapter 22: phase two

nathan

i was still thinking about the phone call earlier with my client when i arrived at my hotel after leaving ashton. everything about the conversation had set my teeth on edge and made me want to put my fist through something, preferably the face of the fuck that hired me. i paced in my room trying to calm myself and work through my plan that seemed to be spiraling out of control. i still stood by my decision to call the client and disclose ashton's whereabouts, but i wanted us to be prepared. the time for secrets was long gone. by the end of the night, ashton would know the real reason i was here. my only hope was that i could show her that my feelings for her had changed and that i would never let anyone hurt her ever again. i knew my plan was shaky. ashton could hate me for my betrayal and take off without ever looking back, but it was the only feasible option.

i stayed awake most of the night debating how i wanted to handle the situation before finally coming to this conclusion. i toyed with the idea of never reporting back to my client and leaving him with nothing. that wouldn't solve anything for ashton though. if he wanted her back bad enough, he'd just hire someone else to find her. ashton would spend her life running away, never trusting anyone unless i put a stop to it. if this worked, her life of running could be put to a rest once and for all. tomorrow morning we would face her demon and send him back to the hole he belonged in. my reputation in my field would be trashed, but i didn't give a damn. it had been a long time since i enjoyed my job anyway. hell, i wasn't sure if i had ever enjoyed it.

phase two of my plan could equally backfire in my face, but it was a risk i was willing to take. my surprise for ashton today, though underhanded, would hopefully serve as something that would tie her down. something that would form an attachment with her that she worked so hard to keep at bay.

glancing at the clock on the nightstand, i realized i was already fifteen minutes late for my appointment. i hurried out of my room with the box of supplies i'd bought from fran the day before. tossing the box on the backseat, i threw the vehicle in gear and headed toward my destination. i smiled for the first time since leaving ashton earlier as i pulled into the dirt parking lot. phase two of making ashton mine was waiting for me just beyond the door in front of me.

chapter 23: wilma

ashton

two hours later, i was ready and sitting on my couch watching another episode of my show when he knocked on the door once before entering. relieved he was back, i jumped to my feet as he strode across the room and gathered me in his arms.

"woman, what kind of spell have you cast over me that i don't like to be away from you for even a few hours," he said, showering kisses over my exposed neck.

"well, i may have slipped you a love potion," i said without thinking. i instantly regretted my words, wishing i could recall them. mentioning "love," no matter how innocent, went completely against the rules we had set.

he stiffened for a moment and i wished i could've bitten off my tongue. "it must be working because i feel completely intoxicated when i'm with you," he finally said, cupping my face in his hands and placing a kiss on each corner of my mouth before going all in. thank god he didn't take my words seriously.

"by the way, you look amazing," he said, breaking the kiss. "did you wear your hair up again to drive me nuts?" he asked, fingering a tendril that had escaped the elaborate twist i had gathered my hair in.

"why, is it working?" i asked with false innocence.

"if you consider the inner battle i'm struggling with: whether i should take you out and let other guys gawk at you, or whether i should drag you to bed and show you just what your pinned up hair does to me," he growled, pulling me close.

"i thought guys liked girls to wear their hair down?"

"not with a delectable neck like yours. your neck begs to be kissed. it's as appetizing as any banquet and twice as appealing," he murmured. "now, stop distracting me, i have a surprise for you," he added, suddenly looking jittery.

"a surprise?"

"i left it in the car. you wait here," he said, still looking slightly off.

puzzled at what the surprise could be, i waited in the center of the room for him to return.

"okay, sit on the couch and close your eyes," he said, cracking the front door open a fraction to give me the instructions.

i settled on my couch, mystified with my eyes closed. i heard him push the door open and then shut.

"okay, open your eyes," he said just as i heard a little meowing noise.

"oh my," i gasped, taking in the little fluff ball in his hands. "you got me a kitten?" i asked, quietly.

"if you don't want her, i'll keep her," nathan said, sitting across from me with the small orange kitten cradled in his hands.

"i've always wanted a cat, but the time never seemed right," i said, stroking a finger down the soft fur of her neck.

"right now sounds like a good time to me," he said, handing her over.

"oh my," i repeated. "she's so tiny and fluffy."

"she's the runt of the litter and the last one to be claimed."

"i know nothing about cats," i objected, knowing it wouldn't be fair to take her when my future was so uncertain, and yet, i wanted her with a sudden passion that shocked me. maybe it was her soft purring or the way she snuggled in my lap, but she already felt like mine.

"that's the wonderful thing about google. any questions you have are at your fingertips. she's already been fixed and given a clean bill of health from the vet."

"when did you set all this up?" i asked, stroking a hand down the kitten's back.

"i went and picked her up yesterday. she spent the night at the vet and is ready for her new home."

"what should i name her?" i asked, holding her up so i could look in her cute squished face.

"whatever you want. she's all yours."

"what's your cat's name?"

he laughed. "fred."

"fred?"

"yeah, like fred flintstone. i'm a huge flintstones fan."

"i've heard of the cartoon, but i've never seen it," i admitted.

"that makes my heart weep," he said, clutching his chest dramatically. "i will have to rectify that."

"okay, so what's a girl name from the show?"

"fred's wife's name is wilma."

"wilma?" i asked with disbelief. "are you a wilma?" i asked the kitten who gave a plaintive meow.

"sounds like she likes it to me."

"wilma it is," i said, setting her back on my lap.

"i'm going to go get the rest of her stuff; that way she can explore the cottage and know where her litter box is," nathan said, patting wilma on the head before heading back outside.

we had a little time before we had to leave, so wilma and i got to know each other. she was a smart kitten and showed off by using her litter box as soon as i placed her in it.

"we better head out," nathan finally said, glancing at his watch.

"is it okay to leave her?" i asked worriedly.

"cats are amazingly sufficient. i bet she'll sleep the whole time we're gone and then keep us up half the night trying to play," he said, wrapping his arms around me from behind. "besides, if we don't head out, i may have to dine on your appetizing neck," he said, placing a kiss there.