"he came over last night to talk. i always wondered what drove you two apart. i never realized," she trailed off. "had i known, i would have helped."

"i didn't know he never told you. i assumed all of you would hate me like he had."

"oh, honey, i would have never judged you," she said sympathetically. "i'm sorry my son let his pride get the better of him. i could skin him for outing you in front of everyone."

"he told you about that too?" i asked, shocked that he had been so honest.

"he's not proud of his actions, but believe me when i tell you, he's suffered also. the whole situation changed him from the young man he used to be. i know that's little consolation for the pain you went through, but i wanted you to know he suffered too."

"i know he did," i said, fighting the wave of sadness that engulfed me.

"he's learned from his mistakes, and i think he's a better man for it," she said as the subject of our conversation approached.

"hey, mom." justin greeted her with a hug. "paul's over by the bar and wants to know if you want a fruity drink or a glass of wine."

"oh, decisions, decisions," she laughed, shooting me a warm smile. "i hope to see you again before you have to head back home."

"i'd like that."

"you two look like you were having a heart-to-heart," he said, handing me another drink.

"you didn't have to tell her. i would have kept my mouth shut," i told him, sipping my drink as we settled at one of the high tables.

he chuckled darkly. "i know, but it was long past time she knew the truth."

"my mom still doesn't know," i fessed up.

"what? the queen of knowing everything never found out?"

i smiled at his description. "she obviously knows something happened, but i let her believe it was just a bad breakup. i know i'm her daughter, but i couldn't trust her enough not to tell everyone. i didn't want woodfalls to be a repeat of what happened here."

he looked pensive as he digested my words. instead of commenting, he changed the subject. the conversation flowed easily between us as we caught up on the last two years. we steered clear of any more baby talk, focusing instead on justin's rapidly growing clientele and my desire to secure a full-time position. after a while, travis and hollie joined us with paul's two kids, brady and andrea. brady was as talkative as hollie and travis. they all rambled on about everything from meeting me the first time to how trish had met paul. eventually everyone left our table when travis saw someone he knew from school and brady got sick of our "boring conversation," as he put it.

justin was called onstage to make a speech about the engagement of rob and melissa. he charmed the guests with his humorous insights on marriage and where he saw rob and melissa in twenty years. his portrayal of them forty years older was sidesplitting and had everyone in tears from laughing. he then cued the dj and everyone roared with laughter as he started an awful off-key rendition of katy perry's song "firework." the crowd cheered and groaned with approval as rob made a production of having justin removed from the stage by the two bouncers.

another friend took justin's spot, singing some old boy band song. the crowd cheered him along, making up their own words as they went. next, a girl we knew from college took a turn, singing a love song that actually sounded halfway decent. i had to give her credit.

"looks like your karaoke is a big hit," i told melissa as she joined our table.

"told you," she said, smiling at the line of people waiting for a turn on the microphone. "it was cool that justin kicked it off for us."

"yeah, that was pretty hysterical. his speech was hilarious too."

"well, i think he nailed rob dead-on, but there's no way i'll be that peppy at sixty."

"oh please. you'll be the spryest chick in the retirement home."

"you know it," she laughed. "you'll be right there with me."

"yeah, but i'll practically be a youngster."

"hey, you're only a few weeks younger than me. don't think i've forgotten your birthday is next week. i plan on taking you out before you leave."

"don't be silly. it's not like i took you out for yours."

"only because you were halfway across the country. now if you move back, i'll force you to take me out."

"you're moving back?" hollie interrupted. i didn't realize she was standing behind me.

"no, sweetie," i answered, glaring at melissa, who mouthed, sorry. i had my suspicions that she'd done it on purpose, but she left to talk at another table before i could grill her for it.

"aw, why? we've all missed you. especially justin. he's been a total downer since you left," hollie piped in as justin rejoined us.

"giving away all my secrets, squirt?" he asked, reaching out to muss her hair, which made her shriek with panic. she backed away from the table with andrea in tow.

"great speech," i told him as he climbed onto the stool next to mine. i pretended i didn't notice his leg resting intimately against mine.

"it was fun," he chuckled, signaling the waitress for another round of drinks. "what about my song?"

"well, that was . . ."

"amazing, inspiring . . ."

"awful," i laughed. "don't quit your day job."

"that bad?" he asked, chuckling loudly.

"just a bit," i said, holding up two fingers to emphasize my point.

he put a hand over his heart dramatically. "i'm wounded."

"i'm sure," i said, taking a sip from the drink the waitress placed in front of me. i could feel the effects of the alcohol as we sat together talking. i wasn't drunk, but i had a definite buzz. between the liquor and the fact that justin's leg was still pressed against mine, my senses were on hyperdrive. the music was loud, so we were forced to lean in close as we talked. everyone else faded into the background as we sat in our own private world.

eventually, our bubble of privacy was breached when trish and paul brought the kids over to say their good-byes. "i can't believe how big hollie and travis have gotten," i observed as we watched them head out the door.

"i know what you mean. every time i see them, they both look an inch taller," he agreed, resting his hand on top of mine. a moment of intensity crackled between us. looking up from our hands, we gazed into each other's eyes and the past no longer mattered. i no longer cared who had hurt whom, or who had been wronged. all i cared about was the warm familiarity of his touch. my fingers curled around his hand, holding on tightly.

"is this okay?" he asked, using the pad of his thumb to stroke the outside of my hand.

my only answer was a nod as i watched his thumb with fascination. everything inside me hummed to life. slowly, he seduced my hand with his touch, running his thumb over each curve. desire coursed through my veins and my breathing became labored. finally, unable to handle watching his thumb any longer, i looked up to see that his intensity matched my own.

"do you want to get out of here?" he asked.

i contemplated his words for the briefest of moments. i knew what he was asking. if i said yes, there would be no going back. this tentative friendship thing, which really was a joke, would be revealed for what it truly was. justin and i could never just be friends. if i slept with him, we would be lovers with baggage. even though i knew it might be a mistake, i nodded, unable to deny my body what it craved.

we said our good-byes to melissa and rob, who saw right through the excuse that i was tired and he was just giving me a ride to my hotel. i gave melissa a quick hug and promised to call in the morning. i pretended not to notice her happy grin and whispers of excitement to rob as we left.

justin placed his hand on my naked back, guiding me toward the parking lot. any doubts i might have had were laid to rest. an ache spread through me from his touch. i wanted him. no, i needed him.

during the drive back to my hotel, the only time his hand wasn't on me was when he was shifting gears. by the time he pulled into the parking lot, i was completely coiled up with suppressed arousal that was ready to explode. he walked around to my side of the jeep, opening the door to help me climb down. we stared at each other for a moment before he dropped his lips to mine. i pulled him close, wanting him more than i had ever wanted anything.

"not yet," he murmured, pulling away.

i sighed with impatience, which made him chuckle.

"come on," he reassured me, leading me through the lobby of the hotel. we reached the dreaded elevators with some of my passion muted as i contemplated telling him i would take the stairs.

sensing my unease, he tightened his hold on me. "trust me," he said, dropping a kiss on my head as the doors slid open.

indecision crowded my senses as i eyed the steel box. i had already spent enough time in an elevator to last a lifetime as far as i was concerned. pushing past my resistance, justin guided me through the sliding doors, pushing the button for my floor with his free hand. the doors began to slide closed and before i could panic, he turned my body to face him. he dropped a kiss on me, shifting all my focus from the dreaded elevator ride to a passion-filled thirty seconds of pleasure. he lifted me up so i could wrap my legs around his waist. the sensation of being held in his arms left me shuddering with need. i wanted him now. i didn't care that we were in an elevator and that someone could be waiting on our floor to get on when the doors opened.

"see, that ride wasn't bad, was it?" he asked, lowering me as the elevator doors opened.

"not bad at all," i answered. it was definitely one way to make me forget my fear. "of course, i hope you don't mind me dragging you on every elevator ride i take."

"it would definitely make life more interesting," he said, sliding my key card into the slot on the door. the bed jumped right into view as we walked into the room. were we really going to do this? could anything good come from it, with the obvious exception of hot sex?

"are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. i guess my face couldn't hide my hesitance.

"i'm scared of how much i want this," i admitted.

his troubled look disappeared as he swept me up in his arms and closed the door behind us with his foot. his lips devoured mine and i feverishly returned his kisses, wanting it all. he stood me up at the foot of the bed with my back to him, placing his hands on my hips. i could feel him pressed against my bottom, hard and ready as his mouth trailed over every inch of my back. after a moment, i was unable to stand the torture any longer. i twisted around, taking matters into my own hands. he moaned with pleasure as i deeply kissed his neck just inside his unbuttoned collar. his hands moved up my arms, hooking the straps of my dress before gently guiding it down my body to pool at my feet. justin's clothing quickly followed and he laid me down on the bed. the intensity became almost too much to bear. by the time justin rolled on a condom, an entire day of anticipation had reached a boiling point. my body vibrated with pleasure as he settled between my legs before entering me with one powerful plunge. the familiarity of the moment made me want to weep as my body adjusted to his. he dropped his lips to my neck, holding still as he slowly rediscovered my body. i moved restlessly beneath him, feeling my release approaching. as i moaned against his mouth, he matched my pace with his movements, reaching a climax seconds after mine.

he collapsed on top of me as we both tried to catch our breath. exhausted, i closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of him still buried in me. after a few moments, he lifted himself off me and covered me with the blanket before heading to the bathroom to clean up. i wondered what his intentions were now. would he leave and act like none of this had happened? would he even say anything? my worst expectations appeared to be true when he returned from the bathroom and picked up his clothes.

i shifted my expression to appear nonchalant. i would not show my hurt. technically, i had no reason to be hurt. no promises were offered and no illusions were given.

i was searching my brain for something to say when he surprised me by draping his clothes over the back of the chair and adding my dress to the pile. a moment later, he rejoined me in bed.

"you're staying?" i asked, unable to help myself as he flipped off the bedroom light.

"is that okay?" he asked, climbing under the blanket with me.

"yes," i whispered. his arm reached around, dragging me flush against his body.

"good, because i don't think i could leave if you asked me to," he murmured in my ear.

34.

present day

early the next morning, justin tenderly made love to me as the sun was slowly coming up over the horizon. it was breathtakingly beautiful and i had to bite my lip to keep from crying. whereas last night had been all about unbridled heat, this morning was about what our bodies remembered about each other. it took every ounce of self-control in me to not declare my love for him.

afterward, when we were lying in each other's arms, justin broke the silence. "when do you leave?"

"on monday," i answered, running my fingers across his palm. "i'm here for a week so melissa and i can catch up."

"can i see you again?" he asked, lacing his fingers with mine.

i smiled. "i'd like that. when do you have in mind?"

"how about now?"

i laughed at his words. "don't you have to work?"

"i'm currently between jobs. i just finished the warehouse venue from last night and have a private job starting next wednesday. which means, i'm pretty much free as a bird for the next few days."

"is it wise for us to do this?" i asked, trying to be the voice of reason.

"we're consenting adults with no relationship attachments dictating what we can and can't do."

"i mean, should we be doing this with our history? shouldn't this be wrong?"

"does it feel wrong?"

"no-o-o, but i know it should," i answered honestly.

"can i ask you a question?" he asked, tightening his arms around me.

i nodded, though i was afraid of what his question might be.

"have you thought of me at all in the last two years?"

"of course," i answered, unsure where he was going with this.