i woke up to a strange warmth on my neck. strange...but pleasant. then the familiar stubbly sensation of teren's jaw brushed my sensitive skin, and i realized the warmth i was feeling was his mouth. i opened my eyes and shifted to look at the black head nibbling on me. he pulled back and smiled at me and for the briefest moment, i wondered if he'd been feeding on me while i slept. i didn't like that thought, so i pushed it out of my head. he wouldn't do that. his teeth weren't out anyway, so he had probably just been reminiscing. last night had been pretty darn incredible-even for us.

"sorry if i woke you."

a languid smile graced my lips. "it's all right. i think i prefer that to my alarm clock."

i felt the small wounds in my skin and flushed, realizing how incredibly visible those were going to be to the entire world. worse than a hickey even. he had been extremely gentle, as gentle as one can be, piercing through flesh, and the wounds were very small; they'd probably be nearly healed by monday. i'd only have to make it through the weekend with the neon flashing sign upon my neck that screamed-yes, your son bit me...and i enjoyed every darn minute of it. i flushed again, thinking about how i'd unintentionally cleared the house last night.

teren noticed my changing skin tone. maybe he even smelled it. he ran a finger over the puncture marks, sweeping my fingers away in the process. "you don't have to be embarrassed." he kissed my neck again, right over the wounds. "you're beautiful...these are beautiful."

i smiled and rolled my eyes. "they pretty much brand me as yours, don't they?"

he brought his fingers to my cheek. "i love how much you trust me. i love you so much, emma. i'd never hurt you."

i narrowed my eyes at the sudden seriousness in his voice, the sudden glistening in his eyes. i gently cupped his cheek. "i know that, teren. i love you too."

after a few soft kisses, we peeled ourselves away from the enormous bed-it was bigger than two of my kitchen tables pushed together-and got dressed for the day. i didn't have any clothes that even came close to approaching my neck, so i didn't even bother trying to hide it. i threw on a v-neck shirt, jeans and boots, and brushed out my hair, which i decided to leave down. i might not be able to hide it, but no need to flaunt it. teren came up behind me after dressing in jeans and a long-sleeve shirt, and brushed aside the hair from my neck to kiss me again. he was sure enjoying the memory. i added that to my growing list of things to reflect on.

eventually, i was groomed well enough to face his family, and we left the little sanctuary we'd discovered last night. a moment's embarrassment flashed through me a second before my foot stepped into the dining room, but it left me the second my foot actually did enter the dining room. i finally felt at peace here, and i wasn't about to let a little modesty ruin that for me. besides, the women weren't going to tease me about what had happened last night. they had all given birth to children and were all well aware how one was created. well, most of them wouldn't tease me...i wasn't entirely sure about halina. she would probably get a kick out of making me squirm, but i didn't have to worry about her. she was secreted underground, hiding out the sunlight for the next several hours.

alanna and jack gave us a cursory glance when we entered the room. "good morning, you two. hungry?" alanna smiled as she asked us about breakfast. jack nodded a greeting and then went back to his coffee. nope...not a big deal at all.

we sat at the table while alanna brought out ham, eggs, toast and coffee. teren, jack and i, filled up our plates and ate while alanna sat beside her husband. they talked with each other for a few minutes, voices low and loving, and then they brought teren and me into their conversation, asking me more about my mother and sister. teren had almost as much to say about my sister as i did, and just like me, he didn't mention her scars again. we both viewed it as irrelevant to her personality, and i loved that he felt the same way about her.

halfway through breakfast, alanna started fidgeting in her chair. after another minute, she politely excused herself and flitted away. i wondered what life would be like if the sun made you uncomfortable. she had been sitting with her back to a bright patch of sunlight, but even light being filtered through the window had eventually been unpleasant enough that she'd had to leave the room. teren had his face directly in the sun, and seemed as oblivious of its rays as i usually was. i put a hand on my stomach, grateful that any child we had would be more like teren and i in that respect. they'd still have a mostly normal life.

as we finished our last piece of toast and took our last sip of coffee, jack palance walked into the room. i swear that's who it was. the dead actor had just stridden into the room. same height, same build, same leathery face, same don't mess with me look, and same i was born a cowboy, and i'll die a cowboy demeanor. if he hadn't been standing in a bright shaft of sunlight, i'd have assumed some vampire had turned the famous man, and his death had been faked for the media.

teren's dad stood up and shook the man's hand. alanna walked normally into the room-one of the few times i'd seen her walk into a room at regular speed-and gave the man a brief hug, friendly, but professional. i realized that this man must work for them, right before they introduced him.

"teren, you remember peter?" his dad indicated the man beside him.

teren stood and nodding, walked over to shake the man's hand. "yes. good to see you again."

teren stretched his arm back to where i had stood up from the table, and was starting to approach them. "peter, this is my girlfriend emma. emma, this is peter alton. he runs the crew that helps my dad out a few times a year."

i nodded, said hello, and stretched my hand up to the intimidating man; he was a good half-foot taller than teren and half again as wide. i inwardly smiled, remembering that teren was still probably stronger than this man. heck, tiny little halina was probably stronger than this man.

"hello, miss, nice to meet you." his voice had the rough, raspy quality of a lifelong smoker and his hands were the rough, calloused hands of a man who worked hard for his living. all he needed was a stallion to sit upon, and he'd be the marlboro man.

jack clapped the rough-looking cowboy on the back. "peter and i have to head into town this morning. some of the cows have gotten foot rot, and their medicine finally came in." he looked over at his son. "come with us, teren."

teren glanced over at me and frowned as he met jack's eye again. "dad...emma."

jack brushed off his concern with his hand. "she'll be fine with alanna and the girls. come with us."

as teren looked back at me again, i noticed jack and alanna giving each other conspiratorial glances, and i suddenly wondered if jack stayed out of vampire affairs as much as i thought he did. teren was still frowning at me, so i squeezed his hand and smiled. "i'll be fine. go spend time with your dad."

whatever was going on, better to just get it over with.

teren sighed, perhaps thinking the same thought. "all right." he tossed a sharp look at his mother, before focusing on his dad and peter. "let's make this quick though."

he kissed me goodbye and then followed his dad down the hall. i could hear peter's deep, gravelly voice as he started relaying the cows' condition to teren. a lot of technical words were spoken that i didn't understand, and i could faintly hear teren ask interested questions in response, before the distance between us finally became too great and i could no longer hear him. i had no need to hear him leave, to know when he did however. i knew the very second that teren adams had driven off the property. alanna made that quite apparent.

thinking i could help clean up in some small way, i was picking up teren's and my dishes when she materialized by my side in the dining room. at first, i thought she had just zoomed out to collect the plates. i was sure she was going to tell me that i was a guest and i shouldn't be doing any work, like somehow, helping out would break some huge etiquette rule. or maybe she was just afraid that my arms would fall off, being just a fragile human and all. but while she did take the plates away from me and start walking to the kitchen with them, her tone and her voice were quiet and serious, and her comment had nothing to do with me cleaning.

"we need to talk, emma." she spoke quickly, like she was afraid teren would be back at any second. my heart spiked a little.

"okay...what is it?"

she set the plates down in the deep, basin sink built into the center island. leaning against the counter, she collected her thoughts for a second. then she looked up at me with an intensity in her eyes that rivaled halina's. "i need you to convince teren to stay here."

i blinked, not expecting that at all. "here...me...why?"

she stepped back from the counter and wrung her hands, just like a woman in a silent movie, who was deeply distressed about something. "he needs to be here where it's safe. you need to make him see that."

"safe?" i shook my head. "he wants to stay in san francisco." i wasn't sure what exactly he was in danger from, but i had heard him tell her that before.

shaking her head, she stepped towards me. "you must convince him that he is better off here. you must, emma...he won't listen to me."

i crossed my arms over my chest. "what's going on? i thought i knew everything. is he hiding more from me?"

clearly torn, alanna looked down. she obviously didn't want to be the one to have to tell me this secret, but she knew it was important for me to know-the old rock and the hard place. finally, she sighed. "you do know everything...at the very basic level. what he doesn't want to tell you... what we keep fighting about..." she looked up at me and her eyes were brimming with pink, unshed tears. "is the seriousness of his conversion."

my heart stopped at the look of panic, fear and sorrow on her face. whatever made a mother look like that...had to be bad. "what do you mean?"

she came over and rested a hand on my arm; a slight shiver went up my skin, and not entirely from her cool touch. "when his body dies, the vampire in him will take over."

i knew this much...my body tensed, waiting for the horrid punch line.

she stroked my arm with her thumb as she continued. "when he awakes...he will be hungry." i relaxed. that didn't sound so bad. of course he'd be hungry. i'd be hungry, too, after dying. "he'll be deathly hungry," she quietly finished.

"deathly?"i didn't like the sound of that.

she nodded, her face sad and solemn. "if he doesn't eat right away...he'll die. the vampire side will die...right along with the human side. we all felt it during the changeover. it's basic and primal and the most urgent thing your body has ever felt. he will never again be as hungry as he is in that moment. it's his body's instinct, screaming at him to eat or perish. and he will. he'll do what he has to...to survive." she whispered that last part.

i thought about her words for a moment, then my entire body went cold with the realization. he was going to die and reawaken monstrously hungry...in the middle of the city. in his office...or his car...or...in my bed. my eyes snapped up to alanna's cool, pale ones, the pink tears now dripping down her cheeks.

"he'll attack someone? he'll attack...me?"

alanna nodded. "and he won't stop. he will need so much blood...or he won't survive the change. more than you can safely give him, more than anyone can safely give him. probably a few cows worth." she shrugged her shoulders as more pink tears dropped. "where is he going to find that in the city? at work? in his backyard? in yours? he should be here..."

i ran my hands through my hair, trying to absorb all of this. he'd never mentioned thirst like that. he'd never mentioned that he'd be near death and starving so much that he'd lash out at anything with a pulse...even me. i couldn't comprehend it. "no...teren wouldn't...no."

alanna sighed. "halina did..."

i froze and felt pieces of my heart cracking. "what?"

alanna sighed again. she was about to answer when imogen swept into the room. we both turned to face her. it startled me some that she was downstairs when the house was warm and cheery with sunshine. she cringed back to a dark corner, but she still looked to be in physical discomfort, if not outright pain. alanna began lightning-quick closing curtains. when the room was as dark as she could get it, she turned to face her mom.

"mother, you should be upstairs, where you'll be more comfortable."

imogen repeatedly blinked her faintly glowing eyes. it was pretty dark in here, but streams of sunlight still showed through the curtains. "no, dear...i should be here for this." she sighed and looked away from her daughter's eyes. "oh, alanna...can you ever forgive me?" i blinked, wondering what she meant.

alanna went to her mother's side. "there's nothing to forgive."

imogen looked back up at her. "i was so concerned about keeping the line, that i nearly forgot what he'd soon be facing...and his stubbornness." imogen turned to face me. "my daughter is right...you need to convince him to be here, where he won't hurt anyone, where he won't expose himself."

what they were talking about was certainly important, but my mind was on other things. "what do you mean...what halina did?"

they both sighed as one and looked at a spot on the floor, where i assumed halina was sleeping. finally imogen spoke, "she really had no choice...and it destroys her still...the memory..."

"the memory of what?" the words barely croaked out of me.

alanna met my gaze. "the conversion is much the same for new vampires, as it is for us. she was so hungry when she woke...she attacked her husband. she didn't even realize what she was doing, until he was gone."

alanna grabbed imogen's hand while they spoke of her father's death, at her mother's hand...or teeth. the cracks in my heart shattered, and fear surged straight through me, followed immediately by anger. "he didn't feel the need to mention this to me? that he might kill me, before he even realizes it! that wasn't worth mentioning?" my tone was getting louder and more heated with each sentence. alanna released her mother and walked over to me.

"that's why we wanted to tell you. i would have told you ages ago, but he made me promise. he's going to be very upset with me..."

"not nearly as upset as i am! how could he not tell me? how can he play with my life like that-with everyone's in san francisco! you may all be fine with halina chomping on people, but-"

i immediately stopped talking as soon as i realized what i'd inadvertently spouted. imogen and alanna both stared at me, stunned. apparently they didn't think teren would mention that to me. sometimes i was surprised he had as well. imogen looked down, and red, thin tears dropped to her cheeks. it was then that i remembered that halina wasn't the only one who had slipped up.

"imogen...i'm sorry..."

she nodded and fled back up to her room. i sighed and slumped against the counter, dropping my head into my hands. me and my big mouth. alanna came up and put her hands on my shoulders.

"we're not perfect, emma...but we try." she rubbed my back comfortingly as she spoke. "please, try and convince teren." i nodded and she kissed my cheek. as she made to leave, she looked back over her shoulder. "i'm going to go talk with mother. don't feel bad about this. it's her burden to bear, and she does...daily. she has only taken two lives and it was when she was a very new vampire. as for halina..." she looked down at where the eldest vampire slept, then back up to me. "you should ask teren again about halina. i think he may have over-simplified things for you. there are always shades of gray in this world...try and remember that."

speechless, i watched her leave to go comfort her mother.

i spent several minutes in the kitchen, collecting my thoughts. just when i thought teren was being completely honest with me, something new would sideswipe me, and i'd feel dazed, confused and angry. why did he never willingly confess these secrets to me? did he still think i was going to bolt on him? he should know better by now. if i was going to have his child, then i was obviously in it for the long haul. someday, the big jerk was going to have to trust me.

when staring at the dirty dishes that alanna had surprisingly left alone in the sink, did nothing to calm my body, i headed outside to the sunshine. it was mid-august and the morning sky was a cloudless, perfect, azure blue. back home, near the bay, the morning fog that rolled in almost like clockwork during the summer mornings, would just be beginning to burn off. here, farther inland, the temperature was a bit warmer than home, and no trace of the thick, misting comfort laced the hillsides.

i took off my shoes and socks and rolled my pant legs up to my knees, then sat at the edge of the pool, dipping my calves in. the water was cool and refreshing; i considered splashing my face with it, anything to snap reality back to me. i felt like a rubber band that had been stretched too far, and had finally broken apart, one half flutteringly uselessly behind the rest. would life with teren ever have any semblance of normalcy?

i bounced my legs along the back wall of the pool and watched the ripples expanding away from me. near my body, the ripples were huge, splashing up to wet my jeans, but the further away from me they got, the calmer they became, stretching longer and staying lower to the surface of the sparkling water. i felt some metaphoric significance in that.

i don't know how long i sat with my legs in the water, mesmerized by the rhythmic motion, but eventually i felt a body standing beside me; its shadow partially blocked the reflected sunshine on the tiny waves around my shins.

i looked over my shoulder at teren. he was smiling at me, apparently oblivious to my mood. he wouldn't be for much longer. he held out his hand and stiffly, i let him pull me up to standing. he slipped his arms around my waist and i let him, but i did nothing to return any of the warmness in the gesture. he still didn't seem to notice.

"miss me? we got the cows taken care of." he nodded his head to the direction of the barn. "dad, peter and the guys are seeing to them now. i should probably lend a hand. cleaning the feet and giving them medicine, it's a lot of work." sighing, he shook his head. "life on a ranch..." he grinned and i frowned. that seemed to clue him in that things weren't as hunky-dory as he thought.

"are you okay?"

i grabbed his arms and pushed them off my waist. "halina killed her husband." i hadn't planned on what to say...and that's the kind of stuff i say when i don't think it through.

teren blinked and glanced back at the house. "wow...i didn't think they'd tell you about that." when his eyes returned to mine, they were definitely tight, he was definitely nervous. that irritated me even more. grabbing my hands, he tried to lace our fingers as he gave me a wide, fake smile. "want to go watch dad with the cows? it's actually pretty interesting, and i could show you the ranch hand's house. there's a half dozen people staying there now and they've got this-"

he was starting to pull me away from the pool, away from the conversation that he could probably feel coming. i knew i felt it. the anticipation of it was making the hairs stick up on the back of my neck. how could he not have told me...?

i jerked my hands away from him and held my ground. i cut off his pointless, distracting chatter by shoving my finger in his chest. "halina killed her husband, because she was so hungry after the change, she couldn't stop herself. a change that you're about to go through. a hunger that you're about to face. a hunger that your family thinks will end in my death."

he closed his eyes and for a second, i thought steam might come out of his ears. when he reopened them, he turned his body to the wall of windows that led back into the house. "i cannot believe you. after i specifically told you last night not to tell her, you go and tell her anyway?" he was speaking to his mother, his mother tucked away in the house somewhere, quite possibly still on the second story with imogen. he was speaking to her with the exact same volume that he'd used when he'd spoken to me, right beside him. she apparently heard and responded, because after a brief pause, he added, "we'll discuss this later."

he turned back to me and his face seemed to age by years. my face was tight with irritation...if not pure anger. his eyes took in my stance-hands on hips, feet braced for a fight-not a picture of pleasantness at all. he sighed. "that won't happen, emma. i promise." he looked back at the house again and sullenly muttered, "unbelievable. they never listen to me."

he promises? that was his heartfelt assurance that he wouldn't rip out my throat and swim in the pleasure that was my blood...a promise? well, i felt better already. as long as there was a "promise" in place, then i was practically drenched in a silver suit of impenetrability. but, oh yeah, silver didn't affect him, and promises meant nothing when put up against raw, animal instinct.

"teren."

still staring back at the house, he ignored me. "it's like talking to a wall...three pious, we-know-what's-best-for-you walls." he shrugged his shoulders. "it's like i'm invisible."

"teren..." my tone clearly indicated that i wanted his attention, but now i was invisible-he was completely ignoring me in his little pity party.

"it's like i don't even-"

he wasn't able to finish whatever sulking thought he'd been absorbed in. wanting his attention, i pushed him, fully clothed, into the massive swimming pool. i half expected him to bounce off the water and start walking on top of it. he didn't. shocked, he sputtered and flailed around in the water, until he realized we were near the shallow end and he could stand. he stood in the waist-deep water, and beads of it ran down his hair and face. he gaped at me with his mouth wide open.

"what the hell?"

he was rather adorable, angry and soaking wet, staring at me like i'd just slapped him for no apparent reason, but the cuteness of it instantly dissolved in the heat of my own anger. "is there ever going to be a time when i hear these monumental events from you first, and not your family? don't you trust me?"

he walked to the edge of the pool. his shirt clung to his chest and water droplets flew from his lips as he spoke. "of course i trust you...more than anyone." he shook his wet head and furrowed his brow. "i don't want to scare you with things that aren't important."

now i gaped at him. i sort of wished we were upstairs and i had some decorative pillows to chuck at him. i didn't, so i clenched my fists instead. "aren't important? that you may kill me isn't important? seriously?"

he raised his sopping hands. "i won't. i have a plan..."

i cut him off before he could break out his, i'm sure, brilliant plan. "tell me things first! important or not! let me decide what i should or shouldn't be worried about! stop keeping me in the dark!"

still looking to be in absolute shock, he stared at me in silence. then, slowly, he nodded. "all right. yes, my mother is right. i'll be thirsty, extremely thirsty...but i'd never hurt you." he shook his head, like he could simply shake away my concern. "there will be time anyway...time to get me here."

i relaxed my stance. "what do you mean?"

he hopped up on the edge of the pool, his jeans clinging to him as much as his shirt. i cringed at the soggy boots i could see below the water; they were probably ruined. i carefully sat beside him, dipping my legs back into the coolness. teren placed his hands over the sides of the pool and looked at me. "it's not instantaneous. i'll know it's happening. i'll tell you it's happening. instead of driving the man having a heart attack to a hospital..." he shrugged, "you'll drive me here. then i'll be out of the city and around lots of food...and everything will be fine."

i absorbed that for a second, and then i smacked him across the chest, making him grunt. "that's your plan? good lord, teren. were you ever going to fill me in on this little scenario of yours? one that i play a rather huge part in!"

he cringed back when i smacked him again. "yes...eventually, when i felt it getting closer."

i dramatically sighed and shoved him back into the water. he was more prepared this time and at the last moment, he grabbed my leg and pulled me in with him. i screamed as i was suddenly surrounded by frigid water. i clutched at his warmth, momentarily forgetting that he was the one i was angry with. i remembered my irritation, the moment he started laughing.

"halina loved her husband and killed him anyway!" i snapped. then, as the realization of what that statement truly meant for us hit me, i softly said, "what if there isn't time? what if you...?"

teren shook his head as he held us close together under the water. his knees rested on the floor of the pool and my legs wrapped around his body. i clung to him tighter as his pale eyes searched my face. "there will be time...and i won't. i'd rather die than hurt you."

i rested my head against his and words failed me. i couldn't speak what was flying through my mind. i couldn't put vocals to the thoughts, like saying it out loud would make it so horrifyingly real, that the simple act of speaking the words would somehow damage us both. pulling back, i stared into his eyes and felt the same haunted restraint from him. he wouldn't say the words either. even if we didn't speak them...they were all i heard as we tightly clutched each other in that pool.

if it came down to that scenario and he didn't kill me...he really would die.

we stayed in that pool, holding each other, for a peaceful eternity. eventually he grabbed the back of my head and gently brought me to his shoulder. "i really should help my dad," he whispered.

i nodded against the cold, wet fabric of his shirt, and we both stood, dripping and freezing, and exited the pool. at the edge, he faced the windows and simply said, "mom." instantly, alanna was there with towels for us. teren thanked her but didn't look at her. i watched alanna eye him with the guilt-filled, tired eyes of someone who had betrayed someone else's trust for their own good.

i sighed, hating the tension between these two people who obviously loved each other. "this is ridiculous," i muttered, as i scrubbed my hair dry. both vampires turned their downcast heads to me. teren stopped squeezing the water out of his jeans as i continued. "you both love each other. you both want the best for each other." alanna looked at him hopefully; teren eyed her uneasily. i smacked his shoulder. "get over it and give your mom a hug." he looked back at me, surprised at my tone, and then chuckled. alanna's musical laugh joined his, and she flung her arms around his wet body.

"okay, mom..." he hugged her warmly and then pushed his wetness away from her. he looked at her with a serious expression. "i will do what's best for me. please respect that...and please, stop telling my girlfriend things that i should be telling her." he smiled lamely at the end.

alanna ran her fingers back through his wet hair. "you know i love you, teren. i'm sorry i worry so much. i just remember what it was like...it's harder than you think it is. i eventually had to send jack away to protect him from me, just in case..." she let out a sad sigh. "it was the longest separation of our marriage."

"i know, mom..." he said softly.

she sighed again. "all right..." she grabbed his chin and looked him over. "we're always here for you." she seemed about to cry again, but instead, she quickly kissed his cheek and fled back to the house.

i smiled at him as we both finished toweling off. he smiled back and shook his head. "you're better at this than you realize, emma."

"better at what?" i indicated the water behind me. "better at dumping you in the pool?"

he shook his head and pulled my damp body into his damp body. "at being a part of my world. you don't know how rare you are." he kissed me and whispered, "i won't keep anything else from you...i promise."

i kissed him back. "that's all i ask...thank you."

when we were dry enough that we were at least not dripping too badly, teren scooped me up into his arms and sped me upstairs. once we were in our room, we both changed into clean, dry clothes. teren frowned as he stared at his sopping work boots, the only shoes he had with him for this trip. i looked away and got really busy putting my completely dry shoes back on.

while i went to freshen up in the bathroom, a still scowling and shoeless teren excused himself to go find a pair of boots to wea-->>

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