"is that what you think?" he asked, incredulous. "is that what you honestly think?"

i nodded.

"then you're even stupider than i thought, ara."

"or maybe there's just always been this miscommunication between us." i reached for him.

"don't touch me." he jerked away. "do you think i want you to touch me?"

"i'm sorry. just. . ."

"just what? what should i do, ara? you tell me, because i-" his eyes drifted off to one side, coated thickly with tears. "i just don't know anymore. i . . . for the first time in my life, i just . . . i got no answers."

"you just need to think, to-"

"think about what?" he offered both palms. "you won. what d'you want from me?"

"i want you to stay. i want you to think about things before you leave."

"why?" his shoulders lifted once-his heart completely breaking under the stern gaze he tried to hold. "it's all gone. i was wrong. i . . . i had this idea in my head. god!" he tapped his temple a few times, folding over. "why didn't i just listen? i should have known love like that was too good to be true. and i believed it, ara. i did. i believed it to my core-to the point where i was blinded enough to actually think the feelings you had for my brother were plutonic-that it was just confusion or maybe that he felt more for you than you did for him. i never-" he paused and looked out the window, sniffing once. "i never, for one second, believed you actually loved him, that you could actually. . ." his voice broke and his hand came up to cover his mouth.

"you couldn't have known, david. and you shouldn't have even had to imagine it was possible."

"but i should've seen it."

"don't blame yourself. it-"

"i don't. i blame you. and i blame him. and you are goddamn well lucky you told me, ara, because i'd found out for myself, i'd have beaten you to death with my own hands."

my heart skipped a beat, restarting again a little faster. "you're hurt, david. i get that. but i don't believe you're capable of murder."

very slowly, and with what looked like hesitation wrought with an awful lot of anger, he moved his gaze onto me, rolling his shoulders back so he stood as tall and strong as a king-his uniform broadening his shoulders, the sword in his belt glistening in the afternoon sun, as if whispering its evil will. "i'm the king," he said, seeming to find the meaning in those words only as he spoke them. "you are guilty of treason, and i have a duty to uphold."

"david, please. it-"

"don't! say. a word, ara." he turned to the window, his lips fighting their own battle with his thoughts. "i'm not going to charge you with this crime because, right now, the monarchy is unstable, and your people need an honest, strong queen."

my throat opened with the sudden breath of shock. i covered my mouth.

"even if it is a lie," he said, his lip turned in disgust. he held my gaze for a second, then made a very stiff, very slow about-face and walked away, closing the door gently behind him.

chapter eleven

i opened my door and falcon stepped into sight, his head hung low.

"go away, falcon." i pushed past him. "i have nothing to say to you."

"it wasn't what you think, ara."

i stopped dead and spun around to face him, my words coming out through my teeth. "do not address me in such an informal manner. you are a soldier in the queen's guard, and-"

"and i acted as such."

"no. you sided with the king. you did his bidding. you-"

"i did what i had to to protect you, ara," he yelled, then stood taller, sobering himself. "under the laws of the lilithian monarchy, you and all your guard are bound by the sacred right of matrimony. we cannot go against your betrothed. how he sees fit to punish you is out of our control. he could place you over his knee and spank you right in front of us, and we can't do a goddamn thing."

"what? but. . ." my eyes flicked over every inch of falcon's face. "that's ridiculous."

"which is exactly why blade and i have spent the better part of this morning amending those laws. there was never need for a bylaw that gives a guard the power to protect his queen from her own husband. it just hasn't been done in this monarchy before, and we never imagined it would. i'm sorry. i know we let you down, but even if that hadn't been the case, i still would've arrested jason."

"why?"

"because he'd have gotten you both killed. if he'd stepped in and tried to defend you, the king absolutely would have lost his temper. why do you think blade was so quick to knock jason out, ara?"

"i don't know."

he touched my shoulder. "the best thing for you, for all of us, was to get jason out of sight."

"but you left me alone with him-not knowing what he'd do to me."

"no. i never-" he slashed his pointed finger through the air, "-not for one instant, left you alone with him. as soon as blade had everything under control, i was outside, on your balcony, making sure he did nothing to hurt you."

i softened, dropping back on my heels. "really?"

his lips pursed to hold his jaw tight, and i saw the faintest shimmer in his eyes. "what kind of man do you think i am?"

i folded my arms. "i guess i just don't really know who i can trust anymore."

"you can trust me." he stepped closer. "if the king had so much as even thought about raising a hand to you, i'd have smashed that glass door and been under his fist before it struck your face, ara, even though, to do so, would mean i faced the death sentence."

"the death sentence?"

"that's the punishment for acting against the king's sacred rights."

"you'd go to that length for me?" i said, half laughing as though it was preposterous.

he grabbed my arm again. "i am sworn by my own blood to protect you. but even if i undid that oath, ara, i would still die for you."

"why?"

"believe it or not, i care about you. you-" he cleared his throat. "in truth, you remind me of someone i lost many years ago."

"who?"

"annie," he said, moistening his lips. "my little sister."

"i didn't know you ever had a sister."

he smiled fondly. "she was just as naive and pigheaded as you, but i loved her, ara. and i . . . i don't want to admit it, but i goddamn well love you too-as if you were my own sister."

i just about melted into a puddle of reverence on the floor, but i reached out and hugged falcon instead. "i'm sorry, fal. how did she die?"

"she was hit by car. she was only seventeen."

"i'm so sorry."

he squeezed me back. "just . . . just don't ever think that i don't have your back, ara. i am always on your side."

i nodded against his chest and backed away. "okay, then you need to come with me right now."

"where?"

"to rescue jason."

he winked down at me. "already on it."

"what?"

he nodded to the end of the corridor. "blade's got a release order drawn up for you. he's waiting in the great hall."

"a release order?" we started walking. "why do we need that?"

"he's been imprisoned, ara. not just locked away."

"on what grounds?"

falcon smirked. "exactly."

"so, the king has no right to hold him?"

"not unless he either fabricates a crime, or tells the truth about the affair."

i swallowed hard, looking to the path ahead. that was the first time i'd heard our act of sin referred to as an affair. and it made me feel dirty, but also lucky david saw the need for a queen in our monarchy, or this evening could've been spent in a very different environment. "what about mike? where's he?"

"in bed, sleeping it off."

i relaxed a bit then. "did the guard hurt him?"

falcon shook his head.

"what about jase . . . did they. . .?"

"jason's been banged up pretty bad, ara."

i stopped walking and covered my mouth. "by . . . david?"

"not sure. but he left about half an hour ago. no one's seen him since."

i started walking again. "will david come back?"

"yes," arthur said suddenly, closing his door as he stepped out of his room.

my footsteps halted just in front of him.

"amara-"

"please don't, arthur." i put my hand up between us. "i know i'm a disappointment, and i know-"

"that wasn't what i was going to say." he leaned down a little, placing his hand on my back. "i already knew about the affair."

"how? when?"

"shortly after you fell from the lighthouse."

"you mean jumped."

"yes." he looked up at falcon for a second. "my dear girl, for what happened that night with jason, i do not blame you. and i do not blame him. you were in love. and, yes, you committed an act of sin. but for all the morals and conventions in the world, amara, i cannot find it within my heart to place blame on either one of you."

"and yet, we're both guilty."

"or, perhaps, it was meant to be."

"meant to be?"

he lowered his gaze to the floor. "your heart always has been torn between the two boys. and-"

"but it's not anymore, arthur." i tapped my chest. "my love for david has changed so much. i don't want to love jason."

"but you do love him, don't you?"

i took a small step back. "i said i don't want to."

"but you do anyway."

"not as much as i love his brother." i swept past him and started down the stairs quickly.

blade was in the doorway to the great hall before i even reached the base, wearing a huge smile, holding up a stack of papers. "ready then?"

"just take me to him."

"ara?" morgaine said, coming up behind blade.

"morgaine," i warned. "i have nothing to say to you."

"look, i had to do what i had to do. you should never have slept with jason if you wanted to protect him," she said, grabbing my arm as i dashed past.

and the sudden contact of her hand on my skin made the anger inside me, made the vision of her tossing that dagger to blade, boil up in my body like compounded steam. i swung around to knock her hand away, deciding at the very last second to hook my right fist across her jaw instead. she hit the ground like a sack of apples, dead shock widening the eyes of our onlookers.