millie walks over to me with her eyes bugging out of her head. "what the hell was that?"

i walk into the hallway to find the girl's room. i need to splash water on my face. "what was what?"

millie follows me. she grabs my arm before i can push through the bathroom door. i whirl around. "you like him."

"i do not. we were practicing something. you'll see it in a few minutes. let me wash my face off. it's too damn hot in there." i try not to sound bitchy, but fail. i'm too defensive, too fast to get out of there.

millie opens her mouth to counter my claim and follows me into the bathroom. she looks under the stalls, and when she knows we're alone, she says, "do not do this."

"i'm not doing anything."

"sidney, don't lie to me. can you honestly tell me that there's nothing between you two?" her hands are on her hips. she's looking at me in the mirror.

"there's nothing. i don't know what you think you see, but maybe you should have your eyes checked." i splash water on my face. i have on waterproof mascara, but it'll run if i rub my eyes. i grab a paper towel and pat my face dry.

"you wouldn't say it that way if i said you were sleeping with dusty."

"uh, you're right, because i'd choke on my vomit. what's with you?" i turn around and lean back on the sinks. "you're the one who wanted me to come and do this. peter's my boss. i'm his ta. and yes, i call him peter the same way i called dr. tadwick, tony."

"you called dr. anthony tadwick, tadwick. you never called him tony, not to me." she looks concerned and she shouldn't be. millie sighs and rubs the side of her head. "just don't do anything stupid."

"god, why do people keep saying that?"

"sidney, that's usually a pretty good sign that a big truck load of stupid is about to mow you down. listen to your friends. don't screw your prof. sleep with guys your own age." she sounds like she knows everything, which pisses me off.

"how many guys have i slept with in the entire time i've known you?"

"i don't know? you want an exact number?" she's leaning toward the mirror, fixing her eye make-up.

"just guess. best estimate, based on lingerie, dates, make-up, and whatever else you can think of. tell me how many guys you think it's been."

she's quiet for a moment and then shakes her head. "i don't remember hearing you talk about anyone like that."

"am i talking about anyone like that now?"

"no." she shakes her head. "but that doesn't mean-"

"it doesn't mean what? millie, what do you want from me? you set me up with guys, i tag along with you, i do every little thing you ask me to, and then i find some guy that i actually get along with and what? you're telling me to stay away from him?"

"he's a professor, sidney. you're going to get in trouble."

"for what? for being his friend? for not sleeping with him? for not fucking him the first day he was here? exactly what did i do wrong, because i'm not seeing it?" i'm yelling. i don't mean to, but i am. "you know what. forget it. i'm not talking about this with you."

"you almost slept with him?" i shake my head and put up my hands, as if it'll deaden my ears to her words. "sidney, wait." she chases me out of the ladies room and down the hallway. "where are you going?"

i'm leaving the gym. i feel bad about ditching peter, but i can't do this. i feel like i'm going to fall apart. i need to calm down. i slam open the doors to outside and go sit in the parking lot. i'm leaning against a car, and tuck my head so no one can see my face. i breathe deeply, trying to calm down. i left my phone and everything inside.

what the hell is wrong with me? why did i flip out on her? millie didn't say anything bad, not really. it wasn't like dusty telling me the rumors. maybe that's what's bothering me. i made the rumors worse. damn it. i sit on the car for a while, wondering how stupid i am. maybe i shouldn't be hanging around peter at all. it makes me sick to think about not seeing him every day, but maybe millie's right. maybe i should be going after guys my own age.

am i really hung up on peter? is that why i haven't had a date since january? it can't be peter. that's not it. there are plenty of guys that are hot. i should find one and start over. but why?

to be normal. to start over.

my life has been stuck on pause for way too long. no boyfriend, no dating, no swooning over some guy, wondering when i'm going to see him again. unless i count peter.

don't count peter.

the night air is thick. my dress is clinging to me. i glance down and notice my cleavage is glistening. damn it. i look all whorish. i fan myself, thinking i'm alone. it's much more humid than usual, as though it might rain. just when i think i'm ready to go inside, i see someone walking toward me.

"hey, if it's not the techie ta." mark from peter's morning english class drops a bunch of books on the hood and walks over to me. i avert my gaze. my face is on fire. i feel the blush down to my toes. holy shit, did he see me fanning my boobs?

he scooches next to me. "are you okay?" he tries to get a glimpse of my face, but i don't let him.

i nod. "fine." my voice squeaks.

he laughs. "ah, cuz it looks like you're not fine, all avoiding my gaze like that. and, not fine has some obligatory obligations that go with it." he's leaning on his hands, and not looking at me. the way he says it makes me smile, but i still feel stupid.

i glance up at him. "obligatory obligations?"

mark nods, "yeah, like tissues, totally. and maybe a ride home, 'cuz it would be lowly of me to make you walk." he ducks his head to the side and tries to catch my eye. i glance at him and give a weak smile. "that's better. wait 'til you see the tissues. prepare to have your mind blown." he moves around to the driver's side and comes back with a box. i thought he was kidding, but when he holds them out, i can't help it.

my jaw drops and i grab for one. "wow. these are really tissues?" i feel the soft tissue in my hand, but the thing is glowing. i dab my brow and my neck. my body is covered in little beads of sweat. it's so frickin' hot.

"yup. i got 'em off the internet. the only horrible side effect is that your nose, or wherever, will glow green for a while when everyone shuts out the lights."

i stop and stare at him. "what?"

there must be knifes shooting out of my eyeballs, because he holds up his hands and says, "just kidding, pretty lady. i just wanted to see you smile again." mark bumps his shoulder into mine. i can't help it, i grin. "there it is. you made my night. please sit on my car anytime you want. it's usually unlocked. feel free to sit inside, if it's raining or what-have-you."

i nod. "thanks, mark."

"no problem, babe. you want a ride somewhere?" he's so sweet. the guy has been around me all semester, but this is the first time he's really talked to me. during class, i've caught him looking my way, but i thought i imagined it. he's too cute and way too popular to be talking to me. i can see why there's always a group of people around him.

i look back at the gym. this guy is my age and he's really sweet, but...

"no, thanks. i need to head back in. but thanks for this." i hold up the tissues. "by the way, if my boobs glow green tonight, i'm gonna hunt you down."

he laughs so hard he nearly falls off the car. "totally didn't expect that from you. but, feel free. green boobs or not, you can hunt me down anytime." he smirks at me before ducking into his car. i watch him pull away, then head inside.

chapter 17

i'm sitting on the bleachers when peter sees me. he walks over and sits next to me. "i thought you ditched me."

"i thought about it, but i didn't want to make you look bad in front of all these kids. millie pissed me off. well, it's not millie. it's everyone. they're talking." i'm picking at my nails as i'm speaking. when did i start telling him every little thing? i look at peter out of the corner of my eye. he's your friend, stupid. of course you tell him stuff.

peter looks puzzled. "they're talking about what?"

"about us. i've heard everything from you knocked me up, to you're doing me in your office, and that ta means something else entirely. get it? t and a? har har. it's hysterical." i make a face and watch a couple of kids trying to dance in front of us. another couple bumps into them.

peter gives me a strange look and then laughs. he runs his hands over his head, rumpling his hair. "damn. i finally have a platonic relationship with a woman and look where it gets me."

"i know right? you scoundrel, you." i'm leaning on my hands, with my elbows on my knees. there are more people here tonight. the music is blasting and the air is warm. someone propped open the back door. the night air drifts in slowly and smells sweet, like honeysuckle.

"so, what'd you tell them?"

"i told one person that i have a mad crush on you. i kind of freaked out on her a little bit when she told me what people were saying. i needed a diversion. and millie, well, i just bit her head off. no explanation." i stare straight ahead.

peter clears his throat. i look at him out of the corner of my eye. he's grinning. "you defended me? and what, my honor? i thought i was supposed to do that for you?"

i smirk and turn toward him. peter's face is glistening from dancing. damn, it's hot in here. the no air conditioning thing is rough. my eyes drift to his shoulders and down his chest. peter's shirt is sticking to his chest and is very wrinkled. he looks good. there's more color in his cheeks, more life in his eyes than when he first got here.