"i love you," i cry, sprinkling the soil in on the black box. "i'll come visit you all the time, i promise."

i rise to my feet to let the next person say goodbye. i seek mom out, she's surrounded by loved ones and family members, thankfully they've already expressed their condolences to me and i don't have any more left to listen to. finalizing dad's death sucks. it's all one huge, exhausting process that offers no privacy...but it does offer closure and that's better, i suppose.

i walk off a little bit to catch my breath and decide where to go from here. i can't go back to my apartment and leave mom alone. in a few weeks i'm not going to be able to afford my apartment and what about dad's gym? there's still electricity, water and everything else to be paid on it every few months. i can't afford it. mom will be forced to look for a job, but no one will hire her. she hasn't worked in over thirty years-not exactly an asset. i exhale and sit on the grass, watching the beautiful, night time ceremony in name of my father.

"can i sit?" blade's voice startles me. i didn't even see him approach me.

blade showed up at the beginning of the ceremony. it's only fair, i guess. he did know my dad for a long time.

"sure."

he sits next to me and the clear smell of vodka filters in through my nostrils. he hands me the bottle he's holding in his hand and i take it, swallowing a large mouthful. i clench my teeth and make a strange noise at the base of my throat. blade chuckles. "you never could handle your alcohol."

i laugh once. "that's okay, you drank enough for the both of us."

his dimples fade along with his smile and he averts his gaze. "i really fucked up, didn't i?"

yes, you did. this whole thing with seth started because i wanted to get back at blade. now look, we're in love, more in love than i have ever been. "you tell me."

"i did." he takes a large swig of his vodka. "i was given so many chances..." blade shakes his head. "you held on for as long as you could, i don't blame you for giving up."

i don't reply. deep and meaningful conversations with exes seems to me to be a 'not okay when in a new relationship' kind of thing. however, i still appreciate his realization. maybe he'll treat the next girl better.

"do you love him?" there's bitterness in his tone, but i can't not answer the question, not when i know the answer.

"yes, absolutely."

"and him? does he love you back?"

i bit back a smile. i can't help it. i smile whenever i talk about seth or the fact that he loves me. "he does."

he sighs and forces himself to his feet. "then i've definitely lost. take care of yourself." he strolls away from me.

seth passes by blade on his way over to me and doesn't spare a glance in his direction. he's smiling and i'm relieved he isn't confused about blade and i sitting all the way over here all alone together.

"there's something i need to tell you." he extends his hand to me and i take it as he pulls me to my feet.

before he says anything else he shrugs out of his jacket and places it over my shoulders. always thinking of me.

"you're making me anxious, what is it?"

"i've spoken to you mother about it and she's given me the go ahead, but i want to talk to you about it before i do anything."

"okay..."

"how would you feel about me purchasing your father's gym? i'll keep it exactly the same in every way."

i'm stunned. "you want to buy dad's gym?"

"i do. i love the gym. i fell in love with it the moment i saw it."

so many thoughts run through my mind, but i keep falling back to one specific thought. i can't afford to keep it.

"you can buy it. it's yours." although i'm sad it won't be in our family anymore. i'm happy that someone like seth wants it. he wouldn't do anything to ruin it.

his smile widens. "there's one more thing. i want you to manage it."

i choke. "me?"

he reaches out and grasps my shoulders. "it'll be yours. you can control everything that happens to it. i know you love that place..."

tears well in my eyes. damn it. how many times does this man have to surprise me? "you'd do that for me?"

seth steps forward, planting a kiss on my forehead. "i'd do anything for you."

i throw my arms around his neck pulling his mouth onto mine. if my family wasn't here and we weren't currently standing in a cemetery, i'd take him right here, right now. but sadly, there are times and places for everything. he pulls away, leaving me breathless. "i have to be at the airport at three a.m. to catch my flight, but i'll be back in eight days and you can thank me then." even in the dim light i can see his eyes flare with pleasure.

i sigh. "i'll be counting down the days."

"wow, way to make me feel crazy." he says, leaning in and kissing my neck.

"how?"

"because i'll be counting down the seconds." his tongue shoots out of his mouth and glides against my skin. i tilt my head to the side, giving him more flesh to lick. when he gets to my ear lobe he takes it in his mouth, eliciting a moan from me. he chuckles deeply as he straightens his stance. "c'mon. let's help your mom home."

mom was a little down when we brought her home, which is to be expected. she went straight to her room, leaving chase and i with seth and the boys.

"eight days." i clarify with seth.

he's leaning against the car smiling lazily at me.

"eight days."

i hold his hips and reach up to plant a quick kiss on his lips. i don't want to put on a show in front of my brother. i still don't know what he thinks of seth and i'm eager to question him about it when we go inside. i watch darryl, jackson and seth drive away from the house, and when i turn around to talk to chase he's no longer directly behind me, but over by the tree. he swings the tire swing back and forth.

"so you're dating seth? not blade."

i sit down on the grass. "that's right."

"what happened there?"

my brother and i have always been close, but he's never around long enough to actually know any details about my life and contacting him is near impossible.

"i moved on."

he chuckles, crouching down to stick his ass in the swing. surprisingly, the old rope supports his weight. "vague. since when are you vague with me?"

i exhale and recap the whole situation. chase scoffs and laughs appropriately. by the time i'm finished, i've successfully converted him to team seth.

"he seems like a good guy. i mean, sometimes he looks at you like he wants to consume you, but you are beautiful so i'm not going to hold that against him."

my cheeks grow red hot. seth doesn't care much for subtlety. silence falls between us and he rocks in the swing.

"what i wouldn't give to see dad's face again." he runs his hands over his forehead. "i always thought that it was okay to be away from here for long periods at a time. i assumed when it's over, i'd come back and things would be like i never left..."

my chest aches for chase. i saw dad not long ago. it's been too long ago for him.

"if i knew he'd die now i would have put off my service just to spend a little more time with him. that's all mom and dad want, you know. they want time, they want love-the kind of love we gave them as kids."

i've never thought of it that way. when mom and dad pestered me about moving back in i was always so abrupt, so rude. all they wanted was time together. if i visited regularly, maybe that would have been enough. i can hear chase sniffle and i know how much he hates to cry in front of people so i stand up and walk back inside, my chest still heavy with his words.

in my room, i shed my dress, kick off my shoes and slide into bed. i'm all cried out. i couldn't cry even if i stubbed my toe on a brick. today, we buried our father. it was horrible, but it brought closure. everything else, i'll sort out tomorrow. mom, chase and i need to work on repairing our family. it'll take a while, but i'm certain we'll pull through.

chapter nineteen

it's exactly seven days after i last saw seth. mom and chase went to bed half an hour ago. i pull on the desk, rolling myself as close to the computer screen as i can get. i open the web browser and type 'seth vs. don las vegas' into the search engine. it immediately takes me to the mmac website and the live stream to the fight. the building they're fighting in is huge, easily housing tens of thousands of people. the camera scans over the roaring crowd before showing a highlight reel of other fights from earlier tonight. when it's finished, it shows a recap of the weigh in between seth and don. sponsors line the back wall as do promo girls, wearing red short shorts and bikinis. i listen carefully to the commentators as they recap the guidelines of the tournament.

"it's an eight man fighting format. the last man standing receives one hundred thousand dollars, a contract with the mmac and the title of amateur champion. championship fight requires a professional weigh in. neither fighter is able to exceed one hundred and ninety pounds."

i tune the commentators out and watch the weigh in. don goes first. he pulls of his shirt, exposing his creepy dragon tattoo, and hands it to his coach. don steps onto the scale and he weighs one-ninety exactly. surprising, considering the size of him. darryl hold seth's t-shirt as he steps onto the scale-one-ninety-one. my pulse increases and i begin chewing my nails. what does it mean? does it mean he's disqualified? i see don smirk and i want smack him through the screen.

jackson hands darryl a towel and the ceo of the mmac helps darryl cover seth's front as he slides his shorts off. seth's eyes lock onto the camera and his lips curl into a cocky smile. heat tears through my body because i know it's for me. the towel rides a little low and i can see the 'v' shape of seth's oblique's. i'm smiling as another hot flush rolls through me and i squeeze my legs together. i notice the eyes of the girls behind him linger on his backside and they can't keep the smiles off their faces either. i scowl at the screen, fighting the urge to growl 'my precious'.

he steps back onto the scale and it doesn't drop at all. i hear the commentators say seth has one hour to cut one pound. is that even possible? he steps back into his shorts and the towel is dropped. the stream flicks to seth's second weigh in. the towel comes out and his shorts drop. when he steps back onto the scale, he's the perfect weight for the fight. seth and don stand close to each other, fists up as people take the pictures. when i saw this in the past, dad always told me it's just fun and they don't actually hate each other, but i'm watching don and seth and i see the hate. i feel it.

the picture takes us back to the empty ring and i hear don's intro song. it's a song i've never heard before and i'm ninety percent sure it's in german. the cameras' follow him from his runway, all the way to the ring. there's a gleam of cockiness in his eyes. he's exactly where he wants to be. god knows how long he's wanted to fight seth without the restrictions and now he can. don enters the ring and stands in his corner. he offers no reaction to the crowd and they love it. the commentators talk about don's boxing background and his eight to zero fight stats, claiming he's undefeated. i hate every second the camera lingers on his angry face.

my mood instantly brightens when i hear seth's intro song. a little box comes up on the side of the screen telling me the song is 'we own it' by wiz khalifa'. i make a mental note purchase it later. it's easily my favorite song now. the camera follows seth closely, even showing snippets of darryl and jackson behind him. their faces are hard-determined.

once in the ring, seth's music is cut off and i realize i've been holding my breath. as the announcer talks, seth's hands clench into fists. they unclench and then clench again. he bounces back and forth on the balls of his feet a few times before tilting his head to the ceiling-eyes closed. his chest falls as he blows out a long, slow breath. the referee calls both the boys to the middle of the ring. he demands a good, clean fight and sends them back to their corner. with a clap of his hands, the fight begins.

seth lets don come at him first, no doubt trying to gauge his tempo, favored hand, and which foot he likes to put forward first. don swings at seth, but he dodges it by leaning back quickly. as don pulls his arm back, seth shoots forward smacking him with an open palm across his left temple. don shakes his head and the commentators' love that seth is playing with his competitor. one of the commentators even calls him 'suicidal; for trying to piss off don russell. i can see don's jaw working furiously as he relentlessly throws punches at seth. seth left hand is up, blocking whatever blows don is throwing, while his right fist jabs outwards, punching him in the stomach. don swings his leg around to kick seth's legs out from under him, but seth blocks the leg with his own, sending a killer hook straight to don's jaw. it connects and snaps don's face to the side. i flinch at the power in his punch and i almost leap out of my seat, unable to contain my excitement. don stumbles backward, dazed and seth follows the punch with a foot into his ribs. don recovers quickly and launches at seth, landing a good, strong blow to the side of his head. my hands fly up to cover my mouth as don wraps his arms around seth's chest and shoulders, driving him backwards and into the cage. don traps seth and let's his fists fly. repeatedly, they smack seth in the head again and again. awful sounds coat me with thick goosebumps.