"you call it a summer," caitlyn whispered. "it lasted longer than one day?"

"yes." her hand still rested on top of his. it felt so good that he entwined his fingers with hers. "there were two tribes in the jungle about twenty miles apart from each other. my brother and i were in a jeep, going to the other tribe."

"you have a brother?"

"had."

she gasped. "oh no."

"erico and i were going to visit a cousin. we'd missed his wedding a week earlier 'cause we were in college taking final exams. we heard screams in the distance. terrible screams. and there was smoke billowing in the air, with a horrendous smell. we pulled the jeep over, took out our knives, and came up on the village from behind."

"the attack had already begun," she whispered.

he closed his eyes briefly as the memories shot through his mind. "they had machine guns. those who tried to run away into the jungle were mowed down. others cowered in their huts, but the bastards went from home to home. you could hear the gunfire and screams."

caitlyn squeezed his hand. "what did you do?"

"erico and i sneaked into the back of the nearest hut. we found teresa and tiago and got them to the jeep. we went back..." that was when he'd seen one of the thugs dragging a little boy out of his hiding place beneath a canoe. carlos threw his knife and killed the thug, but when he tried to rescue the little boy, they were sprayed with bullets. the boy died. somehow carlos managed to make it back into the jungle before collapsing.

that had been his first death. erico had carried him back to the jeep and driven him and the children home. a few hours later he'd wakened to his second life.

"you went back?" caitlyn asked. "what happened?"

he hesitated. did he really want to tell her that he'd died? twice? doing so had given him extra power, but he'd never viewed that as a great achievement. it was more of a colossal failure. would she even want to go into the jungle with him if she thought he couldn't protect her? hell, he'd failed to protect himself. twice.

he cleared his throat. "we went back. everyone was dead. their bodies were thrown into a fire, and the whole village was burned to the ground."

"why would they do such a horrendous thing?"

carlos shrugged. "anger. hatred. greed. the man behind it all wanted revenge. then he tried to buy up the land afterward."

"has he been arrested?"

carlos shook his head. "my brother and i pressed charges against him. i guess he figured the best way to avoid getting arrested was to kill the witnesses."

"so he attacked your father's tribe?"

carlos tilted his head back, closing his eyes. he and erico had worried there would be a retaliation, but their father had insisted they press charges. he'd also armed the men in the village and prepared them for a possible attack. still, it clawed at him. "my people might still be alive if i hadn't pressed charges."

caitlyn leaned close and spoke for the first time in portuguese. "don't you dare blame yourself. you did the right thing. i'm sure your father agreed."

"he did." carlos opened his eyes and felt blessed to have caitlyn so close, gazing at him with so much compassion in her lovely turquoise eyes.

"i have a strong feeling that the monster who murdered the first tribe was going to come after your tribe no matter what," she continued. "he was out to destroy your people."

carlos nodded. "that's what fernando says."

"how does he fit into the story?"

"erico met him in college and they became very close. after the first massacre, erico and i took tiago and teresa to rio, and fernando's parents took care of them. fernando wanted to help our people, so he went with us when we returned to the tribe."

"and that's when the attack happened?"

"yes." carlos sighed. "the murderers attacked at night, killing the two men on guard duty before they could raise the alarm. and then the slaughter began."

caitlyn shuddered.

"erico convinced fernando to take the jeep down a path where he could hide it in the jungle. my people tried to fight, but they'd only get off a shot or two before they were mowed down by machine gun fire. i saw my parents die."

caitlyn grimaced. "i'm so sorry."

"the bastards started a huge fire to burn the bodies. while they were busy with that, erico and i sneaked from hut to hut, looking for children who were still alive. we found coco, raquel, and emiliano, then ran, carrying them to the jeep. then we went back to look for more survivors. and we were both shot."

"oh, no."

"erico's wound was worse than mine. i managed to carry him a little ways into the woods before i passed out. i'm fuzzy on what happened after that. at some point fernando found us. he carried me to the jeep, then ran back to get erico." carlos squeezed caitlyn's hand as tears blurred his vision. "erico was gone. they'd found him and thrown him onto the fire."

caitlyn pressed a hand against his chest. "i'm so sorry." a tear rolled down her cheek.

"fernando took me and the children to his parents' home in rio." carlos didn't want to admit that he'd died a second time. "after i recovered, i tried to deal with things. i leased the tribal lands to an oil company that wanted to drill, then i used that money to buy a house in rio so the children would have a home. when fernando offered to share guardianship with me, i was grateful for his help."

"it was very kind and generous of him."

"he felt it was the best way to honor erico's death. he loved erico so much." carlos blinked back tears. "we lived in the house with the children. people assumed fernando and i were in a relationship. we were, i suppose, but not in a sexual way. i don't know how i would have made it through those first few months without him. he was a rock for me and the children."

"you were lucky to have him."

"yes. but it took me about a year to realize what it was costing him. erico was my twin."

caitlyn gasped. "identical?"

"yes. and every day, fernando would see my face. my presence was a torture for him. i would catch him looking at me with so much love and pain...i knew i had to leave."

"that's so sad." another tear rolled down her cheek.

carlos brushed it away. he was having a hard time keeping his own tears at bay. "i've always had this terrible fear that fernando couldn't tell us apart when he rescued me. then when i regained consciousness, he realized he'd saved the wrong twin."

"oh, carlos." caitlyn placed her hands on his face. a tear escaped down his cheek, and she wiped it with her thumb.

"i've never told anyone this before," he whispered. "for five years i've been afraid that fernando regrets saving me. now he's stuck with the brother who can't love him."

"don't say that. he went back for your brother, right? he intended all along to save you both. he never chose between the two of you. the choice was taken away."

carlos squeezed his eyes shut. "i miss my brother so much. and i know the children are hurting, but i don't know what to say to them."

she lowered her hands. "you're doing fine."

he opened his eyes. "do you understand why i have to find a mother for them?"

"yes."

he touched her cheek. "i'm sorry it can't be you."

"so am i."

with a sigh, he dropped his hand. "sometimes it hurts to do the right thing."

she nodded. "it hurt you to tell me everything, but i'm glad you did. thank you."

he settled back in his seat. she'd misinterpreted his statement. what was hurting him the most was rejecting her. if only...but it did no good to avoid the truth. he couldn't have her.

"let's get some rest." he closed his eyes and listened to the rustling sounds she made as she nestled underneath a flannel blanket. eventually he heard her breathing become slow and even.

he opened his eyes to look at her while she slept. her soft cheeks glistened from the tears she'd shed for him and his family. his chest tightened. he was awed by her determination to help him and the children. awed by how quickly and thoroughly she could open her heart to someone. she was beautiful, clever, loyal, and brave.

he nudged her head over till she was sleeping on his shoulder. her scent filled him with a sense of comfort and peace. as he drifted off to sleep, he realized he felt much more than desire and passion for caitlyn.

he loved her.

caitlyn yawned again as they walked across the campus of chulalongkorn university. even though she'd managed to sleep a little on the long flight, she was still exhausted.

"you don't have to do this," carlos said. "the professor speaks english, so i don't need an interpreter. you could go back to the hotel and sleep."

"i'm fine. i'm enjoying the walk." it felt good to stretch her legs. she took a sip from her water bottle. the weather was warm, but she was glad they'd come in early april. a few months later the rains would begin.

after arriving at the suvarnabhumi airport in bangkok and changing some dollars into baht, they'd taken a cab to their hotel near embassy row. the taxi driver had jabbered nonstop in broken english while he careened down busy streets, narrowly avoiding other cars and claiming that traffic lanes and signs were merely suggestions. caitlyn figured his hyperactive behavior was linked to the five empty energy drink bottles in the front seat. carlos had muttered something about the jungle being safer.

they'd checked into the hotel, a very posh place that caitlyn had used for visiting dignitaries when she'd worked at the embassy. they'd cleaned up and eaten some pad thai at a local restaurant. another cab ride dropped them off at the university on phayathai road, near the science buildings where carlos's contact had his office.

"he's expecting us?" caitlyn asked as they entered the faculty building.

"yes. i called him while you were in the shower." carlos punched the button on the elevator. "he's on the third floor."

a few minutes later, carlos knocked on an office door. a short man with a round smiling face answered. he wore thick round glasses that made his eyes look huge. a few strands of black hair were combed across the bald spot on top of his head.

"ah, you must be carlos!" he pressed his hands together close to his chest and bowed slightly. he glanced curiously at caitlyn. "you brought a pretty lady with you."

"my wife. caitlyn...panterra."

caitlyn smiled in spite of the twinge of annoyance she felt. carlos had nearly choked saying her name.

"your wife?" the professor blinked his big owlish eyes. "i didn't know you were married."

"he never mentioned me?" caitlyn heaved a tragic sigh. "i'm afraid he gets so wrapped up in his work that he forgets all about me."

carlos shot her an annoyed look. "i could never forget you." he gritted his teeth. "darling."

"oh, you're so sweet." she squeezed his arm, inadvertently pressing her breasts against him.

he arched a brow at her. "let me introduce you to professor supat satapatpattana."

"delighted to meet you, professor salapatty-patman." she pressed her palms together and inclined her head.

"it's satapatpattana," carlos murmured.

caitlyn gave him a wide-eyed look. "isn't that what i said?" she'd warned him ahead of time that she might act a little ditzy so no one would suspect she could understand other languages.

the professor chuckled. "please, call me pat. come, sit down." he circled behind his desk and took a seat.

caitlyn and carlos sat in the two chairs facing him. she set her leather handbag and bottle of water on the floor by her feet.

"i have to say that i am very excited about your mission," pat began. "if we can prove there are humans who have the ability to shift into cats - " his eyes lit up. "it would be the greatest scientific discovery of our time!"

"indeed," carlos murmured.

"and to be a part of this momentous discovery," pat continued, his face beaming. "it would be a great honor for me. and the university."

caitlyn almost felt sorry for pat. if carlos did find some were-panthers, he would never admit to it. the professor's hopes were doomed from the beginning.

pat slid a map across his desk. "this is for you. i have circled in red the area where the cat shifter was killed."

"alleged cat shifter," carlos said as he took the map.

"surely you must believe it is true," pat protested. "you have come all this way. you must believe the shifters really exist."

there was a desperation in the professor's eyes that worried caitlyn. did he have a different motivation than his fifteen minutes of fame?

carlos cleared his throat. "to be honest, pat, there are rumors of strange creatures all over the world. big foot, sasquatch, the loch ness monster. it's extremely hard to find definitive proof."

"we have proof, an eyewitness account." pat's hands clenched into fists. "i am positive you can find these cat shifters. you must."

definitely something fishy going on. caitlyn kept her face blank and pretended to be engrossed in the map carlos was holding. a red circle had been drawn around a hilly area northwest of chiang mai.

pat took a deep breath and relaxed his hands. "i have arranged for a guide who will meet you in chiang mai. his name is tanit, and his english is good."

"great. thank you." carlos folded the map carefully. "our plane is arriving there tomorrow at four-fifteen in the afternoon."