her hand moved to her abdomen, running over it with a ghost's touch as her womb rippled in need. how often had she dreamed of what that child could have been? dreamed of a precocious son with his father's deep blue eyes, or a daughter with his long black hair. a child that would have been the best of both of them.

sherra fought back her tears, fought back all the useless dreams, the hopes that had once filled her. life

had taught her that there was no chance to redeem the past. no sense in regretting what could not be undone.

i love you, sherra...his remembered words whispered through her mind. i'll be back, baby, i swear it. i'll be back, and i'll bring help... but he had never returned. he had never come back for her. the scientists had been ecstatic to learn she was breeding. every precaution had been taken to insure the life of the child. every precaution except that of a mind bent on death. her baby's death. the whimper that echoed around her couldn't be hers, she assured herself. she had cried for that lost child years before. cried until her soul bled out with the salty moisture of her pain. cried until there had been nothing left inside her heart but an empty shell. until kane had returned. and with him, so had the memories she had fought so desperately.

ahh, sherra. yes, baby. so tight. so hot and tight.her pussy tightened convulsively at the remembered feel of his cock pushing inside it. he had watched. she remembered that. watched as every inch of his powerful erection sank into the burning depths of her hairless cunt. he had been fascinated by that lack of hair. had loved licking the plump lips, feeling her juices slide against his tongue.

"stop," she whispered, her fingers pushing into her hair, gripping it, hoping the pain would tear through the veil of heartache.

they had had only one night. only eight stolen hours during a time when he was supposed to be training her. he had trained her, but not in the lessons he had been ordered to deliver. he had trained her to his cock instead. trained her to his kiss, to the touch of his hands. trained her to love, and then later, to hate. she couldn't seem to rid herself of the hatred, no matter the fact that he had been as powerless as she.

dayan. he had been her brother. her confidante. he had been one of the few people she had trusted. his betrayal had been the worst. he had tried to kill kane, merinus had told her. it had been he who had slipped the drug into her food. the drug that forced the unwanted abortion on her already weak body. it had been her brother who had destroyed all that sherra was. and now here she was, eleven years later, her body tormented with a lust she couldn't seem to control, her heart breaking with memories she could no longer fight.

god, yes. suck my cock, baby. yes, sherra, oh hell, oh hell...he had tried to pull back, to keep from spilling his seed into her mouth but she had been desperate for the taste of his essence. desperate to know every facet of the act they were engaged in.

she licked her lips at the remembered taste.

"when are you going to tell him?" merc stood at the doorway of the office, staring back at her with bitter, hollow eyes. he knew, she thought, knew well the pain of losing all that mattered in his life.

"who said i was going to?" there was no hiding from the fact that he knew she was in heat. hell, they all knew. her scent was only undetectable by kane. only he was unaware of what her body was going through.

"you can't hide it from him forever. he's not a fool." he shook his head as he crossed his arms over his powerful chest. "it's time to let go of the past, sherra."

she snarled. "fine advice for you to be giving," she snapped. "when you're strong enough to accept your own past, mercury, then you can bitch at me for not accepting mine."

it was a low blow. sherra shook her head as she groaned in misery.

"merc, i'm sorry."

he signed wearily. "no more than the truth. but you have a chance now, sherra. your mate still lives. and he's more than ready to ease the pain beginning to build within you. why fight it? don't you deserve more than this?"

"do any of us?" she whispered. "i can't, merc. i can't." she couldn't face losing another child. she couldn't face losing kane all over again. "too many years, too much anger."

"he's your man," he said simply. "soon, he won't take no for an answer. what will you do then? what will you do when he learns the truth you've hidden from him since he found you?"

a tired, bitter smile crossed her lips. "i don't know," she sighed bleakly. "i just don't know. and maybe that's the part that truly, truly terrifies me, merc. i don't know if i can face his punishment."

merc shook his head slowly. "start counting the days, sherra. because soon, very soon, there won't be any more hiding. he'll know and when he does, he'll show you why he's your man. maybe then you'll realize the futility in fighting."

he turned and left the room, and in that moment she realized how right he was. soon, she wouldn't be able to hide her needs. they would invade every cell of her body, rendering her helpless and in such heat she'd be screaming for relief. she knew. she knew because it was a cycle. every year. every long wasted year she had been apart from him she had suffered. suffered until death had seemed the only viable alternative. suffered until she had cursed him, hated him and finally in a last desperate move had assured herself and nature that no child would ever come of her body. she had tricked doc into sterilizing her and destroying forever a chance at the child and the man stolen from her. she had done the unthinkable. and now, she would suffer more. as always. alone.