i've reached that point.

"hey, amigo," marco says. i can tell by his bloodshot eyes that he's completely wasted. "i thought you were goin' out with your novia tonight."

"she's not my novia anymore." i grab a beer and chug it. it's cheap stuff, but i'm guessing it'll do the job.

"congratulations. you finally dumped the bitch." he holds up his own can of beer in a congratulatory salute. "on to bigger and better."

"right." i crush the first can in my hand and reach for another. then another. by the time i'm on my fifth beer, i'm feeling damn good. like i don't give a shit about anyone, especially nikki.

i need to tell her tonight was a mistake, and it'll never happen again. i won't give her the satisfaction of letting her think she hurt me. i pull out my cell and call her.

"hey, nik," i say when she answers. "i'm with marco." i put my arm around my homie and say, "we were just tradin' stories about you. ain't that right, amigo?"

marco laughs. i know she can hear him. i'm being a complete pendejo and i'm making this up as i go along, but in my drunken state i don't have a filter. she might as well have stabbed me in the heart.

"i'm hanging up," she warns.

"no!" i yell into the receiver. "i need to say one more thing."

"what?" she asks.

time to be the asshole she thinks i am.

i concentrate on not slurring my words, but i don't know if i'm successful. "i'm done with you."

she hangs up on me. my words hurt her. i know i'm gonna regret that call in the morning, but right now i'm flying high and don't give a rat's ass.

i stumble over to the cooler and grab another beer. by the time i finish it, i'm seeing double and i'm completely unable to think ... about anything. i don't even remember what i said to nikki, or even if i really called her or if i just thought that i called her.

"hey, luis," mariana says, coming up to me. "you're wasted."

"tell me somethin' i don't know."

"is there trouble in paradise?"

i shake my head and hold up the beer can. "this is my paradise."

"i know what will get your mind off of nikki."

"what?"

"me." she kisses me, and i'm too weak and too stupid drunk to think about pushing her away. she's not what i want. she knows it, but she doesn't care. i could close my eyes and pretend she's nikki ... that would really prove i'm an asshole.

mariana leads me to a room off to the side. i sit on an old, beaten-up couch and she straddles me, but my body won't cooperate-as if it knows what it wants and mariana's not it. "i'm in love with her," i say, stopping mariana before this goes any further.

"why?" mariana asks, annoyed.

"she's my angel."

mariana slides off me and heads for the door. "you don't know what you're missin', luis."

yeah, i do. i've had one-night stands before ... they're all the same. with nikki it matters ... which is why tonight hurts so fucking bad.

"sorry," i tell mariana.

she doesn't answer. instead, she walks out and slams the door behind her.

in the early morning, i wake up and realize that i fell asleep at the warehouse. everyone is gone except for the few lbs that call this shithole their home.

my head is spinning even before i manage to lift myself into a sitting position. i wonder if i look as shitty as i feel. glancing down at the empty cans of beer beside me makes my stomach churn. i'm gonna puke.

i stumble outside and hurl until there's nothin' left. i'm so weak i can hardly stand.

"rough night?" chuy asks, coming up beside me.

"s