sounded stiff and hostile i had fulfilled the letter of courtesy. celia was sulky and on the verge of a tantrum. she muttered something at me. i didn't try to decipher it on the spot; nodding and getting the hell out seemed like the best thing to do.

robin slid in the cab with me, told the driver where to go, and stared straight ahead.

"thank you," i said carefully.

"for being there while you were exposed to celia at her worst?" his voice was dry and brittle. i realized there had been a serious quarrel when i'd left the room. i was petty enough to be glad.

"i guess she was just doing what an actress has to do," i answered, hoping to make him feel less culpable. "anyway, that was certainly an experience."

"they get so used to being the center of the universe," robin told me. "i don't think i ever see it as clearly until i see them away from l.a."

i felt uncomfortable. there wasn't a response, so i didn't attempt one.

"she's gotten worse lately," he continued. "she's absent-minded, and she forgets her lines. she's... it's like she's going off the tracks, somehow."

i had to tread carefully. no matter if she and robin had quarreled about how she'd treated me, this woman had been robin's girlfriend. "does she use, ah, recreational stuff?" i asked, as delicately as possible.

"drugs? no. celia might take a hit off a joint if it's going around, but she doesn't buy it herself and she doesn't take pills."

somehow, discussing celia's problems didn't interest me right now, but i felt obliged to listen if robin wanted to discuss them. up to a point. but robin sat in brooding silence all the way to my house, where he told the cab to wait while he walked me to my door. i'd unlocked the door and punched in the security code, he took one step inside.

for a moment i felt awkward, in that lit-up kitchen with a man, alone. then i thanked robin for the ride home and for my interesting evening, and he gave a snort that suddenly made me feel at home with him. he seemed much more like my friend robin than a stranger who'd been living in a strange land. robin looped one long arm around my shoulders and stooped to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"i'll see you tomorrow," he said.

"no, i have to work."

"you don't want to come back to the set?" he sounded less surprised than he might have a couple of days ago. robin was reorienting himself to my life.

"no."

robin looked down at me, his face inscrutable. "then i'll see you soon," he said finally. i watched as he loped down the steps to cross the yard to the cab waiting on the driveway. there was a car passing by, out on the road, a little unusual for this time of night. maybe my neighbor clement had been out late.

what a strange evening it had been. i fed madeleine and trudged up the stairs, yawning hard enough to make a cracking sound. as i got ready for bed, going through my usual skin and stretching routine, i wondered if i should have foregone my evening out with the movie people. then i thought, that's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. even if i didn't enjoy it at all, it's a good thing to have done. i was glad it was over, though, and as i composed myself to sleep i thought of celia shaw's clever, sulky, beautiful face. i wondered if she'd ever win an oscar; i could say i'd known her when.

that would be more fun than knowing her now.