until tonight.

angie malone had opened a door for lauren on this night, and the view from its porch was staggering. it was a world that seemed bathed in sunlight and possibility.

first had come the dress. no, first had come the house.

"my papa built this place," angie had said. "when i was a kid, we spent summers out here."

the house was tucked in among towering trees. the music of the distant surf filled the air.

a wraparound porch outlined the shingled, two-story cottage. wicker rocking chairs were positioned carefully here and there; one could imagine sitting there, sipping hot cocoa on a day like today, watching the silver-tipped ocean below.

when lauren saw the cottage, she stopped. this was the kind of home she'd always dreamed of.

"lauren?" angie had said, looking back at her.

just looking at this home sparked a well of wanting.

"sorry," lauren said, lurching forward.

inside, the house was every bit as perfect as the exterior had implied. big overstuffed denim sofas faced each other in front of a river rock fireplace. an old green trunk was the coffee table.

the kitchen was small and cheery, with butter yellow cabinets and a picture window that looked past the porch to a rose garden. huge fir trees ringed the property, made it feel worlds away from any neighbor.

"it's beautiful," lauren whispered.

"thanks. we like it. so," angie said, bending down to light a fire. "what look do you want to go for?"

"huh?"

angie turned to face her. "sexy? innocent? princess? what do you want to be tonight?"

"any dress is okay."

"you need serious help in the girlfriend department. perhaps even send-an-aid-car help. come on." she walked past lauren and headed up the narrow staircase. the steps creaked along the way.

lauren rushed up behind her. they followed a slim hallway into an airy, lived-in-looking bedroom with a high-peaked white ceiling and whitewashed wood floors. a big four-poster bed dominated the room; on either side banged-up tables held reading lamps and piles of paperbacks.

angie went to the walk-in closet and pulled the light cord. a single bulb hung overhead, casting a swinging beam of light onto rows of clothing.

"let's see here. i brought only a few of my gowns. i was actually going to try selling them on ebay." she moved down to one end of the closet, where several yellow-beige nordstrom garment bags hung smashed together.

nordstrom.

lauren had never owned anything from that venerable seattle landmark. heck, she couldn't afford a cup of coffee at the kiosk outside the store. she took a step back.

angie unzipped a bag and pulled out a long black dress, then turned to her. "what do you think?"

the dress was halter style, with rhinestones at the throat and a double band of bigger stones at the waistline. the fabric was slippery. silk probably.

"what do i think?" lauren couldn't borrow something like that. what if she spilled on it?

"you're right. too mature. this is a fun night." angie dropped the dress on the floor and went back to garment bags, burrowing through them in a frenzy.

lauren bent down and picked up the fallen gown. the material caressed her fingers. she'd never touched fabric so soft.

"aha!" angie withdrew another gown; pink this time, the dainty color of a scallop shell. the fabric was heavier, some kind of knit that could expand or contract to fit a woman's--or a girl's--body. it was a single sleeveless tank front with a deeply plunging back. "it has a built-in bra. not that seventeen-year-old breasts need a bra."

angie pulled out another dress; this one was emerald green with long sleeves and an off-the-shoulder neckline. it was gorgeous, but lauren's gaze returned to the pink knit.

"how much did that one cost?" she dared to ask.

angie glanced at the pink dress and smiled. "this old thing? i got it at the rack. no, it was at that secondhand store on capitol hill."

lauren couldn't help smiling. "yeah, right."

"so it's the pink, yes?"

"i might damage it. i couldn't--"

"the pink." angie hung the black and green dresses back up, then slung the pink one over her arm. "shower time."

lauren followed behind angie as she tossed the gown on the bed, then headed for the master bathroom.

"do you have shoes?"

lauren nodded.

"what color?"

"black."

"we can make that work," angie said as she turned the shower on. "i could knit a sweater in the amount of time it takes to heat the water around here." she started grabbing bottles and jars from the cabinet. "this is an exfoliant. you know what that is, don't you?"

at lauren's nod, angie reached for something else.

"this is a hydrating mask. it helps my skin. makes me look ten years younger."

"that would make me a kindergartner."

angie laughed and shoved the products in lauren's arms. "take a shower, then we'll do your hair and makeup."

lauren took the longest, most luxurious shower of her life. there were no pinging pipes, no water that came and went and suddenly turned cold. she used all the expensive products, and when she came out she felt brand-new. she dried her hair, then wrapped herself in a thick, oversized white towel and returned to the bedroom.

angie was sitting on the edge of the bed. there was a pile of accessories around her--hairbrushes and makeup, curling irons and handbags and wraps. "i found a beaded black shawl and a black evening bag, and this!" she held up a beautiful pink and black butterfly hair clip. "come on, sit down. my sisters and i used to do each other's hair for hours." she tossed a pillow onto the floor in front of her.

lauren dutifully sat down, her back to the bed.

angie immediately started brushing her hair. it felt so good lauren actually sighed. she couldn't remember ever having her hair brushed. even when her mother took the time to cut lauren's hair, there was no brushing involved.

"okay," angie said after a while, "now sit on the bed."

lauren changed positions. angie knelt in front of her. "close your eyes."

the whisper-soft touch of eye shadow ... a flicking of blush.

"i'm going to put some sparkle on your throat. i bought it for my niece, but mira said it was inappropriate ... there," she said a moment later. "all done."

lauren stood up and slipped into the dress. angie zipped her up.

"perfect," angie said, sighing. "go look."

slowly, lauren walked toward the full-length mirror that hung on the back of the closed door.

she gasped. the gown fit her beautifully, made her look like a princess from one of the storybooks she'd never read. for the first time in her life, she looked like all the other girls at school.

eleven

angie stood in front of her dresser. the top drawer was open. there, buried among the bras and panties and socks, was her camera.

to take photos of my grandbabies, mama had said when she'd given angie the camera.

babies, that smile of mama's said, grow as naturally as green buds in springtime. angie sighed.

for years, she had used this camera all the time, documenting every moment of her life. she was there, year after year, snapping pictures at family gatherings-- birthday parties, baby showers, preschool graduations. somewhere along the way, it had begun to cause her pain, this looking through the viewfinder at a life she wanted desperately but couldn't have. one by one, she'd stopped photographing her nieces and nephews. it simply hurt too much to see her loss in color. she knew it was selfish of her, and childish, too, but some lines couldn't be crossed. by the time little dani had been born--only five years ago now; it felt like a lifetime-- angie had put the camera away for good.

she grabbed the camera, refilled the film, and went downstairs.

lauren stood at the fireplace with her back to the flames. the golden glow wreathed her, gave her pale, freckled skin a bronze sheen. the shell pink gown was a little too big on her, and a little too long, but neither flaw was noticeable. with her hair coiled into a french twist and held back by the butterfly clip, she looked like a princess.

"you look beautiful," angie said, coming into the room. she was embarrassed by how much emotion she suddenly felt. it was a little thing--helping a teenage girl get ready for a school dance; nothing, really--so why did she feel so much?

"i know," lauren said. there was wonder in her voice. surprise.

angie needed the distance of a viewfinder suddenly. she started snapping photographs. she kept taking them, one after another, until lauren laughed and said: "wait! save some film for david."

angie felt like an idiot. "you're right. have a seat. i'll get us tea while we wait." she went into the kitchen.

"he said he'd be here at seven o'clock. we're going to the club for dinner."

in the kitchen, angie made two cups of tea, then carried them into the living room. "the club, huh? pretty hoity-toity."

lauren giggled. she looked impossibly young just then, perched as she was on the very edge of the sofa. obviously she was afraid to wrinkle her gown. she sipped her tea with extreme care, holding the cup with two hands.

angie felt a surge of emotion; she was afraid of what the world could do to a girl like this, one who seemed sometimes to be too alone.

"you're looking at me weird. am i holding the cup wrong?" lauren asked.

"no." angie quickly took another photograph. as she lowered the camera back to her lap, she met lauren's starry-eyed gaze. how could a mother not want to experience this moment? "i guess you've gone to lots of school dances," she said. that was probably the answer.

"yeah. most of them." lauren didn't seem to really be listening, though. her voice sounded distracted. finally, she set down her teacup and said, "can i ask you something?"

"generally that's a question one should say no to. often hell no."

"really. can i?"

"fire away." angie leaned back into the sofa's denim pillows.

"why did you do all this for me tonight?"

"i like you, lauren. that's all. i wanted to help."

"i think it's because you feel sorry for me."

angie sighed. she knew she couldn't deflect the question. lauren wanted a real answer. "that was part of it, maybe. mostly, though ... i know how it feels not to get what you want."

"you?"

angie swallowed hard. a part of her wished she hadn't opened this particular door--and yet it had felt so natural to speak. though now that she'd begun, she didn't know quite how to move forward. "i don't have children," she said.

"why not?"

angie actually appreciated the directness of the question. women her own age tended to recognize the land mine in this conversation and walk gingerly around it. "the doctors don't know, exactly. i've been pregnant three times but ..." she thought of sophia and closed her eyes for a second, then went on. "no luck."

"so you liked helping me get ready?" there was a wistfulness in lauren's voice that matched angie's own emotions.

"i did," she answered softly. she was about to say something else when the doorbell rang.

"it's david," lauren said, popping to her feet, running for the door.