"cancer?" he repeated and from the shocked look on his face i knew it was the last thing he'd expected me to say.

"the big, ugly scary kind," i said, unable to hide my sarcasm. "you don't want to make an emotional investment in me because it might not pay off. that's the problem with cancer."

"i...didn't know."

"of course you didn't. how could you? i appreciate the offer," i said again, and i was sincere about that. "in fact, i'm downright flattered. but i'm saving us both a lot of grief, so please just accept my refusal and leave it at that." i walked away from him and went to the back of the store where i sank down next to my sister.

margaret glared at me.

i heard the door close as brad walked out of the shop. "why did you do that?" my sister demanded.

"do what?"

"turn him down! what harm would it've done to have a beer with the guy?"

i covered my face with both hands, unwilling to admit that it'd been so long since i'd been on a date, i didn't know how to act around a man.

"he's cute and he's interested."

"i know," i whispered.

"you said you started this shop as an affirmation of life."

i nodded. "i did-" margaret didn't allow me to finish.

"then live. get involved in life, lydia. you should be thanking your lucky stars a man like that wants to date you. good grief, what is it with you?"

"i...i..." i was so disconcerted i couldn't put two words together.

"live, lydia," she said again. "get out there and find out what life's all about. and do it before you shrivel up-or die."

chapter 18

jacqueline donovan

j acqueline had been a member of the birthday club since joining the seattle country club years ago. once a month, a group of nine friends got together to celebrate their birthdays. if no one had a birthday that particular month, they celebrated anyway.

for june they chose a mexican restaurant. while the ambience wasn't really up to their usual high standards the food was excellent. after the women had finished a leisurely lunch and several margaritas, four of the waiters came to their table wearing large sombreros. it was time to serenade the birthday girl. one of the waiters had a guitar slung over his shoulder. another brandished a pair of maracas.

"se