susan had prebaked the spareribs and while alix set the outdoor table, larry and jordan stood on the lawn by the barbecue. they chatted as larry slathered the ribs in sauce, and their laughter floated over to her. alix enjoyed their easy camaraderie.

"i talked with grandma turner," susan said, joining alix on the patio, carrying two glasses of lemonade. "she's very pleased that you and jordan are using the lake house for your wedding."

"she's been so good to us." alix didn't know what she would've done without the love and support of jordan's grandmother.

susan handed alix her lemonade. "i invited her to join us today, but she called this morning and said she was feeling a bit under the weather."

"the wedding isn't too much for her, is it?" she asked anxiously. although she and jordan had done everything they could to ensure that none of the burden fell on his grandmother, alix was still concerned. sarah was eighty-six, after all.

"no, no." susan dismissed her question. "grandma would be terribly disappointed if you and jordan were married anywhere else. besides, your wedding will be like a family reunion for her."

alix took a small sip of her lemonade.

"what's going on with colette's friend?" susan asked next as they sat at the picnic table across from each other. "i was at the flower shop and susannah said colette's been off work because someone she knows-her former boss, apparently-has gone missing."

"yeah." she nodded. "his name's christian dempsey."

the word was out to the media now, and there was plenty of speculation. "isn't it bizarre?" christian dempsey's disappearance in china had made all the local newscasts.

"there's a front-page article in this morning's paper," susan told her. "no one seems to know what's happened to him. when's the last time you talked to colette?"

"yesterday." alix remembered their lengthy conversation. "she's staying with christian's great-aunt elizabeth. he's like a son to her and she's taking the news badly."

"i'm so sorry," susan murmured. "we'll keep all of them in our prayers."

alix mumbled her thanks. extra prayers certainly couldn't hurt, and she'd given it a try herself, as well.

there was a pause as susan leaned forward, tension in every line of her body.

"uh, alix." she cleared her throat. "i hear that margaret langley asked a favor of you." susan seemed to be making an effort to sound casual.

alix hid her frown behind the glass, sipping while she composed a response. she'd told jordan about margaret's request and while she hadn't explicitly asked him to keep their conversation to himself, she hadn't expected him to run tattling to his parents, either.

"apparently she wanted some...help from you?" susan elaborated.

setting her glass on the picnic table, alix wrapped her hand around it. "jordan talked to you about that, did he?"

"i hope you aren't upset, but he did mention it to his father, and larry told me." susan seemed surprised by her reaction. "i would never have brought it up if i'd known...well, actually i would have. do you mind if we talk frankly?"

alix pushed the glass aside and nodded. "sure, go ahead."

"i've come to love you, alix. i want you to know that. i remember you as a child, attending sunday school classes. you were always a sweet little girl, so eager to please and learn. when my husband started the bus ministry, we were so happy that both you and your brother were part of it."

it was difficult to hold back a snicker. "my parents were willing to send us anywhere as long as we were away from the house for a couple of hours on sunday morning." she stared right into susan's eyes. "you know, so they could sleep off their hangover."

susan ignored that. "i remember how hard you tried to fit in with the other girls," she went on.

alix remembered, too. she hadn't owned any clothes other than what she wore to school. there were no pretty dresses for her at easter or christmas. she felt fortunate if she got a piece of clothing that didn't come out of a secondhand store.

"i really stuck out, didn't i?" she said. she recalled how badly she'd wanted to win the bible that was a prize for the kid who could recite the most verses from memory. she'd been willing to memorize a hundred of them. she'd won it, too, although she'd lost that bible somewhere along the way. her bible and just about everything it stood for.

"well, you weren't typical of the children in sunday school," susan confirmed.

"i still stick out, don't i?" alix asked, getting to the essence of the conversation. "that's what you want to say, right?" alix tried to make this as straightforward as possible. "speaking plainly, you don't think i'll be a good wife for jordan."

"no, no, that's not it at all," susan rushed to explain. "it's just the church where you don't fit in." she sighed. "that sounds so unkind and i don't mean it to, alix, i really don't. i'm thinking of jordan a few years down the road when he's a senior pastor."

"in other words, you're afraid i'll be hindrance to him."

"being a pastor's wife takes a special kind of woman."

alix took a moment to consider that. "you're saying i need to be more like you."

susan shook her head. "it isn't easy working in a church, that's what i'm trying to say. people have no idea they're being so critical. the congregation will judge jordan when they look at you."

"i see." alix hadn't thought of it in those terms.

susan glanced over her shoulder at her husband and son. "larry doesn't know we're having this conversation," she said in a low voice.

"does jordan?" if he did, alix swore she'd get up and walk out right this minute.

"heavens, no!" susan said. "i wanted this to be woman to woman."

jordan's mother didn't need to say it; alix already knew. she knew because she'd heard that one-sided conversation at the donovans'. "last month, a few days before i called off the big wedding," alix said, staring down at her lemonade, "i was over at jacqueline's. the two of you were talking on the phone and jacqueline didn't realize i was in the house. i wasn't intentionally eavesdropping and should've left, but i heard my name mentioned. i got the gist of the conversation in about two seconds. you'd rather i didn't marry jordan."

a flush of embarrassment rose to the other woman's cheeks. "no, that's not it at all! oh, dear, i'm making a mess of this."

"then explain it to me," alix said, struggling not to sound defensive or angry.

"it's just that..." susan paused. "i'll admit i've had some concerns and," she added quickly, "it's occurred to me that my son's ready to marry a woman with connections to a hit man."

"i know a few whores, too," alix said as if this were all a joke. "actually, they were pretty decent people. i'll bet that surprises you."

susan blinked a couple of times.

"did jordan ever tell you about when i was living on the street? or how often i ran away from foster homes?"

"alix, i'm sorry," susan whispered.

"don't be. you're probably right. you expected your son to marry a pretty blond church girl. you certainly didn't expect him to choose someone with a mother in prison and a father who walked out and never looked back. i've committed my share of sins, done drugs, lived on the edge. i'm a long way from that skinny little girl working so hard to earn a bible in sunday school."

jordan's mother paled.

"that isn't the worst of it," alix told her coldly.

"please, this isn't necessary," susan pleaded. "jordan loves you and-"

"listen. what you need to understand is that i'm not the person i used to be," alix said, swallowing the lump in her throat. she refused to allow susan to see her cry. "jordan knows that, but i don't think you do."

"perhaps not," susan admitted. "but what am i supposed to believe when i hear about people coming to you asking to have someone killed?"

"not killed, injured," alix corrected-as if that really made a difference. "margaret wanted the man who attacked her daughter to hurt the same way he'd hurt her." she must have raised her voice because jordan glanced at them.

"did dad tell you about that?" he asked his mother, hurrying over to where they sat.

susan met alix's eyes and silently pleaded with her not to divulge the rest of their conversation. "yes, he did say something about it," she said tightly. "alix and i were discussing...the incident."

stepping up behind alix, jordan rested his hands on her shoulders. "did alix tell you what she told margaret?" his voice was impassive but alix could feel the intensity of his emotion.

his mother shook her head. "we hadn't gotten to that."

"she talked to margaret about forgiveness," jordan said. "what a marvelous response, don't you think? i'm pretty sure margaret listened, too."

"i hope she did," alix murmured, but she couldn't know for sure.

"she listened because alix has experienced that kind of anger and pain herself. she doesn't like me to mention it, i know. it takes a pretty incredible woman to rise above the life alix was forced into. every day she amazes me more." he reached down to squeeze her hand. "only someone who's learned to forgive great pain can help someone else who's still hurting."

clasping his hand, alix twisted around and shot him a warning glance, which jordan ignored.

"that's one of the reasons alix is going to be such an asset to me, in church and outside of it," jordan continued. "people aren't afraid to talk to her about anything. that's the gift she brings to my ministry." his eyes met hers and he smiled. "having been raised in the church, i have a hard time reaching street kids. they don't think i can identify with their problems and they're right, i can't. i've never spent a night sleeping in some alley. but alix has and she's risen above it. they'll listen to her far more than they ever will me."

"does a street ministry interest you?" his mother asked, sounding surprised.

jordan nodded enthusiastically. "mom, i don't want to preach to the choir for the rest of my life. a doctor goes to people who are sick. these kids need god's love. but i can tell them all about it and what they need to do and they'll yawn in my face. then they look at alix and see someone who's changed her life. who do you think they're going to listen to? me, who's lived a comfortable life, or alix who's been where they are?"