i break loose from his grip. "i got this, man. i need a shower before i have to lie down and listen to the p**n show going on."

he laughs. "i'm guessing you were too drunk to get laid, then."

"you could say that," is all i say before hitting a cold shower for the second time today.

chapter 9

i'm alive

the black escalade idles in downtown manhattan. rain pounds on the roof. our show was rained out, so the band is heading to a panic performance in new york's bowery ballroom instead. we're all ensconced in the chauffeured suv outside the w, all except for ivy. we've been waiting for her for at least twenty minutes. she got a phone call from damon as we were walking out of the hotel and decided to take it in private. i try not to think about what that douchebag is talking to her about.

i'm in the front seat, turned around talking to leif. we're discussing the shredding abilities he demonstrated at last night's show. ivy sang a cover of "i kissed a girl" and out of nowhere leif riffs during the chorus, making the song even more appealing to the audience.

"hey, xander, what's with panic's underplay? i didn't think they needed any promo assistance," nix calls to me.

phoebe looks at him. "underplay?"

he answers, "it's when a big-name band performs in a small venue and instantly sells out. it helps get a new album noticed."

"i think they're a little nervous after coming off the momentum of their first two albums and because of the split. i think they just want to make sure they keep their groove going."

the door finally opens and ivy, covered by an umbrella, climbs in and sits next to leif. she seems a little nervous and she's definitely been crying. leif leans over and whispers something in her ear. she answers him and he makes a face.

the driver slides the suv into the traffic and spins a tight circle before accelerating. i stay twisted in my seat, my eyes glued on ivy. "is everything okay?"

she frowns and looks out the window