"i'm to blame, aren't i?"

"what?"

"i shouldn't have said a word about carol and the baby, but she'd been so sick and i've been so concerned about her." lindy paused and lightly shook her head. "i still am."

steve hated the way his heart reacted to the news that carol was still sickly. he didn't want to care about her, didn't want to feel this instant surge of protectiveness when it came to his ex-wife. for the past week, he'd tried to erase every memory of her from his tortured mind. obviously it hadn't worked, and the only thing he'd managed to develop was one hell of a hangover.

"i shouldn't have told you," lindy repeated.

"it wouldn't have made one bit of difference; i would have found out sooner or later."

lindy's hands cupped the coffee mug. "what are you going to do about it?"

steve shrugged. "nothing."

"nothing? but steve, that's your baby."

he let that pass, preferring not to correct his sister. "what's between carol and me isn't any of your business. leave it at that."

she seemed to weigh his words carefully. "i wish i could."

"what do you mean by that?"

"carol looks awful. i really think she needs to see her doctor. something's wrong, steve. she shouldn't be this sick."

he shrugged with feigned indifference. "that's her problem."

lindy's jaw sagged open. "i can't believe you. carol is carrying your child and you're acting like she got pregnant all by herself."

steve diverted his gaze to the blue sky outside his living-room window and shrugged. "maybe she did," he whispered.

chapter ten

carol sat at her desk and tried to concentrate on her work. this past seven days had been impossible. steve honestly believed she was carrying another man's child, and nothing she could ever say would convince him otherwise. it was like history repeating itself and all the agony of her divorce had come back to haunt her.

only this time carol was smarter.

if steve chose to believe such nonsense, that was his problem. she wanted this baby and from the first had been prepared to raise her daughter alone. now if only she could get over these bouts of nausea and the sickly feeling that was with her almost every day and night. most of it she attributed to the emotional upheaval in her life. within a couple of weeks it would pass and she would feel a thousand times better - at least, that was what she kept telling herself.

"hi."

a familiar, friendly voice invaded carol's thoughts. "lindy!" she said, directing her attention to steve's sister. "what are you doing here?"

"risking my job and my neck. can we meet later? i've got to talk to you; it's important."

as fond as carol was of her former sister-in-law, she knew there was only one subject lindy would want to discuss, and that was steve. her former husband was a topic carol preferred to avoid. nor was she willing to justify herself to his sister, if lindy started questioning her about the baby's father. it would be better for everyone involved if she refused to meet her, but the desperate worry in lindy's steady gaze frightened her.

"i suppose you want to ask me about steve," carol said slowly, thoughtfully. "i don't know that any amount of talking is going to change things. it'd be best just to leave things as they are."

"not you, too."

"too?"

"steve's so closed mouthed you'd think your name was listed as classified information."

carol picked up the clipboard and flipped over a page, in an effort to pretend she was exceptionally busy. "maybe it's better this way," she murmured, but was unable to disguise the pain her words revealed.

"listen, i've got to get back before someone important - like my supervisor - notices i'm missing," lindy said, scribbling something on a pad and ripping off the sheet. "here's the address to my apartment. rush is on sea trials, so we'll be alone."

"lindy..."

"if you care anything about my brother you'll come." once more those piercing eyes spelled out his sister's concern.

carol took the address, and frowned. "let me tell you right now that if you're trying to orchestrate a reconciliation, neither one of us will appreciate it."

"is steve going to mysteriously arrive around the same time as i do?"

"no. i promise he won't. good grief, carol, he won't even talk to me anymore. he isn't talking to anyone. i'm not kidding when i say i'm worried about him."

carol soaked in that information and frowned, growing concerned herself.

"you'll come?"

against her better judgment, she nodded. like her ex-husband, she didn't want to talk to anyone, and especially not to someone related to steve. the pain of his accusations was still too raw to share with someone else.

yet she knew she would be there to talk about whatever it was lindy found so important, although she also knew that nothing lindy could say would alter her relationship with steve.

at five-thirty, carol parked her car outside lindy's apartment building. she regretted agreeing to the meeting, but couldn't see any way of escaping without going back on her word.

lindy opened the door and greeted her with a weak smile. "come in and sit down. would you like something cold to drink? i just finished making a pitcher of iced tea."

"that sounds fine." carol still wasn't feeling well and would be glad when she saw her doctor for her regular appointment. she took a seat in the living room while lindy disappeared into the kitchen.

lindy returned a couple of minutes later with tall glasses filled with iced tea.

"i wish i could say you're looking better," lindy said, handing carol a glass and a colorful napkin.

"i wish i could say i was, too."

lindy sat across from her and automatically crossed her long legs. "1 take it the medication the doctor gave you for the nausea didn't help?"

"it helped some."

"but generally you're feeling all right?"

carol shrugged. she'd never been pregnant before and had nothing to compare this experience to. "i suppose."

lindy's fingers wiped away the condensation on the outside of her glass. she hedged, and her gaze drifted around the room. "i think the best way to start is to apologize."

"but what could you have possibly done to offend me?"

lindy's gaze moved to carol's, and she released a slow breath. "i told steve i suspected you were pregnant."

"it's true," carol answered with a gentle smile. she would be a single mother, and although she would have preferred to be married, she was pleased and proud to be carrying this child.

"i know... but it would have been far better coming from you. i left a message for steve to call me once he returned from his deployment. i was afraid he was going to come at you with his usual caveman tactics and you've been so ill lately... it's a weak excuse, i know."

"lindy, for goodness' sake, don't worry about it. this baby isn't a deep, dark secret." remembering the life she was nurturing in her womb was what had gotten her through the bleakest hours of this past week. steve might choose to reject his daughter, but he could never take away this precious gift he had unknowingly given her.

"i don't know what's going on with my brother," lindy muttered, dropping her gaze to her tea. "i wish rush were here. if anyone could talk some sense into him, it's my husband."

"get used to him being away when you need him most. it's the lot of a navy wife. the navy blues doesn't always refer only to their dress uniform, you know."

lindy nodded. "i'm learning that; i'm also learning i'm much stronger than i thought i was. rush was involved in an accident last year in the persian gulf - you probably read about it in the papers - well, really that doesn't have anything to do with steve, but he was with me the whole time when we didn't know if rush was dead or alive. i can't even begin to tell you how good he was, how supportive. in a crisis, my brother can be a real trooper."

"yes, i know." carol paused and took a sip of her tea. on more than one occasion in their married life, she had come to admire steve's levelheadedness in dealing with both major and minor emergencies. it was in other matters, like trust and confidence in her love, that he fell sadly short.

"i don't understand him anymore," lindy admitted. "he was ecstatic when i mentioned my suspicions about you being pregnant... i thought he was going to go right through the ceiling he was so excited. he was bubbling over like a little kid. i know he drove over to your place right after that and then we didn't hear from him again. i phoned, but he just barked at me to leave him alone, and when i went to see him... well, that's another story entirely."

carol stiffened. it was better to deal with lindy honestly since it was apparent steve hadn't told her. "he doesn't believe the baby is his."

lindy's brow folded into a dark, brooding frown. "but that's ridiculous."

carol found it somewhat amazing that her former sister-in-law would believe her without question and her ex-husband wouldn't.

"i...can't believe this." lindy pressed her palm over her forehead, lifting her bangs, and her mouth sagged open. "but, sadly, it explains a good deal." as if she couldn't remain sitting any longer, lindy got up and started walking around the room, moving from one side to the other without direction. "what is that man's problem? good grief, someone should get him to face a few fundamental facts here."

carol smiled. it felt good to have someone trust and believe her.

"what are you going to do? i mean, i assumed steve was going to remarry you, but..."

"obviously that's out of the question."

"but..."

"single women give birth every day. it's rather commonplace now for a woman to choose to raise a child on her own. that was my original intention."

"but, steve..."

"steve is out of my life." her hand moved to her stomach and a soft smile courted the edges of her mouth. "he gave me what i wanted. someday he'll be smart enough to calculate dates, but when he does it'll be too late."

"oh, carol, don't say that. steve loves you so much."

"he's hurt me for the last time. he can't love me and accuse me of the things he has. it's over for us, and there's no going back."

"but he does love you." lindy walked around a bit more and then plopped down across from carol. "when he wouldn't talk to me on the phone, i went over to the apartment. i've never seen him like this. he frightened me."

"what's wrong?" carol was angry with herself for caring, but she did.