this brought on more sloppy crying. faith sighed and grabbed abby's backpack.

"it was so great seeing you," everett whispered, beaming. "want to have a drink sometime?"

"no! i mean, sure, to catch up, but not romantically, okay? because i babysat you." faith smiled firmly.

"you know, i used to think about you when i-"

"that's enough, everett." levi's voice was calm.

"right, right! sorry, sir!" ev looked at faith again. "you look great." he blushed, and she couldn't help a smile.

"faith."

levi's voice made her jump.

"yes?"

"give her a talk. she obviously worships you."

for the first time in a long time, it seemed like levi was looking at her with something other than contempt. and you know...a man in uniform...with those big, brawny arms... her knees felt abruptly weak. "okay. thank you, levi."

and she forgot, at least for a little while, that levi was the one who ruined her wedding and outed the man she loved.

chapter ten

nature had pulled out all the stops the morning of faith and jeremy's wedding. the sun shone over the lake, burnishing it a deep, aching blue, and it seemed that every flower and tree was at its most beautiful as the limo drove from the hill down to the village square. faith wore a cinderella dress, the tight, beaded bodice catching the light and throwing rainbows through the car, the tulle skirt so puffy that it almost obscured abby, who was chattering with excitement. prudence looked strange and beautiful out of work clothes, her eyes crinkling in a smile. both her sisters wore pink, faith's favorite color, and colleen, as maid of honor, had a dress slightly deeper in shade. faith hadn't wanted to choose between her sisters, so colleen had gotten the nod.

"you girls," john holland said, his eyes damp. "so beautiful."

faith realized she was clenching her bouquet. she wasn't nervous. well, a little. but not about marrying jeremy, of course not. no, it was probably just stage fright. there'd be three hundred people at the church, after all. so yes, it was probably just that. once she saw jeremy, those nerves would disappear.

he'd called her last night to tell her levi had been delayed in atlanta and would have to meet them at the church, not to worry, he'd be there.

"that's good," faith had said. the truth was, she wouldn't have minded if levi got stuck and missed the entire wedding; she hadn't seen him since high school, and she wasn't really looking forward to that bored, condescending air he always had around her. then again, surely all that childish stuff was done. she was about to become his best friend's wife, after all. besides, no negative thoughts would be allowed on the night before her wedding. "it'll be great to see him," she added. points for positive attitude.

jeremy hadn't said anything.

"honey? you still there?" she whispered.

"i just wanted to tell you that being your husband is everything i've ever wanted," jeremy said, his voice husky.

"oh, jeremy," she whispered. "i love you so much."

that's what she should be thinking of on this beautiful june morning. not the tremor in her stomach. maybe she was just missing her mom, because what girl didn't want her mother on her wedding day, to exclaim and shed a few tears...and, if the case called for it, to reassure.

from a place dark and deep inside her, something roared.

nope. no. uh-uh. it was just stage fright. she was, by far, the luckiest woman in the world. being your husband is everything i've ever wanted. come on! those were words she could take to the bank! nothing could be wrong when a man said words like that. this was marital gold.

the limo pulled up in front of trinity lutheran, the stone church where the hollands had gone for generations, and the tourists who were wandering on the green stopped to look as the wedding party got out. "you're so beautiful!" one woman called. the photographer snapped her picture as she bent to kiss abby's cheek, a picture that would go on to win a prize in a national photography contest later that year.

then, holding on to her father's arm, colleen fluffing her dress, faith went into the church to marry the man she'd loved since the first day she'd met him, when, like the hero in a movie, he'd carried her unconscious form in his strong arms. okay, that sounded creepy, but it hadn't been. it had been wonderful, or so she was told.

there he was, standing on the altar, so handsome in his tux, tall and manly. he was smiling at someone, maybe one of his patients, because half the town had flocked to him, never mind that he was barely done with his residency. levi had made it, she noted; he looked older in his dress uniform. he was shorter than jeremy, his hair sticking up a little in front. his face was somber; he must've been tired from all his traveling. faith couldn't help thinking it'd be nice if he could fake a smile. it was her wedding day, after all, and the man looked as if he was at a funeral.

pachelbel's canon in d began, and pru started down the aisle. honor turned, and, so uncharacteristically, hugged faith. "love you," she whispered, then started down herself, followed by colleen and then abby.

pachelbel stopped, then, and the wedding march began.

faith's heart rate tripled. she tried to keep her eyes on jeremy, felt her face stretching in a smile, but damned if she didn't feel...wrong.

just nervous, her brain lied.

it seemed like the entire town was there, looking at her: dr. buckthal, her neurologist, and his wife. theresa defilio, one of the truly nice girls from high school, a baby on her shoulder, handsome husband at her side. jessica dunn, yawning. laura boothby who'd done such an amazing job with the flowers. ted and elaine, smiling brightly. connor o'rourke. mrs. johnson and jack in the front row. so many people. way too many.

when reverend white asked who gave this woman in marriage, dad answered, "her mother and i," and the congregation sighed with the bittersweet beauty of his words. daddy kissed her cheek, tears in his eyes, and shook jeremy's hand, leaning in to give him a one-armed hug. "take care of my baby," he said, then went to his seat.

jeremy's hands were clammy. "you look so beautiful," he whispered, his lips pulling back in something like a smile. his gaze bounced from her to somewhere over her head.

he wasn't nervous. he was terrified.

a floating feeling enveloped faith, almost like the auras that preceded her seizures, but different, too. faith could hear her own breathing, rather than the words of the minister, the readings-one by jack, one by jeremy's cousin anne. the wedding seemed to slow into endlessness. it hadn't seemed so long at the rehearsal. honestly, it was the longest wedding in history! why hadn't they gotten to the vows yet? she couldn't look at jeremy and focused on the readers instead, on reverend white, on her bouquet.

maybe it was the epilepsy. faith tried to wrestle her faulty brain into order, to press each detail into her memory. enjoy the day, that's what everyone told her, but, hell, it seemed like she might be on the verge of that dark, epileptic hole. she'd been religious about taking her meds. hadn't had a seizure in three years. please, not that, not now.

the seizure didn't come, but the sense of doom pressed in on her like hot lead.

now the minister was talking about marriage and the seriousness of two people pledging their lives together. faith couldn't concentrate. she just wanted to say her vows and be jeremy's wife. she wanted to promise to love him all the days of her life, because she would. he was the one. just a few more minutes, and it would be official, and please, get this over with, was this a normal way to be feeling, couldn't they just fast forward to the part where people were throwing birdseed?

reverend white finally stopped blathering. he looked out over the congregation, and faith looked, too, all those smiling faces, her dad looking so proud, her grandparents beaming. almost there. almost there. she looked back at jeremy. his face was oily with sweat, his hands damp and hot, clenching hers.

"before we begin the vows," the reverend said, "does anyone know of a reason these two should not be wed? if so, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

her heart was now beating so hard she could feel the separate chambers rolling and squeezing.

no one said anything.

the reverend smiled. "i didn't think so. in that case-"

"jeremy." the voice was so low, it might not have actually been spoken. but, no, jeremy flinched.

it was levi. "jeremy. come on."

what? why was he talking? he looked so damn solemn in that uniform. so...authoritative. why did he have to come? why couldn't his plane have been late?

jeremy's breathing was jagged. the sheen of sweat grew, droplets beading on his forehead. he licked his lips and swallowed, then opened his mouth to speak.

"no," she whispered.

"faith," jeremy said, squeezing her hands so hard he was crushing them.

"no." she forced herself to smile. "i love you."

pain ripped through his eyes, eyes that had only ever before smiled at her. "honey, i...i have to talk to you."

a murmur went up from the congregation, and from the corner of her eye, faith could see her father's mouth opening in shock, elaine-elaine, who loved faith like a daughter-gripping ted's arm.

faith's legs were shaking, her dress quivering with the movement. "jeremy, let's just finish this," she whispered.

"is there a problem?" reverend white asked, his bushy eyebrows coming together.

"no!" faith answered, her voice cracking. oh, lord, she was going to faint. "there's not."

jeremy swallowed again, his eyes filled with tears. "faith," he said again, and her knees did buckle then.

"let's go," levi said, taking faith by the arm. "downstairs, you two." he towed her off the altar, the train of her dress tugging with its weight. jeremy followed.

there was a staircase right by the altar. "what the hell are you doing?" pru asked, and then the voices of the guests rumbled and echoed in the church. down the stairs they went, levi's hand inescapable. he was a bully. he was ruining everything.

"jeremy," she squeaked, looking back. her fiance didn't meet her eyes.

levi pushed through the door at the bottom of the stairs. the church basement was dim and smelled like chalk. four or five metal folding chairs sat huddled together. bible study or aa or something. levi let go of her arm and then guided jeremy a few paces away, leaving her standing alone.

"what's going on here?" it was her father, thank god, and colleen and her sisters and jack, and jeremy's parents, too. her father came to her side and put his arm around her, and she sagged against his shoulder. "you're ruining their wedding, levi!"

yes! he was supposed to be the best man, not the ruiner of weddings. how dare he? you know, she had always wished jeremy had had a different friend. she'd never liked levi cooper. he was too...secretive. and confident. and he'd never liked her, especially after that one stupid kiss.

"hang on a sec," levi said.

he and jeremy were talking, jeremy's voice panicky, levi's lower, calmer. then jeremy nodded; levi gave his shoulder a squeeze, nodded, then turned to the group.

"jeremy and faith need a little time alone," he said. his eyes stopped-not on faith, but on mr. and mrs. lyon.

"oh," elaine said, her voice very, very soft. "oh, dear."

"faith?" dad said. "do you want us to stay?"

she looked at jeremy, who loved her. who'd called her last night to say everything he ever wanted was to be her husband. "it'll be okay. it's fine, daddy."