"i'm not ungrateful. i love what she's done."

"prove it," levi said. "get up there."

"fine. my suffering continues." mr. holland sighed. he stood up and extended his hand. mrs. holland took it.

the song started for the third time, and as the old hollands assumed the position, levi was almost sure they were smiling.

faith was nowhere to be seen.

faith had found a place under the deck where she was fairly sure she wouldn't be found. the grass was cool and damp, but who cared? better to hide here and get grass-stained than go back to the party. if she was found, she might stick a fork in someone's eye.

she took a long pull from the bottle of wine she'd appropriated.

though she knew it was pointless, faith let herself imagine what tonight would've been like if her mom were here. that she'd have tilted her head against dad's shoulder and whispered something to make him laugh. there'd be no need for lorenas or vegan zealots, and, somehow, mom would work her firm magic on goggy and pops, would help honor relax, laugh with pru, dance with jack, and maybe, just maybe, have some words for faith, too.

the grief slipped around her like a heavy cape, enveloping her. she didn't deserve to miss her mother, but, dear god, she did.

"hey."

faith jumped. "hi, levi," she said, surreptitiously wiping her eyes. her achy heart sped up.

"drinking alone?" he asked.

"yep. tonight, i think it's more than justified."

levi sat down next to her. "so this has been..." his voice trailed off.

"terrifying?" she suggested, taking another pull. "because really, what other word works here?"

"memorable." there might've been a smile in his voice, but it was too dark to tell.

"memorable. your word is better."

"were you crying just now?" he asked, his voice quiet.

for some reason, his question made her throat tighten again. "a little."

he didn't say anything to that. didn't say anything at all, and it was kind of nice, just having him there at her side. she felt chilly all of a sudden. wondered what he'd do if she leaned her bare shoulder against his.

"they're dancing, you know," he said after a minute.

she shot him a look. "really?"

"yep."

"oh. good." she looked back at her hands. the waterproof mascara was not tearproof.

from up above came the shrill and adorable voice of young michael jackson. footsteps thudded more or less in time to the music, indicating that people were dancing.

"this place is beautiful, faith," levi said, and all of a sudden, faith's toes curled in her shoes, because...well, because he'd come to find her.

"thank you," she whispered, turning her head to look at him in the faint light. damn. levi cooper in a suit. she couldn't say she'd ever seen him in one before, aside from his dress uniform. his hands were clasped loosely in front of him and he was looking at her. "are you having a nice time?" she asked.

"i am now."

the words caused a tightening low in her belly. "you look very handsome, levi."

he did. those sleepy eyes definitely held a slight smile now. at least, that's what it seemed like. he leaned so that his shoulder bumped hers, and the small gesture made her entire body feel warm. "and you look very pretty, faith," he murmured.

"thanks."

he looked at her a long moment, then reached over and touched the silky hairs at the back of her neck, studiously, a slight frown coming to his face, as if he'd never touched that spot on a woman before. faith swallowed as her entire side broke out in goose bumps, her muscles turning liquid. he stared at the spot he was touching, his lashes catching a bit of the light from outside. the boredom scale didn't exist now.

his mouth was so close. she could just lean in and kiss him, feel that perfect pressure, that thrilling moment when the kiss would deepen and she'd feel his tongue slide against hers.

yes, if she worked up the nerve, faith could kiss levi cooper, the boy she'd known most of her life, the boy who'd never liked her.

but she didn't move, hypnotized by that gentle touch on her neck. he could do that all night, and she'd sit here and not want anything more.

except she did.

"come on," levi said. he stood up and took her hand, pulling her to her feet, and led her out from under the deck to the barn's entrance. "take a look at that." he stood behind her, not touching her, but close enough for her to feel his warmth.

her grandparents were dancing; michael jackson had finished, and the rolling stones were singing "beast of burden." dad was dancing with honor, colleen with old mr. iskin, pru with ned, abby with helena, both girls laughing.

and goggy and pops were dancing, too. dancing, and smiling as they talked.

faith felt a smile come to her own face. she'd done it. it looked...wonderful. magical, even.

"you wanna get out of here?" levi asked, and his breath was soft against her neck.

the party would last maybe another hour. the caterers would take care of cleanup; everyone had already been paid; she'd be up here tomorrow, anyway. her job was done, in other words.

and levi cooper was asking her to go somewhere with him, and there was a promising look in his eyes...she suddenly, desperately wanted do something about that.

"okay," she whispered.

chapter nineteen

the whole seduction thing...easier said than done.

they'd been home for eighteen minutes, and the only one seeing any action thus far was blue, who'd attached himself to levi's leg the second they came through the door. luckily, she'd asked eleanor raines from downstairs to walk the beastie; ellie fell over herself to worship him on a number of occasions, so blue was all set for the night. good thing the dog was here, because conversation wasn't exactly flying.

levi was sitting on her couch, having successfully ended the humping session (well, blue's humping session) and was now scratching the dog's ears as her pet stared at him worshipfully, tennis ball in mouth. faith herself was leaning against the counter, drinking a glass of ice water.

maybe she'd been wrong about levi's intentions. was it possible, she wondered, that levi had no idea she wanted him to, ah, do her? if he did, how come he was just sitting there? how exactly did people proceed? should she just announce it? god, she was nervous! heart zipping away, hands shaking slightly, stomach in knots. where was that warm melting sensation from before? hmm?

what to do, what to do. she and jeremy had had dozens of conversations on the topic before doing the deed, but obviously, theirs wasn't the typical male/female dynamic.

the facts were that levi had kissed her. twice. three times, if she counted back a decade or so. and there was the neck stroking. also, his sister had called nine minutes ago, and he'd let it go to voice mail.

okay. faith was gonna go for it. sort of. in a way.

"let's get this party started, shall we?" someone said, and oh, hemorrhoid, it was her very own mouth that had formed those ridiculous words.

levi gave her a long look. "really?"

"shut up, levi," she said, her face hot. "you want to get it on or what? oh, god, i sound like such a slut. you know what? you can go. no hard feelings. america's next top model is having a marathon, anyway."

blue barked, wagging happily. it was his favorite show.

levi got up. faith's heart rate tripled. oh, yes, yes indeed, he was coming over. to her, or to the door? oh, lordy, to her. there was a very faint, possibly imagined, smile playing around his mouth, and his eyes had that sleepy, incredibly hot look. he took the glass out of her hand and set it on the counter. just the brush of his fingers against hers made her knees tingle and weaken. she inhaled the smell of his soap-ivory, maybe? who knew? he smelled good. focus, faith, focus. a heterosexual male is standing in front of you. do something about that.

she didn't. she appeared to be frozen. well, there was some dried cuticle that could use picking. how about that? that'd be fun. easier than this. she really didn't know what she was doing, man-wise. maybe america's next top model would be the best option, after all.

levi put his hands on the counter, trapping her without touching. he was maybe an inch away from her, all bristling testosterone and heat. faith swallowed, the noise gunshot loud.

"i'd rather stay," he murmured.

then he closed the tiny space between them, his body a hard, warm shock, and his mouth found hers.

and it would've been great, except, you know, sex was looming.

she tried pursing her lips, and crap, that didn't feel right. what was she supposed to do, exactly?

"relax," levi said, and she realized he'd stopped kissing her, and she was standing, clenched as tightly as new rope.

"right," she said, licking her lips. unclench, unclench. she loosened her fists. "okay. i'm trying. go ahead. kiss me again."

he raised an eyebrow. "you sure?"

"yes. please. please kiss me." great. now she was begging.

his eyes were half closed now, those beautiful green eyes, and he leaned in, his hard, muscled arms pulling her against him. then his lips were against hers, more insistent this time, and faith tried to kiss him back, but she couldn't quite breathe.

he sighed and pulled back again. "what's the problem here, faith?"

"i don't have a problem," she snapped. "maybe you have the problem. maybe you're not as great a kisser as you think. or maybe i'm worried you'll hate yourself in the morning. i mean, you've kissed me twice now with absolutely no follow-up, so maybe you're the one with the problem. jeez."

he stared. blue flopped on the floor, belly up. the clock ticked. futtocks, this was awkward!

"how many men have you slept with?" levi asked.

busted. "uh, counting you?" she said, feeling her chest practically burst into flame with a blush.

his forehead crinkled with that incredulous look she'd seen so many times in their high school years. "we haven't slept together, faith."

"no, i know that. you have a point. can't argue with that." she closed her eyes briefly. america's next top model was looking better and better.

"so not counting me, how many?"

faith nodded as if considering the question, glancing at something safer than levi's face. the fridge, or the bowl of green apples that had looked so pretty in the market but had tasted so sour in reality. should really throw those out. "let's see," she said. "um...one."

her heart seemed to curl in on itself in embarrassment.

he didn't blink. even his eyelashes seemed disdainful.

"one," he said.

"yep."

"you've only slept with jeremy?"

"you are correct, sir." her face was hot enough to fry an egg. not that she had anything to be embarrassed about. chastity was a good thing. being fastidious about one's choices in life-an excellent quality.

this night was not going as planned.

"look," she said, perhaps more sharply than she meant. "since jeremy, i just never met anyone who... i mean, it's not like i didn't- there were a couple guys who..." she took a breath and forced herself to look at levi directly, who was waiting, that look still on his face. "i didn't want to sleep with someone just for the sake of it," she finished.

words that would make a man run. especially someone like levi, who seemed like the type to absolutely sleep with someone just for the sake of it.

the truth of the matter was, faith had wanted to be in love first. for eight of the past eleven years, she'd only ever imagined sleeping with one man, after all. sex was far too intimate to do with someone she didn't love. gay or not, jeremy had loved her and, god knew, she'd loved him back.