robin was too horrified to speak. the swallow of coffee got stuck in her throat and she started choking. trying to help her breathe, jeff pounded her back with his fist, which only added to her misery.

by the time she caught her breath, tears were streaking down her face.

"you all right, mom?" jeff asked, his eyes wide with concern. he rushed into the bathroom and returned with a wad of tissue.

"thanks," she whispered, wiping her face. it took her a moment or two to regain her composure. this was a talk she'd planned on having with him soon-but not quite yet. "jeff, listen...kissing doesn't make babies."

"it doesn't? but i thought...i hoped...you mean you won't be having a baby?"

"i...not from kissing," she whispered, taking in deep breaths to stabilize her pulse.

"i suppose the next thing you're gonna tell me is we'll have to save up for a baby the way we did for the house and now the fence before we get me a dog."

this conversation was getting too complicated. "no, we wouldn't have to save for a baby."

"then what's the holdup?" her son demanded. "i like the idea of being a big brother. i didn't think much about it until we moved here. then when we were having dinner at the chinese restaurant i heard this grandma and grandpa in the booth next to us talking, and they were saying neat things about us being a family. that's when i started thinking about babies and stuff."

"jeff," robin said, rubbing her hands together as she collected her thoughts. "there's more to it than that. before there's a baby, there should be a husband."

"well, of course," jeff returned, looking at her as if she'd insulted his intelligence. "you'd have to marry cole first, but that'd be all right with me. you like him, don't you? you must like him or you wouldn't be kissing him that way."

robin sighed. of course she liked cole, but it wasn't that simple. unfortunately she wasn't sure she could explain it in terms a ten-year-old could understand. "i-"

"i can't remember ever seeing you kiss a guy like that. you looked real serious. and when i was sneaking back up the stairs, i heard him ask you to have dinner alone with him tonight and that seemed like a real good sign."

the next time cole kissed her, robin thought wryly, they'd have to scurry into a closet. the things that child came up with...

"you are going to dinner with him, aren't you?"

"yes, but-"

"then what's the problem? i'll ask him to marry you if you want."

"jeff!" she cried, leaping to her feet. "absolutely not! that's between cole and me, and neither of us would appreciate any assistance from you. is that clearly understood?"

"all right," he sighed, but he didn't look too pleased. he reached for a piece of toast, shredding it into thirds. "but you're going to marry him, aren't you?"

"i don't know."

"why not? cole's the best thing that's ever happened to us."

her son was staring at her intently, his baseball cap twisted around to the back of his head. now that she had his full attention, robin couldn't find the words to explain. "it's more complicated than you realize, sweetie." she made a show of glancing at the clock. "anyway, it's time to change and get ready for church."

jeff nodded and rushed up the stairs. robin followed at a much slower pace, grateful to put an end to this difficult and embarrassing subject.

the minute they were home from the service, jeff grabbed his baseball mitt. "jimmy wallach and i are going to the school yard to practice hitting balls. okay?"

"okay," robin said absently. "how long will you be gone?"

"an hour."

"i'm going grocery shopping, so if i'm not home when you get back you know what to do?"

"of course," he muttered.

"you're robin masterson, aren't you?" a tall middle-aged woman asked as she maneuvered her grocery cart alongside robin's.

"yes," robin said. the other woman's eyes were warm and her smile friendly.

"i thought you must be-i've seen you from a distance. i'm joyce wallach. jimmy and jeff have become good friends. in fact, they're at the school yard now."

"of course," robin said, pleased to make the other woman's acquaintance. they'd talked on the phone several times, and she'd met joyce's husband once, when jimmy had spent the night. the boys had wanted to play on the same baseball team and were disappointed when they'd been assigned to different teams. it had been jimmy who'd told jeff about the death of cole's son.

"i've been meaning to invite you to the house for coffee," joyce went on to say, "but i started working part-time and i can't seem to get myself organized."

"i know what you mean." working full-time, keeping up with jeff and her home was about all robin could manage herself. she didn't know how other mothers were able to accomplish so much.

"there's a place to sit down here," joyce said, and her eyes brightened at the idea. "do you have time to chat now?"

robin nodded. "sure. i've been wanting to meet you, too." the wallachs lived two streets over, and robin fully approved of jimmy as a friend for jeff. he and kelly had become friends, too, but her ten-year-old son wasn't as eager to admit being buddies with a girl. kelly was still a green apple in jeff's eye, but the time would come when he'd appreciate having her next door.

"i understand jeff's quite the baseball player," joyce said at the self-service counter.

robin smiled. she poured herself a plastic cup of iced tea and paid for it. "jeff really loves baseball. he was disappointed he couldn't play with jimmy."

"they separate the teams according to the kid's year of birth. jimmy's birthday is in january so he's with another group." she frowned. "that doesn't really make much sense, does it?" she chuckled, and robin couldn't help responding to the soft infectious sound of joyce's laughter. she found herself laughing, too.

they pulled out chairs at one of the small tables in the supermarket's deli section.

"i feel like throwing my arms around you," joyce said with a grin. "i saw cole camden at balboa park the other day and i couldn't believe my eyes. it was like seeing him ten years ago, the way he used to be." she glanced at robin. "jeff was with him."

"cole came to his first game."

"ah." she nodded slowly, as if that explained it. "i don't know if anyone's told you, but there's been a marked difference in cole lately. i can't tell you how happy i am to see it. cole's gone through so much heartache."

"cole's been wonderful for jeff," robin said, then swallowed hard. she felt a renewed stab of fear that cole was more interested in the idea of having a son than he was in a relationship with her.

"i have the feeling you've both been wonderful for him," joyce added.

robin's smile was losing its conviction. she lowered her eyes and studied the lemon slice floating in her tea.

"my husband and i knew cole quite well before the divorce," joyce went on to say. "larry, that's my husband, and cole played golf every saturday afternoon. then jennifer decided she wanted out of the marriage, left him and took bobby. cole really tried to save that marriage, but the relationship had been in trouble for a long time. cole doted on his son, though-he would've done anything to spare bobby the trauma of a divorce. jennifer, however-" joyce halted abruptly, apparently realizing how much she'd said. "i didn't mean to launch into all of this-it's ancient history. i just wanted you to know how pleased i am to meet you."

since cole had told her shockingly little of his past, robin had to bite her tongue not to plead with joyce to continue. instead, she bowed her head and said, "i'm pleased to meet you, too."

then she looked up with a smile as joyce said, "jimmy's finally got the friend he's always wanted. there are so few boys his age around here. i swear my son was ready to set off fireworks the day jeff registered at the school and he learned you lived only two blocks away."

"jeff claimed he couldn't live in a house that's surrounded by girls." robin shook her head with a mock grimace. "if he hadn't met jimmy, i might've had a mutiny on my hands."

joyce's face relaxed into another warm smile. she was energetic and animated, gesturing freely with her hands as she spoke. robin felt as if she'd known and liked jimmy's mother for years.

"there hasn't been much turnover in this neighborhood. we're a close-knit group, as i'm sure you've discovered. heather lawrence is a real sweetie. i wish i had more time to get to know her. and cole, well...i realize that huge house has been in his family forever, but i half expected him to move out after jennifer and bobby were killed."

the silence that followed was punctuated by robin's soft, involuntary gasp. "what did you just say?"

"that i couldn't understand why cole's still living in the house on orchard street. is that what you mean?"

"no, after that-about jennifer and bobby." it was difficult for robin to speak. each word felt as if it had been scraped from the roof of her mouth.

"i assumed you knew they'd both been killed," joyce said, her eyes full of concern. "i mean, i thought for sure that cole had told you."

"i knew about bobby. jimmy said something to jeff, who told me, but i didn't have any idea that jennifer had died, too. heather lawrence told me about the divorce, but she didn't say anything about cole's wife dying...."

"i don't think heather knows. she moved into the neighborhood long after the divorce, and cole's pretty close-mouthed about it."

"when did all this happen?"

"five or six years ago now. it was terribly tragic," joyce said. "just thinking about it makes my heart ache all over again. i don't mean to be telling tales, but if there's any blame to be placed i'm afraid it would fall on jennifer. she wasn't the kind of woman who's easy to know or like. i shouldn't speak ill of the dead, and i don't mean to be catty, but jen did cole a favor when she left him. naturally, he didn't see it that way-he was in love with his wife and crazy about his son. frankly, i think cole turned a blind eye to his wife's faults because of bobby."

"what happened?" perhaps having a neighbor fill in the details of cole's life was the wrong thing to do; robin no longer knew. cole had never said a word to her about jennifer or bobby, and she didn't know if he ever would.