"i certainly hope so," she said and got up to carry her plate to the sink.

carol waited until peter was busy with his homework and the dishes were done before she snuck into the kitchen and turned off the light. then she called alex. she wasn't sure what she'd do if james answered.

"hello."

"alex?" she cupped her hand over the receiver and kept her eye on the doorway in case peter strolled past.

"i can't talk long. listen, did james happen to have a heart-to-heart discussion with you about...us?"

"not exactly. he said something about the two of them having a talk about you and me. why?"

"that's what i'm talking about," she whispered, ignoring his question. "over dinner peter threw a grenade at my feet."

"he did what?"

"it's a figure of speech-don't interrupt me. he said the two of them argued when you didn't open the van door and afterward decided it would be just great if the two of us...that's you and me...got married." she could barely get the words past the growing lump in her throat.

"now that you mention it, james did say something along those lines."

carol pressed her back to the kitchen wall, suddenly needing its support. "how can you be so casual about this?" she burst out.

"casual?"

"my son announced that he knew what was going on inside the van and that i should've seen my face and that fishing and camping with you would be like having a father." she paused long enough to draw in a breath.

"carol?"

"and then when i try to calmly warn you what these two are plotting, you make it sound like...i don't know...like we're discussing basketball or something."

"carol, slow down, i can barely understand you."

"of course you can't understand me-i'm upset!"

"listen, this is clearly disturbing you. we need to talk about it. can you meet me for lunch tomorrow?"

"i can't go out for lunch, for heaven's sake-i'm a nurse."

"okay, i'll meet you in the hospital cafeteria at noon."

just then peter strolled nonchalantly into the kitchen. he stood in the doorway, turned on the light and stared curiously at his mother.

"sure, mama, whatever you say," carol said brightly-too brightly.

"mama?" alex echoed chuckling. "okay, i get the picture. i'll see you tomorrow at noon."

agreeing to meet alex at the hospital was a mistake. carol should have realized it immediately, but she'd been so concerned with the shocking news peter had delivered over dinner that she didn't stop to consider what could happen once she was spotted with alex in the gossip-rich cafeteria at ford memorial.

"sorry i'm late," carol murmured as she joined him at a table for two, sliding her orange tray across from his. a couple of nurses from surgery walked past, glanced at alex, then at carol, and then back at alex. carol offered her peers a weak smile. once she returned to the obstetrics ward, she was in for an inquisition that could teach the spaniards a lesson.

"i haven't been here long." alex grinned and reached for his ham sandwich. "how much time do you have?"

carol checked her watch. "forty-five minutes."

he opened a carton of milk. "all right. do you want to tell me what upset you so much about last night?"

"i already did."

"refresh my memory."

carol released a slow sigh. several more of her friends had seen her and alex, including janice mandle, her partner in the birthing classes. by this time, the probing stares being sent their way were rattling carol's shaky composure. "apparently james and peter have come to some sort of agreement...about you and me."

"i see." humor flashed through his eyes like a distant light.

"alex," she cried. "this is serious. we've gone out to dinner once, and our sons are talking about where the four of us are going to spend our honeymoon."

"and that bothers you?"

"of course it does! and it should bother you, too. they already have expectations about how our relationship's going to develop. i don't think it's a healthy situation, and furthermore, they know about friday night." she took a bite of her turkey sandwich and picked up her coffee.

"you mean that we're going to the home show?"

carol nodded. "yes, but i think we should forget the whole thing. we're looking at potential trouble here, and i for one have enough problems in my life without dealing with the guilt of not giving my son a father to take him fishing." she breathed deeply, then added, "my brother doesn't camp or fish. actually no one in our family does."

alex held his sandwich in front of his mouth. he frowned, his eyes studying hers, before he lowered his hands to the plate. "i beg your pardon?"

carol shook her head, losing patience. "never mind."

"no," he said after a thoughtful pause. "explain to me what taking peter fishing has to do with us seeing each other friday night and your brother tony who doesn't camp and hunt."

"fish," carol corrected, "although he doesn't hunt, either."

"that part makes sense."

curious stares seemed to come at carol from every corner of the room. alex had finished his sandwich, and carol wasn't interested in eating any more of hers.

"do you want to go outside?" she suggested.

"sure."

once they'd disposed of their trays, carol led him onto the hospital grounds. the weather had been beautiful for april. it wouldn't last much longer. the rains would return soon, and the "rose city" would blossom into the floral bouquet of the pacific northwest.

with her hands in the front pockets of her uniform, carol strolled in the sunshine, leading them away from the building and toward the parking lot. she saw his van in the second row and turned abruptly in the opposite direction. that construction van would be nothing but a source of embarrassment to her now.

"there's a pond over this way." with its surrounding green lawns, it offered relative privacy.

an arched bridge stretched between its banks, and goldfish swam in the cold water. sunlight rippled across the pond, illuminating half, while the other half remained in enigmatic shadow. in some ways, carol felt her budding relationship with alex was like sun and shadow. when she was with him, she felt as though she was stepping into the light, that he drew her away from the shade. but the light was brilliant and discomfiting, and it illuminated the darkest corners of her loneliness, revealing all the imperfections she hadn't noticed while standing numbly in the shadows.

although gentle, alex had taught her painful lessons. until she met him, she hadn't realized how hungry she was to discover love in a man's arms. the emptiness inside her seemed to echo when she was with him. the years hadn't lessened the pain her marriage had brought into her life, but seemed to have intensified her self-doubts. she was more hesitant and uncertain now than she'd been the year following bruce's death.

with his hand on her elbow, alex guided her to a park bench. once they were seated, he reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together.

"i don't want you to worry about the boys," he said.

she nodded and lowered her eyes. she couldn't help being worried, but alex didn't understand her fears and revealed no distress of his own. that being the case, she couldn't dwell on the issue.

he raised her fingers to his mouth. "i suppose what i'm about to say is going to frighten you even more."

"alex...no."

"shh, it needs to be said." he placed his finger across her lips to silence her, and who could blame him, she mused. it had worked so well the first time. "the boys are going to come to their own conclusions," he continued, "and that's fine, they would anyway. for peter to talk so openly with you about our relationship is a compliment. apparently he felt comfortable enough to do so, and that reflects well on the kind of mother you are."

carol hadn't considered it in those terms, but he was right. she and peter were close.

"now, about you and me," alex went on, "we're both adults."

but carol felt less mature than an adolescent when it came to alex. she trembled every time she thought of him, and that was far more often than she would've liked. when he touched and kissed her, her hormones went berserk, and her heart seemed to go into spasms. no wonder she was frightened by the things alex made her experience.

"i like you, and i'm fairly confident you like me."

she agreed with a sharp nod, knowing it wouldn't do any good to deny it.

"the fact is, i like everything about you, and that feeling increases whenever we're together. now, if it happens that this attraction between us continues, then so be it. wonderful. great. it would be a big mistake for us to allow two teenage boys to dictate our relationship. agreed?"

once more, carol nodded.

"good." he stood, bringing her with him. "now we both have to get back to work." tucking her hand in the crook of his arm, he strode back toward the parking lot, pausing when he came to his van. he opened the door, then turned to face her.

"it seems to me we should seal our agreement."

"seal it? i don't understand." but she did.... his wonderful, mist-gray eyes were spelling out exactly what he meant.

he caressed her cheek, then traced the outline of her lips. whatever it was about his touch that sent her heart into such chaos, carol couldn't understand. she reacted by instinct, drawing his finger between her lips, touching it with the tip of her tongue. the impact of her action showed in his eyes with devastating clarity.

he leaned forward and slipped his finger aside, replacing it with his mouth. his kiss was exquisitely slow and wildly erotic.

when he broke away they were both shaking. carol stared up at him, her breath ragged, her lips parted and eager.

"i've got to get back to work...." she whispered.

"i know," alex said, "me, too." but he didn't make any effort to leave.

instead he angled his head and dropped tiny kisses on her neck, then her ear, taking the lobe in his mouth before trailing his lips in heart-stopping increments back to hers. she was ready for him this time, more than ready.

the sound of a car door slamming somewhere in the distance abruptly returned them to the real world. carol leaped back, her eyes startled, her breathing harsh and uneven. she smoothed her hands down the front of her uniform, as though whisking away wrinkles. she'd been kissing him like a lover and in broad daylight! to her chagrin, alex didn't look at all dismayed by what had happened between them, just pleased.

"i wish you hadn't done that," she said, knowing he wasn't the only one to blame-but at the moment, the most convenient.