i'm panting hard as she twists my skin even harder.

"and now it's ebbing...it's gone." she releases my arm and gives me a smile. "you see, becky? you see how you coped with that, despite your fears?"

"wow." i'm almost breathless.

"do you think you learned something valuable there?" she gives me a knowing look. "something that puts your fears into perspective?"

"yes." i nod earnestly. "i learned i definitely want an epidural."

"have a general anesthetic, darling," interjects mum. "or a nice cesarean!"

"you can't have a general anesthetic." noura stares at her incredulously. "they don't just hand them out, you know!"

"becky's going to the top place in london!" mum retorts. "she can have anything she wants! now, darling, if i were you, i'd have the thai massage and the water birth before labor begins, then the epidural and aromatherapy to follow...."

"this is labor!" noura shouts, clutching her hair. "you're having a baby, not ordering from a bloody room-service menu!"

there's a shocked silence.

"i'm sorry," she says, more calmly. "i...don't know what came over me. let's have a short break. help yourselves to drinks."

she heads out of the room, and a muted babble of chatter breaks out.

"well!" says mum, raising her eyebrows. "i think someone needs to do their shallow breathing! janice, shall we go to liberty now?"

"just let me finish this row...." janice clicks frantically with her knitting needles. "there! all done. coming, becky?"

"i dunno," i say, torn. "maybe i should stay to the end of the class."

"i don't think that noura knows what she's talking about!" mum says conspiratorially. "we'll tell you everything you need to know. and you can help me choose a new handbag!"

"ok, then." i get to my feet. "let's go!"

by the time i've finished shopping with mum and janice and had my hair appointment, it's gone six. i arrive home to find luke in the study. the lights are off, and he's just sitting there in the gloom.

"luke?" i put my bags down. "is everything ok?"

he starts at my voice, and raises his head. i peer at him in surprise. his face is taut, with a deep crease between his brows. "it's fine," he says at last. "everything's fine."

it doesn't sound like it's fine to me. i come into the study, perch on the desk opposite him, and study his face.

"luke, what was the crisis at work today?"

"it's not a crisis." he musters a smile. "i used the wrong word. it was just...an incident. nothing important. it's all been resolved."

"but-"

"how are you?" he strokes my arm. "how was the class?"

"oh." i cast my mind back. "er...it was fine. you didn't miss much. then i went shopping with mum and janice. we went to liberty's and browns...."

"you haven't been overdoing it?" he surveys me with concern. "did you take a rest? remember what venetia said about your blood pressure?"

"i'm fine!" i wave an arm in the air. "never felt better!"

"well." luke glances at his watch. "we should be going soon. i'll take a quick shower and call a taxi." his voice is cheerful enough, but as he gets up i notice a tense set to his shoulders.

"luke..." i hesitate. "everything's all right, isn't it?"

"becky. don't worry." luke takes both my hands in his. "everything's fine. we have little crises every day. it's the nature of the job; you know it is. we deal with them and we move on. maybe i am more preoccupied than usual. i'm just very busy right now."

"well...ok," i say, mollified. "go and have your shower."

he heads down the corridor to our bedroom and i dump my bags in the hall. i am quite tired, actually, after my afternoon with mum and janice. maybe i'll have a shower too, after luke's finished. i could use my revitalizing rosemary gel and do some invigorating yoga stretches.

or else i could have a quick kit kat. i go into the kitchen and am just getting the box down, when the doorbell rings. that can't be the taxi already.

"hello?" i say into the intercom.

"hi, becky?" a crackly voice comes back. "it's jess."