"because he damn well got close enough! what the fuck, connor? you didn't think i deserved to know what the hell you and your boys were planning. this is my life, my f**king life, and you should've included me," i screamed as i broke down and fell to my knees.

"ellery, please try to understand," he said as he kneeled down in front of me.

"understand what?!" i screamed. "i need time away from you so i can think."

"don't say that, ellery. please, don't say that," he begged as a tear fell from his eye.

i got up from the floor and wiped my eyes. "you keep things from me, even though you promise you won't. i need time away from you because if i don't get it, i will hurt you."

"baby, please!" he yelled as i tore up the stairs.

i slammed the bedroom door shut and locked it. i took a suitcase from the closet and started throwing some clothes in it. when i was packed, i called a cab and took my suitcase downstairs. connor was sitting on the couch with his face buried in his hands. when he heard me, he looked up.

"i'm going to the beach house, and i'm taking julia with me. do not, and i repeat, do not come there. this marriage is hanging by a thread right now and, if you come there, i can promise you that it will be over. i need time."

"how much time do you want?" he asked.

"i don't know. i just don't know," i said as the tears wouldn't stop flowing and i walked out the door.

chapter 36

connor

the door shut and, just like that, she was gone. i walked over to the bar to get a drink. i picked up the glass and threw it against the wall. i grabbed the bottle of whiskey and took it upstairs. whiskey wasn't my drink of choice, but it was right in front of me. i reached the top of the stairs and stepped inside julia's room. as i looked around, tears started falling from my eyes at the thought that i wouldn't see her for a while. in an instant, my life had unraveled right before my eyes because of my stupidity. i sometimes questioned how the hell i was the ceo of a billion-dollar company. this was not how i planned for things to turn out. ellery didn't even know that i called peyton and told her not to come over. she'd find out soon enough after she called her.

i lay down on the bed and replayed the night over and over again as i brought the bottle of whiskey to my mouth. i wasn't going to let phil hurt ellery in any way, but justin slipped up when he let her leave the penthouse. i grabbed my phone and looked at it, hoping she'd left me a message of some sort. but she hadn't. i wanted to know how much time she wanted and needed because i couldn't give her time. she was my wife and the mother of my child, and i wanted them back home. as i drank the last drop of whiskey, i threw the bottle across the room and watched it shatter as it hit the dresser. as the effects of the alcohol clouded my thinking, i felt myself slipping backwards to a time i never wanted to remember.

the nightmare of what happened jolted me awake. i looked over at the time and it was five o'clock in the morning. my head was pounding and my skin was drenched with sweat. i grabbed my phone from the nightstand and prayed ellery had either called or messaged me. she hadn't. the ache in my heart was back with a vengeance as it screamed in agony. i rolled over and fell back asleep.

"what the f**k is going on?!" peyton's high-pitched voice startled me from an alcohol-induced sleep.

"jesus christ, peyton, this is my bedroom. get out!"

"i'm not going anywhere, buddy. are you hung over? you look like shit!"

the last thing i needed right now was peyton. i stumbled out of bed and walked into the bathroom. "if you don't mind, i need to take a shower."

"go ahead, but i'll be downstairs making you a pot of coffee, and then we're going to have a little talk."

i stood in the shower and let the hot water beat down on my body. as i put my hands up against the shower wall and closed my eyes, thoughts of ellery and julia consumed me. i stepped out, got dressed, and headed downstairs for some much-needed coffee. peyton had a cup poured and sitting on the table across from her.

"sit down, now!" peyton commanded.

"can i get some aspirin first?" i asked as i shot her a look. "have you talked to her?"

"of course i talked to her, and i was with her last night as she was crying her eyes out at mason's place. "what the f**k were you thinking?"

"it was the only way to trap him and stop this nightmare. i was afraid that if ellery knew, she would give something away and he would get suspicious. it just wasn't a chance i could take."

"so, to end your nightmare, you created another one for ellery. am i right?"

i took two aspirin from the bottle and chased them down with a bottle of water. i sat at the table and glared at peyton.

"no, you're not right. to end one nightmare, i created two more. my nightmare and ellery's nightmare. and i have no clue how to end it."

"leave her alone, that's how you can end it. she'll come to you when she's had time to think about everything. i know you'll go crazy, so i'll text you to let you know how she's doing, even though you don't deserve to know."

"thank you, peyton. i owe you big time."

"that's right, you do. in fact, i believe i've done this quite a few times. you owe me, connor black." she smiled.

peyton got up from the chair, walked over to me, and kissed my head. "you seriously need to sit and think about how you're never going to keep anything from ellery again. because next time, you may not be so lucky, and she'll leave your dumb ass for good."

as i sat in the chair and finished my coffee, i stared out the window. the clouds were starting to roll in and a storm looked like it was brewing, much like the storm that blew through my life last night. i needed to get to the office and keep my mind off of ellery, but i missed her and julia so much. i picked up my phone and sent ellery a text message.

"i know you said not to contact you, but julia is my daughter too, and i want to see her. it's not fair that you took her away and won't let me see her."

about twenty minutes later, she replied.

"you're right. i'll send julia to the penthouse with mason tomorrow and then you are to send her back the next day."

i didn't respond because i would've told her that our child wasn't a ping-pong ball, and she didn't deserve to be bounced around like that. at least she was letting me see julia and that was more than i thought she'd do. i would give her the space she wanted, even if it ended up killing me.

the days were long and the nights were longer. i hadn't spoken to ellery in over a week, and every day, another piece of my soul died. mason dropped off julia a couple of times, and peyton had been keeping me informed about ellery. i had to keep the rumors at bay about phil and tell everyone that he decided to leave black enterprises for personal reasons. i paid detective james a great deal of money to keep all this quiet, and i made a huge donation to the new york city police department. after working all day and into the evening, i would go home and drink myself to sleep. peyton told me that ellery was okay, but that she was sad all the time. it killed me to hear that because i was the cause of her sadness and pain, and i didn't think i'd ever forgive myself for what i'd done to her.

i finished up everything that needed to be done at the office, so i got in the range rover and started driving. while i was stopped at a light, i looked to my right and saw a place that i hadn't thought about in a very long time, club s. i didn't want to go home, so i decided to stop in there and have a drink. the club was hopping, the music was loud, and there were wall-to-wall people. i walked back by the bar and saw there was an open table. i sat down and was immediately greeted by a waitress.

"what can i get you?" she asked.

"give me a scotch, make it a double, and bring me three."

"you got it, sweetie." she smiled as she walked away.

while i sat in my seat, i looked around at the area that i had frequently visited before i met ellery. the waitress came back and set the three glasses down in front of me. i drank them and wanted more, so i signaled for her to get me three more. as i was downing the fifth glass of scotch, i heard a familiar voice.

"well, well, well, if it isn't connor black."

i looked over to the side as she sat down next to me. "hello, sarah."

"what the hell are you doing here? where's ellery?"

"she left me and took julia with her," i said as i leaned back.

"what? that's crazy. what did you do to make her leave?"

"she thinks i put her life in danger because i didn't tell her something. fuck, maybe i did. i don't know anymore," i said as i threw back my last glass of scotch. "i thought i was doing the right thing. maybe i was or i wasn't. the only thing that mattered was ellery thought otherwise and she left me for it."

sarah put her hand on top of mine, and i looked at her. "we had some good times, you and i. there was even a moment once when i thought maybe we could become something, even though it would be breaking your rules. then ellery walked into your life, and you instantly changed. i'd never seen anyone change as fast as you did. all those years, you were never the person you were meant to be until you met her. you're a good man, connor, and this is only temporary. i don't know ellery that well, but from what i do know, and from what i've seen, she's a forgiving person and she'll come around. just give her some time," she said as she got up and hugged me. "i'm with someone here, so i need to go and find them."

i hoped sarah was right and that ellery would be back soon, but until then, i drank my sadness away. i lifted my hand as i saw my waitress walk by. "bring me three more doubles," i yelled over the loud music.

chapter 37

ellery

the house felt empty without connor. i heard julia cry, so i walked upstairs to get her from her crib. it had been over a week since i'd seen or talked to connor. every second and every minute of each day was killing me slowly. as i took julia from her crib, she looked at me and smiled. i bundled her up in her jacket and took her down by the water just as the sun was getting ready to set.

"listen carefully, julia, and you'll be able to hear the whispers of the ocean."

the soothing sound of the waves lapping against the shoreline made me think of the special times i was with connor at the beach. my mind traveled back to when connor proposed to me in california. when i first told him about my past after the autism charity, and when i ran to the beach in the middle of the night before i got the final results of my last treatment. but the most special memory was when connor asked me to marry him. the ocean held so many memories for me, not only with connor, but with my mom. the sun was starting to set and, as i pointed to it, i told julia to look up.

"the sun setting over the ocean will be one of the most beautiful things you'll ever see. your daddy proposed to me on the beach, just as the sun was setting. he made sure everything was perfect." i smiled.