prologue

i met amanda through a friend. i was 18 years old, and she had just turned 17. she was a cute girl with long brown hair, a nice curvy body, and tits that were to die for. i could tell she liked me right from the start. we were at a party the night we met, and we sat near the bonfire. amanda and i bonded that night, and i had also learned of her twin sister named ashlyn. we talked for what seemed like hours about our families, goals, and dreams. i took her home, and we exchanged phone numbers.

little did i know, this new relationship would change my life forever.

we went out at least three times a week, usually on fridays, saturdays, and sundays. when i wasn't busy working with my father over at black enterprises, i would occasionally stop by amanda's house during the week and spend a couple of hours with her. things started out great for us. i really liked amanda. the sex was great and there was a lot of it. everything was good until i started talking about going away to college. she would freak out and make me promise her to call her every day and that i wouldn't look at other girls. every time i would try to go out with my friends, she would get upset and start to cry. she accused me of not wanting to spend time with her and that i put others before her. i tried to explain that i wanted to see my friends every once in a while and that it's not healthy spending every waking moment together. amanda disagreed and frequently accused me of cheating on her if i didn't answer her calls right away.

i felt as though i was being suffocated. i couldn't have any time to myself, and her behavior was erratic. she told me every day how much she loved me and that she could never live without me. she said we'd be together forever and that nothing would ever separate us. i didn't love amanda. i liked her, but i wasn't in love with her. i wasn't even sure what love was. the day i tried to end the relationship, amanda told me that she might be pregnant. a million horrible thoughts ran through my mind, and i couldn't see myself being tied to this girl for the rest of my life. luckily, the pregnancy turned out to be a lie. i had a long talk with her sister ashlyn; she told me that amanda was fine and that i just needed to be patient with her.

i finally reached the breaking point one day when i went to dinner with a group of friends. amanda found me and caused a scene in the middle of the restaurant. i took her outside to try and calm her down, but nothing worked. i didn't have feelings for her anymore, and i could barely stand to look at her. i broke up with her. i had told her that i'd had enough, that it was over between us, and to never call me again. i left her standing on the street crying. i had no choice; she was crazy, and she needed help.

i received a call from amanda two days later; she wanted me to come over to talk. as far as i was concerned, there was nothing to talk about. i broke up with her, and i didn't want to discuss it anymore. she cried and begged me to come over. she said that she had one last thing to talk to me about, and then she would accept that we were over. she told me to wait about an hour because she wasn't home yet. an hour had passed when i pulled up in her driveway. i knocked on the door, but there was no answer. i knew she was home because her car was in the driveway. noticing the door was unlocked, i pushed it opened, walked in, and looked around. i called her name, but didn't get a response. i slowly walked up the stairs and stopped in front of her closed bedroom door. i put my hand on the knob and slowly turned it as i pushed the door open. i gasped at the sight that was before me, amanda lying on the floor in a pool of blood, and a razor blade lying next to her. i ran over and put my arms under her. "why did you do it amanda? why?" i sobbed as i held her lifeless body in my arms, covered in blood and shaking, as the tears wouldn't stop pouring from my eyes. my heart was racing, and my body went numb. suddenly, i saw a shadow in the doorway. i looked up as ashlyn knelt down beside me and stared at her twin sister.

"amanda, how could you do this to me?!" she screamed at her. "we had so many plans. we were going to backpack in europe together," ashlyn cried as she hovered over amanda's body and shook her by her shoulders. i pushed her away and yelled at her to stop.

ashlyn slowly got up from the floor and walked over to the dresser where she found a letter from amanda. she picked up the piece of paper and looked at me with uneasiness in her eyes. i slowly released amanda, stood up, and walked over to ashlyn where i took the piece of paper from her.

connor,

you are the love of my life. i've never felt this way before about someone. you gave me hope. a hope i needed to get through life. when we're apart, i'm empty inside and lonely. i thought you were the one who was going to save me from myself. i love you more than life itself, but if i can't have you, and we can't be together, then i no longer want to live this life. i'm sorry it has to be this way, but you have no one to blame but yourself. i couldn't go on without you in my life. please tell ashlyn i love her and that i'm sorry.

amanda

i stood there with the note in my hand while ashlyn sobbed. i walked over to comfort her as she held up her finger and spoke to me in a harsh tone.

"it's all your fault that my sister's dead. all you had to do was love her and she'd still be here!"

that day changed my life forever.

chapter 1

my eyes flew open. my heart was rapidly beating with fear. my bed sheets were soaked as i was drenched in sweat from the nightmare that constantly plagued my nights. i looked over at the clock sitting on the nightstand, and it was exactly 3:00 am. i got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. i had a hard time catching my breath as i leaned over the sink and then looked at myself in the mirror. i turned on the cold water and splashed my face, taking in a deep breath and closing my eyes.

i never told anyone why amanda killed herself. i've kept this secret buried within me for the past twelve years. the only other person who knew was her sister, ashlyn. she promised that she wouldn't speak of it because she didn't want people to think her sister would harm herself over a guy.

i rubbed my face as i walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. i picked up my cell phone from the night stand and saw a text message from ashlyn.

"connor, thank you for tonight. as usual, you completely satisfied me. i look forward to seeing you again for another round of tantalizing sex!"

i sighed and placed the phone back on the nightstand. i got up, put on my running clothes, and headed out the door for a run. running always cleared my head, especially after having the nightmares. i ended up running four miles in central park. once my head was clear and i could think straight, i made a mental note to call dr. peters. it's been a while since i've seen him, and i think it's time that i start going back for some therapy sessions. i took out my cell phone, thumbed through my contacts, and decided to text sarah.

"i need a stress release. are you up for it?"

"hi to you too, connor. do you realize its 5:15 am? sure, i'm game."

"good, meet me at the penthouse in 30 minutes."

"i can be there in 10."

"no, i said 30. i need to shower first."

"yum, connor, can i join you?"

"no thanks, i'd rather shower alone. 30 minutes, and don't be late."

i met sarah through a business associate. being newly divorced, she was more than willing to have casual sex with no strings attached.

i ran back to the penthouse and hopped in the shower to wash the sweat from my body before i f**ked her. i stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my waist. i walked into the bedroom, and she was already lying on the bed ready and waiting for me.

"drop that towel and get over here before i change my mind," she smiled.

i dropped the towel on the floor and walked towards the bed. "i promise you aren't going anywhere until i've f**ked you every which way, sarah."

"now that's one promise that i know you can keep," she grinned.

rough sex is all i know. it's all these women want, and who am i to complain? keeping it quick and rough is the best stress relief for me, especially after a long hard day at the office or whenever the occasion arises.

"thanks, you may leave now," i told her.

"connor, it's 6:30 am, so how about some coffee together before i go?"

i walked over to her as she was lying on the bed with only the sheet covering her nak*d body. i looked into her brown eyes.

"you know the rules, sarah, now get dressed and go. i have to take a quick shower and head to the office."

she got up from the bed. "whatever, connor, it's just coffee for f**k sake. oh, and another thing, i'm going out of town for a couple of weeks, so don't bother calling me for another stress relief."

some people often say that i'm too young to be the ceo of black enterprises and that the pressures and demands will ultimately destroy me. as far as i'm concerned, i've already been destroyed emotionally.

black enterprises is my company and my sole purpose in life. it's all i have, and it's all i want.

sure, i date a lot of women. what millionaire ceo wouldn't? the only relationships i believe in are the sexual ones with no strings attached. the last thing i need in my life is some woman tying me down and suffocating me. with that being said, i've composed a list of rules for the women i see.

no sleepovers. once our sexual encounter is over, you must get dressed and leave immediately. there are no exceptions.

no strings attached. there will never be anything more than just physical sex.

no calling or texting. if i want to see you again, i will contact you.

when in my presence, you will act and behave like a woman. i don't tolerate childish behavior.

no threesomes. i like my women one at a time. no exceptions.

no condoms. i get checked once a month, and i've had a vasectomy. i expect the women i'm with to be clean as well. proof may be required.

date night will only consist of dinner and sex; nothing more, nothing less. there will be no hand holding, walks, carriage rides, or movies. no exceptions.

i give this list out to women before dinner to ensure that they are fully aware of my expectations. if a woman has a problem with any one of the rules, they are free to leave. women are nothing but sexual creatures to me. i've never been in love, and i never will be. the person who decided my fate to become this way had killed herself because i couldn't love her, and i can never let that happen again. i have a group of women that i see on a regular basis. ashlyn is one of those women. i started seeing her about a year ago when she showed up at my office, broke and with nowhere to go. i sat at my desk and stared at the door, remembering that day.

"mr. black, there's someone here to see you," valerie spoke over the intercom. "she says it's important and that you know her."

i sighed. i didn't have time for unannounced visitors who think they can just come to my office and demand to see me.

"i'm very busy, valerie. tell whomever it is that they'll need to make an appointment. i don't have time right now."