"you love it, mr. black, and you know it," she said.

i did love it, and i hated myself for it. this girl is everything that i never thought i wanted. she breaks every rule i have.

the waitress showed us to our table and handed us the menus. i looked it over then watched ellery as she looked at hers. i asked her what she was going to order, but she said she wasn't sure. the waitress brought us our drinks and asked us if we were ready to order. i closed the menu, and ellery looked at her, biting down on her lip. it was then that it hit me, she didn't like seafood. i looked at the waitress and asked her to please give us a moment. i was in disbelief that she agreed to have dinner here.

"you don't like seafood, do you?" i asked.

she looked at me and shook her head while biting her bottom lip.

"why didn't you say something?" i said as i ran my hands through my hair.

"well, i wanted you to have what you wanted." she said innocently.

i sat there and stared at her. i tried to think of why she would agree to come here for seafood when she didn't like it. it's because she was a kind and generous woman who thought of other people first. i remembered the times she showed me new experiences, so i decided i was going to be the one to show her something new this time around.

"i'm going to order for us," i smiled as i waved for the waitress to come back. "we will start with an order of calamari, crab legs, and a lobster tail for each of us. also, please throw in an order of broiled scallops."

the waitress looked at ellery as she managed a slight smile. i crossed my hands and placed my elbows on the table, leaning forward so i was closer to her.

"remember the times when you made me eat things; the pizza, hot dog, and let's not forget the use of the chopsticks?"

"yes, i do, and i'm fine with everything you ordered," she said.

"we'll see about that," i smirked.

she leaned over the table, "you're a vicious man, connor black."

"not as vicious as you are, darling," i whispered.

just as ellery leaned back in her seat, the waitress came over and set the calamari in the center of the table. quickly, ellery took out her phone and placed it on her lap. she was looking down at it and typing something. suddenly, her eyes widened, and i couldn't help but laugh.

"you googled 'calamari' didn't you?" i asked.

she nodded her head as she took a sip of her coke, and i could see the fear in her eyes. i felt really bad for what i did. i stopped laughing and looked at her intently.

"you don't have to eat it, i'm sorry," i said.

she told me it was ok and that she was going to try it. she took a piece of calamari with her fork and looked at it. she took a bite and started to make the most adorable faces. i reached in my pocket and pulled out my phone. this is a moment that i didn't want to forget. she tried everything i ordered and was a great sport about it. she even told me that she actually enjoyed everything. we laughed and talked throughout dinner. her laugh was as much of a turn on as her smile. she was fun to be around, and she made me feel human. that's the only way i can describe it, because i've never been happier than i am when i'm with her. we finished eating, and as we exited the restaurant, i put my arm around her and pulled her into me. she put her hand on my chest and laid her head on my shoulder. i wanted her as close to me as possible.

i was used to staying at the best hotels around the world, and i wouldn't settle for anything less. i drove out of the way to find a ritz carlton. i pulled up to the entrance and let the valet park the range rover. we walked into the hotel and up to the reservation desk where i gave them my last name and reserved the presidential suite. the concierge called over the bellhop, and he took us to the elevators.

"good evening, mr. and mrs. black, and welcome to the ritz carleton," he said.

i started to explain that we weren't married, but ellery quickly interrupted me and started playing some game with him.

"thank you so much. what my husband is trying to say is that we won't be staying long."

as soon as the elevator doors opened and we stepped into the suite, ellery turned and looked at me. "the presidential suite, really, just for one night?" i saw this as an opportunity to play her game.

"i will have nothing but the best room for my beautiful wife. isn't my wife beautiful?" i asked the bellhop with a wide grin.

"yes, sir, she's very beautiful."

"darling, husband, make sure you tip this nice young man well," she smiled.

i pulled the cash from my pocket and started looking for a twenty-dollar bill to give the young man.

ellery came up behind me and grabbed a one hundred-dollar bill and handed it to him.

"do you have a wife or girlfriend?" she asked.

"yes, i do, thank you, ma'am, and thank you for your generosity," he answered.

"go buy her something beautiful, perhaps a nice necklace."

i looked at her and clenched my jaw. i was in utter disbelief that she gave him a one hundred- dollar tip.

"thank you, ma'am, sir, thank you," he said excitedly as he walked out shutting the door behind him.

"really, a one hundred-dollar tip?" i asked her.

"well, it's what you tipped the cab driver."

"cab driver, what are you talking about?" i asked confused.

"the night i brought you home, i had to pay the driver, and i didn't have enough money, so i went in your wallet and gave him a hundred; that was before you told me that you were going to f**k me really hard."

my jaw dropped and horror swept over my face. "i said that to you?" i asked very embarrassed.

"yeah, but you were drunk, so i forgave you," she smiled.

damn that smile. "a one hundred-dollar tip, ellery?" i kept saying as i started walking towards her. she had an excited look in her eyes.

"connor, relax, it's only money, and you said yourself that you have plenty of it," she said as she ran behind a chair. i started to chase after her around the suite. she was screaming as i kept saying over and over, "a hundred dollars?"

she ran into the bedroom, and i chased after her. i caught her and threw her on the bed. we both were smiling as i straddled her and had her arms pinned above her head. we were both out of breath as i just stared into her beautiful, ice blue eyes. the feelings i had at that moment overtook me. i've never felt so strongly for someone before. all i know is that i wanted her. i needed to feel her. her lips were begging to be kissed as mine were begging me to oblige. my heart was racing, and my body ached for her. as i held her wrists, i lowered my head, and gently brushed my lips against hers. i stopped and held her gaze; it wasn't enough, i needed more. i let go of her wrists and softly stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. she brought her hands to my head and lightly ran her fingers through my hair. i was highly aroused, and there was no hiding it. i could feel the rapid beating of her heart, and it was at that moment that i knew she felt the same way about me as i did about her. i brought my lips to hers once more and fell onto her as she parted her lips, allowing our tongues to meet for the first time. kissing her was amazing; it was everything i knew that it would be. i took my time exploring her mouth and licking her soft lips. i wanted her to feel me and feel the love i was giving her. i gently held the sides of her face with my hands and started tracing her jaw line with my tongue. suddenly, the images of amanda, lying dead on the floor and covered in blood, flooded my mind as did all the other women i've used and had sex with. what the hell was i doing? how could i cross the line like that? i wanted her so bad, but i couldn't risk losing our friendship. she was too important to me. i abruptly broke our kiss, pulled back, and sat on the edge of the bed, running my hands through my hair.

"i'm sorry, ellery, but i can't," i said.

she sat up on the bed behind me. i couldn't bring myself to look at her and see the hurt and rejection she must be feeling. i was appalled by the words that she spat at me.

"why not, connor? is it because i'm not one of your whores?"

she knew about the other women and never let on that she did. i got up from the bed and walked across the room.

"you're not a whore, ellery, and i just can't."

"please just tell me what's wrong and why you don't want me," she pleaded.

it was breaking my heart to have to stand here and do this to her. "i do want you, ellery, and that's the problem; i want you too f**king much."

"how's that a problem?!" she yelled.

i turned and looked at her with rage in my eyes. maybe if i tell her about the real me, she won't want me and this will all be over. "you don't want to know the real me. i'm not a good person; i use women for sex. i can't have real relationships; i don't want to."

"we don't have to have a relationship; we can just be friends with benefits," she said.

i couldn't believe she would stoop to such a level that she would sleep with me with no strings attached. i would never do that to her, and i would never use her that way. she took a step closer to me and whispered.

"connor, please; i need you." a single tear fell from her eye.

"don't, elle, don't do this to me, to us; i can't sleep with you."

she turned and walked out of the bedroom, telling me to f**k off. the tone of her voice was angry and hurt. i followed her out of the room as she was about to walk out the door. she put her hand on the doorknob and started to turn it. there was no way i was letting her walk out of this room and possibly out of my life.

"don't you dare walk out that door, ellery!" i yelled.

she stood there for a moment with her head down and then started to open it. i came up behind her and put my hand on the door, slamming it shut. i grabbed her arms, turned her around, and pushed her up against the door. i needed to make her see the kind of man i really am. she looked at me with fear in her eyes, and it killed me that she saw me that way. however, she needed to understand how much i love her and how i couldn't allow myself to hurt her by messing up our friendship.

"i f**k women for the pleasure, that's it. there's no emotion for me when i f**k them; there never has been!" i yelled as a single tear fell from her eye.

"i seduce them, use them, f**k them, and leave them. is that what you want? is that how you want me to treat you? you're different, ellery, and you scare me. you make me feel things that i've never felt before. you're all i think about, both day and night. i feel empty inside when you're not around.

don't you understand? it isn't supposed to be this way, and if i sleep with you, this will all be ruined."

suddenly, the fear was gone from her eyes, and it was replaced by empathy. i couldn't look at her anymore because of the tears, and it was tearing me apart doing this to her.

"what happened to you that made you this way?" she asked in a soft whisper.