"hello, connor. how's your trip going?" he asked.

"denny, miss lane will be arriving on a flight from michigan in about four hours. she's on flight #282, and i need you to pick her up, then drive her back to her apartment."

"is everything ok, connor? you sound upset," he asked.

"miss lane and i will not be seeing each other anymore, and i don't want to discuss it. i just left the hotel, and i'm heading back to new york. just make sure you pick her up from the airport and take her home."

"very well, connor. i'll be there to pick up miss lane."

"denny," i said before he hung up.

"yes, connor?"

"she's probably going to need you to comfort her when she steps off the plane. please be there for her," i said.

"no problem, connor. you know i'm very fond of miss lane."

i hung up the phone and pulled out of the hotel parking lot. my mind was racing and reliving the conversation with kyle over and over. i was blinded by rage when ellery confirmed she has cancer and that she's not seeking treatment for it. i know i said some pretty mean things, but i'm so angry, and i feel betrayed. i wondered if she was ever going to tell me that she's sick. i knew something was off with her from the start, but i never dreamed her cancer came back. i turned my phone off. i didn't want to talk to anyone or hear anything. i was trying so hard to hold it together because the last thing i needed was to fall apart. i couldn't stop thinking about her sitting on the floor and the look on her face when i yelled at her. i couldn't stop thinking about the fear in her eyes right before kyle told me.

she's alone, but there was no way i could stay there with her. what she did to me was so f**king hurtful. i don't know if i'll ever be able to forgive her. tears started to fall down my face as i was driving down the road. i glanced over and saw a field to the right. i pulled over to the side of the road, got out of the range rover, and started running towards the field. i felt a few raindrops hit my face. i ran until i couldn't run anymore. i stopped in the middle of the field and screamed. the hurt and betrayal i felt was unreal; something i've never experienced before. the sky opened up, and the rain came pouring down upon me as i dropped to my knees and sobbed. my heart physically ached, and my chest felt like it had been punched. i felt like my life had just been ripped away from me.

i got up from the ground and headed back to the range rover. i was soaked, cold, and i needed to change into some dry clothes. i opened the back, grabbed my bag, and threw it on the front seat. i climbed in the back seat and changed out of my wet clothes. i had a towel in my bag that i used to dry off my body and hair. after i put on some dry clothes, i climbed in the driver's seat and took in a deep breath. i needed to call peyton to tell her what happened and find out if she knew ellery was sick. i called my associate, scott, and had him get peyton's number. as soon as he called me back with it, i dialed her number as i pulled onto the road.

"hello," peyton answered.

"peyton, its connor black, and i need to talk to you."

"connor, is everything ok? is elle ok?" she asked in a panicked tone.

"i have a question for you, and i want you to be honest with me, please."

"connor, you're kind of scaring me here. what the f**k is going on?"

"did you know that ellery's cancer came back?" there was silence on the other end.

"no, connor, i didn't know that. she never said a word to me about it."

i could tell peyton was telling the truth, and i hated that i was the one to tell her, but i needed her to be there for ellery, so i had to explain what happened.

"kyle came to the hotel room in michigan and told me that ellery's cancer is back. he also said that she's refusing to get treatment, and that's why he left her, because he couldn't sit there and watch her die."

"what a f**king douchebag," she said. "and what do you mean she isn't getting treatment?"

"she won't get treatments, because she said she can't go through it again. peyton, i said some horrible things to her, and i left her. i booked a flight back to michigan for her, and i left her alone in the hotel room. i'm having my driver pick her up from the airport and drive her home. she's going to need you when she gets there. i need you to be with her and make sure she's ok and safe."

"connor, are you ok?" she asked.

"i don't know, peyton. i feel all f**ked up inside, and i don't know if i'll ever be able to forgive her for keeping this from me."

"you're hurt and upset right now; i get that, but if you love her like i think you do, that's what will get you through this."

"i have to go, peyton. please just be there for ellery."

"i will, connor. don't worry about her; i've got this."

i hung up and continued driving. my head was pounding and the sting of tears still clouded my eyes.

my head was a clusterfuck with everything that had happened. how could i be the happiest person alive a day ago, but the most miserable person alive today? i drove straight through to new york. the only stop i made was to get gas.

when i finally made it home, i stepped off the elevator and into the darkness of my penthouse. it felt lonely because the last time i was here, ellery was too. i threw my keys on the table in the hallway and walked over to the bar. i grabbed the bottle of scotch, a glass, and walked upstairs to my room. i threw back my glass and downed the first shot. i needed the alcohol to stop the pain. i got up from the bed and made my way to the bathroom. i needed a shower. i stepped inside and stood under the hot stream of water that ran down my body. i was both physically and mentally exhausted. i put my hands against the shower wall and lowered my head. i felt lost and never more alone in my life. i stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. as i walked into the bedroom, i stopped and stared at ellery's paintings. i bought them so i could feel closer to her, but at that moment, i didn't; i only felt further away. i sat on the edge of the bed and looked at my phone. i was surprised that she didn't try to call me. i think after what i said to her and in the tone i said it, she was probably scared.

i turned my phone off, because i didn't want to be bothered by anyone. i picked up the bottle of pills that dr. peters gave me and decided to take one to help me sleep. i poured another glass of scotch and downed it with the pill. i got up, walked to my dresser, put on a pair of pajama bottoms, and climbed into bed. i laid there until a single tear fell down my face as i fell fast asleep.

chapter 14

the next morning, i rolled over and opened my eyes, staring at the empty bed next to me. i reached over to grab my phone from the nightstand and turned it on. i wasn't supposed to be back from michigan yet, but i gave strict instructions to valerie not to bother me unless someone was dying. i knew my company would be in good hands with phil, my vice president. a text message from ashlyn came through. shit, i can't deal with her, especially now.

"connor, i know you're out of town, but i was hoping we could get together when you come back. i need you so bad, and i miss our friendship."

i need to get her out of town for a while. i didn't even want to hear her voice, let alone look at her.

i called howie from our florida office and told him to find her something to do for a couple of weeks. he said that one of their assistants just quit, and they needed someone to temporarily fill in until they replaced her. i told him she'd be there tomorrow. i got out of bed and dialed paul.

"connor, how's your road trip going?" he asked.

"paul, i need you to do something for me. howie called. apparently, one of their assistants just quit, and i want you to send ashlyn there for a couple of weeks to fill in. have the plane fueled and send her on her way."

"ok, why the urgency?" he asked.

"the urgency is that howie needs an assistant right away."

"i got it, connor. i'll call her now and put her on the plane," paul said before he hung up.

i threw my phone on the bed and walked to the bathroom. i splashed some cool water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. my eyes were bloodshot and swollen. i also needed to shave, but i didn't feel like it. i walked back to my phone and dialed dr. peters. i needed to see him right away.

"connor? i'm surprised to hear from you," he answered.

"i need to see you right away, it's urgent."

"is everything alright?"

"no, it's not, and that's why i need to see you immediately."

"can you come to my office around noon?"

"dr. peters, i don't think you understand. i'll pay you triple your fee if you'll see me within an hour."

"fine, connor. i'll see you in an hour."

i threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, then headed downstairs. my phone rang, and as i looked at it, ashlyn's name appeared. damn her.

"yeah, what is it, ashlyn?" i answered.

"why the hell are you sending me to florida?!" she spat.

"calm down, ashlyn. it's only for a couple of weeks. one of the assistants quit, and they need someone to fill in right away. you're the first person i thought of because you've worked with them on other projects. howie's excited to have you."

"are you trying to get rid of me? because if you are, connor, so help me..."

i needed to remain calm because she was pissing me off, and i wasn't in the mood for this.

"ashlyn, listen to me, pack your suitcase, get on the company plane, go to florida, and when you get back, we'll go out. it will be your choice, and we'll do whatever you want to do."

there was a moment of silence on the other end. "fine, connor, but you better be ready for me when i get back because we have a lot of making up to do," she spoke.

"yep; have a safe trip, ashlyn," i said as i hung up.

i quickly dialed howie. "howie, change of plans; i want you to keep ashlyn on board for a month, and i don't want her back in new york until i say."

i need her out of the way and out of my life while i figured out what direction my life was heading.

the pain in my heart was still there, and ellery was still on my mind. i missed her already, and i wondered if she was ok. i heard footsteps enter the kitchen, and i turned around to see denny standing there. i ran my hand through my hair as i looked at him.

"she told me everything, connor," he said.

i sighed. "i can't talk about this right now, denny. i have an appointment that i have to get to. let's have dinner tonight."

"dinner sounds good. do you need me to drive you to your appointment?" he asked.

"no, i'm driving myself. let's meet at the pier around 6:30 pm," i said as i grabbed my keys and headed towards the elevator. as the doors opened, i stopped and turned to denny.