"ah, i see you two have met," i said.

"i thought you left," she said with a snotty attitude.

"i had to finish up some computer work here first, but don't worry, i'll be leaving soon."

claire looked at her and then eyed me as i grabbed a bowl of fruit and sat the table. claire set a plate of eggs in front of her and told her to eat up. i glanced at her from the corner of my eye as she took a small bite. i finished my fruit and coffee and walked over to her.

"i'm leaving now, so if you need anything, claire will be here all day."

she didn't look at me. all she did was wave her hand at me. "this is going to be more difficult than i thought," i mumbled as i left.

chapter 17

i was sitting at my desk, signing some contracts when i received a call from denny.

"denny, what's up?"

"i think you should know that ellery left the penthouse," he said.

"what the hell do you mean she left the penthouse?!" i yelled.

"claire went to check on her, and she was gone. not gone as in moved out, but gone like she went somewhere."

"shit, she shouldn't be going out as she still isn't feeling well. thanks, denny. i'll find her."

i hung up and dialed ellery's number. after a few rings it, went to voicemail. i hung up and dialed again; it went to voicemail. i sighed as i got up from my chair and headed out of the office to find her.

damn her. why does she have to be so difficult? i don't get what goes on in that stubborn head of hers.

i checked her apartment, but she wasn't there. i decided to check the soup kitchen, maybe she stopped there for a visit. she wasn't at the soup kitchen, so i got back in the range rover and put my forehead on the steering wheel. i was desperately trying to figure out where she could have gone. the clouds in the sky were rolling in, and it looked like it was going to rain. then it hit me; i bet she went to central park. as i was on my way to central park, it started to rain. i parked, grabbed the black umbrella, and walked to the conservatory gardens. the rain started pouring down hard. from a distance, i saw a blanket spread out in the middle of a grassy area, and as i approached it, i saw ellery lying down and looking up at the sky as the rain fell down upon her.

"ellery, what the hell do you think you're doing? are you crazy?!" i yelled from a distance.

"aren't you the crazy one for coming out here after me?!" she yelled back.

my jaw tightened at her smart ass remark. "look at you, you're soaked; get up now before you get sick."

"i'm already sick, connor. what's the difference?" she laughed.

i stood there and stared down at her. it hit me hard when she said she was already sick. she was scared and living life the way she wanted, just in case the day came that she couldn't anymore. i took in a deep breath and laid myself down on the soaked blanket next to her, staring up at the sky, trying to see what ellery sees. she looked over at me, and from the corner of my eye, i saw a small smile escape her lips.

"why are you doing this?" i asked as i turned and looked at her.

"because i can lay here and no one will know i'm crying," she said, looking up at the sky.

i felt a pain in my heart when she said that. she was out here, in the pouring rain, to mask the tears that plagued her face. she was trying to put on a brave front, but i knew she was torn apart inside. i reached over and put my hand on top of hers. she didn't look at me. we just laid there, staring up at the sky without saying a word. we didn't need words. holding her hand was all the both of us needed. after a while, ellery sat up on her elbows and said she was cold and ready to go. we stood up. i grabbed the rain soaked blanket and opened the umbrella as we started to head out of central park. all of a sudden, ellery turned the other way and started to vomit in some nearby bushes. i stood behind her until she was finished. i handed her the corner of the blanket so she could wipe her mouth.

i asked her to hold the umbrella as i picked her up in my arms and carried her to the range rover. we arrived back at the penthouse, but she still wasn't feeling well, so i carried her to the bedroom. she told me she was going to take a bath and then lay down for a while. i took a quick shower to warm up and changed into some dry clothes. i went downstairs to talk to claire and denny.

"i hope you weren't too hard on her, connor," denny said.

"i can't even explain how i felt when i saw her laying in the middle of central park in the pouring rain. i wasn't hard on her at all. she just wanted to be alone for a while," i said as i sat down at the table for dinner.

denny left to go home for the night, and claire was cleaning the kitchen when my cell phone rang, and a familiar number appeared.

"hello, connor black here."

"connor, peyton here," she laughed.

"hey, peyton, what's up?" i asked as i rolled my eyes.

"i don't want you to worry, but i haven't been able to get a hold of ellery for two days. do you know anything?"

"ellery started her chemotherapy treatment yesterday morning, and she's staying with me."

"what?!" she screamed into the phone. "she didn't tell me anything about starting her chemo treatments so soon. why the f**k didn't you tell me, and are the two of you back together or something?"

"i'm helping ellery out as a friend. she doesn't have anyone else," i said.

"excuse me, connor, but i didn't know ellery was starting her treatment yesterday. i never would have left if i'd known."

"i'm sorry she didn't tell you, but she probably didn't want to ruin your vacation with henry."

"well, sit tight, connor black, because i'm coming straight from the airport and kicking your ass.

you should have called me and told me. put her on the phone so i can speak to her."

"peyton, she's sleeping right now, and i don't want to wake her up. she needs her rest."

"fine, tell her to call me tomorrow. i was supposed to be coming back tonight, but my flight was cancelled, so i'll be there tomorrow afternoon."

"i'll see you tomorrow, peyton. have a safe flight," i said.

i hung up the phone and heard noises coming from upstairs. i stepped out of my office and stood next to the staircase as i thought i was hearing things. it sounded like whimpering. at that moment, i realized it was ellery. i ran up the stairs, skipping one step in between, and as i reached the top, i saw ellery lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, and shaking.

"ellery, my god, what's wrong?" i said as i knelt down beside her.

"don't touch me; it hurts," she cried as she put her hand up to me.

i didn't know what to do. seeing her lying there like that, crying and in so much pain, was killing me. i felt helpless. i yelled for claire and told her to call the nurse to get her over here immediately.

ellery then told me to pick her up and get it over with. i asked her if she was sure, and she nodded her head. i was so afraid to touch her; i didn't want to hurt her. i stood up and bent over, picking her up slowly from the floor. i flinched as she screamed when i picked her up. i carried her back to the bedroom and gently laid her down.

"the nurse will be here soon; she'll help you," i said as i gently brushed the hair away from her face.

she looked at me and cried. "i'm so sorry, connor. i never wanted you to see me like this."

at that moment, when she said those words, it finally hit me why she didn't tell me about her illness, and why she's been so angry towards me. she knew what was going to happen, and she didn't want me seeing her like this. she was trying to protect me and spare me the pain of having to go through it with her. i knelt down beside the bed and lightly touched her hand.

"you have nothing to be sorry for; i'm the one who's sorry. it kills me to see you in such pain," i said as a single tear fell down my cheek. she reached up and wiped my tear with her thumb. i lightly took a hold of her wrist and looked at my name that was inked on it. i was just about to ask her about it when the nurse came in. she gave her a shot of morph**e and asked me if she could talk to me in the hallway. after a brief conversation, i walked back into the bedroom and over to the other side of the bed. i sat up with my back against the headboard and looked at ellery as she turned on her side to face me.

"has the shot helped?" i asked her as i stroked her beautiful, blonde hair.

see gave me a half smile and said it was helping. "it isn't always going to be like this," she said.

"the first three days after chemo is the worst, and then i'm usually fortunate enough to have a few days where i feel good; well, as good as can be expected on chemo." i didn't say a word. i just sat there playing with the strands of her hair, thinking about how stupid i was leaving her in that hotel room in michigan.

"don't get to use to doing that," she said. "it's going to be gone soon."

"i don't care. you'll still be just a beautiful," i smiled.

i know that made her feel good because she smiled at me, and i kissed her on the forehead. even being in so much pain, her smile could still light up the room and arouse me. damn that smile. i took a hold of her wrists and held them in front of me, rubbing the tattoos with my thumbs.

"i noticed these at the hospital when you were receiving chemo. i've been waiting for you to show me; why, ellery?" i asked.

she looked down and slowly got out of bed. she walked over and stood in front of the window.

"because at some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life, and this is my way of keeping you in my heart."

the tone of her voice was sad when she said that. i closed my eyes for a moment, taking in those words she just spoke. even after everything i did to her, she still loved me and wanted to keep me close to her, and the only way she knew how was with those tattoos. i felt like the biggest bastard on earth. i got up and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her into me from behind.

"get back in bed, and i'll bring you some tea," i whispered in her ear.

she turned herself around in my arms and kissed me on the cheek. i took in a sharp breath as it was heaven to feel her warm lips on my bare skin again. i wanted her so much, but i knew it wasn't possible. i smiled at her and left the room to get her some tea.

i set the peppermint tea on the nightstand and climbed back in bed beside her. i had to tell her about the phone call i received from peyton.

"peyton called me and read me the riot act," i laughed.

"why would she do that?" ellery looked at me with fear.

"she said she's been trying to get a hold of you for a couple of days, and when she didn't have any luck, she called me. when i told her about your chemo and that you were staying here, she started yelling and said to sit tight because she was coming straight over from the airport to kick my ass."