"ellery, please, we need to talk about everything," i pleaded.

"why bother? so we can hurt each other again with our words?" she yelled.

i put my hand on her face, but she backed away and spoke. "my illness is tearing us apart. you can't handle your emotions, and neither can i. we just end up hurting each other more often than not."

she looked at me with anguish in her eyes. "i have a question for you, and i want you to be totally honest with me. are you trying to save me to erase the guilt you've harbored over the years about your ex-girlfriend?"

the pain that shot through my body when she said that was unbearable. i stood there and closed my eyes while taking a deep breath. did she really think that? how could she even say something like that after everything i've done and said to her? after everything we've been through, she doubts my love for her, and that hurts me the most. i closed my eyes and struggled with my next words.

"i think it's best if you go back to california, and that i remain here," i said as i turned around. i couldn't look at her anymore; it was too painful. she walked out of the bedroom and out of my life. i dialed my pilot and told him to have the plane ready to fly to california. i sent a text to ellery.

"my private plane is waiting to take you back to california. text denny your location, and he will pick you up."

i walked downstairs and into the kitchen to find denny sitting at the table.

"i took ashlyn home. she talked about pressing charges, connor, but i convinced her otherwise.

ellery has a great right hook," denny smiled.

"yeah she does, and believe me when i tell you that ashlyn deserved it," i smiled back. "i need you need to take ellery to my plane; she's leaving for california."

denny walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "you and ellery are the two most stubborn people on the face of this earth, and you couldn't be more perfect for each other. don't let your fears sabotage your relationship with her."

"i appreciate that, denny, but she doubts my love for her, and it hurts. i don't know if i can be with someone who won't truly believe that i love her."

denny's phone beeped. "it's ellery, and she's ready to go," he said as squeezed my shoulder. "are you sure this is what you want, connor?" he asked as he started to walk away.

i rubbed my eyes and nodded my head. "at least for now, denny," i said.

i walked over to the bar and poured myself a double scotch. once again, we're apart, and the pain and anguish in my heart and soul flared up. have i given up on us? after she questioned me about being with her only out of guilt, that made me angry and almost hurt as bad as when i found out she had cancer. i sat on the barstool and stared at myself through the mirrored wall. what the hell am i going to do? i thought as i stared at the man who had changed his life for ellery lane.

the elevator doors opened, and for a second i thought it was ellery. i turned around as peyton peeked around the corner.

"hey, connor, where's elle?"

"she's not here," i grumbled.

"what the hell happened this time?" she asked.

i got up from the barstool and turned to her. "i'll tell you what happened. your best friend doesn't believe i love her, and she thinks i'm only with her out of guilt. do you f**king believe that? after everything i've done for her and everything i've said to her, she has the nerve to doubt my love!" i yelled.

"whoa; calm down, and don't yell at me, connor," she said as she put both hands up.

"i'm sorry, peyton. i didn't mean to yell. it's not your fault, and i'm sorry that i'm taking it out on you."

she walked over, gave me a hug, and then looked at me. "you're the best thing that has ever happened to ellery, and she knows it. she has had such a hard life that was filled with more sorrow than joy. whenever she gets a glimpse of happiness, something bad happens, so she tries to sabotage whatever it is that's making her happy before it makes her sad. she knows you love her more than anything in the world, and she's watched you change your life for her. it scares her to death because she thinks you're going to go away like everything else has in her life."

peyton had a point, and i understood it. "ellery punched ashlyn in the face, and knocked her on her ass. she told her that if she ever looked at me or her again, she was going to make it so a plastic surgeon couldn't fix her," i smiled at peyton.

she started laughing. "that's my girl! the one thing about ellery is you don't mess with the people she loves, or she's going to kick your ass."

"i can see that," i laughed with her. "thanks, peyton. i'm going to give me and ellery some time to calm down. i have some serious thinking to do."

"well, don't think too long. she needs you, connor, and you need her. i'll call her later and see how she's doing. good luck," she said as she patted me on the chest and then walked out.

chapter 23

the next few days had passed by slowly as i worked from home. cassidy called to tell me that she and camden were in the city for a doctor's appointment and then they were going shopping. i told her to come by when she was done, and i'd take them to dinner. i set my phone down on my desk and headed to the kitchen for a bottle of water. as i was coming back to my office, i heard my phone ringing. by the time i got back to my desk, it stopped. i picked it up and looked at it. my heart stopped when it said that i had a missed call from ellery. she left a voicemail. i pressed the listen button and closed my eyes when i heard the voice that i had been missing.

"hi, connor, it's elle. i just called to see how you're doing and how things are going. i guess you're busy, so i'll talk to you soon; bye." she was reaching out to me. i dialed her number and waited impatiently for her to answer.

"hello?" she answered.

"hey, elle, i just got your message," i said in a low voice.

"hi, connor, i was just wondering how you were doing."

"i'm ok, and how are you?"

"i'm ok; i was just finishing up a new painting."

"i'm sure it's beautiful," i said as i smiled into the phone.

"i could take a picture and send it to you if you want."

"that would be great, thanks. i'd like to see it."

"so, what have you been up to?" she asked.

"not much, really; i've been working a lot. what have you been up to?" i asked her, trying to sound normal.

"nothing really, i've been doing a lot of painting."

"how are you feeling?" i asked.

"i'm ok, i guess," she said.

i looked at my watch. this conversation was hurting, and i hated talking to her over the phone knowing that things aren't right between us.

"i'm sorry, elle, but i have to get going; cassidy and camden are in the city, and i'm taking them to dinner. they should be here any minute."

"oh ok. please tell cassidy that i said hi, and give camden a big hug for me."

"i sure will, elle. thanks for calling," i said.

"sure, no problem; i'll talk to you soon. bye, connor."

i hung up just as denny walked into my office and sat down across from me. "i heard that conversation," he smirked.

"were you eaves dropping the whole time?" i asked.

"as a matter of fact, i was. so, tell me why you cut her off the way you did."

"i don't want to talk about it, denny," i growled at him.

"you never want to talk about it, connor, but you need to face reality. you either love her enough to fight for her or you don't, and if you don't, then tell her and walk away. go back to your old life, and be the miserable prick you were."

"damn it, denny! why can't you just leave me alone?! i yelled as i slammed my fists on the desk.

"because you're family, and family always interferes in personal matters," he said as he stood up and pointed his finger at me. "you, my friend, will not destroy the best thing that has ever happened to you. i'm telling you exactly what i told ellery the other day. why do you think she called you? i set her straight as well, and now i'm setting you straight. get your head out of your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get your plane over to california. i will not sit back and let you both ruin each other and what you have because the other is too stubborn to make the first move!"

i looked at him in shock. i couldn't believe denny, of all people, spoke to me like that. i stood up, walked over to him, and gave him a hug. "thank you," i whispered.

he patted me on the shoulder, "you're welcome."

i had a nice dinner with cassidy and camden. she asked where ellery was, and i told her what had happened. she gave me some sisterly advice and she promised me that she wouldn't tell mom. i stared at camden, thinking about that night that practically started all this. ellery wants children someday, but i can't give them to her. i confided in cassidy about it, and she told me to have my vasectomy reversed. she went on to say that her boss had it done, and now he has two beautiful, little girls. after dinner, i took cassidy and camden to the ice cream parlor. they were both thrilled for the treat. we took our ice cream and sat down at the small table. being here made me miss ellery even more.

"i'm going to ask ellery to marry me," i said to cassidy.

"connor, that's wonderful! i'm so happy for you," she said excitedly.

"don't get too excited; she hasn't said yes yet, and who knows if she even will."

"don't be a fool, connor. of course she's going to say yes. women can't resist the charm of connor black," she smiled.

"very funny," i said. "i'm going tomorrow to pick out a ring and then i'm going to california."

camden started getting fussy, and it was getting late. "i'm going to head on home," cassidy said as she hugged me tight. "thank you for dinner, and good luck. i love you, brother."

"i love you too, sister," i smiled as we walked out the door and onto the streets of new york. we drove back to the penthouse, and she got in her car and headed home.

the next day, i went into the office for a few hours to handle some meetings and then headed to tiffany's to buy a ring for ellery. i walked through the doors, and the saleswoman escorted me to a private room that displayed rows of diamond rings on the table. i picked up every one and examined them closely, but i wasn't seeing anything that was worthy enough for ellery. the saleswoman told me that she'd be right back as she left the room. a few moments later, she came in, holding a black cloth in her hand. she held it out and opened the cloth which displayed a beautiful four-carat, princess cut, and perfectly flawless diamond ring, with the infinity symbol covered in diamonds on each side of the band. it was the perfect ring for her. i smiled at the saleswoman and told her i'd take it. i also told her that i wanted to engrave the band. she asked me what i wanted to say as she held a pen in her hand.