his face fell and anger grew in his eyes. he was genuinely pissed at what i said.

"i'm not even going to respond to something as f**ked up as that," he yelled. he continued his rant. "you are pissed that i can't have kids. aren't you the one who said she doesn't believe in happily ever after's and fairytale romances?"

all i could think about as he was yelling at me was how since meeting him he changed all that for me, but obviously i didn't do the same for him. i walked over to the floor where i left my pants and pulled them on.

"what the f**k do you think you're doing?" he yelled.

"i'm not staying here tonight; you're a dick and i don't want to be near you right now."

"i'm a dick?" he laughed.

"you're the one being a bitch and overreacting about me not being able to have kids."

did he just call me a bitch? i spun around, "i'm a bitch because you didn't tell me about this sooner?"

the anger and darkness now consumed his eyes, "you really want to go there ellery about not telling each other things." he was now bringing up the cancer and he was hitting below the belt.

"i regretted that from day one and you know it," my voice was yelling. "how dare you throw that in my face."

"then i guess we're even," he yelled.

oh he shouldn't have said that. my blood was boiling and my veins were pulsating full of anger.

"maybe it's best you stay in the guest room tonight, till we both cool off."

i spun around and pointed my finger at him, "i'm not staying in the guest room; i'm going home to my apartment you so graciously call a box."

"really ellery, you're going to run?" he waved his hand. "why not, it's what you do best anyway."

tears filled my eyes at his cold words as i stormed out of the bedroom and out of his penthouse. he didn't come after me which told me he was really pissed off.

the night air was cold as i looked around the crowded streets of new york. i realized i didn't have my keys so going back to my apartment wasn't an option. i waited for a text or call or even for him to tell me was sorry and take me back upstairs with him, but he didn't. i hailed a cab and had him take me to the nearest hotel. i was weak and exhausted as i laid myself on the bed. i looked at my phone hoping if i stared at it long enough he would call me and tell me he's sorry.

i fell asleep sprawled across the bed and was rudely awoken from an incoming text. "where the f**k are you? i went to your apartment and you weren't there."

i rolled my eyes and quickly typed my response. "it's none of your business where i am, remember i'm doing what i do best."

within seconds i received another text, "you are behaving like a child and i don't like it; now get your ass back to my penthouse."

shit, you talk about adding fuel to the fire; he was sure doing an exceptional job at it. i responded, "i think we need time apart to think about what each of us said last night."

a sudden reply that broke my heart came through. "i think so to and when you stop behaving like a selfish child, then call me and we can talk."

i did the only thing i normally do, i threw my phone against the wall and it shattered. i sighed and took a hot shower, sobbing as the water ran down my body.

i bent down to pick up the broken pieces that was once my phone. i really need to get that under control and stop throwing things. i walked to the cellular store and purchased the same phone with my same number. i can say i didn't care about my phone, but i did because what if peyton needed me or what if connor needed me.

chapter 40

a few days passed and i barely left the hotel room. i read and drew pictures of things i wanted to eventually put on a canvas. connor didn't attempt to make any contact with me and it hurt. i was too stubborn to make the first move; his words stilled burned in my heart. i sat and thought maybe i should just book a flight and go back to california. my next treatment was next week so i needed to get back anyway. i didn't want to leave him and this time apart was killing me. i hated how i grew so dependent on him. i needed to talk to him and apologize. i was out of line and shouldn't have gotten so angry. we could have talked things out but instead i ran. connor was right; it's what i do best. i swallowed my pride and walked to his penthouse that was right on the next block.

i put my key in the elevator and took it up to the penthouse. the door opened and i stepped out looking for connor. i didn't see him in the kitchen, but i heard talking coming from his office. i slowly took steps towards his office and gasped for air at what i saw; ashlyn had her mouth on his. connor pushed her away and was startled when he saw me standing there. the fear in his eyes was a fear i had never seen before.

"ellery, this isn't what it looks like."

i put my hand up and turned to walk away. i couldn't breathe, my chest felt constricted and i was starting to panic. that was until i heard her say, "see connor i told you she doesn't love you like i can."

suddenly rage replaced panic and it grew inside me at a rapid pace. i turned around and walked towards her.

"oh shit," connor said because he was all too familiar with the look i was displaying.

ashlyn stood there with her arms crossed glaring at me as i approached her.

"i don't think we've officially met, i'm ellery, connors girlfriend." she eyed me up and down and refused to shake my hand.

"funny, connor said he didn't have a girlfriend anymore when he had his hands all over me."

i looked at connor as he stood there speechless; his only movement was the slight shaking of his head to let me know she was lying.

"he said that?"

"yeah he did after he kissed me and told me that it was me he loved all along and you were just a charity case he felt sorry for."

oh no she didn't!

connors eyes grew wide as he took a step back. before i knew it, my fist left my side and ended up right across her jaw line. she fell back on her ass and held her jaw, staring at me like i was a lunatic. i bent down until i right in her face.

"my advice to you is to crawl back into the whore hole you crawled out from and never look at me or him again. if i even catch you looking in either of our directions, i will pound my fist into you so hard that even a plastic surgeon wouldn't be able to fix you." i turned on my heels and started to walk away.

"you're a crazy bitch, do you know that?" she screamed.

connor came chasing after me and grabbed my arm, "don't you dare take another step."

was he stupid or something? did he really want to do this now when i was so full of rage?

"let go of me connor right now before you suffer the same fate as your whore over there." me and my mouth, shit, did i just say that?

he let go of my arm, "you're angry right now so i will forgive that last statement, but what i will not forgive is you taking another step and walking out that door."

"i'm sorry connor, but i can't stay, especially now."

connor pulled out his phone and called denny to come and get ashlyn out of the penthouse. i started to walk away as he came up from behind me, grabbed me as tight as he could and carried me upstairs to his bedroom, slamming the door shut.

"now sit down on that bed and listen to me ellery. i'm not playing games with you anymore, and i know what you just saw hurt you more than anything else. you're going to sit there and you're going listen to me."

i sat there as i swallowed hard, silently trying to plan my escape.

"go on then, explain to me who ashlyn is and why you've been keeping your relationship such a secret."

he paced back and forth across the room while running his hands through his hair. "ashlyn is amanda's twin sister."

i looked at him and shook my head, "who the f**k is amanda?"

he took in a sharp breath, "amanda is the girl who committed suicide after i broke up with her."

my mouth fell open and i felt sick to my stomach. a thousand thoughts ran through my mind. he was coming clean about her and i owed him that chance.

"keep talking connor, i'm listening."

"ashlyn sought me out and came to my office about a year ago. she told me she had been kicked out of her house and she didn't have any money and no place to go. she said that i owed her because it was my fault her sister killed herself."

i closed my eyes. i could hear the pain in his voice. how dare that woman do that to him? i wanted to reach out to him, but i had to let him finish telling me about her.

"i took her to dinner. we talked, drank a lot and we had sex. you have no idea how bad i regret that day." he stood there shaking his head and looking down as if he was ashamed for telling me.

i got up from the bed and walked over to him, "why didn't you stop it after that night connor?"

he sighed, "she kept talking about amanda and making me feel guilty for what had happened. i gave her a job at my company and we had an arrangement that we would meet three times a week after work for sex, no strings attached."

"wait, let me guess, she started falling for you and she wanted more."

he nodded his head. "yes, she wanted me to stop seeing other woman and enter into an exclusive relationship with her. i told her time and time again that i wasn't interested and that our arrangement was staying the way it was." he turned his back to me and took in a deep breath.

"she threatened to do what her sister did if i didn't succumb to her wants and needs. it was that night at the club; the night you brought me home, that i told her there was never going to be nothing more than sex between us."

"damn it connor, why the hell didn't you just stop seeing her?" i yelled."

he turned to face me, "because the next morning she called and apologized. she said she would be happy to keep our arrangement the way it was as long as i doubled her pay."

i shook my head in disbelief as the sickness settled into the pit of my stomach and i had to sit back down on the bed.

"are you ok?" he asked as he took a few steps towards me.

i put my hand up, "don't take another step and i mean it."

i closed my eyes for a moment to try and calm the clusterfuck that was going on inside my head.

"i have one question for you and i want you to be honest. when was the last time you slept with her?"

there was no hesitation when he answered. "it was the night before i met you. i tried to break things off with her several times since you and i met."

"what was she doing here and why were her lips on you?"

"i called her and asked her to come over so i could tell her never to contact me again and that what we had was long over. i told her i was in love with you. i was paying her to stay out of our lives. that, of course, pissed her off and she was going to try whatever she could to keep me. you just happened to walk in when she was throwing herself at me."