his smile, god, she loved his smile, even covered by her fingers as it was.

"i told you," he growled roughly. "i'll be here kimber, whenever, however you need me. that's not a promise. it's a fact."

he drew her back to his chest, tucking her head beneath his chin as the tears finally eased.

"just rest, baby," he said then. "right here, in my arms. just let me hold you..."

night moved on, yet jared never released her. they spoke in hushed whispers, and he listened in silence as she told him of her childhood, of her lonely years in boarding school.

he laughed with her when she told of the pranks she often pulled on the good sisters who ran the school. he hugged her tight when she related the punishments that she considered a fair trade for the fun she had managed to eke out of those years. and he rocked her tenderly when she related the horrifying event of arriving home within hours of her mother's death.

finally, her eyes closed wearily and sleep claimed her. and jared still held her, watching her tenderly, his heart breaking for the loneliness she had endured even as his soul swore she would never know it again.

jared drove her home the next morning after arranging for someone to bring her car in behind them. he held her hand through the hour-long drive, allowing her to sit in silence until they pulled into her driveway.

kimberly stared at the little brick house, realizing that it had been more of a home to her in the past six years than briar cliff ever had been.

"come in with me," she whispered.

she didn't want to let him go. she didn't want to face the loneliness awaiting her.

jared sighed wearily as he lifted her hand to his lips, placing a gentle, destructive kiss in the center of her palm.

"i don't have that much control today, baby," he whispered. "i don't think either of us do."

she turned her head, staring at his exhausted face and seeing the same needs swirling in his gaze that burned in her body.

"i'm not asking for your control, jared," she whispered. "i don't want it..."

he shook his head, stopping her flow of words.

"no, kimber," he said tenderly. "i won't let you make this decision while your emotions are this ragged. go inside and rest. i'll see you in a few nights, i promise."

she would have argued with him, she would have pressed him for more, and she knew eventually, he would give in. but if he did, he would never be certain that the decision she had made in the deepest part of the night was made with her heart and not with her pain.

she nodded slowly. "i'll hold you to that."

he smiled that special smile. "you won't be able to keep me away."

he leaned to her, his lips touching hers, the restraint he used evident in the tense lines of his face and the darkening of his eyes.

"soon," she whispered, pulling back before hurrying from the car.

she had an appointment to make, and she was more than eager to finish it and to begin the life she prayed was waiting for her.

chapter nineteen

she faced him, her father, senator daniel madison in the offices of caruthers, brickley and morton, the estate lawyers who had handled the briar cliff trust from the beginning. actually, it had been caruthers senior who had first put together the original trust. it was his great grandson, caruthers iv who now faced her from the head of the antique cherry wood conference table.

across from her sat her father and attorney brickley. morton sat at the other end with a stenographer off to her side.

"let me get this straight, ms. madison, you are rescinding all claim to briar cliff, effective immediately?" brian caruthers asked her sternly. "this isn't a decision to make lightly, young lady. this is centuries of preservation we're talking about. a heritage anyone can be proud of."

"proud of?" she flicked the lawyer a glance before returning her gaze to her father's silent face. "i've endured a physical exam every three months to prove my eligibility to hold briar cliff. my life, my every move is under scrutiny. i have no pride in briar cliff." there, she had said it.

she watched her father's eyes widen marginally before they narrowed in censure.

"she has obviously broken the conditions and doesn't want to admit it," he finally snapped.

kimberly smiled sadly. somehow, she had known that would be his first defense. she reached into the briefcase she carried with her and pulled free the doctor's report.

"i saw dr. morgan first thing this morning," she said softly. "here are the results of those tests."

she slid the paper across the table. she knew what it said. the hymen was still intact.

he slid the paper to the lawyer next to him.

"what are you up to?" he growled, his hazel eyes accusing, censorious. "a year ago you sneered in my face and swore i'd never live a night in 'your' home, as you called it."

kimberly drew in a deep breath as she watched the man who should have been there for her graduation and wasn't. who should have cared the first time she was wounded during an assignment, but hadn't. the man who should have shared in her joys and her fears, yet he never had.

"i wish i had been given the chance to love you," she whispered then, ignoring the shock on his face. "i wish the estate hadn't stood between us, and that your own morality and beliefs hadn't eroded what could have been, father. i wish i could have been the daughter you needed, instead of the tool for revenge that you and mother turned me into."

he paled. she watched his swarthy expression blanch and shook her head wearily.

"the trust ends in five years, ms. madison," caruthers reminded her. "whatever has fueled this decision can surely wait that long."

make jared wait? she didn't have the patience.

"i have a life to plan," she said firmly. "briar cliff won't be a part of it, because after tonight, i'll never pass another of those asinine exams." she flicked her fingers towards the report. "five years is too long to wait to tell him i love him."

"no!" her father's hand smacked imperatively against the pristine polish of the table, the crack resounding around the room as kimberly flinched at the fury of the sound. "i won't allow you to make such a foolish decision. it's jared, isn't it?" he sneered the name, his eyes piercing her with his anger. "the little bastard has somehow corrupted you..."

"enough." kimberly stood to her feet, pushing her chair back as she faced her father with her own growing anger. "you have it, father. all of it. content yourself with that."

"i won't let you whore yourself to him and his friends," he snapped, coming to his feet as well. "do you think i don't know he belongs to that depraved club?" he spat out. "that i'm unaware of his practices, his lifestyle. are you insane, girl?"

she lifted her chin, staring back at him with a strength she had never known she possessed. his rages had always terrified her; his harsh words had never failed to rip through her heart. now, she felt only sorrow, only pity that it had come to this.

"no, i finally found my sanity," she said softly. "you can have the papers mailed to me, mr. caruthers," she informed the lawyer. "my time here is finished." she turned back to her father, allowing her regret, a lifetime's worth, to fill her face and her voice. "goodbye, father."

she moved away from the table, heading for the door, for freedom. she could feel her heart lifting, her soul becoming lighter with each step.

"kimberly." her father's voice stopped her as she opened the door, imperative, demanding.

she turned back to him slowly, seeing so many things she had missed before. her father had aged in the last six years. he was only fifty, but he looked much older, more bitter than she remembered.

"if you walk out that door you lose it all," he reminded her. "everything."

she smiled tiredly. "no, father. i win," she said simply.

he sneered slowly. "you're just like your mother."

kimberly ignored the pain at the implied insult.

"no, i'm not," she replied slowly. "i'm stronger than she was. i'm stronger than both of you were, because i'm not willing to sell my soul for a piece of land that will neither keep me warm at night, nor love me in return. unlike you and mother, i'm not willing to turn my back on love for profit. that was your curse, it won't be mine."

she left before he could reply, before he could hurl the insults she could see gathering on his face. she walked from the offices into a day filled with sunshine and hope and ran toward her future.

chapter twenty

he was waiting for her when she arrived. his mother had called and relayed daniel's fury when he returned from the lawyers' offices. the senator was coldly disapproving she had said, but jared had read more than that in her voice.

"should i come after you, mom?" he had asked her carefully, concern rising within him.

"no, dear. daniel isn't a violent man. but neither am i pleased with him at the moment," she had said with a vein of irritation. "you take care of kimberly. she's renounced briar cliff for you. i expect to plan the wedding, of course. and it will take more than a few weeks, young man. i expect six months at the least. i deserve this. you waited long enough to find the woman that makes your lips curve into that smile your father always got with me." her voice had turned misty with memories, though he had no idea what she meant. "give her my best, and i'll see both of you soon."

he had hung up the phone, and waited. night had fallen more than an hour before and still he stood on the front porch, his heart in his chest, his throat tight with the knowledge of what she had given up for him.

she had given up an estate estimated to be worth millions. more than he would ever accomplish in his lifetime, more than he had dreamed his love meant to her. she had only five years to wait, and he would have been there beside her. he would have given her that time.

it both awed and humbled him, and scared the living hell out of him that she had given it up.

finally, just as he was certain she must have changed her mind, he saw the lights of the jeep topping the rise a quarter of a mile away. and she was there. everything inside him responded to that sight. his chest tightened with emotion, and his erect cock throbbed in thankfulness. the damned thing hadn't relaxed since she had walked out the door more than a week before.

he held his position on the porch, his arms crossed over his chest as the jeep pulled into the driveway and turned around the circular drive. the engine had no sooner been turned off then the door was opening and there she was.

her long, red-gold hair flowed around her, unbound, as wild as the passion that burned within her. she was dressed simply in clothing that he figured would take no more than six seconds to tear from her body. a light cream-colored sundress and leather sandals. four seconds max, he revised.

she moved slowly to him, stepping up on the porch, her eyes dark with emotion.

"i love you," she whispered. "i can't wait, jared. no matter what. no matter how long you want me, i can't wait."

he drew in a hard, determined breath as he glanced away from her. he couldn't say what he had to say while staring into those beautiful eyes.

"i can ease the desire for you without this sacrifice..."

"no." tears thickened her voice as pain resonated in it. "we tried that, jared; it only made it worse. don't you understand? it's not the need for release. it's not the arousal. it's you. just you. i need all of you, not just a little bit... i need all of you. you love me, jared. i know you do. you have to."