"jason? jonah is taking me to the club tonight?"

"yeah," he said, clearing his throat uncomfortably. something was up. "uh, tom is indisposed. he said he'll see you here."

i hung up. "that son of a..."

"what's that?" jonah asked, a devious smile on his face.

"shut up, jonah. let's go."

i grabbed my bag and stuck in a few essentials before letting the door click behind me.

"good god, january," he began. "i gotta admit, you've got to be one of the sexiest women ever. you're making me think twice about my girl back home."

"classy, jonah."

"no shit. you are smoking hot. what would you say..."

"stop!" i said, holding up my hand to get away from his slime. "i wouldn't mess with you if we were the last two people on earth and our need to procreate was the difference between the continuation of the world or not. that's how much i hate you."

"so..."

"absolutely not, jonah. take me to the club and leave me the hell alone."

"feisty little thing."

"ugh! you are beyond creepy."

when we reached downstairs, there was a car waiting for which i was eternally grateful. the club was only two blocks but i didn't think i could survive my heels much less jonah's incessant come-ons.

we pulled up to the club and true to tom's word, there were paparazzi, their cameras flashing at an astronomical rate. i was so freaking nervous, i could vomit. jonah started to exit the cab but i pushed him back.

"don't even think for a second you're exiting this car in front of me. you're going to let me leave, then you're going to circle the block so no one knows we rode together."

"fine," jonah admitted too easily, sitting back.

i stepped out of the car and shut the door behind me, ensuring jonah wasn't following. the clicks of lights were blinding and took a moment to become accustomed to. i followed the walk in front of me slowly so as not to trip and made a beeline for the entrance but was stopped short just a few feet into the promotional backdrop. photographers clambered my direction and insisted on a picture. fine, i thought, give them a picture to shut them up. they won't publish a nobody.

i posed as best i could and moved but was stopped again...and again and again. finally, i made it to the door and broke the threshold feeling part exhilarated, part terrified. either way i was glad it was over.

thomas

i sat just behind the door not expecting to see january for at least an hour. i wasn't keeping an eye out for her...all right, i was definitely keeping my eye out for her, but i was also doing my job, waiting for one band in particular that i recommended for tonight's performance and i was eager to talk with them. in other words, eager to get jonah away from them.

that's when i saw her and literally lost my balance resting against the door. i scrambled for some semblance of cool but couldn't tear my eyes away.

"oh jesus," i heard behind me.

i turned to find jason. "what?" i asked, knowing full well what he meant and who he meant it for.

"i had no idea."

"i did," i told him, staring after the most breathtakingly beautiful woman i'd ever seen in person and christ was she a natural at it. she looked supremely uncomfortable, but i was willing to bet i was the only one who would have been able to tell that in the way she held her arms a little stiffer than usual.

"and you're in love with her," jason said matter-of-factly.

"i am," i said without reservation, still staring at her.

"this time it's real," jason said, folding his arms and leaning against the wall next to me.

"i know it is."

"then why the hell have her come here alone?" he asked me.

"because..." i offered, not really sure what to say.

"she's in love with you too," he said, trying to get my attention but i still was unable to tear my eyes away.

"no, she's not."

"the hell she's not," he told me. "i was with her all day and i know january. she's in love."

"yeah, with jonah," i said, not really knowing if that was true.

jason laughed so loud it caught the attention of one of the security guards at the entrance. "that's rich," he said, sucking in a breath. "my god, you really are the world's biggest fool." he walked away, shaking his head, and muttering, "what an idiot."

january was approaching the end of the walkway so i sank into the shadows a bit and watched her break the threshold. she brought the backs of her hands to her flushed cheeks and smiled to herself, but her expression quickly turned to worry and what looked a little like determination. i never wanted to touch someone so badly as i did january in that moment. i fisted my hands at my side, bolstering myself with the memory of that phone call. i needed to talk to her about it but tonight was not the night. we had a job to do and it needed to be done before jonah showed up. that r&d spot was mine.

inside, the club was noisy and ridiculously crowded and i lost january pretty quickly but somehow found jason again.

"have you seen january since she's come in? i need her to be there when the band shows up."

"no, i haven't," he said, taking a swig of a dark liquid.

"i'll have to look around then. i might have to meet the band without her."

jason was called to the bar for some kind of alcohol emergency and had to leave me to myself. i scanned the crowd below me and tried to see through the smoky, dark room. intermittent laserlike lights would cascade over the heads of the club patrons and would highlight randomly, allowing me to see for short periods of time. my second sweep across the floor provided me a glimpse of her and my eyes strained to see through the fog so i inched closer and got the biggest surprise of my life.

january. hugging jonah.

my heart pounded severely against my ribs and my mouth went dry. i gripped the handle of the railing and leaned over as much as i could without falling to my death.

what a traitorous bitch, i thought to myself. my heart turned to mush inside my chest and for the first time in years i wanted to cry. well, if i wanted to know what it really felt like to lose the love of your life, the one person truly made for me, i've definitely gotten my fucking wish. i scrubbed my hands over my face and through my hair. they were unsure what to do with themselves. i've got a job for you, i told my hands as they fisted into white knuckles. i pushed myself from the railing and booked it down the stairs into the belly of the beast. i'd lost sight of them through the undulating crowd so i pushed through without regard for the guests around me.

i broke through close enough to catch another glimpse of them but stopped cold when i saw she wasn't hugging jonah, she was shoving jonah, fighting his roaming hands and crying. the adrenaline hit me like an atomic bomb, realizing i was the biggest dumbass in the world. she wasn't the traitor, i was. i was so quick to think ill of her, afraid that i'd get hurt, that i was willing to jump to ridiculous conclusions, despite the fact that january hadn't ever done anything for me to distrust her so wholly.

i pushed harder and with new vigor. i needed to get to her. she needed me and i hadn't been there for her. my heart tore in two, aggravating an already ragged wound. i'd been the betrayer, not the betrayed. i felt sick to my stomach as i made my way through the thick group of people.

"get off of me!" i heard her scream, tears streaming down her face. "stop!"

"january!" i yelled but she couldn't hear me over the pounding bass. "january!" i tried again but it did no good.

i felt like i was making no progress. i was failing her. no one around her noticed her predicament except me and i was failing her. her arms were red and swollen from his mishandling her and i couldn't fucking get to her!

suddenly, i heard faint but gut-wrenching screams come from the direction of the dj booth and everyone's heads whipped that direction.

"feu!" i kept hearing, the panicky words screaming from invisible lips. i had no idea the meaning until i saw january's eyes had grown round in her head. she searched the crowd around her and her eyes fell on me.

"fire!" she screamed at me.

no.

"january! come to me!" i yelled at her as jonah fled, cowardly leaving her there to fend for herself.

i reached my hands toward her and she extended her arms, desperation lacing her expression. we pushed and strained for one another, the tips of her right hand brushed mine and for the first time, i felt slightly relieved that she was close to my possession. i grabbed for her, but her grip escaped mine just when i thought i had her. no! i pushed and tossed people away from me but the panicked cloud of people clambering for the nearest exit seemed to swell in numbers and january was too light to fight back. every time i made an advance, people would push her back.

"help me!" she screamed, making my heart wrench.

"move!" i hopelessly yelled at the people in front of me, but it did no good. my stomach dropped to my feet. january was swallowed whole and i was helpless to watch. i'd failed her. completely.

chapter eleven

all the pretty girls

thomas

i followed the direction i thought she was being pulled as black, billowing smoke engulfed the massive ceiling of the club. i had maybe a minute. people's piercing screams haunted my ears as i spun around feebly in frenzied haste.

"january!" i hysterically called out. my body was begging me to run, to act, to save, but i couldn't see her, fear locking up every ounce of common sense.

the crowd was thinning out and i breathed a slight sigh of relief, hoping i'd get to her. the smoke was becoming so thick and lower to the ground, i had to bring my shirt over my mouth. it didn't help much and i began to choke and cough as i inhaled the charred remains of the building burning down around me. the heat was becoming unbearable but i was determined to find her. i would have died before i left her in that club.

i frantically searched the people around me, gripping them as i went and ensuring they weren't january. i went from person to person until the black cut off my view and two hands reached for me.

"no!" i told the person dragging me toward what i assumed was some sort of exit. "no!" i exclaimed, pushing back but they succeeded in pushing me into the night air. i coughed and gagged as i reached soil and fresh air but immediately got back up, determined to find her.

the fireman who pulled me out, pushed me toward the crowd, unwilling to let me back in. "january!" i yelled at the building, begging her to come out.

i immediately turned toward the crowd surrounding the burning building and searched for her face. i hysterically wound my way through the throngs of stunned faces calling out her name.

"tom!" i heard to my left and ran toward the voice.

"jason!"

"are you all right?" he asked. "where's january?"