"i'm convinced," i jested, thinking back on l.a.

"good," he said.

"good," i countered, thinking on cricket and smiling secretly to myself.

i spread the pellets around my feet again, even though it was unnecessary. i cleared my throat. "so, uh, will cricket go?"

"yeah," he said, thinking nothing of my question and my heart jumped. "ethan takes her," he finished, and my heart sank to my feet.

heavy-ass heart.

when the day was done, i went back to the trailer and decided to catch some z's before everyone met up to drive out to kalispell. i showered and fell to sleep in a blur of ten minutes. it had been several weeks since we'd come to the ranch, but it didn't seem to matter. my muscles felt like they were ripped apart, healed with a night of sleep, then viciously ripped apart once more the next day. this had gone on day after day, week after week, and i was starting to feel the effects of it. i felt like a modern-day prometheus.

and yet, though i was more tired than i had ever felt, i felt all the more accomplished for it. life didn't feel like i was merely existing from one droning moment to the next. i felt effective, useful and altogether worthy. i had never felt that before, not once my entire life had i ever felt truly valuable. i had earned the right to be proud, but being enlightened in that way only exacerbated the fact that i had so much further to go before i could ever deserve someone like cricket.

"and so what?" piper asked me.

"so what, what?" i replied, annoyed.

i stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist.

"you think this sensation will last?" she asked, almost desperate. she was pacing behind me and i could see her wild reflection in the mirror. "this supposed merit? you will grow tired of the tedious days, you know. you will grow in resentment." i scoffed at her as i began to shave. "you think to dismiss me so easily!" she asked hysterically.

i stopped what i was doing and narrowed my eyes at her. "if i could do that, you'd be gone completely," i told her before returning back to my task.

"spencer," she said softly, remembering herself. she slithered across the marble floor to my side and leaned back against the bathroom countertop. "you're losing your motivation. you're dropping your guard." i shook my head, casting off her statement. "you're going to lose it all because she is going to take it!" she practically screamed, her cool facade breaking like weak glass.

i pulled away from her slightly and gauged her. "and what the hell is it to you, piper?"

she smiled sweetly, but it felt frantic, forced. "i only want what's best for you," she hummed throatily.

"why?" i questioned her.

she looked affronted. "don't ask stupid questions, spencer," she said before turning and fleeing the bathroom.

i woke having no real recollection of my dream, but i knew piper had made an appearance because my hands shook. they always shook when i woke after a nightmare starring piper.

i laid in bed staring at the window. the stars were gleaming. i picked up the alarm clock and glanced at the time. eight o'clock.

"you going?" i heard a voice ask me from the direction of the little living area.

"yeah, bridge, i'm going."

she sat on the uncomfortable banquette, watching the small television we'd bought. it was the only thing that would fit and not take up the entire trailer. i laughed when we bought it, remembering the forty-eight inch in my bathroom at home.

a knock came at the door. bridge made a motion to stand, but i stayed her with a hand and got up to answer it myself. i swung the door open to see a very different jonah than i was accustomed to.

"who the hell are you?" i asked with a smile.

"dang, what are you talking about?" he asked, mock dusting off his shoulders. "i always look this good."

"no, jonah, you look like a disheveled linebacker on a horse, that's what you always look like."

he dug his size five hundred shoe in the ground and ducked his head, his cheeks burning a bright red. he swung his head left then right and avoided my stare.

"you really are a massive goof, aren't you? come in, dude."

he bounded up the steps like a five-year-old instead of the titan he was and ducked inside, removing his cap inside and smoothing his hair out with his hands. i followed behind him and noticed his face burned something close to the color of brick.

"hey, bridget," he said with a lopsided grin.

i rolled my eyes and went to the sink to brush my teeth. i pretended to be distracted with the stars outside while they spoke.

"what's up, jonah?" bridget coolly replied, though i could tell she was affected by how well he'd cleaned up.

"nothin' much. whatcha doin'?" he asked, sitting on the banquette, a cushion between them.

"oh, just watching a little tv. same old, same old," she offered with a smile, but her eyes lingered a little too long on his face.

"great," i mumbled around my toothbrush. i rinsed and spit. "i'll be right out, jonah," i said.

i entered the bedroom, and i use that term loosely, of the trailer and shut the accordion doors separating me from the living area. i picked out a few casual things-a pair of worn jeans and a worn button-up. i shook my head at the choices i had. thinking back on how i used to dress just made me depressed. i still had those things with me, but i couldn't sport an armani in this town or i'd call some serious attention to myself, which was the last thing i wanted to do. as i dressed, i listened to jonah and bridget talk.

"you look very nice, jonah," bridget offered.

i rolled my eyes.

"really?" he asked, and i could just imagine his face blowing up a bright red.

"yes, very handsome."

"thank you, bridget. you look very nice too."

to this, bridget laughed loudly. "how would you know, silly! i'm covered in this blanket."

there was a slight pause before he answered as if he was working up the nerve to say something. don't do it. don't do it.

"i don't have to see what you're wearing to know you look nice, bridget."

a longer pause and my hands found my face then dragged painfully slowly down.

"th-thank you, jonah. i think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

i couldn't take it anymore, so i tucked the accordion doors back.

"ready?" i asked him.

jonah appeared startled by my sudden appearance and stood too quickly, bumping his head on the ceiling of the trailer, inciting a giggle from bridget.

"sorry," jonah said, his face bright red.

"come on," i said, practically shoving him out the door.

"wait," he said, turning around, "are you not coming, bridge?"

"uh, no," she said, standing herself. "i," she sighed, "well, i thought it would be weird if i went."

"what?" he asked, outraged. "why?"

"because, well, you know," she said glancing down at her belly.

"you can't even tell, bridget, and no one with us is gonna feel any differently about you," he said to her quietly before pausing. then he said, "trust me," and all the anxiety on her face melted.

"oh, um, okay. i'd love to go then."

she peered her head around jonah. "mind waiting just a second?" she asked.

"of course not," i said, leaning against the door and gesturing toward the bedroom.

she ran back, giddy, and closed the doors. i watched jonah and he had a shit-eating grin on his face. he looked over at me and the grin dropped. he swallowed hard before turning to sit on the banquette. i sat across from him and only had to raise a single brow. jonah eyes popped wide and he began to squirm, fiddling with the cap in his hand, wringing it over and over.

fifteen minutes later, bridget emerged in a simple pair of jeans and long sleeved t-shirt and i nodded my approval at her, to which she rolled her eyes. i did notice she had curled her hair, though, and applied makeup, but her choice in clothing, which had always left something to be desired in my opinion, impressed me to no end. mostly because it covered every inch of her. good girl, i thought.

jonah helped her on with her jacket, even going so far as to playfully spin her around as he wrapped her scarf around her neck and making her giggle like a little girl. i got into the driver's seat and jonah opened her door for her. she got in the backseat then he slid in behind her.

"you're not going to ride up front with me?" i asked, confounded.

he looked at me like i was crazy. "we're taking cricket and ethan up with us," he explained before looking at bridge.

bridget's eyes crinkled. "uh, oh yeah! um, you're taking cricket and ethan to kalispell with jonah and, well, now myself. i volunteered you. is that okay?" she asked, shrinking into her seat a little.

"fine," i gritted, trying not to look as pissed as i sounded.

i turned and put the truck into drive. jonah and bridget giggled and i whipped my head around to look at them, which plastered them into their seats. bridge cleared her throat to fight the laughter, which earned her a look that could kill.

i parked outside ellie and emmett's and honked the horn, my windshield wipers were at full blast as well as the heater and defrosters, but i still couldn't see more than ten feet in front of me.

"think it's a good idea for me to be driving in this?" i asked jonah, who had leaned up and almost over the console to check out the dash and the radio.

"yeah, this is pretty standard this time of year."

kill me if i'm in montana this time next year, i thought.

just then two dark figures appeared in the foggy headlights. one immediately went to the back to sit next to bridge and the other toward the passenger door. please be cricket. please be cricket, i thought, staring at the figure at the passenger side window.

the car door opened and my stomach sank. ethan. he climbed in and shut the door. the door behind me opened and in popped cricket. i couldn't see her because she was so small and her head was hidden by the headrest. she kept fiddling with her coat and cursing the thing for being too long. i was desperate to see what she looked like but when she finally sat back, the cabin lights had gone dull and only the dash lights lit the interior, leaving cricket in the dark, only the shadow of her face visible to me. damn!

i meandered the long drive from the hunt ranch to the main road but barely. i kept stopping short thinking there was something in front of me. the truck was quiet except for the occasional snort from ethan's side, which really angered me. i was making everyone uneasy and that pissed me off because i was a flipping awesome driver when snow wasn't involved. i looked over at ethan, who was eyeing me. not everyone can grow up in montana, asshole!

"do you want me to drive?" he offered, emasculating me in front of his unbelievably wonderful girlfriend.

"no," i said, staring him down. "i'm a fast learner."