"port angeles," bella read.

it was too bright for me to drive into town when i got to port angeles; the sun was still too high overhead, and, though my windows were tinted dark, there was no reason to take unnecessary risks. more unnecessary risks, i should say.

i was certain i would be able to find jessica's thoughts from a distance??jessica's thoughts were louder than angela's, but once i found the first, i'd be able to hear the second. then, when the shadows lengthened, i could get closer. for now, i pulled off the road onto an overgrown driveway just outside the town that appeared to be infrequently used.

i knew the general direction to search in??there was really only one place for dress shopping in port angeles. it wasn't long before i found jessica, spinning in front of a three way mirror, and i could see bella in her peripheral vision, appraising the long black dress she wore.

bella still looks pissed. ha ha. angela was right??tyler was full of it.

"what is that about?" bella asked raising an eyebrow.

i can't believe she's so upset about it, though. at least she knows she has a back up date for the prom. what if mike doesn't have fun at the dance, and he doesn't ask me out again? what if he asks bella to the prom? would she have asked mike to the dance if i hadn't said anything? does he think she's prettier than me? does she think she's prettier than me?

"i would really appreciate it if you'd stop listening to her mind now, edward," jacob said, annoyed by all the pointless drama jessica was thinking about.

"i think i like the blue one better. it really brings out your eyes."

jessica smiled at bella with false warmth, while eyeing her suspiciously.

does she really think that? or does she want me to look like a cow on saturday?

bella rolled her eyes, she wouldn't ever think that.

"she seems to know you well," jacob said sarcastically.

i was already tired of listening to jessica. i searched close by for angela??ah, but angela was in the process of changing dresses, and i skipped quickly out of her head to give her some privacy.

well, there wasn't much trouble bella could get into in a department store. i'd let them shop and then catch up with them when they were done.

"not a very good lookout then, are you?" jacob chuckled, "you should always keep an eye on her."

it wouldn't be long until it was dark??the clouds were beginning to return, drifting in from the west. i could only catch glimpses of them through the thick trees, but i could see how they would hurry the sunset. i welcomed them, craved them more than i had ever yearned for their shadows before. tomorrow i could sit beside bella in school again, monopolize her attention at lunch again. i could ask her all the questions i'd been saving up??

so, she was furious about tyler's presumption. i'd seen that in his head??that he'd meant it literally when he'd spoken of the prom, that he was staking a claim.

"so he's telling everyone that we're going to prom together," bella said, angrily. she glared at the book when she started reading next.

i pictured her expression from that other afternoon??the outraged disbelief??and i laughed. i wondered what she would say to him about this. i wouldn't want to miss her reaction.

"of course you wouldn't," bella grumbled.

"it does sound intriguing," jacob chuckled.

the time went slowly while i waited for the shadows to lengthen. i checked in periodically with jessica; her mental voice was the easiest to find, but i didn't like to linger there long. i saw the place they were planning to eat. it would be dark by dinner time??maybe i would coincidentally choose the same restaurant. i touched the phone in my pocket, thinking of inviting alice out to eat?? she would love that, but she would also want to talk to bella. i wasn't sure if i was ready to have bella more involved with my world. wasn't one vampire trouble enough?

"no, i think i might like to meet alice," bella said.

i checked in routinely with jessica again. she was thinking about her jewelry, asking angela's opinion.

"maybe i should take the necklace back. i've got one at home that would probably work, and i spent more than i was supposed to??" my mom is going to freak out. what was i thinking?

"boring," jacob grumbled.

"i don't mind going back to the store. do you think bella will be looking for us, though?"

"looking for us... where are you?" jacob asked. bella just looked at him for a few seconds until he smiled sheepishly at her, "right... you don't know."

what was this? bella wasn't with them? i stared through jessica's eyes first, then switched to angela's. they were on the sidewalk in front of a line of shops, just turning back the other way. bella was nowhere in sight.

oh, who cares about bella?

"well you should if you took her with you," jacob grumbled and he was starting to get a little worried.

jess thought impatiently, before answering angela's question. "she's fine. we'll get to the restaurant in plenty of time, even if we go back. anyway, i think she wanted to be alone." i got a brief glimpse of the bookshop jessica thought bella had gone to.

"oh," bella said, it made sense that she would want to go to a bookshop and she would definitely want to be alone if that was where she was going.

"let's hurry, then," angela said. i hope bella doesn't think we ditched her. she was so nice to me in the car before?? she's really a sweet person. but she's seemed kind of blue all day. i wonder if it's because of edward cullen? i'll bet that was why she was asking about his family??

"aw... you're obsessing about edward," jacob teased, trying to not get too worried.

i should have been paying better attention. what all had i missed here? bella was off wandering by herself, and she'd been asking about me before? angela was paying attention to jessica now??jessica was babbling about that idiot mike??and i could get nothing more from her.

i judged the shadows. the sun would be behind the clouds soon enough. if i stayed on the west side of the road, where the buildings would shade the street from the fading light??

i started to feel anxious as i drove through the sparse traffic into the center of the town. this wasn't something i had considered??bella taking off on her own??and i had no idea how to find her. i should have considered it.

"you would think he could just roll down a window and sniff you out," jacob said.

"that sounds ridiculous," bella shook her head.

i knew port angeles well; i drove straight to the bookstore in jessica's head, hoping my search would be short, but doubting it would be so easy. when did bella ever make it easy?

jacob chuckled at that and bella rolled her eyes.

sure enough, the little shop was empty except for the anachronistically dressed woman behind the counter. this didn't look like the kind of place bella would be interested in??too new age for a practical person. i wondered if she'd even bothered to go in?

"probably not," bella said, what he had described stated clearly that wasn't a place that she would want to see.

there was a patch of shade i could park in?? it made a dark pathway right up to the overhang of the shop. i really shouldn't. wandering around in the sunlight hours was not safe. what if a passing car threw the sun's reflection into the shade at just the wrong moment?

but i didn't know how else to look for bella!

i parked and got out, keeping to the deepest side of the shadow. i strode quickly into the store, noting the faint trace of bella's scent in the air. she had been here, on the sidewalk, but there was no hint of her fragrance inside the shop.

"see... he is trying to sniff you out," jacob said looking pleased.

"but it looks like the sun is going to keep him from doing a thorough job of it," bella said.

"welcome! can i help??" the saleswoman began to say, but i was already out the door.

i followed bella's scent as far as the shade would allow, stopping when i got to the edge of the sunlight. how powerless it made me feel??fenced in by the line between dark and light that stretched across the sidewalk in front of me. so limited.

i could only guess that she'd continued across the street, heading south. there wasn't really much in that direction. was she lost? well, that possibility didn't sound entirely out of character.

"i don't like this," jacob said, edward was right, there really wasn't anything in that direction and the thought of bella wandering around alone wasn't pleasant. he shook his head then; no, he was just letting edward's panic get to him... bella was fine.

i got back in the car and drove slowly through the streets, looking for her. i stepped out into a few other patches of shadow, but i only caught her scent once more, and the direction of it confused me. where was she trying to go?

i drove back and forth between the bookstore and the restaurant a few times, hoping to see her on her way. jessica and angela were already there, trying to decide whether to order, or to wait for bella. jessica was pushing for ordering immediately.

"bitch," jacob said and then he mumbled, "can't even wait for you."

i began flitting through the minds of strangers, looking through their eyes. surely, someone must have seen her somewhere.

i got more and more anxious the longer she remained missing. i hadn't considered before how difficult she might prove to find once, like now, she was out of my sight and off her normal paths. i didn't like it.

"yeah, maybe you should lojack her or something," jacob chuckled, but wouldn't have been surprised at this point if edward did something like this.

the clouds were massing on the horizon, and, in a few more minutes, i would be free to track her on foot. it wouldn't take me long then. it was only the sun that made me so helpless now. just few more minutes, and then the advantage would be mine again and it would be the human world that was powerless.

jacob grimaced at this, but not because of the thought that edward thought that the human world would be powerless to him, but because he was sure the fact that edward couldn't do anything at the moment wasn't good.

another mind, and another. so many trivial thoughts.

??think the baby has another ear infection??

was it six-four-oh or six-oh-four???

late again. i ought to tell him??

here she comes! aha!

there, at last, was her face. finally, someone had noticed her!

both bella and jacob shivered uncontrollably.

the relief lasted for only a fraction of a second, and then i read more fully the thoughts of the man who was gloating over her face in the shadows.

his mind was a stranger to me, and yet, not totally unfamiliar. i had once hunted exactly such minds.

there was more shivering at that.

"get over there!" jacob shouted.

"no!" i roared, and a volley of snarls erupted from my throat. my foot shoved the gas pedal to the floor, but where was i going?

"dammit... how could you not know where she is at a time like this!" jacob shouted again, angry at edward for letting his guard down for even a second.

i knew the general location of his thoughts, but the knowledge was not specific enough. something, there had to be something??a street sign, a store front, something in his sight that would give away his location. but bella was deep in shadow, and his eyes were focused only on her frightened expression??enjoying the fear there.

bella voice quivered when she read that.

her face was blurred in his mind by the memory of other faces. bella was not his first victim.

"dammit," jacob repeated, and was thinking fiercely for edward to hurry up and get to bella already.

the sound of my growls shook the frame of the car, but did not distract me.

there were no windows in the wall behind her. somewhere industrial, away from the more populated shopping district. my car squealed around a corner, swerving past another vehicle, heading in what i hoped was the right direction. by the time the other driver honked, the sound was far behind me.

look at her shaking! the man chuckled in anticipation. the fear was the draw for him??the part he enjoyed.

"sick bastard," jacob hissed, balling his fist.

"stay away from me." her voice was low and steady, not a scream.

"why aren't you screaming?" jacob asked but bella couldn't answer that. all she could do was keep reading.

"don't be like that, sugar."

he watched her flinch to a rowdy laugh that came from another direction. he was irritated with the noise??shut up, jeff! he thought??but he enjoyed the way she cringed.

it excited him. he began to imagine her pleas, the way she would beg??

bella was reading this in a voice that seemed to be distant. she was terrified... she didn't like this one bit... she knew her book self would feel hopeless and wouldn't have any way out of this... however she herself, knew that edward was going to save her. it gave her the courage to keep reading.

jacob on the other hand just kept on getting angrier and more anxious the longer this guy was mentioned and edward still hadn't shown up. stupid freaking bloodsucker, he kept thinking in his head, get there already.

i hadn't realized that there were others with him until i'd heard the loud laughter.

i scanned out from him, desperate for something that i could use. he was taking the first step in her direction, flexing his hands.

the minds around him were not the cesspool that his was. they were all slightly intoxicated, not one of them realizing how far the man they called lonnie planned to go with this. they were following lonnie's lead blindly. he'd promised them a little fun??

"and that makes it okay!" jacob shouted and bella flinched. jacob started taking deep breaths... it would be easier for him just to shout out, but he noticed how tense bella was and knew that he had to try and control his anger. but really... harassing a girl like that! how is that freakin' fun?

one of them glanced down the street, nervous??he didn't want to get caught harassing the girl??and gave me what i needed. i recognized the cross street he stared toward.

"good," jacob said gritting his teeth. "hurry."

i flew under a red light, sliding through a space just wide enough between two cars in the moving traffic. horns blared behind me.

"don't crash," bella was able to mumble her voice was weak compared to when she was reading. it seem like she was able to detach her emotions as she read.

my phone vibrated in my pocket. i ignored it.

lonnie moved slowly toward the girl, drawing out the suspense??the moment of terror that aroused him.

sick perverted bastard, jacob thought to himself, anger welling up in him.

he waited for her scream, preparing to savor it.

but bella locked her jaw and braced herself. he was surprised??he'd expected her to try to run.

bella let out a groan there, showing a bit of the terror she was trying to keep under control... which was made easier with her belief that edward would save her. however, knowing that the fact that she couldn't run without falling made her curse her own clumsiness.

surprised and slightly disappointed. he liked to chase his prey down, the adrenaline of the hunt.

brave, this one. maybe better, i guess??more fight in her.

jacob growled at that.

i was a block away. the monster could hear the roar of my engine now, but he paid it no attention, too intent on his victim.

i would see how he enjoyed the hunt when he was the prey. i would see what he thought of my style of hunting.

jacob didn't think about that comment at all... he didn't care what edward had just thought because at the moment he was thinking something similar (though perhaps not how edward had meant it).

in another compartment of my head, i was already sorting through the range of tortures i'd born witness to in my vigilante days, searching for the most painful of them.

he would suffer for this. he would writhe in agony. the others would merely die for their part, but the monster named lonnie would beg for death long before i would give him that gift.

bella frowned at that... she didn't want that. jail, a life time imprisonment, something along those lines... but she didn't want edward to kill them... because of her.

he was in the road, crossing toward her.

i spun sharply around the corner, my headlights washing across the scene and freezing the rest of them in place. i could have run down the leader, who leapt out of the way, but that was too easy a death for him.

i let the car spin out, swinging all the way around so that i was facing back the way i'd come and the passenger door was closest to bella. i threw that open, and she was already running toward the car.

"get in," i snarled.

what the hell?

knew this was a bad idea! she's not alone.

should i run?

think i'm going to throw up??

bella grimaced at these thoughts, wondering if edward was really going to kill them. they had seemed so normal... and yet what they would have done to her... she shivered at that thought.

"are you okay?" jacob asked, his face was stony at the moment, but it was clear that he was relieved that bella, book bella that is, was safe now.

"it's hard reading this," bella said.

"do you wa...?" jacob started to ask.

bella shook her head, "i'll read... anyway, it's thinking about it..."

"yeah," jacob agreed as the both shuddered.

bella jumped through the open door without hesitating, pulling the door shut behind her.

and then she looked up at me with the most trustful expression i had ever seen on a human face, and all my violent plans crumbled.

bella was a little relieved by that.

it took much, much less than a second for me to see that i could not leave her in the car in order to deal with the four men in the street.

"argh... obviously you can't do that," jacob said thinking about what that would look like and cringing at the idea. then he cringed inwardly at the fact that he didn't really care at the moment if edward did rip these guys... not just the sick bastard... apart limb from limb. then he thought of what the bloodlust might do to edward if that did happen... and how much more dangerous he would be to bella then... no, edward had to leave those guys alone.

what would i tell her, not to watch? ha! when did she ever do what i asked? when did she ever do the safe thing? would i drag them away, out of her sight, and leave her alone here? it was a long shot that another dangerous human would be prowling the streets of port angeles tonight, but it was a long shot that there was even the first! like a magnet, she drew all things dangerous toward herself.

bella felt a pang of annoyance at that sentence, but with all the other emotions she was feeling it barely registered to her.

i could not let her out of my sight.

it would feel like part of the same motion to her as i accelerated, taking her away from her pursuers so quickly that they gaped after my car with uncomprehending expressions. she would not recognize my instant of hesitation. she would assume the plan was escape from the beginning.

i couldn't even hit him with my car. that would frighten her.

i wanted his death so savagely that the need for it rang in my ears and clouded my sight and was a flavor on my tongue. my muscles were coiled with the urgency, the craving, the necessity of it. i had to kill him. i would peel him slowly apart, piece by piece, skin from muscle, muscle from bone??

bella shuddered at that image and jacob looked a little sick by it, too.

except that the girl??the only girl in the world??was clinging to her seat with both hands, staring at me, her eyes still wide and utterly trusting. vengeance would have to wait.

"put on your seatbelt," i ordered. my voice was rough with the hate and bloodlust. not the usual bloodlust. i would not sully myself by taking any part of that man inside me.

she locked the seatbelt into place, jumping slightly at the sound it made. that little sound made her jump, yet she did not flinch as i tore through the town, ignoring all traffic guides.

bella found that sentence odd, or at least the part of her brain that was listening to her own reading, found it odd. she hated it when he'd mentioned driving fast, but of course at the moment she must have had more important things on her mind.

i could feel her eyes on me. she seemed oddly relaxed. it didn't make sense to me??not with what she'd just been through.

"why are you so relaxed?" jacob asked, and he noticed that she seemed that way now too. if he had been reading that about himself, he would have been panicking by now.

"i'm good with compartmentalizing things like this," bella said.

"how many times have you been through something like this?" jacob exclaimed.

"relax, jake," bella said, "i just meant bad situations... nothing like this has ever happened to me before. plus... edward is there... i think that must be making me feel safer."

"are you okay?" she asked, her voice rough with stress and fear.

"shouldn't he be asking you that?" jacob said, trying to force himself to regain his calm.

"i suppose," bella shrugged. "but you have to admit that edward at this moment wouldn't look okay."

she wanted to know if i was okay?

i thought about her question for a fraction of a second. not long enough for her to notice the hesitation. was i okay?

"no," i realized, and my tone seethed with rage.

i took her to the same unused drive where i'd spent the afternoon engaged in the poorest surveillance ever kept. it was black now under the trees.

i was so furious that my body froze in place there, utterly motionless. my icelocked hands ached to crush her attacker, to grind him into pieces so mangled that his body could never be identified??.

but that would entail leaving her here alone, unprotected in the dark night.

"don't go," bella said, she wanted him to stay and she didn't what him to kill that guy.

"bella?" i asked through my teeth.

"yes?" she responded huskily. she cleared her throat.

"are you all right?" that was really the most important thing, the first priority.

retribution was secondary. i knew that, but my body was so filled with rage that it was hard to think.

"yes." her voice was still thick??with fear, no doubt.

and so i could not leave her.

even if she wasn't at constant risk for some infuriating reason??some joke the universe was playing on me??even if i could be sure that she would be perfectly safe in my absence, i could not leave her alone in the dark.

she must be so frightened.

"well, of course she is... she was nearly attacked and..." jacob started hissing and trailed off at the end with a shudder.

yet i was in no condition to comfort her??even if i knew exactly how that was to be accomplished, which i did not.

"you are comforting me," bella said. "just by being there."

"wow, that was cheesy," jacob teased her and bella rolled her eyes.

surely she could feel the brutality radiating out of me, surely that much was obvious. i would frighten her even more if i could not calm the lust for slaughter boiling inside me.

i needed to think about something else.

"distract me, please," i pleaded.

"i'm sorry, what?"

i barely had enough control to try to explain what i needed.

"just prattle about something unimportant until i calm down," i instructed, my jaw still locked.

"just prattle about something... that's kind of rude to say," jacob said.

"jake, he..." bella started, staring at him oddly.

"i'm trying to calm down here too," jacob shrugged. "i usually do that by joking around..."

"right, sorry," bella said. "that just wasn't a very good joke."

"i'll try better next time," jacob shrugged.

only the fact that she needed me held me inside the car. i could hear the man's thoughts, his disappointment and anger?? i knew where to find him?? i closed my eyes, wishing that i couldn't see anyway??

"um??" she hesitated??trying to make sense of my request, i imagined. "i'm going to run over tyler crowley tomorrow before school?"

jacob started laughing at that, albeit it was a weak laugh, but still.

"why would you do that?" jacob said, but bella didn't answer.

she said this like it was a question.

yes??this was what i needed. of course bella would come up with something unexpected. like it had been before, the threat of violence coming through her lips was hilarious??so comical it was jarring.

"i can cause violence," bella mumbled.

"sure you can," jacob said laughing.

bella glared at him, which only seemed to make jacob laugh more.

if i had not been burning with the urge to kill, i would have laughed.

"why?" i barked out, to force her to speak again.

"he's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom," she said,

"jerk," bella hissed at the book. "how can he tell people that... he didn't even ask me."

"don't know," jacob shrugged, still laughing.

her voice filled with her tiger-kitten outrage.

more laughter at that from jacob and bella glared at the book. however, she did note that this talk had definitely helped both her and jacob relax a little after what had just happened. her glare loosened as she thought of that and her tone was lighter when she started reading again.

"either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last??well you remember it," she inserted dryly, "and he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this. so i figure if i endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends.

"that's not why he's asking you out," jacob laughed.

i don't need enemies and maybe lauren would back off if he left me alone.

bella groaned at that, even madder at this tyler guy.

i might have to total his sentra, though," she went on, thoughtful now. "if he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom??"

it was encouraging to see that she sometimes got things wrong. tyler's persistence had nothing to do with the accident. she didn't seem to understand the appeal she held for the human boys at the high school. did she not see the appeal she had for me, either?

bella blushed at the idea that she appealed to the other guys at school, but that wasn't anything to the blush she had at the mention of her appeal for edward.

ah, it was working. the baffling processes of her mind were always engrossing.

i was beginning to gain control of myself, to see something beyond vengeance and torture??

"i heard about that," i told her. she had stopped talking, and i needed her to continue.

"you did?" she asked incredulously. and then her voice was angrier than before.

"if he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to the prom either."

"what's the matter, bells, don't you like that edward knows about this?" jacob chuckled and she glared at him.

i wished there was some way i could ask her to continue with the threats of death and bodily harm without sounding insane. she couldn't have picked a better way to calm me. and her words??just sarcasm in her case, hyperbole??were a reminder i dearly needed in this moment.

i sighed, and opened my eyes.

"better?" she asked timidly.

"not really."

no, i was calmer, but not better. because i'd just realized that i could not kill the monster named lonnie,

"i guess that's right," jacob said, he had calmed down quite a lot by this point.

and i still wanted that more than almost anything else in the world. almost.

the only thing in this moment that i wanted more than to commit a highly justifiable murder, was this girl. and, though i couldn't have her, just the dream of having her made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree tonight??no matter how defensible such a thing might be.

bella deserved better than a killer.

bella smiled at this, it was rather intoxicating to know that she had this kind of power over him. though she didn't think of him as a killer, it was still nice to know that he was trying to be better for her.

i'd spent seven decades trying to be something other than that??anything other than a killer. those years of effort could never make me worthy of the girl sitting beside me.

bella narrowed her eyes at this point, not agreeing with him at all.

and yet, i felt that if i returned to that life??the life of a killer??for even one night, i would surely put her out of my reach forever. even if i didn't drink their blood??even if i -->>

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